Demon gives his dad a sharp nod. “My thoughts exactly. She’s never asked for support from Lizard. Never wanted him to pay up for something he believed wasn’t his. If Lizard had his memory, he’d be devastated at abandoning her and his kid. My vote is that we step up and do for him what he can’t.”
The debate goes on. Wills asked what would happen if Lizard woke up and found out what we’d done and still denied his wife and kid. But despite that, on balance, there seemed to be only one thing to be done. The vote is unanimous as we agree to bring Vanna up to speed with what’s happened to her man.
When an additional suggestion is made that I should be the one who breaks the news, I suspect it’s part punishment for bringing her here and confronting Liz with a teenager who looks so much like him, it could have caused him to collapse and slip into a coma.
When the others leave, I hang back, wondering how the fuck I’m going to find the right words.
Prez puts his hand on my shoulder in passing. “You okay with this Mace?”
I shrug. I have to be.
“Want my advice? Sleep on it first. Give her one last night of peace. She’ll still have time to get here before the operation, and you’ll have time to decide exactly what you’re going to say.”
His counsel is good. I take it. I’m not anticipating destroying someone’s world with any pleasure.
As I take myself off to bed, I avoid the sweet butts, knowing I’m too tired and drained to want to bring my cock out to play tonight. I pause outside Skull’s old room, wishing I could enter and just hold Shayla. Not fuck her, I don’t want to do that, but just have her company during the long hours ahead.
I’m exhausted, but know I’ll probably not sleep.
It’s the first time I’ve ever wanted a woman for anything other than sex, or, for as long as I can remember.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Vanna
Getting a call at five in the morning is never one that’s going to bring good news. Knowing it’s too early for telemarketers, I gingerly pick up the phone and answer the call from an unknown number, hoping someone’s dialled the wrong one.
“Hello?”
“Vanna, it’s Mace.”
“Has something happened?” I sit up in bed.
“Vanna, I need you and Cas to come to the compound.” There’s a difference to Mace’s voice, a catch in it, as though he’s finding it hard to speak.
“What’s happened?” I ask again, my gut rolling, knowing the only reason he’d call me this early has to have something to do with Lizard. “Has Liz had an accident?” Or, perhaps, it’s not bad news and hopefully I ask, “Has he remembered something? Does he want to see Cas?”
A second passes before Mace speaks again. When he tells me exactly what has happened, my head spins and I feel like I’m going to be sick, immediately guilty that I’d ever considered my life would be easier if my husband were dead. Mace wouldn’t have gotten in contact if that wasn’t a possibility I’m facing. My stomach churns as I realise this time, I might lose him forever. I’ve always taken some comfort in him being around, even if we’re apart. I know I don’t care if he never remembers, I just want him alive.
Mace has given me a moment to digest what he’s told me, but I need much longer than that. I try to kick my brain into gear. “His operation’s today?” I confirm, wondering if I heard right the first time.
“Yeah. Look, Vanna, I have to warn you. It’s serious.”
“I’m coming.” Try to keep me away, even though it might cost me my job. Any operation is risky, and my husband’s having a tumour removed from his brain. A growth they don’t know whether it’s harmless or cancerous. There are so many things that could go wrong, I need to be there. Cas will have to miss school, but surely this is a good excuse. “I’ll be in Pueblo in a couple of hours. Where’s the hospital again? We’ll go straight there.” After Cas’s display on Saturday, the fact Mace is keeping me in the loop doesn’t necessarily suggest we’d be welcome back on the compound.
“That works. I’ll text you the address. And Vanna? We’ve told all the brothers who you are, by now they’ll have told their old ladies… They all know your Lizard’s old lady, and that Cas is his kid.”
That, at least, brings me some relief. I’ve hated not being able to claim him as mine, even if it was in name only.
I put down my phone which immediately pings with the promised text and hesitate for a moment, wondering whether it might be better for me to leave Cas in Denver. But this could be the last time he’ll see his father alive if Liz doesn’t pull through the operation. He’s fourteen, not a baby.
Cas is groggy when I wake him, but soon is alert and listening, his face falling as I tell him the news. By the time I’ve explained to him the little Mace had told me, I’ve got a serious and worried teenager on my hands. I give him the choice, but of course he wants to see his dad and be there for him. I almost broke when I explained it could be the last time. I couldn’t give him false expectations.
I don’t remember much of the journey. With Cas quiet beside me, I drive on autopilot. I get caught up in rush-hour traffic heading into Pueblo, but the GPS takes us directly to the hospital. It’s still relatively early so I find a parking place, noticing there’s a large number of Harleys taking over some of the best spots. It doesn’t take a genius to work out who they belong to, and who they’re here for.
Cas looks at the building in front of us, hesitant to get out of the car. “I was rude to him Saturday,” he remembers. “I shouted at him. Did I upset him, Mom?”
“No, Cas,” I say firmly. “It was nothing you said or did. A tumour doesn’t grow overnight. Nothing tipped him over the top except for what was already in his head.” I don’t admit I’m worried sick it was just seeing me and Cas that caused this.
When he gets out, he comes around my side of the car and flies at me, hugging me tight. We hold each other for a moment, both of us taking comfort in each other, bolstering ourselves for what lies ahead. Then, with his arm still around me, we approach the front entrance. As I’m wondering what department I should be heading to, I see a familiar face. It’s Mace, standing outside having a cigarette.
Lizard smokes. Maybe that made the tumour worse in his head. Who knows?
“Vanna. Cas.” He lifts his chin toward us.
“Any news?”
Mace nods. “The op’s going ahead later this morning. Demon explained you were coming in, and the doc said you could see him before he’s prepped.”
“Has there been any change?” I ask anxiously.
“No. Not for better, not for worse.”
“I’ll be able to see him?”
“Yeah, kid.” Mace’s eyes soften when they land on Cas, and he quickly stubs out his cigarette on the sole of his boot and places the end in the container provided. “I’ll take you in.”
There are bikers in the waiting room, all of whom I recognise, and more in the corridor outside the department with the title Neurology over the door. As we pass, I’m given chin lifts, just like how Mace had greeted me outside. A couple give reassuring pats to Cas’s shoulders.
Mace presses a button, the door opens, and we’re ushered in.
When we reach Lizard’s room, I’m taken back in time, and I feel a wave of dizziness pass over me. For weeks I’d sat by his bed. I’d been there when he’d coded and had to be revived. There when it had happened again.
Last time he recovered, I remind myself. But he’d woken a different man. A man who’s first words had been, Who the fuck are you?
Has he been living on borrowed time all these years? Had his time really been then? Had he escaped death’s clutches, only to have it come for him again?
As I stand back, Cas steps forward. He takes hold of his dad’s hand, and while tears roll down his cheeks, he squeezes it. “I don’t care if you don’t know who I am,” he tells the man lying motionless on the bed. “I just want you to live, Dad. I promise I won’t shout at you again. I’m sorry if I upset yo
u…”
“Kid.” Mace is there. “It wasn’t anything you did, okay? Your dad wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.”
“He’s going to be alright, isn’t he, Mace?” Cas turns his wet eyes onto the enforcer, seeking an assurance that no one can give.
Mace tries his best. “One thing’s for certain, Lizard isn’t going to give up. If there’s a way to come back to you, he’s going to take it. He’s not done riding through life, okay, Cas? Have faith in him. Might not look like it, but I know he’ll be fighting.”
“I’ve been here before,” I tell them. “I’ve sat by the bed of a man the doctors warned me might not live. But he did. He pulled through.” My life might have become a living hell when he’d lost all his memory, but I couldn’t resent Liz for carrying on and living his.
When the nurses usher us out to prepare him for his operation, I meet his neurosurgeon, who tries to put the complicated medical procedure into words I can understand.
“I’ll be performing a craniotomy. That involves removing a small section of his skull to take out as much of the tumour as we can. I might not be able to get all of it, but enough to ease his symptoms at least.”
“And he’ll come out of the coma?” I ask, my voice breaking with the anxiety I’m feeling.
“That’s what we hope,” the surgeon says, but he offers no odds or promises.
“Will he have a hole in his head?” Cas asks.
“No. We’ll glue back the piece of bone we take out.” He looks from me to Cas. “I know it’s worrying and scary, but I assure you, I, and my team, are very experienced in these operations. It’s a common enough procedure for us. The unknown is whether the tumour is benign or malignant, and whether we’ll be able to remove it all. Until I get inside his head, we won’t know precisely what we’re dealing with.”
“How long will the operation take?” I ask.
“At least four, maybe six hours. I’ll make sure you’re updated as soon as we’re done.”
“Thank you.”
Mace ushers us away.
The waiting room is crowded with bikers. Two, I recall as Paladin and Wills, get up and offer us seats. Cas and I sit down. My head drops into my hands as if worry makes it too heavy to hold up. How can I go through this again?
“He’s fuckin’ strong.” Buzzard hunkers down in front of me and takes my hands. “He’ll pull through.” He squeezes my fingers, then stands back up.
I give him a wan smile. “I’ve been here before. Sat by his side willing him to wake up. In the end, he did.” It was just that he wasn’t my Lizard any longer.
“He didn’t recognise you at all?” Thunder asks, as if I’d spoken aloud.
“No,” I shake my head. “He had no idea who the stranger was crying in his room.”
“Do you remember your dad before, Cas?” Jayden comes over. She glares at Judge sitting next to Cas, and the biker gets up and offers her his seat with an exaggerated flourish.
Cas looks at Jayden. “Not really. Mom’s told me a lot about how he used to play with me, but I don’t remember much. He didn’t want anything to do with me when he came out of the hospital.”
“At first he was away for months at a time on tours,” I tell them. “He wasn’t able to spend much time with Cas. He wasn’t even there for the birth as this one decided to come early.”
“You’ve had it hard, haven’t you, darlin’?” The older biker with ginger hair states.
I shrug. “At least I knew Lizard was alive. So many people have it worse. I was grieving, but at least it wasn’t for a dead body. I always had hope.”
“Heard about you getting into trouble, Cas,” a stern voice says. “You’ve got to knock that shit on the head.”
Cas looks sheepish and looks down at his feet as Demon’s father talks to him.
“When’s the court case?” asks Demon.
“I don’t know yet. He’s had the preliminary one, but he hasn’t had a court date as yet.”
“I, er, I spoke to my dad.” Mel nods at Ink sitting to my left. He nudges Beth, shifts along a seat, then repositions her on his lap. Mel takes the place he vacated, looking tiny sitting next to the two compared-to-her giants. “He’ll represent you if you want. He’s really good, Vanna. Has your current lawyer gone into character references for you?”
I shake my head. “No, she’s been focusing on Cas.”
“In Dad’s view, proving you’re a good mother might help keep Cas out of a custodial sentence.”
But I’m not a good mother, am I? Else Cas wouldn’t have gone off the rails.
“I had no dad growing up.” Judge comes over and crouches in front of us. “Know how that makes you feel kid. But now your relationship with Lizard is out in the open, we’ll step up.” He waves his hand around him. “See all these men, Cas? We’re your dad’s brothers, which means we’re your uncles.”
“You know what Judge is saying?” Ink’s eyes narrow as he peers around Beth. “You fuck up and you’ll have a whole club of angry bikers making sure you learn a lesson you’ll never forget.” Cas goes still. When I go to speak, Ink holds up his hand. “You know why?” As my son shakes his head, Ink goes on to explain, “Because we care. You’re one of ours now, we’ve adopted you. We care that you do the best with your life and don’t fuck it up.”
Cas looks from one to the other of the new ‘uncles’ he’s found. Each give him chin lifts as his eyes fall on them.
I wanted a man to show Cas how he should behave. Now he’s not got just one, he’s got a whole club.
“Hey, Vanna,” Vi calls out. “You’ve got sisters as well, you hear?”
That’s the first thing I’ve heard today that melts a little of the ice inside.
“What happens when Dad wakes?” Cas asks Judge, who’s remained crouched in front of him. “He still won’t recognise me and Mom and will wonder what the hell you’re doing.”
Judge glances at Mace and then Demon. It’s the prez who replies, “Can’t promise Liz will play happy family, or even want to. But if he’s half the man I know, then once he knows he has them, he’ll step up to his responsibilities. If he’s not well enough to have the truth dropped on him, well, we’ll work it out. Whatever happens, you’ve got us now, and we’ll be there for you whenever you need us.”
Almost six hours has passed before the door opens, and a nurse steps in. “Mr Black and Mrs James?”
I stand, and so does Demon, who signals to Mace and has a quiet word in his ear. Mace signals something to Judge who stands and takes the seat by my son.
“Mom…?”
“Stay with us, Cas,” Ink commands from his other side.
I’m shaking. When Mace puts his arm around me, I realise why Demon invited him along. He’s here as my support should I be about to hear the news I don’t want. That something’s gone wrong.
The nurse takes us to see the neurosurgeon who doesn’t delay telling us how Lizard is.
“I’m pleased to tell you Mr James is out of surgery now. He’s still under anaesthesia and being closely monitored, but I was able to remove the entire tumour. There was a slight bleed behind it as I suspected, but that’s tied off now.”
Ignoring the good news, I ask for the worst. “Was it cancer?” If it is, that’s not going to be the end of Lizard’s problems. I don’t dare breathe as I wait for the response and feel Mace tense beside me.
“The pathologist examined it. The shape, chromosomes and DNA of the cells all appear to be normal and are not secreting hormones. The tumour was self-contained without fingers spreading into other tissue.”
“Which means?” The words are going right over my head.
“It was a benign tumour. Nothing to suggest any chemo or radiation therapy is required.”
If Mace’s arms weren’t holding me up, I’d have fallen to the floor.
“Will he come around once the anaesthetic wears off?” Demon asks.
“I’d say it’s very likely. I suspect, having gotten it all, that chances are good
that in time, he’ll make a good recovery barring any unforeseen complications. But I do warn you, this is a serious operation, and recovery won’t happen overnight. His brain will be swollen which can have various consequences. He may not be able to talk, and it may affect his movement.”
“But he will recover?” I should have expected poking around in someone’s head would affect them, but stupidly, I hadn’t.
“How far and how fast is impossible to predict.”
“Can I sit with him?” I’m prepared to take up my vigil again.
The neurologist smiles. “We’ll monitor him a little longer in recovery. You can wait for him in his room if you want. The nurse will show you where to go.”
“You two go,” says Demon. “When he’s awake, come and get me. I’ll go back to the waiting room and let everyone know.” He pauses and looks down at me. “This is good news, Vanna. He’s alive, he came through.”
Once Lizard is wheeled into the room where Mace and I have been waiting, it’s so similar to twelve years ago when Lizard was recovering from his initial head injury. Me sitting beside his bed waiting, hoping, praying that he’d open his eyes. Of course, back then, no one was waiting with me. My mother—at that time we were still talking—would take Cas and look after him for me, for that month I’d barely left Lizard alone.
Just as then, I stare at the machine that’s recording his heart rate, my mind going back to those times the beep had become a continuous sound. Twice it had happened, twice they’d had to intervene to get his heart pumping blood around his body again. I’d all but died with him each time. Only the thought of Cas sustained me.
“He’ll be fine, Vanna.” Mace is staring at me, an intense expression on his face.
“Once he wakes, I’ll go,” I tell him, knowing I have to. “He won’t recognise me, and it will confuse him as to why I’m here. We’ll tell him I was keeping you company.”
Satan’s Devils MC -Colorado Box Set: Books 4-6 Page 100
