“Please just be honest with me,” she said even if she didn’t like the answer. “I imagine our dragons agree considering they brought us here.” She tilted her head in question and forced the words out. “Love or no love, are you still sleeping with Agatha? If so, what can I expect when I actually meet her?”
“Agatha is spirited,” he began, again searching for words.
“Of course,” she said. “Like the son you share.”
“Yes.” His brows furrowed, and his eyes sharpened. He clearly didn't like that Thorulf had been dragged into this. “Like the son we share. And it is a good trait.”
“I agree.” She wasn't about to make apologies because quite frankly, she didn’t have to. “A son you share with her and I’m fine with that, Soren. Very much so. In fact, if this little jaunt showed me nothing else, it’s that you should try to work things out with Agatha. Thorulf deserves as much.”
She could tell by the way his expression smoothed into heated indifference that she had gone one step too far. Maybe she had. Maybe her dragon's jealousy of Agatha was getting the better of her, and she spoke rashly. But truthfully, what place did Ava have in all this? Who was she, after the atrocities she had caused children Thorulf’s very age, to step into a family dynamic like this? It seemed preposterous all the way around.
Simply put, she didn’t belong here.
Yet the fact remained, she still had to save the world.
More than that, she had to do it with a man who seemed less and less her type by the moment. But then, what was her type? At one time, in what seemed like another lifetime altogether, it was driven political men in business suits then...nothing. Once she fully committed to her job, she barely differentiated one man from the other. They all blended together. One faceless guy after another that she walked right past.
Yet now a man stood in front of her with a face.
A name.
A purpose.
“It can’t be me though,” she whispered, shaking her head before she continued walking, not concerned whether he followed. “We’ll do what we need to then you’ll move on, and I’ll go back to prison.” She flinched, reflecting on her cowardice. “Real prison this time rather than fleeing to some obscure jungle out in the middle of nowhere.”
“What about the man who haunted you all these years?” he said softly, stopping her in her tracks. “Because if you go to prison, he will too.” His voice grew ever softer. “I will not let you face punishment alone, mate.”
Chapter Eight
“WHAT DO YOU mean, the man who haunted me?” Ava’s tone never wavered, and her eyes stayed with his. “Explain yourself.”
“Do I really need to?”
“Yes.” She strode toward him and narrowed her eyes. “You very much do. What did you mean?”
He did his best to push past erotic images of the faceless woman who had been with him for so long. Someone that helped justify Agatha’s actions because though she was in his heart, another was always there too. Somebody beyond the scope of understanding.
Someone who belonged to his dragon.
“When did you start dreaming about me?” he asked softly. Because he knew she had. He could sense it in her thoughts. Feel it in her soul. “When you were young, yes? Perhaps around your twelfth winter when...you began to change?”
Her brow shot up. “Change?”
“Must I specify?”
“Yes.”
“When your human body first began what you call puberty,” he enlightened. “You began to dream of me.”
“I began to dream of someone,” Ava relented, perfectly straightforward. She looked him up and down. “But not you.”
He couldn’t help a small smile as he brushed the pad of his thumb along her cheek. “Yet you turn pink here when you speak of it...when you look at me.”
She stepped back as if jolted and shook her head. “I’m not blushing,” she muttered. “I don’t blush.”
“Maybe not now,” he said to appease her though she did in fact blush. Fascinated by the vulnerable woman he sensed underneath, he was desperate to know her better. Who she was before unfortunate circumstances changed her. “I imagine you blushed quite a bit in your youth though.”
“Why would you imagine that?”
When she seemed appalled and kept walking, he realized there was so much more to her than the already complicated, intriguing woman she allowed him to see.
“I saw enough to know you often blushed in my dreams,” he enlightened, catching up with her. “But tell me, who made you blush when you were awake? And where is he now?”
“If only I knew,” she murmured, then shook her head before saying anything further.
That’s when he sensed it.
Something that caught him unaware.
“But you do know.” He stopped her and searched her eyes. “Who was he, Ava?”
Her eyes held his, and she made to speak but couldn’t seem to find the words until she finally said far more than he anticipated. “He was you, Soren,” she whispered. “In every face I encountered...in every man, I sought out a piece of you. Looked for you. Tried to find features that had always eluded me. Thought that if I just blinked a few times and my vision cleared, I would finally see clearly.”
She stepped back, her eyes both curious and maybe a bit sad as they searched his. “Did you ever look for me in another? Did you seek out the features you couldn’t see clearly?” Before he could answer, she shook her head and kept going. “I suppose not, and I wouldn’t want you to. Not if you and Agatha were close. That wouldn’t have been fair to her.”
“And I did not,” he said truthfully. “I only envisioned the woman in my dreams after things ended with Agatha. Out at sea. Late at night. Anywhere I could.”
“That’s good,” she whispered.
Yet she gazed at him in the same hurt way Agatha once had. How, despite his best intentions, did two women he cared for end up looking at him like that? As though he had betrayed them when in truth, he cared for them in the right order of things.
As Ava's mind brushed his, more so her dragon’s mind brushed his dragon’s, he felt her hurt so profoundly, so deeply, that he knew her dragon was having trouble with this. Though Ava herself clearly understood and did not blame him in the least, her dragon very much did. It had been trying to reach out to him for years only for him to set it aside for another.
In direct response, his inner dragon roared to the surface, and his vision hazed red.
“Where I might need to learn how to unleash my dragon again.” Her inner dragon flared as well. “You clearly need to learn how to rein yours in, Soren.”
“Which was never the case before you,” he ground out, barely recognizing the sound of his voice nor the crushing need he felt for her. “Yet you came, took me against my will and made me yours for all eternity. Made me want everything for us when what we had might have been enough.”
He blinked, not sure what he said or why he said it.
All he knew was that his dragon was behind it.
“What we had was never going to be enough,” she said gently, not quite herself either.
For a split second, he felt as though he looked into another dragon’s eyes in a different time and place.
“We could never be us if it were only about us,” she continued. “That wasn’t what we were made of...wasn’t what our love was made of...”
“Ava,” he whispered, struggling to see past the strange place they were in but unable to break free. He hadn’t been able to then and wasn’t able to now. More than that, he realized, he didn’t want to. Not from her. Never from her. Yet he felt this great divide of time and space between them. A silent, dark area with nothing in between. “What happened to us?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, her heart in her eyes. She shook her head. “I just don’t know.”
It might not be what she wanted, but both his human and dragon half had to offer comfort, so he closed the distance and pulled her into his arm
s. Then he simply held her, and she allowed it.
“I feel this great space,” she murmured, sounding lost. “Almost as if I’m aware of death between lifetimes...the time between you and me...”
He understood because he felt it as well. What exactly did it mean, though? Was it as simple as death and rebirth or something more? Because it almost felt larger. More profound. Intense. He inhaled her sweet scent and held her tighter, grateful that his dragon finally didn’t roar so loudly to the surface but seemed to bask in the simple act of holding her. Comforting her.
“We’re on the boat again,” she whispered.
Surprised, he realized she was right. More alarming, he had never sensed it. Felt it. Instead, all he felt was her. Every part of her seemed to be compelling not just his human half but his dragon in a way beyond comprehension. Beyond anything he had ever experienced.
He loved her.
Now.
Yesterday.
Tomorrow.
Ten years ago.
Seventy centuries from now.
Forty more after that.
He had loved her since the beginning of time and would until the very end. She meant everything to him, and he had forgotten that. Startled by how strongly that certainty blew over him, he instinctually held her tighter only to realize that he had once again given in to another version of his dragon. This time he had her hoisted against the mast and was pressed against her so firmly that she couldn’t mistake his need.
His raging, unquenchable desire for her.
This time, however, she said nothing. Their gazes held. They searched each other’s eyes and struggled for breath. Searched for understanding amid all the desire, all the barely checked need that had his vision hazing redder by the moment. Ready, needing her like he had never needed another, he cupped her cheek and made to kiss her but was stopped in the act by a most unwelcome voice.
“Och, I finally found you!” Tiernan said, the hesitation in his tone obvious. “But then mayhap you didnae want to be found.” He paused. “Though I imagine once you hear my news, you’ll be grateful enough.”
Chapter Nine
“YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY SURE?” Ava asked Tiernan yet again. “Skáld’s Domain has grown smaller?”
“Aye,” Tiernan confirmed. “Once I got control of my magic, I knew it straight away.”
“And why is it you lost control of your magic, to begin with, wizard?” Soren groused, obviously still grappling with jealousy when they both knew he had no right. Especially in light of what she had just learned at the Fortress. The love he felt for Agatha. Which would have been fine enough had he not set aside dreams of Ava to uphold a relationship with a woman who cheated on him.
Ava herself didn’t blame him in the least, but her inner dragon was another story. It was overly possessive far too soon, and in her opinion, out of line. Despite how much it might want to hop in the sack with him, it remained put off in a heartfelt way that hurt soul deep.
He had dreamt of her as she had him.
They had connected way back then against the odds.
Their dragons never gave up on each other. Yet their humans had. Most specifically, his. Something her dragon would need to get over because she didn’t approve of its aversion at all.
He had a life before her.
Simple as that.
Just like she had a life before him, however bereft of romance it might have been. It had been fulfilling at one point. A life worth living. That it ended up the opposite certainly wasn’t his fault or anyone else’s.
“For some reason, my magic is not behaving as it should,” Tiernan said in response to Soren’s question about why the Scotsman lost them so easily. “I assume ‘tis because of the fluctuating worlds.” Sunny despite his inner angst, he grinned and winked at her, referring to Skáld’s Domain. “Or should I say diminishing worlds?”
“So what do you think that means?” she asked.
“I think in the very least that things are changing in your favor.” Tiernan looked between them. “So, what did I miss?”
“Nothing,” she replied as Soren said, “Quite a bit.”
Tiernan looked between them again before he grinned and shrugged. “Nothing that’s quite a bit then.” He nodded and eyed the horizon. “’Tis good then considering we might be stopping off for more.”
“Loki’s cock,” Soren exclaimed. The ship didn’t bob at sea but drew closer to the docks in front of the Fortress. “We are actually docking this time.”
“Is this still part of the time flux?” Ava asked. “Another memory come to life?”
“You're out of the time flux,” Tiernan assured, still grinning at them. “So more did happen than ‘nothing that’s quite a bit’ then?”
“We traveled some roads,” Ava conceded, glancing at Soren. “But nothing worth sharing.”
Soren nodded, clearly grateful she wanted to keep what had happened between them private. Truthfully, though, she wished she could share with Tiernan. She needed a friend to talk to who could put things in perspective. Something she used to be very good at on her own, yet not so much right now. She felt caught in a tug-of-war game between her dragon and human half, and her inner beast was winning.
All she could see was Agatha. The way she and Soren looked at each other years ago.
“Years ago,” whispered through her mind, unmistakably the Scotsman. “But what of your more recent visit? Did you pay attention to how he looked at her now?”
No, she hadn’t. All she could see was the younger version of him. The way that Soren had looked at her. Had she ever been looked at like that by a man?
“I dinnae doubt it in the least,” Tiernan said. “Though I suspect you wouldnae have noticed.”
Probably not but then she wasn’t so convinced she had ever been looked at that way. She’d never invested enough time in a man to deserve it. Some sex here and there was about all she had time for prior to her career then after that, forget it. Yet, it was past time that she stopped feeling sorry for herself and just accept that she had gone her own way. She was who she was.
Or at least she had been until she met Soren.
Now, something was morphing inside her, forcing her human half to merge with her dragon, creating a whole new her. Or maybe who she had been in another life. Because she’d never been so aroused in this one. More pointedly, she had never behaved the way she just did against that mast. Soren might not have been entirely himself, but she had been. She’d been fully aware of what was happening the whole time.
In fact, if Tiernan hadn’t shown up, she wouldn’t have stopped Soren.
She tilted her face into the cool wind when her skin heated at the erotic thoughts flashing through her mind. She’d never wanted to feel a man inside her so much. To experience whatever her dragon was so eager to show her. What his dragon was eager to show her. At the same time, her human half wasn’t in the habit of sleeping with guys she just met even if they were a fated mate.
“I see your sisters, Ava.” Tiernan pointed to one of the docks. “And your son, Soren.”
While grateful to see her sisters, she suddenly felt uneasy at meeting Thorulf. Meeting Agatha didn’t bother her, she could handle whatever the woman threw at her, but his son was a different story. What if he didn’t like her? She might enjoy children, but she hadn’t had much practice being around them. And this child was more important than any other considering he belonged to her mate.
“He will like you,” Soren assured softly, following her thoughts far too readily as he joined her. “I don’t doubt it for a moment.”
“I hope so,” she admitted, biting her tongue before she said more.
Deep down she hadn’t meant what she’d said about him getting back together with Agatha. The truth was, her dragon rebelled at the idea. Nevertheless, she hoped it truly was best for Thorulf that they were apart. It sounded like all was well but still. She would feel better about everything once she watched the three of them together and hopefully saw a healthy
family dynamic.
All four sisters awaited her when they docked, surprise on their faces not just at the ship and sail but that she and Soren had arrived so soon.
“Ava,” Sage said in greeting, embracing her. “Welcome back, sweetie. I’m so glad you made it safely.”
“What she said.” Kenzie embraced her next. “Super glad you’re back.”
“Agreed!” Shea hugged her the moment Kenzie let go. “Glad you're here.”
“Me too.” Tess embraced her next. “Glad you made it okay.” She glanced from the ship to Soren then back to Ava. “So...are you guys mated already or what?”
“God, no.” Ava couldn’t help but smile when Soren scooped up a boy that could only be Thorulf. Outside of having Agatha's blue eyes, he was a tiny replica of his father. Like Soren had said—and if his rambunctious laughter was any indication—his son was spirited.
Though her dragon urged her to head their way, compelled to meet his offspring, she held back out of respect. Good thing too because moments later an all-too-familiar blonde flung her arms around them both, smiling all the while.
“Come on, Sis,” Shea prompted, glancing from the family reuniting, back to Ava. “Let the storm that’s Agatha pass then we’ll finally introduce you to Thorulf.”
Kenzie chuckled. “More like he’ll seek you out and introduce himself.” She winked as they headed up the dock. “Count on it.”
“You say that like he already knows me.” Ava frowned. “And why didn’t anyone mention Soren had a son? I would’ve loved to have met him sooner.”
“We felt it was best he met you when Soren was around,” Kenzie said.
“Not to mention Agatha requested we wait,” Sage said. “And she is his mother, after all.”
“Right, Agatha,” Ava muttered. “Someone else you failed to mention when I was here.”
“In our defense, things were a little busy,” Shea said.
“I think it was a good call to wait until now for the first meet and greet,” Tess kicked in. “It's only fair that Soren be here for introductions.”
Viking's Crusade (Viking Ancestors: Rise of the Dragon, #6) Page 5
