LETTER XXI
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.TUESDAY, MAY 9.
I am a very unhappy man. This lady is said to be one of the sweetest-tempered creatures in the world: and so I thought her. But to me she isone of the most perverse. I never was supposed to be an ill-naturedmortal neither. How can it be? I imagined, for a long while, that wewere born to make each other happy: but quite the contrary; we reallyseem to be sent to plague each other.
I will write a comedy, I think: I have a title already; and that's halfthe work. The Quarrelsome Lovers. 'Twill do. There's something new andstriking in it. Yet, more or less, all lovers quarrel. Old Terence hastaken notice of that; and observes upon it, That lovers falling outoccasions lovers falling in; and a better understanding of course. 'Tisnatural that it should be so. But with us, we fall out so often, withoutfalling in once; and a second quarrel so generally happens before a firstis made up; that it is hard to guess what event our loves will beattended with. But perseverance is my glory, and patience my handmaid,when I have in view an object worthy of my attempts. What is there in aneasy conquest? Hudibras questions well,
------What mad lover ever dy'd To gain a soft and easy bride? Or, for a lady tender-hearted, In purling streams, or hemp, departed?
But I will lead to the occasion of this preamble.
I had been out. On my return, meeting Dorcas on the stairs--Your lady inher chamber, Dorcas? In the dining-room, sir: and if ever you hope foran opportunity to come at a letter, it must be now. For at her feet Isaw one lie, which, as may be seen by its open fold, she had beenreading, with a little parcel of others she is now busied with--allpulled out of her pocket, as I believe: so, Sir, you'll know where tofind them another time.
I was ready to leap for joy, and instantly resolved to bring forward anexpedient which I had held in petto; and entering the dining-room with anair of transport, I boldly clasped my arms about her, as she sat; shehuddling up her papers in her handkerchief all the time; the droppedpaper unseen. O my dearest life, a lucky expedient have Mr. Mennell andI hit upon just now. In order to hasten Mrs. Fretchville to quit thehouse, I have agreed, if you approve of it, to entertain her cook, herhousemaid, and two men-servants, (about whom she was very solicitous,)till you are provided to your mind. And, that no accommodations may bewanted, I have consented to take the household linen at an appraisement.
I am to pay down five hundred pounds, and the remainder as soon as thebills can be looked up, and the amount of them adjusted. Thus will youhave a charming house entirely ready to receive you. Some of the ladiesof my family will soon be with you: they will not permit you long tosuspend my happy day. And that nothing may be wanting to gratify yourutmost punctilio, I will till then consent to stay here at Mrs.Sinclair's while you reside at your new house; and leave the rest to yourown generosity. O my beloved creature, will not this be agreeable toyou? I am sure it will--it must--and clasping her closer to me, I gaveher a more fervent kiss than ever I had dared to give her before. Ipermitted not my ardour to overcome my discretion, however; for I tookcare to set my foot upon the letter, and scraped it farther from her, asit were behind her chair.
She was in a passion at the liberty I took. Bowing low, I begged herpardon; and stooping still lower, in the same motion took up the letter,and whipt it into my bosom.
Pox on me for a puppy, a fool, a blockhead, a clumsy varlet, a mere JackBelford!--I thought myself a much cleverer fellow than I am!--Why could Inot have been followed in by Dorcas, who might have taken it up, while Iaddressed her lady?
For here, the letter being unfolded, I could not put it in my bosomwithout alarming her ears, as my sudden motion did her eyes--Up she flewin a moment: Traitor! Judas! her eyes flashing lightning, and aperturbation in her eager countenance, so charming!--What have you takenup?--and then, what for both my ears I durst not have done to her, shemade no scruple to seize the stolen letter, though in my bosom.
What was to be done on so palpable a detection?--I clasped her hand,which had hold of the ravished paper, between mine: O my belovedcreature! said I, can you think I have not some curiosity? Is itpossible you can be thus for ever employed; and I, loving narrativeletter-writing above every other species of writing, and admiring yourtalent that way, should not (thus upon the dawn of my happiness, as Ipresume to hope) burn with a desire to be admitted into so sweet acorrespondence?
Let go my hand!--stamping with her pretty foot; How dare you, Sir!--Atthis rate, I see--too plainly I see--And more she could not say: but,gasping, was ready to faint with passion and affright; the devil a bitof her accustomed gentleness to be seen in her charming face, or to beheard in her musical voice.
Having gone thus far, loth, very loth, was I to lose my prize--once moreI got hold of the rumpled-up letter!--Impudent man! were her words:stamping again. For God's sake, then it was. I let go my prize, lestshe should faint away: but had the pleasure first to find my hand withinboth hers, she trying to open my reluctant fingers. How near was myheart at that moment to my hand, throbbing to my fingers' ends, to bethus familiarly, although angrily, treated by the charmer of my soul!
When she had got it in her possession, she flew to the door. I threwmyself in her way, shut it, and, in the humblest manner, besought her toforgive me. And yet do you think the Harlowe-hearted charmer(notwithstanding the agreeable annunciation I came in with) would forgiveme?--No, truly; but pushing me rudely from the door, as if I had beennothing, [yet do I love to try, so innocently to try, her strength too!]she gained that force through passion, which I had lost through fear, outshe shot to her own apartment; [thank my stars she could fly no farther!]and as soon as she entered it, in a passion still, she double-locked anddouble-bolted herself in. This my comfort, on reflection, that, upon agreater offence, it cannot be worse.
I retreated to my own apartment, with my heart full: and, my man Will notbeing near me, gave myself a plaguy knock on the forehead with my doublefist.
And now is my charmer shut up from me: refusing to see me, refusing hermeals. She resolves not to see me; that's more:--never again, if she canhelp it; and in the mind she is in--I hope she has said.
The dear creatures, whenever they quarrel with their humble servants,should always remember this saving clause, that they may not be forsworn.
But thinkest thou that I will not make it the subject of one of my firstplots to inform myself of the reason why all this commotion was necessaryon so slight an occasion as this would have been, were not the letters thatpass between these ladies of a treasonable nature?
WEDNESDAY MORNING.
No admission to breakfast, any more than to supper. I wish this lady isnot a simpleton, after all.
I have sent up in Captain Mennell's name.
A message from Captain Mennell, Madam.
It won't do. She is of baby age. She cannot be--a Solomon, I was goingto say, in every thing. Solomon, Jack, was the wisest man. But didstever hear who was the wisest woman? I want a comparison for this lady.Cunning women and witches we read of without number. But I fancy wisdomnever entered into the character of a woman. It is not a requisite ofthe sex. Women, indeed, make better sovereigns than men: but why isthat?--because the women-sovereigns are governed by men; the men-sovereigns by women.--Charming, by my soul! For hence we guess at therudder by which both are steered.
But to putting wisdom out of the question, and to take cunning in; thatis to say, to consider woman as a woman; what shall we do, if this ladyhas something extraordinary in her head? Repeated charges has she givento Wilson, by a particular messenger, to send any letter directed for herthe moment it comes.
I must keep a good look-out. She is not now afraid of her brother'splot. I shan't be at all surprised, if Singleton calls upon Miss Howe,as the only person who knows, or is likely to know, where Miss Harloweis; pretending to have affairs of importance, and of particular serviceto her, if he can but be admitted to her speech--Of compromise, whoknows, from her brother?
Then will Miss Howe warn her to keep close. Then will my protection beagain necessary. This will do, I believe. Any thing from Miss Howemust.
Joseph Leman is a vile fellow with her, and my implement. Joseph, honestJoseph, as I call him, may hang himself. I have played him off enough,and have very little further use for him. No need to wear one plot tothe stumps, when I can find new ones every hour.
Nor blame me for the use I make of my talents. Who, that hath such, willlet 'em be idle?
Well, then, I will find a Singleton; that's all I have to do.
Instantly find one!--Will!
Sir--
This moment call me hither thy cousin Paul Wheatly, just come from sea,whom thou wert recommending to my service, if I were to marry, and keepa pleasure-boat.
Presto--Will's gone--Paul will be here presently. Presently to Mrs.Howe's. If Paul be Singleton's mate, coming from his captain, it will doas well as if it were Singleton himself.
Sally, a little devil, often reproaches me with the slowness of myproceedings. But in a play does not the principal entertainment lie inthe first four acts? Is not all in a manner over when you come to thefifth? And what a vulture of a man must he be, who souses upon his prey,and in the same moment trusses and devours?
But to own the truth. I have overplotted myself. To my make my worksecure, as I thought, I have frighted the dear creature with the sight ofmy four Hottentots, and I shall be a long time, I doubt, before I canrecover my lost ground. And then this cursed family at Harlowe-placehave made her out of humour with me, with herself, and with all theworld, but Miss Howe, who, no doubt, is continually adding difficultiesto my other difficulties.
I am very unwilling to have recourse to measures which these demons beloware continually urging me to take; because I am sure, that, at last, Ishall be brought to make her legally mine.
One complete trial over, and I think I will do her noble justice.
***
Well, Paul's gone--gone already--has all his lessons. A notable fellow!--Lord W.'s necessary-man was Paul before he went to sea. A moresensible rogue Paul than Joseph! Not such a pretender to piety neitheras the other. At what a price have I bought that Joseph! I believe Imust punish the rascal at last: but must let him marry first: then(though that may be punishment enough) I shall punish two at once in theman and his wife. And how richly does Betty deserve punishment for herbehaviour to my goddess!
But now I hear the rusty hinges of my beloved's door give me creakinginvitation. My heart creaks and throbs with respondent trepidations:Whimsical enough though! for what relation has a lover's heart to a rustypair of hinges? But they are the hinges that open and shut the door ofmy beloved's bed-chamber. Relation enough in that.
I hear not the door shut again. I shall receive her commands I hopeanon. What signifies her keeping me thus at a distance? she must bemine, let me do or offer what I will. Courage whenever I assume, all isover: for, should she think of escaping from hence, whither can she flyto avoid me? Her parents will not receive her. Her uncles will notentertain her. Her beloved Norton is in their direction, and cannot.Miss Howe dare not. She has not one friend in town but me--is entirely astranger to the town. And what then is the matter with me, that I shouldbe thus unaccountably over-awed and tyrannized over by a dear creaturewho wants only to know how impossible it is that she should escape me, inorder to be as humble to me as she is to her persecuting relations!
Should I ever make the grand attempt, and fail, and should she hate mefor it, her hatred can be but temporary. She has already incurred thecensure of the world. She must therefore choose to be mine, for the sakeof soldering up her reputation in the eye of that impudent world. For,who that knows me, and knows that she has been in my power, though butfor twenty-four hours, will think her spotless as to fact, let herinclination be what it will? And then human nature is such a well-knownrogue, that every man and woman judges by what each knows of him orherself, that inclination is no more to be trusted, where an opportunityis given, than I am; especially where a woman, young and blooming, lovesa man well enough to go off with him; for such will be the world'sconstruction in the present case.
She calls her maid Dorcas. No doubt, that I may hear her harmoniousvoice, and to give me an opportunity to pour out my soul at her feet; torenew all my vows; and to receive her pardon for the past offence: andthen, with what pleasure shall I begin upon a new score, and afterwardswipe out that; and begin another, and another, till the last offencepasses; and there can be no other! And once, after that, to be forgiven,will be to be forgiven for ever.
***
The door is again shut. Dorcas tells me, that her lady denies to admit meto dine with her; a favour I had ordered the wench to beseech her togrant me, the next time she saw her--not uncivilly, however, denies--coming-to by degrees! Nothing but the last offence, the honest wenchtells me, in the language of her principals below, will do with her. Thelast offence is meditating. Yet this vile recreant heart of mine playsme booty.
But here I conclude; though the tyranness leaves me nothing to do but toread, write, and fret.
Subscription is formal between us. Besides, I am so much her's, that Icannot say how much I am thine or any other person's.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 4 Page 23
