Surprising me, Cas had enquired about my day as soon as I’d gotten home. It hadn’t been concern for the outcome of the meeting I’d had, he didn’t know where I’d been. But unusually. he’d noticed the stress on my face.
“Mom. I think it’s a good idea if we go to Pueblo this weekend.”
I ruffled his hair, and he jerked away. “You liked it that much, huh?”
“Well, yeah,” he replied as if I was dumb, but then added, “You seemed relaxed there. I’d heard you laughing and genuinely smiling which you haven’t done for some time.”
That pulled me up. He was right. Knowing Cas had so many of Mace’s brothers watching out for him had enabled me to relax, and despite having to cope with seeing Lizard again, I had had fun.
“You worry too much,” he’d told me.
Well, of course I do. I’m a mom with sole responsibility for a son. A son who’s been a lot easier to live with this week. That must be down to getting to know Mace and the other men.
“What did he say?” Cas comes into the kitchen, making a beeline for the fridge. He opens it, frowns, then shuts the door and goes to an overhead cupboard instead. In a moment, he’s got a packet of cookies in his hand.
I swear he eats me out of house and home. There’s no point in reminding him dinner will be soon, whatever he stuffs down now, he’ll be hungry again then.
“It’s fine, Cas. We’ll drive down Saturday morning.”
“Cool. Hey Mom, can I go round Jordan’s tomorrow? I’ll go straight from school.”
My immediate reaction is to say no. Cas still hasn’t let on whether any of his friends were involved when he stole that car. I suspect they were. But just who, I’ve no idea.
“You can’t stay the night,” I tell him firmly, watching his expression as I do. His face starts to tighten as I go for broke. “I’ll pick you up at nine.”
His breath whooshes out. I tense, waiting for the explosion that I’m sure is about to come. “Mace told me men prospect for his club to earn the members’ trust,” he reminds me. “Takes about a year, sometimes more. Some men never make the grade.” His eyes find mine. “I’ve lost your trust mom. Look, I know I did a stupid thing. I want to have the freedom I had before. I want to go around a friend’s house without a curfew. But, I do understand why you’re worried about me. Words won’t cut it right now, will they? So, I won’t make you a promise you won’t trust I’ll keep. I won’t fight you on this, Mom.”
If I ever needed proof going to find Cas’s dad was the right thing to do for my son, I’ve got it now. Tears prick at my eyes. I’m not stupid and know this new version of Cas may not hang around forever. Angry hormonal Cas may reappear at any time, but that it’s had some impact is incredible, and I’ll make the most of it while it lasts.
“Aww, Mom.” Cas steps forward and gives me a hug, then asks, “How long until dinner? I’m starved.”
The next day, having an unexpected free evening, I go to visit Lindy. She barely lets me get in the door.
“Now I’m going to get the whole story,” she says, sparing a moment to pull me into her arms, then lets me go just as fast, standing back expectantly.
Rolling my eyes, I tell her, “I’ve told you what happened on the phone. Lizard doesn’t recognise me and is living it up as a single man.”
“Yeah, but I can’t see your face on the phone. What you didn’t tell me was how that made you feel?”
She’s made dinner for us, some kind of chicken stew which smells great. I follow her into the kitchen as she prepares some sides, and I hop onto a stool.
“It’s as hard as ever, Lindy,” I admit. “Half of me expected him to recognise and greet me in some way. I know we’d never just pick up where we left off, too much water has gone under that bridge, but hoped we could be friends for Cas’s sake. But there wasn’t a flicker of recognition at all. It’s alright. I’m happy enough that Cas has a chance to get to know his father.”
She points a wooden spoon at me. “You’re a bad liar, Vanna.” When I shrug, she continues, “You haven’t seen him for ten years. Has he changed? I mean, physically? It would help if he had a pot belly.”
I chuckle. “Unfortunately, no pot belly. In fact, I hate him for how good he looks. He’s matured well, like a fine wine. He’s always had muscles, they look even more defined now. More delicious tattoos. No signs of grey in his hair which has grown longer. He’s as attractive as ever.”
“Delicious tats, eh? You want to lick him all over?”
The trouble is, I do. “He wouldn’t look twice at me, Lindy.” I frown and try to explain. “There are club girls, girls who live at the club. They like sex and are not shy about taking what they want.”
“Whores?”
“They are, but they clearly enjoy what they do. They’re young, pretty. They’ve got great figures…”
“Probably from all the workouts they get.”
I grin. She could be right, there. “And all the protein in their diet.” As I add that, Lindy gives a startled snort. I wait for her to stop laughing. “Thing is, with that on tap, why would he want a frump like me?”
“You are not a frump.” Turning, she places her hands on her hips. “You haven’t had your hair trimmed in ages. You could do with updating your wardrobe. You just don’t make the best of yourself.”
“I can’t afford new clothes and have you seen how much a haircut costs? Every time I think of going, something else pops up, like having to get a new tyre for my car.”
Dinner ready, she starts plating up. “I’ve got some clothes you could borrow. We’re about the same size. And as for your hair, I’ll treat you.”
“Lindy, I can’t ask you to do that!”
“You’re not asking, I’m telling. See, here’s the thing,” she passes a plate to me and hops up the other side of the counter, placing her own in front of her, “I want to do this for you. I’ve a friend who works in a salon in town, she does discount rates for me. I’m sure she’ll do the same rate for you if I ask her. You’ve lived for that boy of yours, Vanna. Now’s perhaps the time to start thinking of you.” For a short while she’s silent, and all I do is utter appreciative sounds. It’s always nice to have food cooked by someone else. When she’s halfway through, she pauses, and winks. “So, Lizard isn’t the man for you. Are there any other hot bikers?”
A laugh is startled from me. “Oh Lindy, if only you knew. Hot bikers? Well, duh, yeah.”
“Well, smarten yourself up and perhaps one of them will be for you.”
But I need to remain faithful to Lizard. Ignoring her, I finish my food, then help her rinse the plates and stack the dishwasher. It’s when I’m drying my hands, my eyes fall on my wedding band. Could I ever see myself taking that off?
My husband might as well be dead to me.
If he was, would I have mourned him all this time? Would I be able to put him behind me after ten years? Of course, I’d never forget the man that he was, but that’s all he’d be. A memory gradually fading over time. That he’s alive has meant I’d held onto a hope that one day he’d wake up and remember.
Closure I’d told Mace. Last weekend, my talk with Mace, tonight’s talk with Lindy have helped me to start thinking straight. Even if Lizard regained his memory, he’s built a new life for himself. We may no longer have things in common. Perhaps how he lives now is what he wants out of life. If I spent time with the man I met last weekend, would I still like and admire him? For a start, I don’t like his approach to casual sex. The man I’d married would never have stepped out on me. But would he even be able to be faithful again, now that he’s experienced variety? I couldn’t share a man, and maybe it wouldn’t be so easy to forget the years when he’s been with easy women, while I’ve satisfied myself with my BOB.
Could another of those gorgeous specimens of men be one for me? Mace? I like the man. He’d be good for Cas. But while he’s handsome and well-built and probably wouldn’t disappoint in bed, when I consider sleeping with him, it does nothing for m
e. Not compared to my thoughts about Liz.
Closure.
Well remembering my man’s cock and the magic it could perform is doing nothing to get me closer to that.
Twisting my wedding band, I wonder if I should take it off and swap it to the other hand. Still wear it but make a statement to myself and others that I’m free, no longer shackled to any man. But his tattoo is still on my back. I’ll never do anything to remove that. Lizard had been so proud when I’d agreed to carry his name. A small smile curves my lips as I remember the first time after I’d gotten it and he’d made love to me. Doggy style, of course. Hmm. What was exciting and a tremendous turn on for him had been very beneficial for me.
“Have you made a decision?” Lindy asks, sipping her coffee and indicating the one she’s brought in for me.
I snap out of my reverie, realising what she’s talking about when she waves toward my hair. “If you can get me a discount, I’ll pay for the cut myself,” I say in a voice brooking no argument. “As for clothes, if you’ve got something suitable, I’ll borrow it.”
She grins. “Compromise, huh? I’ll go with that. I’ve got Shauna’s number. I’ll give her a call and see if she can fit you in tomorrow after work. You go upstairs and raid my wardrobe. I’ll be there in a sec.”
An hour later, when I go to collect Cas, the back of the car has a selection of clothes piled on the seat, including a fetching butter soft leather jacket that fits as though it was made for me. Leather-looking leggings, that I don’t think I’m brave enough to wear, not with the size of my ass, and a selection of tops, some lower in the front than any that I’ve ever bought.
“You have fun at Jordan’s, Cas?”
“Yeah. It was okay. Mom, what are these?” He points over into the back seat.
“Lindy lent them to me. Oh, and I’m having my hair trimmed tomorrow.” I glance at him, seeing by his expression he’s put two and two together as expected.
“Uh-huh. Mom’s dolling herself up,” he tells me in a singsong voice. “Going on the prowl, Mother?”
I punch his arm lightly.
“Mom.” His voice returns to normal and, at the moment, is gravelly deep, a suggestion of what it will be like when it breaks completely. “If Dad never remembers, then you deserve to be happy again. Try and get to know the other bikers.”
“Cas…”
“No, Mom. Seriously. I like the club, like the work they do on the bikes and cars. It’s fun being there. So do it for me. Hook up with a biker, will you?”
What?
Stunned, I start to smile at the knowledge my son thinks I could have a chance attracting one of these sexy men.
“I heard Rusty’s single.”
My smile slips completely away. Rusty has to be sixty, if he’s a day.
Chapter Fifteen
Mace
“F… Damn thing.”
“I think ‘damn’ is technically swearing, Brother.” I laugh when I see Pyro just save himself from having to put a dollar in the gallon jar that’s now sitting on one end of the bar. There’s another the same size at the other end. Already, Esme’s money is racking up. “Look at it this way, you’ll have cleaned up your language by the time your kid is born.”
“Can’t change the habit of a lifetime,” he grumbles. “Don’t see how it matters. Kid can’t repeat what she hears as she doesn’t speak.” His eyes follow Esme as she walks into the kitchen, followed by the two dogs who’ve taken to escorting her around.
He’s not being cruel, just frustrated. Try as we might, she still refuses to say a word. Really, she needs to see a therapist of some sort. Fuck knows what’s going on in her mind, but we’re being cautious, the last thing we want is for Major to find her. Red’s still no closer to finding out more details of exactly who the man is, or the length of his reach.
Pyro signals for Karl to bring him a beer, then raises an eyebrow at me. When I nod, he raises another finger, and Karl places two bottles in front of us. Having four prospects is beneficial, there’s always one around to tend the bar.
“You know who I admire in all of this?” He turns to lean back against the counter. “Shayla. She got them out. Kept that kid safe, provided for her. Couldn’t have been easy lying low when she had her to look out for, but she didn’t abandon her.”
He’s right. “With that tat on her back, the wrong person seeing it could have meant she’d be stolen back by Major. I can see why Shayla kept the kid with her.” But like Pyro, I’m impressed by everything she’d done. “I wish Cad could find something out about where Esme comes from. Surely, someone, somewhere, must be missing her?” I can’t allow myself to think her family had been pleased to be shot of her. Sure, Esme has issues, but she’s a delightful kid, and no bother.
“All we’ve got is a first name, and that she’s got problems. Don’t even know if there’s a name for what she’s got, or whether she was born that way, so he can’t search medical records. Like finding a needle in a fuckin’ haystack.”
I nod toward the jar.
“She ain’t even here,” he hisses when he turns back around to see where I’m indicating. Then laughs. “You getting a cut out of this, Brother?”
No, I’m not. But seeing the way those dollars are mounting up, I wish I were. There are even a few IOUs in there as well. Reckon come payday, the levels in the jars will rise.
Suddenly both of us lurch forward.
“Hey, what you two ladies gossiping about?”
“Ink,” I cough as I recover from the hard slap to my back. “Asshole.” I give him one of my best glares. Then relent. “Actually, glad you’re here. What do you think about this?”
I place a coloured drawing in front of him. He picks it up, then whistles through his teeth. “One of Esme’s?”
I nod. I glance at Pyro, wondering whether he’s going to mock me or not. Then at Ink, not certain he might not do the same. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. “I was wondering about having that on my gas tank.”
It’s a picture of a rearing stallion, his front hooves raised, his eyes blazing and angry breath coming from his nostrils. How the fuck Esme can conjure something like that up, I’ve no idea, but it’s nothing you’d expect from a childish sketch.
“I’ll tell you what I think, shall I?”
I look up then down. I thought it was his opinion I’d just asked.
“I wish I’d fuckin’ seen that first, Brother.” A wide grin spreads across Ink’s face, which slips when I nod toward the jar.
“She’ll be pleased,” Pyro observes. “Fuckin’ over the moon I would think, Mace. With a talent like that, doesn’t matter what other drawbacks she has.” He sees my glance and shakes his head. Oh well, he’s right, Esme’s not within hearing.
Fleetingly I wonder how she’ll grow and develop, whether the two women will stick around somewhere locally so we’ll find out. My eyes go to Shayla who’s currently playing a game of pool with Beth. It had amused me as Beth had very carefully inspected, then wiped down the pool table first. Uh-uh, now they’ve caught my eye, I can’t look away. Shayla’s just bending to take a shot… That ass! A little more padding as she puts back on the weight which I’m assuming she lost, and it would be perfect. As it is, I wouldn’t complain if I was pounding my cock into it…
I swing back around fast. That woman’s been objectified by men enough. Doesn’t need a man like me leering after her. While I suspect Beth was probably responsible for dragging her down, it’s progress that Shayla’s ventured to the clubroom without Esme as a buffer. Last thing I want to do is chase her away.
“Any idea when the gym will be completed, Ink?” I ask to take my mind off of the woman I shouldn’t be having lewd thoughts about, discreetly adjusting myself in my pants.
“Nope. I’m beginning to wish we’d never gone with the idea of opening the place to the public. If it was just us fuckers using it, we wouldn’t have to be so fuckin’ particular. Now it’s all got to be built to code. Apparently, it’s not cool to have walls falli
ng down on customers.”
I look at him out of the side of my eye. “Not sure I’d be too keen on that myself.”
For a response, all I get is a shove with his fist, then he calls out, “You ready, Beth?”
His woman mimes finishing her game, and he nods back. Seconds later, I wish she’d been ready to leave as he starts on me. “So, that bitch of yours is coming back at the weekend, then?”
I’d mentioned it as an aside last night in our normal Wednesday church in case anyone objected. No one complained, though a few groaned and mentioned they couldn’t afford having kids around. Which, predictably, got another mention of Theo, followed by a few comments about how all kids should have naps and go home by five so the men could let loose. I’d grinned, just imagining what Cas would have to say on that matter.
“She’s only a friend,” I tell him, yet again. “It’s Cas she’s coming here for. I’ve told you and everyone else this, Ink.”
Pyro then starts in too. “It’s how it starts, Brother. You think you’re just supporting them, then they worm their way under your skin and voilà. They’ve got you forever.”
“You love Mel. Always did.”
Pyro snorts and shakes his head but doesn’t deny it. “Didn’t allow myself to think it while she was with Skull. Could be similar to you, Bro, though there isn’t another man in the picture, or not one who’s breathing that is.”
He doesn’t know the half of what’s wrong with that statement.
“Hey, that kid of hers. Anyone else notice he looks like Liz? Could he be a relative or something?”
I still at Ink’s words, feeling blood drain from my face. “Haven’t noticed,” I tell them, trying my best to sound convincing. “Kid’s got red hair, just like his mom.”
“They’ve got the same nose though, and the same sulky look to their mouths. Hey, I might ask him.”
“Leave it,” I tell Ink fast.
“Why so defensive, Mace?” Ro asks.
Sorting through my thoughts at lightning speed, I come up with something that’s not quite a lie. “I’ve known Vanna for ages.” Well, almost two weeks. “You can see for yourself, Liz has never met her. And Cas has no cousins so I can’t see how there can be a connection. Maybe way back there’s a link in their DNA but hell, heaven help me, I’m probably linked to you two if I look far enough back on my family tree. We’re all probably related in some way.”
Satan’s Devils MC -Colorado Box Set: Books 4-6 Page 92
