by DD Prince
Tyson
I fucked up. I fucked up huge.
She’s broken.
I broke my beautiful Ivy. And I don’t know how to fix her.
I’m in the bedroom in the house I was born in, holding her in my arms in my parents’ bed and she’s asleep, but one look at her and I know she’s broken.
“Why? Why did I do that?” I ask Riley.
Ivy stares at the wall, like she’s not even seeing it. Her lower lip quivers and she’s breathing hard, but she’s exhausted from crying so much. She cried so fucking much. And I did that. I made her cry like that.
Riley, Atticus, and Cat are with me. So is an older alpha called Lorenzo who I was told was on the previous alpha council with my father.
They’re all here for moral support. And the other alphas who aren’t with Mason Quinn are on the property with other retired alphas from the last council.
They’re all here. For who though? Me or her? Or Mason Quinn?
“Tyson,” Atticus says, “Something’s wrong with Mason. He would never intentionally go after your mate. He wasn’t even acting as if she was his mate. We have no explanation for his behavior. It wasn’t right.”
“He’s here,” Bailey says from the hallway. “Outside with Linc and Jase. He wants to talk to Tyson.”
“Hear him out,” Riley urges.
Lorenzo nods at me with meaning.
“A man whose mind is gone needs to be taken out,” I tell them. “Or things like Cornelius happen.” I give my mother a meaningful look.
She looks at the floor.
“We all felt it,” Riley assures. “The alpha council and our elder alpha council all have a connection and every one of us felt exactly what happened in that moment before you reacted. Something is wrong with him. That’s the only explanation. We have to get to the bottom of that. For him as much as for you. We need to know why so that we can fix it. Let’s talk to him.”
“I won’t leave Ivy.”
“I’ll care for her, Tyson,” my mother says.
“No! I’m not fucking leaving her.”
Ivy’s trembling harder in my arms. And then she’s trying to squirm out of them.
I rock her, holding her tighter to me, even though she’s struggling to try to get away from me.
“Purr for her,” Lorenzo tells me. “A female finds comfort from their mate’s purr, even if she’s angry with you. It’s a good tool to have in your arsenal.”
I purr and she settles. She’s always changed behavior since the first time I purred for her. But though she’s settling, she’s again weeping. She’s weeping in my arms. And I fucking hate it.
“Most women, even shifters, want their pairings to be private,” Lorenzo says. “But non-shifters, particularly. You’ve got a long road of groveling ahead of you. I’ll go speak with Mason and be back.”
He pats my back and leaves. I continue to rock her.
“I’m sorry, Ivy. So sorry, baby, please forgive me,” I whisper against her hair while I rock her. I called her baby because I like when she calls me baby. And because she gave me soft eyes when I did it earlier.
She’s weeping and curled into herself. I can’t see her pretty purple eyes.
Fuck. This hurts.
This hurts more than any pain I’ve felt. Ever.
When the red haze comes over me, I do bad things. I never thought I’d do something that would upset her so much. The despair I feel from her is crushing my lungs. It’s hard to breathe for me. My heart beats too fast. My heart hurts.
I’m no better than Cornelius who took my mother against her will. I howl and don’t even realize I’ve half-shifted with her in my arms until I hear “Pull back, son.” Uncle Atticus is talking to me. “Pull back now, Tyson. You’ll frighten her more.”
I shake it off.
Ivy’s mine, but clearly I’ve broken something in her by doing this. And doing it, I’ve also broken myself, I think.
I’ve never stayed half-shifted for more than a brief time. Or I don’t think I have. Except for when… I shake it off. I can’t think about the times Cornelius taunted me to get me to do bad things. That’s why I call it the red haze. I see blood afterwards because I rip things apart.
I’ve never felt such anger before. And such despair now.
“Why couldn’t I kill him? I wanted to fucking kill him.”
“You knew,” he says, “Deep down, you knew, Tyson. We all knew something wasn’t right. You don’t know Mase like we do, but you didn’t kill him because though he straddled a line, he didn’t cross it.”
“And you know him better than you know me. Of course you’d take his side.” I glare at Riley.
“No. This wasn’t about picking sides. We’re all tethered, cuz. If we weren’t, you’d have been able to go through with ripping his throat out.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you protect my mate?” I shout.
They should’ve put me down.
No. Then she’d be free for Mason to take her.
Fuck. The urge to shift is overwhelming right now. To shift and tear apart everything in my field of vision.
“That’s something beyond us, Ty,” Riley says softly. “She’s yours. And she’s your responsibility.”
Fuck. And I failed at that spectacularly. I slump.
“Here. This’ll help.” Cat hands me a glass of water.
I drink it down.
“What was it?” I ask as I pass her back the empty glass. It wasn’t just water. Something bitter sits on my tongue.
“Just a mild sedative. It might not do much, but it should help you sleep. Your heart rate is too high. You won’t let me take your stats, but I can see by your skin tone, can hear that it’s too high. And you’ll need rest. What you’ve been through tonight? You and Ivy both need rest.”
“You drugged me,” I accuse. “Don’t give me shit without telling me,” I hiss.
She jerks back, face falling. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to help.”
“Fuck,” I snap. “I don’t take pills.”
“Talk to Mason,” Lorenzo says, coming back in. “He’s confused. If she were his, he wouldn’t be confused.”
“He won’t be anywhere near her,” I state, pointing at them all.
“He doesn’t wanna be near her, Tyson,” Lorenzo raises his voice. “He wants you outside. Talk to him. You’ll see. He regrets–”
I shake my head. “I can’t worry about Mason Quinn right now.”
I have to fix her.
I know that every individual in this pack is my responsibility. I know this deep in my gut. I can’t deal with him right now.
She comes first.
But I’m failing.
I’m failing at being a mate.
I’m failing at being part of this pack. There’s no way in the world I can think about leading this pack.
I fucked up huge.
I’m not worthy of their adoration, their loyalty, or their welcome home.
I don’t belong here.
“I’m taking Ivy home.” I rise with her in my arms.
“Stay,” Cat says. “Rest. Deal with all of it in the morning.”
I glare at her, but she doesn’t back off this time. She puts her hand on my arm. “Tyson. This isn’t a typical situation. Please don’t go. Please stay while we try to sort it out. I’m heading to go examine Mason now. I’ve already been in touch with specialists in Scotland at the university for some advice on what this could be. I hope to hear back in a few hours from them. Please, don’t go. Stay here while we figure this out. Let’s try to figure this out together. We’re all stronger together than we are apart. That’s what a pack is, my son. We’re here for one another.”
“I just want peace and quiet. To take her home and–”
Atticus touches my shoulder and gives me an expression steeped in emotion. “Stay, Tyson. Please. Let us help you both through this. We’re here for you.”
“We’ll go. We’ll leave you two in peace,” Riley adds. “Me and your mom will
be downstairs. We’ll sleep in the family room and be here if you need us.”
I sit on the bed with a sigh.
“We’ll figure this out,” Cat says and leans over to touch my temple with a kiss and then she drops a kiss on the top of Ivy’s head. “I promise we will not stop until we figure it out.”
Ivy’s cradled close to my chest, but I can’t see her face. I listen for her breathing. She’s not sleeping.
Riley, Lorenzo, and Atticus have gone.
“Did he ever do this to you?” I ask my mother.
She shakes her head.
“And Cornelius wanted you? He showed that to him? With no confusion?”
She nods. “He was terrible at hiding it. Most times he didn’t even try.”
“Why? Why could my father control himself and I can’t? Mason Quinn didn’t… his mind isn’t…” I stop speaking.
I can’t describe what I felt from him. I can’t describe that he wasn’t crossing a line but that it felt, to me, like Ivy belonged with him, not me. With him. As if she was supposed to be his. I felt like an imposter. I felt like I had no right to the pack, to the family, to her. And I wasn’t fucking having it, not the Ivy part.
Cat kisses my head again. “Tiberius wasn’t perfect. Not even close. You’re not perfect, either. You’ve had a very different journey from his and this is all part of your journey with her. It’s gonna be work to fix it, but you can fix it. The thing with Mason… I don’t know what it is, but it’s not like with Cornelius. He’s not an unstable person, but he hasn’t been well since Monday.”
Monday, when he got back to me and Ivy in their village.
I put my mouth to Ivy’s forehead.
She’s shivering in my arms. Saying nothing. I know she’s not sleeping; she’s just shivering in my arms. She’s afraid. Of me.
Maybe with them gone, she’ll listen to my apology. Maybe she’ll melt against me instead of being stiff and trembling.
I bring my body temperature up a little to help with her shivering.
“I’ll see you in the morning. I’m just downstairs if you need anything,” my mother says, then leaves, shutting the door.
There’s a pitcher of water and ice cubes on the bedside table with two tall glasses.
I pour a glass, still cradling Ivy to my chest with my free hand. She squirms away from me as I bring it to my lips, hoping to get that bitter taste off my tongue. Our eyes meet.
I pass her the glass before I drink any.
Her eyes are filled with hate.
Is that hate I see? Is it truly hate?
She looks away, as if she could barely stand to look at me long enough to show me that hate.
“Ivy, please. I’m sorry. I made a terrible mistake.”
She shakes her head, looking the other way, cradling herself with both arms.
“Ivy?”
She won’t even look at me. Her feet dangle from the side of the bed but her face is turned away.
I put the glass down, then drop to the floor, putting my forehead to her knees.
“He – you’re mine. And I didn’t… I don’t know what –”
My words aren’t adequate. I swallow and try again.
“Ivy, the haze. The haze came over me and I wasn’t me … I was me but that other me. I didn’t realize the effect of what I was doing. I had a single-minded focus. Stop him. Show him. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She says nothing.
“I’ll do anything, Ivy. Anything to show you I’m sorry.”
“Do you mean that?” she whispers hoarsely, still not looking at me.
I’m so relieved she’s talked to me. I breathe out my relief, and hope it pushes any of that toxic haze that’s left out of me.
“I mean that. I swear I mean that, Ivy.”
“Then go. That’s what I want. Leave me alone.”
“Why?” My throat hurts.
“I need space,” she says.
“Ivy…”
“I… need…”
It sounds like the words are being torn from her.
“Space!”
Her voice breaks at the end and it feels like a boulder drops, landing on top of my chest and just staying there. Her body is wracked with sobs again. Even her curls in her hair jiggle with it as she weeps, cradling herself, her beautiful eyes hidden from me.
“I’ll send Bailey in. To stay with you?”
“Fine,” she bites off.
I rise and lean over, taking her chin into my hand so that she looks at me.
I immediately release her chin when I see the expression on her face. I can’t look at her looking at me like that.
I put my lips to her forehead.
“Please forgive me.”
“Never,” she vows softly and with what feels like blades dripping from her words. Jagged steel coated in blood she wishes was mine.
She hates me.
I try to summon up a purr for her, to comfort her, but I can’t seem to do it. My throat feels like it’s lined with broken glass.
“I’ll come back in the morning. I’ll give you space,” I croak out.
No response.
I almost had everything. A family. A pack. Brothers to run with.
A perfect soulmate.
Almost.
But right now it feels like I have less than the nothing I had when I spent all those years in the woods alone.
Was I better off there?
More important, was Ivy better off with me there?
40
Ivy
Someone thankfully brought my purse, so I put it over my shoulder and slowly open the door.
I creep past him and he doesn’t wake. He’s asleep on the floor directly outside the bedroom door.
I’ve waited for hours, it feels like, and I’m glad Bailey never came in. Finally, I’m ready to try this. I’m going to escape or maybe die trying, because that’s all I can think to do. Get as far away as I can.
I catch a glimpse of his sleeping face and the pain that cleaves through me at the sight of his profile is excruciating. It hurts just too much to look at him, so I won’t. I tear my eyes away and don’t allow myself to look as I step over his sleeping body.
While tiptoeing down the stairs I hear voices, so I peer carefully around a corner and see it’s just the television.
Cat’s sleeping on a sofa and Riley sleeps on a chair.
A silver and black wolf sleeps on the floor by Cat. I don’t know who that is. He’s snoring a little. He’s massive.
They’re all obviously tuckered out.
And good. Because maybe I’ll get out of here in one piece.
I get outside and see Bailey standing there against the wall, smoking a cigarette. This surprises me.
“Oh, hi,” she says.
Her eyes show me that she knows what I’ve been through.
Actually, it dawns that she was there while Cat was pulling the splinters out of my hands and knees with tweezers, disinfecting them, crying – no, sobbing – as she passed supplies to Cat and I just sat there bawling while Tyson paced the room and Riley tried to calm him. Cat and Bailey both cried with me during that thing that happened.
Bailey left while Cat bandaged me up, and others came into the room and that was when Tyson insisted on holding me again. He made me stay with him while he purred and I slipped under, in and out of some weird dream-like state.
I look around, feeling panicked that I’m about to be stopped.
“Are you taking off?” she asks, a plume of smoke floating out of her mouth.
She says this so calmly. Like she won’t stop me.
“Are you gonna stop me? Or tell him?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t blame you a bit. You need a ride?”
I’m shocked. I stand there and stare, jaw slack.
“You look wrecked, Ivy. Like that totally, completely shattered all your hopes and dreams.”
I shiver and my chin trembles. I didn’t have those hopes and dreams, because I hadn�
��t let them surface, but maybe they had been bubbling just below the surface.
Bailey pushes off the wall and steps forward before she reaches out and squeezes my hand.
“I’m so sorry, Ivy. I’ve… I’ve never seen something like that happen. I – come on.”
She puts her cigarette out in the terra cotta flowerpot beside the door and gestures toward the driveway.
We get into a black SUV near the gate; the keys are still in the ignition.
She presses something on her cell phone, making the gate open, then hauls ass outta there.
“Where to?” she asks as we pull out of the still open gates.
“To his place, so I can look for my car keys and grab my stuff. Thank you, Bailey.” I’ve cried so much; my dry eyes burn. I stare ahead at the dark road and wonder if I’ll ever be the same person I was a week ago.
I really doubt it.
***
Bailey climbed in the open window in the bedroom and let me in through the front door. And now it’s not even five minutes later and she’s already found my keys. She found them as if she sniffed them out after she walked around my car for a minute and then she went back inside. A few minutes later, while I packed up all my stuff, she produced them.
I was astounded.
“I’m part shifter even if I can’t shift,” she says. “I have a lot of the same senses, otherwise.” She taps the side of her nose.
“Lucky me,” I say, looking at my keys, which she found inside of a box of crackers that I didn’t like. Tyson knew I didn’t like them when we had a big bed buffet spread the other day.
“I have to tell you, though, Ivy,” she says, biting her thumb nail. “He’s gonna chase you down and bring you back.”
I shake my head.
She keeps talking. “He’s fucked up from stuff. And he’s so full of hormones, girl. He’s here taking it all in and feeling all sorts of emotions and all that? Something’s definitely wrong with Mason. Mason is a good guy. The best. He and I are very close friends and he told me that he doesn’t think you’re his mate but that you’ve got something in your scent that’s fucking him up. Making him spin.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” I say. “Not that I can make sense out of any of this. A week ago I didn’t know this even existed.”
“I know. I’m sorry for what you went through. You should know that when you two make up, no one in this pack will look negatively at you. That was all a thing with two pack council alphas, and you were caught in that crossfire as Tyson’s mate. Nobody but nobody will hold it against you or judge you for that. If anything, it’ll endear you to them more. We’re very protective of the non-shifters in our pack and any woman or man who has earned her way into the pack after pairing up or mating with one of us has become loved and protected by us. A few have had bad things happen that brought them here, and we’re protective and nurturing, and – at times couples have gone into a frenzy and fucked in front of the pack before. Heat or hate sex or whatever, and… it’s usually consensual, and I know it wasn’t normal for you, but it isn’t completely out there in terms of what many of them have seen, especially shifters who joined from other less functional packs.”
