“He’s dead?” Lizard repeats. He looks at me. I don’t have to say anything, he can see the truth on my face.
It seems Lizard’s sorrow over the death of his friend at least temporarily trumps his distaste at being here. When Demon steps back and indicates the back entrance to the club, the one that leads in through the kitchen, Liz follows him as though in a daze.
“Who’s Hatch?” Cas asks, quietly.
“Your dad’s friend. Another Marine.”
We’re right behind him as he steps inside. It’s Saturday and from the delicious aroma Mel’s here and baking.
“Well you’re a sight for sore eyes, Liz.” Steph makes a beeline for him. “Will you break if I hug you?”
Her eyes aren’t quite looking at him. “You blind?” he says bluntly. “If you are, how the fuck do you know it’s me?”
“Your smell, of course. Mind you, it’s all disinfectant and hospital aromas. Not your normal sweaty armpits for once.” Her lips quirk.
Liz clearly doesn’t know what to make of her, and just suffers her attentions when her arms go around him.
“Unhand my woman,” says Beef, stepping forward and claiming her, his arms wrapping around her tightly, and pulling her back.
“Want a cinnamon bun, Liz? I baked them ‘specially for you.” Mel’s holding out a tub. “They’re your favourites.” Liz steadies himself on one crutch, takes it automatically, then puts it down unopened on the counter.
“Liz, you don’t know how good it is to see you back,” Vi steps in, carrying Theo.
Lizard’s eyes open wide. “What are you lot? Whores for the club?”
“They’re our old ladies,” Demon tells him sharply, his tone full of warning. “And I don’t care if your brain is fucked up, Brother. You’ll treat them with some fuckin’ respect. Now come with me. We’ve got some talking to do.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Mace
We took a risk today. If Vanna had been serious about taking Lizard back to Denver, or Lizard being determined to go, that steering wheel could have been wrenched to the side and one of us could have ended up dirty side down. Deep down Vanna must have wanted to come back to the club, she hadn’t taken much persuasion to bring Lizard. Had that been relief I’d seen in her eyes once she’d arrived?
If it was, I can see why. I’m having difficulty reconciling the man I’ve known as my brother for the past ten years with the angry person in front of me. If it wasn’t that I hoped the man I knew was still inside, and that I could blame the swelling in his head for the way he is now, he’d already have had my fist in his face.
I’m not sure what I expected. Him to walk in and magically become our Lizard again? Well, fuck that. He doesn’t know us at all, and nothing in the club seems familiar. It’s easier now to understand why Vanna had let him go after two years of trying to live with a man who didn’t know her. Already, after a few minutes, I’m thinking of doing just that.
As I follow Demon toward his office, I know we’ve got to try, even though all our efforts might fail. Christ, I just hope the man I loved as my brother is still in there, somewhere.
Demon goes to sit behind his desk and waves Liz to a seat. I refrain from offering assistance even though Liz has difficulty manoeuvring the crutches and getting himself seated. Beef sits to one side, Thunder pulls up the other chair. I stand in my normal position, leaning with my back against the door. Liz doesn’t know it, but he’s being given an audience with the senior officers of the club.
Lizard rubs his hand over his face, and doesn’t waste time asking, “Hatch?”
Prez explains what happened ten years ago, and how Lizard came to the club, Liz’s face going through a variety of emotions as he does so. “You were cut up, Liz. We gave you a place to stay. You liked it, liked us. After the funeral, you became a prospect. Got patched in a year later.” As Liz looks dumbfounded, Prez leans forward. “You gave us a chance then, just asking that now you give us another.”
“I remember nothing,” Liz states, after taking a moment to digest this information. “Hatch, darn it. Should be able to remember his death. Seems disrespectful to the man not to recall it.” I want to say it’s not his fault, but he’s continuing, “I fucking hate this, I don’t know who I am. Seems I was first one man, Vanna’s husband and a Marine. But he went overseas, came back with a brain injury, and turned into someone else, a biker if you are to be believed. Now I’ve had a fuckin’ tumour removed, and I’m a different man all over again. If what you say is true, and I really was a part of this, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But maybe it’s wrong for me to be here, I might not now see the club the way you say I did. Everyone here is a stranger.”
Demon sits back in his chair and folds his arms. “And so we were once before. We invited you into the fold, and were no longer strangers, but friends and brothers. Nothing to say we can’t do that again. I’m Demon, we’ve already met. Sitting to your right is Beef, the VP, and Thunder, sergeant-at-arms is on your left. Behind you is Mace, he’s the enforcer.”
“Names tell me nothing.” The news of his friend’s death seems to make Lizard less combative. “Hatch’s death, well that’s as raw to me now as it probably was then. I can’t remember him moving to Denver, but I can see myself leaning on him when I split from Vanna. His death would have hit me hard. Probably hoped to find my own at the hands of the club, or of your enemies. Or hell, by just the life that you lead.”
“What life do we lead, Liz?” Demon’s deceptively calm.
Liz shrugs and tells us what he believes, “A criminal one.”
“Wrong,” says the VP. “You’ve met my wife. You think she’d be involved in a criminal lifestyle? And Mel, Pyro’s woman, bakes muffins for fuck’s sake, she doesn’t cook up meth.”
“We run clean businesses. Wouldn’t touch drugs with a ten-foot pole and don’t deal in guns. Sure, we run a strip club, but the dancers are there voluntarily, and no one is forced. It’s a job for them, like any other.” I’m angry he’s given us such a label. “We’ve got a bowling alley as well.”
“You run our tattoo parlour,” Thunder puts in. “A fuckin’ good one with a good rep.”
With his left hand, Lizard lifts his right. “Won’t be any fuckin’ good to you there now.”
“You not going to recover?” Beef asks sharply.
“I could do or could not. Doctors know fuck all.”
Prez eyes Lizard for a moment. “See, here’s the thing, Lizard. You’ve lived here at the compound for ten years. All your shit is here, your clothes, your bike. You’ve got a room, maybe not much, but it’s your home.”
“I don’t remember,” Lizard says tersely.
Prez ignores him. “You’ve never been to Vanna’s house. You’ve got nothing of yours there, not even a change of underwear. You don’t know her situation. I know she’s lost her job, and I’ve offered her a new one. Temporarily, at least.”
“What job?” Lizard asks fast. “She’s not going to be working in your strip club—”
“For fuck’s sake.” The words are startled out of my mouth. “She wouldn’t do that, and we wouldn’t ask her.”
“She’s going to be doing the admin and management shit at the tattoo parlour. Until you’re able to take it up again.” Demon takes back over.
“She didn’t tell me she lost her job. Why did she?” There’s a spark of the old Lizard there, with an unspoken promise of retribution should it be needed.
“Because her boss is an asshole and thought she was taking too much time off.”
Lizard’s shoulders drop. “Because of me?”
Demon doesn’t lie. “Partly. And partly because of Cas.”
“Why Cas?” Lizard puts in sharply. “What’s up with the boy?”
“It’s time you learned everything, Liz. So, I’m going to tell you. That kid of yours, well, he got into trouble with the law, which was why she came to find you. Thought the kid could use a man’s hand in changing the direction he was taking in
life.”
“What did he do?” Lizard asks, his face reddening.
“Hotwired a car.”
“She’s off her fuckin’ head if she came to criminals for help.”
Demon growls but doesn’t bother refuting the label Lizard’s used for the second time. “She hoped you’d step up and help your son. It was serious, Liz. Kid was looking at juvie or even being taken away from his mom.”
Liz takes a second to digest the words, his face tightens. “Is he still?”
“No. We sorted it. That’s what family does, Lizard.”
“Kid gets one pass, Liz.” I tell him. “He gets into trouble again, we won’t lift a finger to help. He knows this.” He does. I’d made it clear to him.
“I’ll speak to him.”
My head starts to shake at the same moment Demon asks him, “Lizard, what experience do you have with teenagers?”
As Liz’s shoulders make an up and down motion, Demon adds, “We don’t either, apart from all once having been one. I do know, you need to concentrate on getting a relationship with him as he is now. It’s a thin line you’ll be walking and could easily alienate him. Lean on us, let us do the hard part. If you go it alone with Vanna in Denver, you’re likely to make some big mistakes, maybe even end up leaving Vanna no choice but to choose between you and him.”
Lizard at least seems to be listening to Prez’s words. “What are you suggesting, Demon?”
Prez’s face relaxes a little. “You need time to recover, heal as best you’re able to. You and Vanna, you and Cas, need to establish your relationships. Give us a month, that’s all I’m asking. Use the clubhouse as a place to convalesce. Get to know Vanna without her slipping back into routines with no place for you in them. Learn about Cas with what support you need from brothers around you. Let us help you recover.”
“I don’t want Cas involved in anything criminal.”
“For fuck’s sake brother, if you weren’t already hurting, I’d slap you around the fuckin’ head myself,” I tell him, sharply. “We are not involved in anything outside the law.” Well, not currently.
His mouth purses and he’s quiet for a moment. When he speaks, it sounds like he’s coming around to the idea. “I give you a month. What then?”
“No. We’re giving you a month, Brother. A month when you can relearn us, and we can see if you’re still the man we want riding with us. A month when you can reconnect with your wife, see if she’s still it for you, and if you’re her one. A month when you can learn how to cope with a teenager—although in that case, a lifetime probably wouldn’t be long enough.” Demon chuckles. “You’ll be able to learn his likes, dislikes, and whether you can live together. We’re giving you time, Brother. Use it wisely.”
“And if I want to leave after the month, you won’t stop me going to Denver?”
Demon stares at him intently. “You have my word, Brother.” After letting that sink in for a few seconds, he nods toward me. “Why don’t you go with Mace and see your room? It might trigger your memory.”
Lizard looks hopeful for a second, then sadness covers his face. Nothing so far has brought any memories back. Stepping forward without a word, I hold out my arm, and he braces against it, using me as a support to get to his feet. Beef passes him his crutches, and I let him go once he finds his balance. When he turns to thank me, I get a glimpse of the man I’ve known for so many years before his look becomes shuttered again. Nevertheless, he turns to Demon.
“I’m not saying my fears about the club and what you stand for are wrong. But for the life of me, I can see no benefit to you in letting me stay. So, I’ll take your offer at face value. I feel I should thank you.”
“No need for thanks, Lizard. We’re just having your six as you would have done for any of us were the positions reversed.”
“Come, Brother,” I hold the door open, not unsurprised to see Vanna hovering outside. “I’ll show you where you live.”
“Everything okay?” she asks, her brow furrowed.
Lizard regards her for a moment. “I’m staying here for a month, Vanna. Hopefully I’ll have more strength then.” He nods down at his crutches. “I need help, and it’s not fair on you to be my sole support. I’m persuaded of that.”
I don’t miss the look of relief that crosses her face. I jerk my chin indicating she should follow us up the stairs.
Liz tackles the staircase carefully. I offer my arm, he shakes his head. “Up to heaven,” he says rather strangely, as he moves his left leg, waits until he gets his balance, then pulls up the right. I allow him the time he needs to get to the top.
Demon’s given me the spare key, so I open Lizard’s door, standing back to let him inside. This is the first time Vanna’s had an insight into Lizard’s home where he’s lived since he was patched in. Interestingly she hangs by the door, as if waiting for an invitation. Lizard swings himself in with the aid of both crutches, then lowers one to the bed, and balancing on the other, looks around him. He hops to the closet and opens it, spying his clothes hanging up neatly, then opens drawers which, if he’s like me, hold underwear and socks. He eyes his motorcycle boots waiting for his feet by the bed.
“Do you recognise anything, Lizard?” Though it’s in vain, I’m hoping he’ll remember something.
He shakes his head. “Nothing. Looks like someone else lives here.” He picks up a photo on the bedside table, his head tilting as he sees himself, me, Ink, and Cad holding up a fish. Yeah, we had a day out and made a lucky catch. We all look relaxed, happy and smiling. Thunder had taken the photo as I recall.
He replaces the photo, face down, then he continues to explore and opens the drawer by the side of the bed. I wince on Vanna’s behalf as he brings out sealed and open cartons of condoms. He takes them out, hobbles to the waste bin and drops them all in, then turns to his wife and catches her eye.
“I won’t need these.” When Vanna gasps audibly, he continues, “Well, I won’t, will I?”
“If you don’t want to fuck,” she answers crudely, her voices staccato, “then no.”
His eyes widen. “I didn’t mean that. You’re…”
“I was on the pill years ago. I don’t take it now. Why should I, when I haven’t had a man in my life?”
“Er, I think I’ll back out of this conversation.”
Both partner’s eyes snap to mine, then lose interest in me. I turn to leave, asking Vanna if I can pass. Lizard’s voice stops me.
“Mace. Take that with you.”
Turning I see it’s Lizard’s cut which he’s viewing with disgust.
“Liz—” I start.
But Vanna gets there before me. “You were so proud to wear that Liz. Over the past couple of weekends, I didn’t see you without it. You earned the right to wear those patches. Leave it where it is. It might eventually remind you of who you were.”
“What if I remember them and in doing that, forget you again?” Liz roars. “What if I wake up and have forgotten completely who I am and am nothing but a blank slate? I can’t trust my fuckin’ brain, can I? Why should a vest made of leather remind me who I am, when I lived with you for two years and didn’t fuckin’ remember?” His anger, his indifference to the club seem to disappear and he has tears rolling down his face. “I’ve fucked up your life, Vanna. Obviously I mean something to Mace, Demon and the others, and I’m fucking them up now. I fuck everything up. All because—”
“All because of the explosion that wasn’t your fault, Brother,” I snap. “You were doing your duty, serving your country. No, you didn’t fuckin’ deserve what you got. But you’re alive, others aren’t. Vanna’s strong, she dealt with you being gone. Give us some credit, too, Brother. You decide you want to ride with us again? Well, your fitness permitting, that’s what you can do. You take each day as it comes. You don’t have to decide right now what you’re going to do with the rest of your life.”
Vanna tells him fast, “You’ve got time, Liz. We’ve got time.”
“What if I forget e
verything?” he asks again, his eyes haunted.
“Then we’ll fuckin’ remind you,” I promise. “Day after day if you’ll listen to us. Our stories, Vanna’s too, will become your new memories. No pressure, no fuss.”
“We’ll get you through,” Vanna vows.
Now I do step around Vanna and leave them to it, closing the door so husband and wife can have some privacy.
Out in the hallway I pause and draw in a deep shuddering breath.
“Are you alright?”
Seems she always appears at the right time, when I don’t know until that point, she’s precisely what I was needing.
“No.” I indicate my room, and Shayla walks inside. It’s only when I’ve thrown myself on the chair and she’s perched on the bed that I resume, letting my remorse and sorrow flood out, speaking to her like I could to no other, even one of my brothers.
“Liz hadn’t recognised me at the hospital, so I knew what to expect. I thought I was prepared for it. But seeing him here and him not recognising a thing? Not even his cut, or any of us…” I pause, clearing my throat as my voice is breaking. “Shay, it’s a fuckin’ disaster. He’s angry, he’s upset. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for him to know he’s lived years which he loses in a flash, only knowing the truth of it because of a date on a fucking calendar. And Vanna? Christ.” I seem to be on a roll and can’t stop. “Now I realise the half of what she went through. If it’s bad for me, what was it like for her? And for that poor kid Cas? Now it’s happening all over again.” Vanna’s so strong, but she’s had to be.
“It’s a nightmare come true,” Shayla says softly. Rising, she crosses the room to me, and leaning over, pulls my head against her chest. I take comfort from her eagerly. My cheek, cushioned against her breast, can hear her heart beating.
I’m the enforcer. I’m meant to be strong. But at this moment, I’m done with fighting.
A stray tear rolls from my eye as I wonder whether there’s any way back from this for Lizard, or for any of us.
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