“I don’t want Angelica.”
“I doubt Emilia will see it that way.”
“Just keep your mouth shut about this.”
My brother shrugs. “Sure, Luca. Whatever.”
I catch up with Angelica and the guys on the back patio.
“Luca goes first. This is his celebration,” she says.
“Where are we going to do it?”
“Luca knows where we’re going to do it.”
Angelica opens the bag and pulls down her shirt, shaking some of the coke on her tits.
“Hell yeah. I’ve never done cocaine tits before,” Monte says.
I shouldn’t be here doing coke, and I sure as fuck shouldn’t be here snorting it off Angelica’s tits. “I can’t do it that way.”
“I can do it,” Monte says.
“No. This dust is for Luca. He goes first.”
“I can’t do that anymore.”
“We don’t have a lot of options out here. This way is fast and easy.”
Fast. Easy. And wrong.
“You want to do it and get back to the party before you’re missed, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
I’ll be quick.
I step toward her and close off one of my nostrils, lowering my face to her chest. She laces her fingers through the back of my hair, and I inhale quickly and deeply, vacuuming the powder from her skin.
“Lick the rest off.”
“Fuck no.”
“Come on, Luca. You didn’t get all of it.”
“One of them can have the rest. I’m not licking you.”
“Umm… Luca.”
The euphoria spreads throughout my body, that glorious splendor that I chase way too often.
“Don’t talk to me right now.”
These fuckers know I don’t like to be distracted during the beginning of my high.
“Luca, man?”
Can they not shut the fuck up?
“Vinny, I’m going to shoot your fucking kneecaps off if you keep talking to me.”
“Luca, your wife.”
“My wife what?”
I open my eyes and see Emilia standing in front of me.
Fuck. How much of that did she see?
She doesn’t say a word. Her only reaction is to turn and walk away, going back into the house.
“Fuck, Luca. You need to go after her.”
I do but not without dealing with Angelica first. “Did you know she was out here?”
She shrugs. “Your pretty little wife needed to see what you were willing to do when you thought she wasn’t looking.”
“You convinced me to do that out here so she would see?”
“It’s better she finds out who you really are now before she falls in love with you. I wish someone had given me a similar lesson.”
I grasp Angelica’s throat and shove her against the house. “You jealous bitch.”
“Let go, Luca, before you squeeze too hard,” Monte says.
I release my hold and she grabs her throat, coughing and sputtering. “Don’t blame me. I didn’t make you do anything. All of this was your choice.”
Angelica is partially right. I did choose to do this and that’s on me, but she owns some of the responsibility as well. She intentionally lured me to a place where she knew Emilia was and arranged for her to see something that must have looked terrible.
Because it was terrible.
And I’m terrible for doing it.
An honorable man doesn’t dishonor his wife.
And I’ve dishonored mine.
27
Emilia Rossini
Luca Rossini saw me naked, and I don’t mean without my clothes. I’m talking about being truly bared to your husband and opening yourself up to him completely. Letting him into your thoughts, your fears, your hopes, your dreams.
Suddenly, it’s as though I no longer have my husband. In the oddest way, it feels like becoming a widow.
How can I kill him when he’s this wonderful? That’s what I thought to myself when Luca announced to everyone that if the baby is a boy, he wants to name him Alessandro after Papà.
How can I not kill him when he’s such a son of a bitch? That’s what I’m thinking right now.
That’s the kind of man Luciano Davide Rossini is. One minute he makes me swoon. The next, I want to pump him full of cocaine so he can die doing the thing he loves most.
Trust. It’s more than simply believing your husband won’t betray you. Real trust is having the heartfelt belief that your partner will make the choice to do the best thing for his wife and child rather than what feels good to him in the moment.
That doesn’t describe Luca.
Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, I lean forward and dab the corners of my eyes with tissue. I must be one of the stupidest people on earth. How could I believe that I was possibly falling in love with that asshole? And even more, how could I believe he was falling in love with me? My mistake. But I’m clear about where things stand now. Luca made sure of that when he buried his face in that whore’s chest.
He may not love me, but he’s still my husband, and he owes me his loyalty. It’s the way.
But we already know that Luca isn’t one for honoring the old ways.
I leave the bathroom and go in search of my mother. I find her having what looks like an intense conversation with Luigi Gaspari, the same man she spent quite a bit of time with on the dance floor at my wedding.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I talk to you for a moment?”
“Of course.” She turns back to Luigi Gaspari. “Would you excuse me?”
“Absolutely. We’ll continue this conversation another time.”
I lead Mamma away from the crowd. “What’s wrong?” she asks.
“I could kill Luca Rossini.”
“You are going to kill him.”
“No, I want to kill him now. Tonight.”
“Why? What did he do?”
“He dishonored me.”
“Tonight? In front of the five families?”
“Not in front of everyone, but in front of his friends.”
“What did he do?”
“I caught him doing cocaine tits.”
“Cocaine tits? I’ve never heard of a such thing. What is it?”
“He was snorting cocaine off a whore’s chest. The same whore he was sleeping with while he was betrothed to me.”
I replay my words and recognize how they could be perceived by my mother. And that wouldn’t be good.
“The point is that he has dishonored me.”
“This wouldn’t have happened if your father was here. He’s taking advantage of having no one to answer to.”
“If I knew for sure that this baby was a boy, I’d kill him tonight while he’s sleeping.”
“Well, there’s no way to know what it is so you’re stuck with him until the baby is born. And even longer if this one is a girl.”
Oh God. What if I’m like my mother and I have girl after girl before I finally have a son? It could be years.
“This baby is a boy. It has to be.” Because I can’t be stuck with a man who sneaks away and does cocaine tits with his former lover.
Or is she really former? I thought so but now I don’t know.
“There’s an upside to this. Be grateful he’s still interested in this girl. He’s bothering her tonight instead of you.”
That doesn’t feel like an upside to me. “You’re right.”
“In your condition, everyone would understand if you want to leave early. Would you like Tome to drive you home?”
I think that’s a great idea. “Yes, I would like that.”
I quietly slip away unnoticed, not saying goodbye to anyone. The house is dark and empty when I go inside. All of the men who typically patrol in and around the house are at the party and I’m glad. I want to be alone.
I’m lying in the dark seeing Luca and Angelica over and over in my mind, and the ache I feel proves just ho
w much I don’t hate my husband. And I can’t stand it.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for him. How is it even a possibility when the plan was to kill him? I don’t understand.
The door opens and light floods in through the gap, shining on my face. A dark silhouette comes into the room and sits on the bed beside me.
“I need you to get up and get dressed,” Luca says.
“No.”
“Do it, Emilia. Now.”
“Why?”
“No questions.”
“Are we in danger?” I don’t hear distress in his voice, but that’s immediately where my mind goes.
“If I say yes, will you get your ass up and get dressed?”
I turn on my side again. “Sorry. I’m not feeling very cooperative right now.”
Luca goes to the chest where my casual clothes are and takes out shorts and a T-shirt, tossing it at me.
“Put this on, or I’ll throw you over my shoulder and carry you downstairs in your nightgown, which you won’t like very much considering who’s down there.”
Giving in, I get up and change into the shorts and T-shirt he chose. “Is something wrong?”
“Yes. Something is very wrong.”
“Did something bad happen after I left the party?”
“Stop asking questions. You’re going to know exactly what’s going on in a few minutes.”
I follow Luca down the stairs and in our living room I find Monte, Vinny, Stephan, and a member of my own family—my uncle Riccardo.
And then there’s her. The whore.
“No, Luca. You didn’t bring that woman here!” I squeeze the words through my clenched teeth. “I hate you. I will hate you forever for bringing her into our home.”
“She’s here for a reason. I want her to see what you and our baby mean to me so there’s never any more confusion about it.”
“I know this baby means everything to you. I don’t doubt that for a second. But me? I mean nothing to you, and you clearly demonstrated that tonight.”
“I had a moment of stupidity and made a terrible mistake. I dishonored you, and I want to right my wrong.”
That’s not how it works. “You can’t undo it. And as hard as I try, I’ll never be able to unsee it.”
“I can’t undo it, but I’m going to show you how truly sorry I am in the only way that makes sense to me.”
He takes off his jacket and drops to his knees in front of me.
Luca Rossini is going to beg? Plead? What world is this?
“I’m showing you and everyone in this room what I’m willing to endure in order to earn your forgiveness.”
“You think enduring a little humiliation on your knees will make me forget?”
My uncle comes forward, and I notice the brass knuckles on his hand. “Alessandro would have been entitled to this, but Luca has asked me to act on his father-in-law’s behalf, which I gladly do.”
And then it clicks, and I finally understand what all of this is about.
“You are my queen. And God help anyone who disrespects my queen. That includes me.” Luca gives my uncle a nod. “Now let’s make this right.”
The first punch made by my uncle is to the right side of his face, and like one of the scenes from “Rocky,” blood spews from his mouth and splatters across the front of my shirt.
He falls on his all fours and shakes his head before regaining his composure and rising to a kneeling position again. “Next.”
The following blow lands on the opposite side of his face, and he sways but manages to remain on his knees.
The assault continues, blow after blow. I guess most women would cry and plead for it to stop, but I can’t even if I wanted to. Without doubt, my uncle would tell my mother that I asked for mercy on Luca’s behalf, and that would cause a hell of a problem. But also, I don’t ask because I have my own reasons.
Luca chose to do this for me, and I want to see how far he’s willing to go to gain my forgiveness. If I ask my uncle to stop, I’ll never know the extent.
Plus, I think he deserves a little pain for dishonoring me so he isn’t likely to do it again.
My uncle’s hand is busted and bleeding when Luca collapses on the floor, unable to rise to a kneeling position again.
“I think that’s plenty.”
Uncle Riccardo leans forward, resting his hands on his thighs, catching his breath. “I was beginning to wonder if you were going to let me beat him to death.”
“Believe me. I considered it.”
I lower myself to my knees and lean over Luca, pushing his wet hair away from his forehead. “We’re going to take you upstairs now.”
“I can’t walk,” he mutters through busted, bleeding lips.
“I know.”
I look up at Stephan. “Help me get him to the bedroom?”
“We’ve got him.”
Stephan, Vinny, and Monte lift him from the floor and carry him up the stairs. I take a few steps to follow behind them, but I stop when I realize that I’ll miss my opportunity to say something to Angelica if I don’t do it now.
“That brutal beating you just witnessed… Luca chose that so he could prove where his loyalty lies, which is with me. Me—his wife. Have you ever known him to do anything like that for a woman?”
“No.”
“Do you believe he would ever do that for you?”
“No.”
“Luca chose cocaine tonight, not you, and I’m aware of the difference now. Are you?”
“Yes.”
“My tolerance for you has run out. Offer your body or your cocaine to my husband one more time and you’ll no longer have a nose for snorting that shit because I will have the motherfucker cut off your face and stuffed down your throat. Do we have an understanding?”
She nods. “I understand.”
“I’m glad. Now leave my house because you are not welcome here.”
I walk with her to the front door and slam it with a thud when she’s on the other side. “If I never see her again, it will be too soon.”
“You were too kind to her. Your mother would have had that woman beaten until she couldn’t lift her head.”
My uncle isn’t wrong. My mother didn’t tolerate women who threw themselves at my father.
“Because she loved him.” And she still does.
“Don’t you love your husband?”
My uncle’s words take me by surprise.
“No.” I laugh and shake my head. “Not at all.”
“Hmm… I think someone is either lying or delusional.”
I can’t let my uncle walk out of here believing that I love Luca. “He murdered my family. How could I ever feel anything but murderous hatred for him?”
“I think you don’t want to love him. But I also think you can’t help yourself.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You don’t fool me, Emilia. I saw the pain on your face each time I hit him.”
“I don’t know what you think you saw, but you’re confused if you think it was love.”
“You didn’t take pleasure in his suffering.”
“If I didn’t, it only proves that I’m not a monster.”
“It means far more than that, and we both know it.”
“I’m still in. That hasn’t changed.”
“Make sure you are. Because your mother won’t accept anything less than one hundred percent.”
“I’m very aware of what Mamma will not accept.”
When my uncle is gone, I go to Luca in our bedroom. He’s lying perfectly still on top of the bedding on his side of the bed. Bleeding. Ruining it. And I don’t care.
“I need him undressed. And when I’m finished washing him, I’ll need help changing the bedding.”
“No problem,” Stephan says.
Luca groans loudly when his stillness is disturbed to remove his clothes. “Leave me the fuck alone. I’m hurting.”
“I have to clean you up.”
/> “Don’t bother.”
“I’m not going to leave you like this. You have wounds that need cleaning.”
A string of profanities leaves his mouth as Stephan and Vinny strip away his clothes, leaving him only in his boxers. That’s when I remember his previously broken ribs. They just healed, and I suspect that they’re probably fractured again.
“Do your ribs hurt?”
“Every-fucking-thing hurts.”
“Everything may hurt right now, but your wife knows where your loyalty lies. That’s what is important,” Stephan says.
I come to the bed with a large basin filled with warm water and begin by washing his bloody face.
“I was seduced by the cocaine. Not her. It was never her.”
“I know.”
“I’m committed to you. I always have been. And I’m committed to our child.”
His eyes are black, his pupils nearly the size of his green irises. “I know you want to be committed, but I’m afraid you’re always going to choose drugs over us.”
Stephan leans over Luca and lowers his face to his brother’s. “By some miracle, this woman doesn’t hate you and want to kill you while you sleep. You’ve been given this wonderful gift and you’re throwing it away? Do you see that you could lose your wife and baby if you don’t stop doing this shit?”
“I’ve got it.”
“Are you sure you comprehend the situation?”
“I will lose Emilia and Alessandro if I keep doing it. I follow.”
“And you two putzes… don’t let me find out that you’ve given him coke or your time on this earth is over. Zero tolerance.”
“No cocaine. Got it,” Vinny says.
Luca is an addict whether he admits it or not. I’m not sure he can vow to quit and actually do it. But if he doesn’t, he understands what’s at risk.
Alessandro and me.
Calling our son by my father’s name makes this baby feel even more real. Not a pawn. Not a game move. Not an insurance policy.
Real.
Luca grimaces when I cleanse the wounds on his face. I’m not sure that he doesn’t need a few stitches. One of the cuts over his brow is pretty deep, but I know he’d die before going to the emergency room.
When his cuts are clean and no longer bleeding, the guys lift him while I remove the filthy linen beneath him and replace it with clean.
Waiting for my Queen: A Dark Mafia Romance Page 18
