“Vanna, don’t worry. It’s good, not bad.” He rubs at his head. “Things came back so fast they blindsided me. Pain, flashes.” He chuckles softly. “Literally my life flashing before my eyes. Brothers were worried and got me checked out. Swelling’s gone down, babe. Things have shifted in my head. My memory is back. Almost all my memory.”
“You still remember me?” I ask, fast. My breath stalling as fear rushes through me.
“Fuck, yes.” His eyes are full of concern as they turn toward me. “I remember everything about you, babe. Only things missing are how I got home from that tour and the aftermath, and exactly what happened before I left.”
I turn, my hand fluttering in the air before resting on his cheek. Pulling it away, he brings it to his mouth and places a tender kiss to my palm. “I remember you. Remember getting the call telling me Cas had been born. Remember coming home on leave to see him, my gorgeous baby boy. Don’t remember much about me being an ass, or how we split up. But I do remember coming to Colorado.”
“Which means, you remember the club?”
A faint rise and dip of his head. “Yeah. I remember Hatch, remember visiting him in Denver.” Now there’s a flicker of pain. “Remember how the club offered me a home, a place to belong. I remember the last ten years. As I said, not much about the two before that. Can’t remember being at home. Remember I left but know fuck all why.”
“You were badly banged up, Lizard.” It makes sense to me. “You couldn’t remember who you were one moment to the next. Your short-term memory gradually resolved itself, but it was hard.” My eyes glaze as I think back. “Every day you had to relearn who Cas and I were, and the next you’d forget all over again. When you did remember, you thought our marriage was a lie, and that Cas was fathered by someone else.”
“I was fucked up,” he agrees, shaking his head. “I can’t see how you can ever forgive me, Van.”
“It wasn’t you, Lizard.”
He takes a breath and tells me what’s on his mind. “I need to know why you’re here. I need to know whether you’re here out of duty as you still wear my ring on your finger, or whether you want to try again as man and wife.” I open my mouth, he gives another little shake of his head. “I fucked whores, Vanna. Let’s get that out in the open now. I didn’t know I was taken. You might have worn yours, but I had no ring on my finger. Nothing to tell me I wasn’t a free man.”
“They had to cut it off,” I remind him. “Seemed insignificant compared with keeping you alive.” Such a small thing, but would that token have helped him remember? I never thought about it at the time.
He’s thoughtful for a moment. “There’s nothing I want more than to win you back. But I want to get shit straight right now. No point either of us hoping for things which aren’t going to happen. I know you wanted me to have a hand in bringing up Cas, and whatever happens between us, I’ll be there as his father. But you and me? Got to lay it on the line here, I want everything. I want a wife by my side and in my bed at night. Can you put the past behind you and come back to me, Vanna? As a true partner?”
“I’m older, Liz.”
“So am I.” He wipes his hand over his hair now shorn short. “I might have been imagining myself twelve years younger, but I’m not. I’m older, more wrinkled, and greyer. I’ve got miles under my belt too, darlin’.”
He’s not grey on his head. Oh, but… I force myself not to consider his groin area.
“The girls,” I start. “They’re all young and pretty.”
“Fuck, woman. Don’t compare yourself to them.” There’s now heat in the eyes he turns on me. “This feel like I don’t want you?” I might have avoided looking at it, but when he places my hand over his thickened cock, I can’t avoid feeling it. “This is for you, Vanna. Seems something else now works. Doesn’t even twitch when I think of the girls, but it’s hard as steel for you.”
He smiles at me, that megawatt panty-dropping grin that I remember as he repeats, “I want you. Question is, do you want your husband?”
I raise my hand away, too tempted to explore and see if it’s the same as I remember. It would be easy to say yes. Simple to accept the fairy tale he’s offering, my prince re-awoken. Turn back the clock, or wind it on to where it should have been all the time.
“Liz, there’s never been another man for me.” It’s my turn to stop him. “But for twelve years it’s been me who’s had to be the provider, the decision maker. I’m not the empty-headed girl you left.”
“Appreciate that, Vanna. I’ve watched you these past few weeks, remember?” He chuckles. “Know what you mean now about sorting out the mess I left. I’m not much of a manager.”
“You are,” I disagree, bumping his shoulder with mine. “I just needed to sort out those handwritten notes you left all over the place.” Then I reiterate again, “You left a homemaker, a housewife. I’m not able to pick up where we left it before.”
“You’d have grown into yourself, whether I was there or not. Maybe not quite as you are now, but you’d have changed. Fuck, I was away more than half the time as it was, that streak of independence would have developed anyway. I’d have matured along with it. The fact that you go head-to-head with me now? I fuckin’ love it. I want a partner, not a meek woman who looks to me to make every decision.” He looks away from me, growing serious. “I just hope I can become your equal.”
“You will, Liz, I’m sure of that. The progress you’ve already made shows that.”
Sincerity drips from his voice. “Since I came back from the hospital last night, I’ve been trying to think, trying to sort everything out in my head. I know what I want first up, I want you and Cas, babe.” I go to speak, but he stops me with a little shake of his head. “I was beginning to like the men in this club, even before I regained my memory. In my perfect world, I’d have brothers at my back. If that’s what you want too, it would mean you moving your life here from Denver. I don’t mean live at the club, we’ll find a house together. But if that doesn’t appeal to you, we’ll make life work, however you want to live it.”
I remember what Demon had said about Lizard needing the club and know I couldn’t take him away from it. Honestly, I’d miss everything about it as well. The support and company of Vi, Jayden, Steph, Mel and Beth, the older women too while I figured out what I was dealing with had been invaluable. The loss of their friendship would cause a hole in my life if we tried to start over in Denver. What have I there to keep me? Just one good friend who I can visit or who could come here. I’ve no job to return to. A fresh start could help Cas straighten himself out, and Lizard’s inevitable parenting mistakes—mine too—could be tempered by my son’s new uncles.
He’s rubbing at his right wrist with his left hand, then flexing fingers which seem to have more movement than before. I know him too well, he’s agitated, impatiently waiting for me to respond, but giving me space for my thoughts. I put him out of his misery.
“Cas could do moving away,” I begin, my tone as serious as his, showing my words have been thought through. “Lindy’s said he’s doing everything she’s asked, but that his old crowd is trying to pull him back into their circle. Transferring here, making new friends, might be the best for him.”
“He’s a good kid. I need to step carefully with him though. Now,” he taps his skull, “things are straighter in here, I can think of him as a teenager and not as a toddler. It’s been hard when my brain couldn’t accept time had moved on. With the void in my head, I could be told, but I couldn’t understand.”
“Boys his age are tough to handle, Liz. They want to push at boundaries and think they know more than they do.” Resting my fingers on his thigh, I squeeze it. “It would be good to have someone to share the burden with me. If only to listen to my complaints.”
“All I know about being a teenager was that I was one once. But hell, Vanna, I want Cas to have a better life than the one I had.”
I think it’s that that makes me realise he’d been thinking with a brain of
a man aged twenty-six. Now those extra twelve years’ experience are bringing more to his table. A patience and understanding which had been absent before.
He purses his lips. “You’re saying you’ll move here and let me be a father to our son. But what about as a husband?” He’s picked up on what I haven’t said. “Vanna, if you can’t tell me now, just understand there’s nothing more I want than to be by your side, to be a husband for you.” His hand rises to my chin, and he turns me so I’m looking him in the eye. “I want you, Vanna. Or at least, I want us to give it a fuckin’ good try.”
“What would you do?” I ask out of interest. “If you met me on the street as I am now? Would you give me a second look, or would you walk on by?”
“A second look? You were a stunner, babe, and still are. I’d give you a third and fourth look, but no more. ‘Cause by then, I’d have marched you back to my cave.” He allows me a moment to snort, then asks, “Same question back at ya?”
“You? Hot as you are on that bike of yours?” I pretend to fan myself.
His turn to nudge me. “You think I’m hot?” He waggles his eyebrows.
“Hell yeah,” I admit. “When you’re not waking me at god-awful hours.”
He has the grace to look sheepish. “Sorry about that. You were the first one I wanted to talk to about the memory I’ve gotten back. I just needed to have some time to come to terms with it myself, then it was you I came to.”
“Should have told me, Liz. I would have gone to the hospital with you.”
“I know. But Van, I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t want to worry you.” A muscle ticks in his cheek. “I was, am, scared. My memory went, my memory came back. I feel like a walking time bomb, you know? I’m almost frightened to go to sleep in case I don’t remember shit when I wake up. I always knew there was something wrong. Every fuckin’ day I’d wake up testing my memory out, not even thinking that wasn’t what normal people did. I’m terrified I won’t have long with you, I want to make the most of it.”
Is this him voicing his fears, or a real risk? “What did the doctor say?”
He shrugs. “Doctors seem to think I’ll be okay. But I know what tricks the brain can play.”
I’d come to Pueblo and met Lizard when he was a member of the club but hadn’t known who I was. I’d been with him when he’d gotten his old memories back and remembered me as his wife of twelve years ago. Neither man had been the Lizard I’d known, neither man had been one I was comfortable with. This man though… There are traces there of who he was before, but also a maturity gained over the years. This is the man I could see as the man by my side, and a dad to our boy.
“We’ll cope, Lizard. Whatever happens. I’ve been waiting for you for twelve years, and I’m not going to run away now. We’re a team. We always have been, even during those times you never consciously knew.”
I stand, turn, and put my knees on the bed either side of his thighs, clasping his face in my hands. “The chances are good that you will stay as you are now with the bulk of your memory intact. I’m no doctor, but you had a TBI, which started a tumour growing. The tumour is now out, and unless it grows back, I’m sure there’s nothing to be overly worried about. We could all have these bombs you’re talking about ticking in our heads. Who can read the future? I could have dementia heading my way, who knows? All we can do is grab what we’ve got and hang onto it with both hands. Live for the now, Liz. Not the future which is unknown.”
He stares at me. “How did you get so wise?” Then, without waiting for an answer, slides his hand around the back of my head and takes advantage of the position I put myself in.
As his lips move over mine, I close my eyes, feeling emotional tears prick. I’m home.
Half an hour ago, I’d have said I’d needed more time. Five minutes ago, I’d have said it was too soon. But now, as his tongue sweeps into my mouth, I respond just as if twelve years hadn’t passed. My hands grip his shoulders, fingers digging in, holding him tight, never wanting him to leave me again.
His familiar taste that I haven’t forgotten sends shivers down my spine. When his hands part my robe and slip under my t-shirt, the familiar touch fondling my breasts makes me sigh into his mouth and grind my pelvis against his thickened dick.
When he removes his mouth from mine, it’s only to rasp against my ear, “If you don’t want this to end up with my cock in your pussy, tell me to stop now.”
His words, filthier than he’s used with me before, heighten my arousal.
I shake my head. It’s obvious he misunderstands when he tries to lift me off him.
“I want you, Liz. Right here, right now.”
He tries to raise me. Though his hand now seems able to open and shut, he’s still got residual weakness on his right side, that, together with the fact I’ve put on weight, I know I need to help.
I clamber off and fall to my back on the bed.
“Take off your robe.”
The heat in his eyes makes my insecurities fade, worries about the toll the years have taken on my body disappear. I scramble out of my robe and pull my top over my head. I’ve just one thought, I want him inside me now.
“Fuck, it’s been too long, Vanna.” His nostrils flare as he tugs at my sleep shorts. I help get rid of the offending object by toeing them down my legs, uncaring they catch around one ankle.
I’m suddenly shy, but his eyes blaze as they fall onto my body. I watch as he takes in the silvery stretch marks which had faded but not gone, my childbearing stomach even rounder now, but it’s as if he doesn’t care at all.
“You’re fucking beautiful,” he rasps as he lowers his face to my mound, breathing in deep, his eyes closing briefly. “Damn you smell good.”
I can barely think anymore as he lowers his head, his tongue circling my clit, before sucking it into his mouth. His touch, so familiar yet so different as it’s been years since anything’s been this close to me except for my vibrator.
Tears leak from my eyes due to emotional overload as time slips away, my body responding to him as if it was only yesterday when he last touched me like this.
“Jesus, you’re tight, babe.” He works one finger inside me, then another. “So fuckin’ tight. So fuckin’ responsive, just like I remember.” His voice catches as though this carries as much significance for him as it does for me. Then he adds a second finger and curls them around. Christ. This is new.
My toes curl and I arch my back as twin sensations hit as he assaults my G-spot and my clit.
“You gonna come for me, Evangeline?” he growls against my mound, elongating my name in that sexy way he does.
Heaven help me, I don’t have a chance against his talented fingers, tongue and vibration from that gravelly voice. My muscles ripple, tense, then I’m bowing my back off the bed. Jesus, I think I see stars. My vibrator doesn’t come close to what this man can do with his mouth.
“Lizard,” I get out once I’m able to breathe again. Raising my head, I swallow what I was going to tell him when I see him gazing at me. He’s got tears in his eyes.
Unashamedly brushing one away that’s leaked onto his cheek, Liz speaks instead. “Nothing, fuckin’ nothing is better than watching you come. I don’t know how I ever could forget.”
“I think you’ve learned some new skills.”
“Vanna, I…” he chokes.
“I’m not complaining,” I tell him fast. “As long as it’s only me who gets the benefit from now on.”
“On that, you can fuckin’ bet.” He worms his way up the bed, then swears, twists and sits up, using his left hand to open the drawer by the right-hand side of the bed. He takes out a condom.
“Give it to me,” I offer. “I’ll put that on.”
“Take care, woman. I’m close.”
He sucks in air as I slide the latex down his cock. Heeding his warning, I restrain from fondling any more than I have to, then I lie back down. He sits back on his knees, pulling my ass up onto his thighs, and then he’s working hi
s way in. I gasp, it’s been a long time, and he’s bigger than my BOB.
He’s in and starting to move. That twist, that swivel is new. Better. Wow. Then my ability to think is gone as the air is filled with the scent of sex and grunts, groans, and sighs of appreciation on both our parts.
I come again, and take him with me, his completion accompanied by a roar.
“Vanna, Vanna. Mine.”
I take air into my depleted lungs and respond, “Yours.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Lizard
I hadn’t expected my conversation with Vanna to go quite the way it had, but I’m definitely not complaining. Something between us had just clicked, and actions which had been familiar twelve years back, before I suffered the damage to my head, had returned as if we slipped into a dance we’d never stopped.
It was different, she was tighter than I remembered, but maybe I was comparing her to the women I’d been with since I patched in. While I hate that I’d been with a variety of girls, it had left me with new techniques which had worked on her. I promised and meant it from the bottom of my heart that I’d never stray again.
I’d never have looked elsewhere had I remembered. I hadn’t been me then, I’d been someone else. If I hadn’t had had that blow to my head, I’d never have stepped out on her.
We’d cuddled, dozed, then made another attempt to make up for lost time. Quite successfully, I’d had her shouting my name, and hers might have escaped my mouth.
When we’d woken again, the sun was streaming in through the gaps in the blind, and she’d reached for her phone.
“Time?”
“Eleven. Christ. I’ve got to be at work in an hour.”
“I’m the manager. I’ll give you the day off.”
“No,” she contradicts, batting my arm. “I’m the manager, and I’m going in. You still need rest, Liz. Especially as you didn’t get much sleep last night.”
Satan’s Devils MC -Colorado Box Set: Books 4-6 Page 115
