“That should do the trick. I’ve got some copper wiring over there if you need any, and feel free to use my tools. I’d love to see how he turned out.”
Heathcliff grabbed a few things he would need, thanked Beanpole, and shoved Benjamin into his backpack just as May approached.
“Agent Brand says we need to go. We’re about as ready as we’re gonna get,” she said.
TOP SECRET DOSSIER
CODE NAME: UNCLE MITCH
REAL NAME: MITCH CASTO
ACTIVE: 1998
CURRENT OCCUPATION: MANAGER OF A WAVERUNNER COMPANY
HISTORY: MITCH, THE UNCLE OF
FORMER AGENT AMOS “JUNIOR”
CASTO, DISCOVERED THE PLAYGROUND
WHILE SPYING ON HIS NEPHEW’S
AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES. HE GOT
TRAPPED INSIDE THE UPGRADE
ROOM, WHERE IT WAS DETERMINED
HIS BIGGEST WEAKNESSES WERE HIS
HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE AND
THIN COMB-OVER HAIRCUT. HE
WAS GIVEN THE NANOBYTE VERSION
OF A TRIM AND A SHAVE, EMERGING
WITH HAIR PLUGS AND LESS
RIDICULOUS FACIAL HAIR.
UPGRADE: DESPITE BEING
INJECTED WITH NANOBYTES, UNCLE
MITCH HAD NO POWERS AND SPENT
MUCH OF HIS TIME FLIRTING
WITH SCIENCE TEAM MEMBERS AND
SECURITY GUARDS. SHORTLY AFTER,
HIS UPGRADES WERE REMOVED
AND THE UPGRADE CHAIR WAS
REPROGRAMMED SO THAT NO ADULT
COULD RECEIVE NANOBYTES.
When the time machine flashed into August 16, 1987, Miss Information realized that perhaps she should have entered more detailed information about exactly where in Washington, D.C., the machine should drop them. It occurred to her that they could have appeared right in the middle of traffic and been hit by a bus. But there was nothing barreling at them. In fact, there was nothing in the street at all except for a few parked cars. It seemed peculiar that a street in downtown Washington, D.C., during lunch hour would be so empty, but perhaps it was just her good luck. One thing was for sure: She had an incredible sense of déjà vu.
“Welcome to 1987, team. There’s no Wi-Fi, no iPhones, no Facebook, and MTV still plays music videos,” she said.
“What’s a music video?” Tessa asked.
Miss Information frowned, suddenly feeling very old. “I hate you. I hate all of you.”
She pressed a button on her time machine and watched it collapse into a small box.
She hefted Alex onto her back and pulled Benjy out of her pocket. The little robot floated next to her, buzzing and tweeting.
“Many of my functions are inoperable, including telecommunications. I’ve concluded that the satellites needed don’t yet exist at this point in time.”
“But you still have our list of targets, correct?” she said.
“I do. In fact, the first one should be along any moment.”
Everyone peered down one end of the empty street, then they turned to peer down the other. No one was coming in either direction.
“You sure about that?” Tessa asked.
“I’m quite certain,” Benjy said.
“Something’s wrong,” Miss Information said.
“Where are all the cars?” Snot Rocket asked.
“Benjy dear, what time is it, exactly?” Miss Information asked.
“Two thirty,” he said.
“Two thirty in downtown D.C. You shouldn’t be able to walk across this street, let alone stand in the middle of it for five minutes, without seeing so much as a kid on a bicycle.”
“That’s ’cause we redirected the traffic,” a girl said as she stepped into the road. Miss Information recognized her at once. It was the poofy-haired kid with the superallergies—Ruby Peet. “There’s a very important person on his way to the immigration office and we wanted to make sure he got there unharmed.”
The migraine came on full force. Miss Information’s brain felt like it was going to break in two. Was this real or was it a dream? She couldn’t be certain. Whenever one of the NERDS showed up, she lost her focus. But why? “How did you find us?”
“We followed you,” Ruby said. “You see, you weirdos have already been to this moment and you made a huge mess. You destroyed a bus, smashed a taxicab, and made a major blunder—you got your faces in the paper. That’s the thing about wearing a black mask with a skull on it, lady. It draws a lot of attention.”
A red-haired boy with glasses stepped next to her. Heathcliff! “It was easy to figure out that you had built a time machine, but we didn’t know how to build one ourselves. That was until you made your second mistake. You shouldn’t leave highly sensitive plans for time machines lying around your secret lair,” he said. “Or leave a toxic trail to said secret lair that was easily tracked. Those are textbook no-no’s for supervillains. Very sloppy work.”
“But that wasn’t your biggest mistake, Lisa,” a man said as he joined the children in the road. He was wearing a tuxedo and using a cane. It was him—the man she dreamed about! But he wasn’t supposed to be real … “Your biggest mistake was pretending to be someone that we could care about, because now you’re surrounded by people who aren’t ready to give up on you.”
All of a sudden she couldn’t stand. Her face felt like it was on fire, scorching her mind and cooking her memories, stirring them into some confusing stew. The name Alexander boomed in her thoughts. Alexander! She looked at her scarecrow boyfriend and then back at the stranger, trying to tell the two of them apart.
The man approached and tried to help her up, but she slashed his face with her fingernails, drawing blood. He fell back in surprise.
“Get away from me,” she cried. “Whatever you think you’ve stopped, you’re wrong. You’re outnumbered. BULLIES!”
Her team circled her, ready to attack.
Five more children joined the trio. She had never seen any of them before, in dreams or in real life. They were a collection of runny-nosed losers holding some weird gadgets—clearly, no match for her BULLIES.
“Kill them!” Miss Information commanded.
Tessa raised her hands. “No!” she cried. “You didn’t tell me I’d have to hurt anyone. I just wanted my dad’s attention and I’ve made things worse. I can’t get my dad back like this.”
“Oh, Code Name to Be Decided, you disappoint me,” Miss Information growled. “BULLIES, break some heads, starting with your leader.”
The BULLIES assaulted everything that wasn’t nailed down. Thor threw an uprooted tree at the NERDS, which missed and crashed into a building. The losers had to leap out of the way of Snot Rocket’s mucus missiles, which blew up a parked car. Tammy’s voice knocked over a phone booth that landed within a foot of Ruby Peet. Funk unleashed a dark cloud of body odor over the entire battle that caused everyone to double over, gagging.
Miss Information watched all the destruction admiringly. These kids were like artists who used violence instead of paint. They were incredible!
Tessa was heartbroken. All this fighting and destruction, and for what? So her daddy would give her a hug? What had she been thinking? Now, here she was, a human target in the middle of an enormous battle. She had to escape. But how?
She scanned the road and quickly spotted her answer. The shiny silver time machine was lying on the sidewalk where Miss Information had dropped it. Ducking explosions, she ran to it and pressed the buttons just like she had seen her wicked boss do. It unfolded right before her eyes. The control panel dazzled with possibilities, but where should she go? And when? Was there some place in all of space and time that she could hide from Miss Information? Her heart sank. The answer was likely no. The woman was relentless, and it wouldn’t be long before she’d be erasing Tessa, too.
If that were the case, she wanted a chance to say good-bye to her family.
She entered an address and a date, and with all her strength she turned the wheel to start the ma
chine. It barely moved. She wasn’t sure she was strong enough, but she had to be. Slowly but surely, with straining muscles and tears streaming down her cheeks, she turned the wheel faster and faster. Tessa Lipton vanished from the year 1987.
When the machine stopped, she stood outside Arlington Memorial Hospital. The readout said July 29, 2001. She pressed the button that shrank the time machine and shoved it in her pocket.
“Hi, I’m looking for someone who just had a baby,” she told the receptionist.
“Are you family?”
Tessa smiled. “I am.”
Moments later, she stood outside room 408, peering through the doorway at her mother and father. They looked so young. Her mom held a newborn girl in her arms. She looked exhausted. Her father was talking on a cell phone.
She checked the hall for prying eyes then transformed her face until it was a match for the receptionist’s.
“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Lipton,” she said when she slipped into their room. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
Her father waved her off, busy with his phone call. Her mother smiled. “This is my baby girl—meet Tessa.”
Tessa smiled at herself. Darn, I was cute, she thought.
“You must be very proud.”
“Oh, we are.”
“Seems like your husband is a very busy man,” she said.
“He is,” her mother said. “He’s running for mayor.”
Her father held the phone to his chest and flashed his best smile. “I hope I can count on your vote.”
“Well, I’m not so sure about that,” Tessa said.
“Oh?”
“I hardly think I could vote for someone who puts his business before his family.”
Her father’s face turned pink with embarrassment. He looked at the phone and flipped it closed. “I feel like I’m going to get a lecture,” he said sheepishly.
It was Tessa’s turn to blush. She had to be careful. She didn’t want to make her parents so mad they would ask to have her removed, especially since this might be the last time she ever saw them.
“What I mean is, a leader has to have time for his family.”
“She’s right!” her mother cried. “You have a brand-new baby girl and you’re on the phone.”
Tessa turned to her mother. “And don’t you make excuses for him missing out on things, Mom—I mean, Mrs. Lipton—you have to put your foot down. This man is going to be the president some day and—”
“President?” her father said.
“Don’t give him any big ideas,” her mother said with a laugh, then turned to her husband. “She’s right, you know. This little girl is going to need you. I don’t want you to run for any office if the family has to suffer.”
Her father thought for a long moment and then smiled. “All right. It’s a deal,” he said, taking the baby into his arms. “Now let me take a look at my little girl. She’s a beauty. Just like her mom.”
“She’s going to love you like crazy,” Tessa said as she opened the door.
“And the feeling will be mutual,” her dad replied.
She congratulated them again, and closed the door behind her. When the coast was clear, she shifted her features back to her own. She smiled, happy that if she were to suddenly not exist that at least she would go knowing that once upon a time, the Liptons were a real family.
Despite the chaos around them, Alexander approached Miss Information with open arms. “Lisa, I can help you.”
“My name is not Lisa,” Miss Information said.
“Fine, Viktoriya. But I know you as Lisa Holiday,” he said.
Viktoriya. Why did that name seem familiar? And Lisa Holiday? Where had she heard that name before? Wait—Lisa was a librarian. She wore cardigan sweaters and baked cookies. She took care of some very special kids and she was in love with a spy. She was Lisa.
NO! SHE WAS MISS INFORMATION.
The NERDS charged. One of the kids shot Thor with a lightning bolt, another built an enormous net out of macramé and tangled Loudmouth inside it. A small, frail girl vanished right before her eyes, and seconds later a floating piece of lumber hit Snot Rocket in the nose. Another kid fired lasers from his eyes, and yet another snatched Funk by the collar and rose on stilts four stories into the air.
The strange man continued toward her. “I know about your past. I know about the spying and the villain virus. I also know that you’ve gone through something that no person could handle. You’re not well, but I can help.”
“I don’t need your help,” she shouted. “And you don’t know me!”
The headache came back, and without warning she reeled back like a cobra protecting her nest. With a sudden, forceful punch, she hit the man on the side of his head. He fell to the ground and lay still.
“Benjy, where did I put my time machine?”
“I observed Ms. Lipton stealing it several minutes ago. I’m afraid it is gone,” the orb clicked.
“Oh, poo!” she said. “Wait! How did this man get here?”
The orb spun around in midair. “My sensors are detecting trace elements of temporal radiation within twenty yards,” it said. “It could be used in a time travel device.”
“Benjy? Do you see that up ahead in the middle of the road?”
“It appears to be a pool of colored plastic balls,” the robot said. “The nuclear signature is emanating from it.”
Miss Information smiled. “Benjy, do you have a date for Ms. Peet?”
“June 14, 1996. On that day, Francis Peet and his fiancée, Sarah Kaplan, married in a beach community called Fair Harbor, part of the Fire Island region of Long Island.”
“Let’s go crash a wedding!”
TOP SECRET DOSSIER
CODE NAME: DUDEBOT
REAL NAME: 45X ATTACK DROID
ACTIVE: 1987
CURRENT OCCUPATION: DEACTIVATED
HISTORY: 45X WAS THE CREATION OF THE
EVIL MASTERMIND HENRY SINISTER. IT
MALFUNCTIONED DURING A BATTLE WITH
THE NERDS IN 1987. WHILE ATTEMPTING
TO REACTIVATE ITS MEMORY BANK,
AGENT BOOKWORM SPILLED A BOTTLE
OF HAWAIIAN PUNCH INTO ITS CIRCUITS
AND THE FORMER KILLER ROBOT BECAME
DUDEBOT, THE PARTY DROID. DUDEBOT
LOVED ALL THINGS SUN, SURF, AND
SIESTA AND WAS KNOWN FOR LISTENING
TO JIMMY BUFFETT RECORDS NONSTOP.
THAT, COUPLED WITH HIS ENDLESS USE
OF “DUDE,” “BRO,” AND “PARTY ON!”
EVENTUALLY ANNOYED HIS
TEAMMATES, WHO DEACTIVATED
HIM WITH A BASEBALL BAT.
UPGRADE: OTHER THAN HIS ABILITY
TO ANNOY PEOPLE WITH HIS STUPID
CATCHPHRASES AND SINGING OF
THE SONG “CHEESEBURGER IN
PARADISE,” DUDEBOT HAD
NO REAL POWERS.
Ruby watched as the BULLIES retreated. Luckily, they’d backed off just as the NERDS were about to lose the fight. Her team from 1977 hooted and hollered. They had their first mission under their belts. She found Heathcliff in the crowd, and together they located Agent Brand, who was lying on the ground, unconscious. The children shook him until his eyes opened and then helped him to his feet.
“That woman’s got a serious left hook,” he said, rubbing his temple.
“She knocked you out again? This is starting to become a habit,” Ruby said.
Brand frowned. “Where’d they go?”
“I have a bad feeling she went there,” Heathcliff said, pointing toward their time machine.
“That’s not good!” Ruby shouted as she tore off toward the pit. The NERDS and Heathcliff sprinted after her.
“I’m sorry,” Rupert cried. “Those weirdos just got up and ran off. I thought they were trying to save themselves from more butt-kicking. I didn’t think they were going to use our time machine.”
“It’s not your fault. You guys did a great job,” Brand sai
d.
“Where do you think they went?” Ruby asked as Heathcliff pressed buttons on the control panel.
“According to the log they went to some beach on Long Island,” Heathcliff said.
Ruby grabbed him by the collar. “What day?”
“June 14, 1996.”
Ruby felt like someone had just sucker punched her in the gut. “That’s the day my parents got married! She’s going to try and stop the wedding.”
“Let’s go,” Brand said. He snatched the controls from Heathcliff, pressed some buttons, and leaped into the pit. A second later he was gone.
“We’ll go with you, too,” Rupert said.
“No,” Ruby said. “If they beat us, they’ll come for you next. Go back to your time and get ready for her to show up. If she stops you, the NERDS will never happen.”
“Do you think we’re ready?” Static Cling asked.
Ruby nodded. “More than ready.”
Heathcliff climbed into the pit. “Pretty awesome to meet you,” he said to the NERDS, then sank below the balls. Ruby was next.
“Good luck,” Rupert said.
“You too,” Ruby said as she vanished from 1987.
She found Heathcliff and Agent Brand waiting for her on a wooden dock that looked out over a bay. There was a small receiving building, a tiny fire station, and a playground in the distance. A couple kids on bicycles raced each other, and the sky was a dark gray with low-hanging clouds threatening rain.
“Have you seen them?” she asked.
Brand shook his head. “No sign of them at all.”
Heathcliff turned to one of the kids on a bike. “Hey, did you see a woman in a skull mask and four kids come past here?”
The kid screeched to a halt. “Hard to miss! They were headed for the beach.”
He pointed down a pathway in between some cottages and dense patches of trees.
“C’mon,” Ruby said, rushing down the path, which was nothing more than wooden planks stuck in the sand. The houses that lined the boardwalk were quaint summer rentals with names like Ferryport Landing and Land Ho! Her parents often talked about Fair Harbor. It was one of her family’s favorite vacation places. Her home was lined with pictures of them on the beach, building drip castles, and eating lactose-free ice cream cones.
Attack of the BULLIES Page 15
