LETTER XL
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
And now will I favour thee with a brief account of our present situation.
From the highest to the lowest we are all extremely happy.--Dorcas standswell in her lady's graces. Polly has asked her advice in relation to acourtship-affair of her own. No oracle ever gave better. Sally has hada quarrel with her woollen-draper; and made my charmer lady-chancellor init. She blamed Sally for behaving tyrannically to a man who loves her.Dear creature! to stand against a glass, and to shut her eyes because shewill not see her face in it!--Mrs. Sinclair has paid her court to sounerring a judge, by requesting her advice with regard to both nieces.
This the way we have been in for several days with the people below. Yetsola generally at her meals, and seldom at other times in their company.They now, used to her ways, [perseverance must conquer,] never press her;so when they meet, all is civility on both sides. Even married people, Ibelieve, Jack, prevent abundance of quarrels, by seeing one another butseldom.
But how stands it between thyself and the lady, methinks thou askest,since her abrupt departure from thee, and undutiful repulse of Wednesdaymorning?
Why, pretty well in the main. Nay, very well. For why? the dear saucy-face knows not how to help herself. Can fly to no other protection. Andhas, besides, overheard a conversation [who would have thought she hadbeen so near?] which passed between Mrs. Sinclair, Miss Martin, andmyself, that very Wednesday afternoon; which has set her heart at easewith respect to several doubtful points.
Such as, particularly, 'Mrs. Fretchville's unhappy state of mind--mosthumanely pitied by Miss Martin, who knows her very well--the husband shehas lost, and herself, (as Sally says,) lovers from their cradles. Pityfrom one begets pity from another, be the occasion for it either strongor weak; and so many circumstances were given to poor Mrs. Fretchville'sdistress, that it was impossible but my beloved must extremely pity herwhom the less tender-hearted Miss Martin greatly pitied.
'My Lord M.'s gout his only hindrance from visiting my spouse. LadyBetty and Miss Montague soon expected in town.
'My earnest desire signified to have my spouse receive those ladies inher own house, if Mrs. Fretchville would but know her own mind; and Ipathetically lamented the delay occasioned by her not knowing it.
'My intention to stay at Mrs. Sinclair's, as I said I had told thembefore, while my spouse resides in her own house, (when Mrs. Fretchvillecould be brought to quit it,) in order to gratify her utmost punctilio.
'My passion for my beloved (which, as I told them in a high and ferventaccent, was the truest that man could have for woman) I boasted of. Itwas, in short, I said, of the true platonic kind; or I had no notion ofwhat platonic love was.'
So it is, Jack; and must end as platonic love generally does end.
'Sally and Mrs. Sinclair next praised, but not grossly, my beloved.Sally particularly admired her purity; called it exemplary; yet (to avoidsuspicion) expressed her thoughts that she was rather over-nice, if shemight presume to say so before me. But nevertheless she applauded me forthe strict observation I made of my vow.
'I more freely blamed her reserves to me; called her cruel; inveighedagainst her relations; doubted her love. Every favour I asked of herdenied me. Yet my behaviour to her as pure and delicate when alone, aswhen before them. Hinted at something that had passed between us thatvery day, that shewed her indifference to me in so strong a light, that Icould not bear it. But that I would ask her for her company to the playof Venice Preserved, given out for Sunday night as a benefit-play; theprime actors to be in it; and this, to see if I were to be denied everyfavour.--Yet, for my own part, I loved not tragedies; though she did, forthe sake of the instruction, the warning, and the example generally givenin them.
'I had too much feeling, I said. There was enough in the world to makeour hearts sad, without carrying grief in our diversions, and making thedistresses of others our own.'
True enough, Belford; and I believe, generally speaking, that all the menof our cast are of my mind--They love not any tragedies but those inwhich they themselves act the parts of tyrants and executioners; and,afraid to trust themselves with serious and solemn reflections, run tocomedies, in order to laugh away compunction on the distresses they haveoccasioned, and to find examples of men as immoral as themselves. Forvery few of our comic performances, as thou knowest, give us good ones.--I answer, however, for myself--yet thou, I think, on recollection, lovestto deal in the lamentable.
Sally answered for Polly, who was absent; Mrs. Sinclair for herself, andfor all her acquaintance, even for Miss Partington, in preferring thecomic to the tragic scenes.--And I believe they are right; for thedevil's in it, if a confided-in rake does not give a girl enough oftragedy in his comedy.
'I asked Sally to oblige my fair-one with her company. She was engaged,[that was right, thou'lt suppose]. I asked Mrs. Sinclair's leave forPolly. To be sure, she answered, Polly would think it an honour toattend Mrs. Lovelace: but the poor thing was tender-hearted; and as thetragedy was deep, would weep herself blind.
'Sally, meantime, objected Singleton, that I might answer the objection,and save my beloved the trouble of making it, or debating the point withme; and on this occasion I regretted that her brother's projects were notlaid aside; since, if they had been given up, I would have gone in personto bring up the ladies of my family to attend my spouse.
'I then, from a letter just before received from one in her father'sfamily, warned them of a person who had undertaken to find us out, andwhom I thus in writing [having called for pen and ink] described, thatthey might arm all the family against him--"A sun-burnt, pock-frettensailor, ill-looking, big-boned; his stature about six foot; an heavy eye,an overhanging brow, a deck-treading stride in his walk; a couteaugenerally by his side; lips parched from his gums, as if by staring atthe sun in hot climates; a brown coat; a coloured handkerchief about hisneck; an oaken plant in his hand near as long as himself, andproportionately thick."
'No questions asked by this fellow must be answered. They should call meto him. But not let my beloved know a tittle of this, so long as itcould be helped. And I added, that if her brother or Singleton came, andif they behaved civilly, I would, for her sake, be civil to them: and inthis case, she had nothing to do but to own her marriage, and there couldbe no pretence for violence on either side. But most fervently I swore,that if she was conveyed away, either by persuasion or force, I woulddirectly, on missing her but one day, go to demand her at Harlowe-place,whether she were there or not; and if I recovered not a sister, I wouldhave a brother; and should find out a captain of a ship as well as he.'
And now, Jack, dost thou think she'll attempt to get from me, do what Iwill?
'Mrs. Sinclair began to be afraid of mischief in her house--I wasapprehensive that she would over-do the matter, and be out of character.I therefore winked at her. She primed; nodded, to show she took me;twanged out a high-ho through her nose, lapped one horse-lip over theother, and was silent.'
Here's preparation, Belford!--Dost think I will throw it all away for anything thou canst say, or Lord M. write?--No, indeed--as my charmer says,when she bridles.
***
And what must necessarily be the consequence of all this with regard tomy beloved's behaviour to me? Canst thou doubt, that it was allcomplaisance next time she admitted me into her presence?
Thursday we were very happy. All the morning extremely happy. I kissedher charming hand.--I need not describe to thee her hand and arm. Whenthou sawest her, I took notice that thy eyes dwelt upon them wheneverthou couldst spare them from that beauty spot of wonders, her face--fiftytimes kissed her hand, I believe--once her cheek, intending her lip, butso rapturously, that she could not help seeming angry.
Had she not thus kept me at arms-length; had she not denied me thoseinnocent liberties which our sex, from step to step, aspire to; could Ibut have gained access to her in her hours of heedlessness anddishabille, [for full dress creates
dignity, augments consciousness, andcompels distance;] we had familiarized to each other long ago. But keepher up ever so late, meet her ever so early, by breakfast-time she isdressed for the day, and at her earliest hour, as nice as others dressed.All her forms thus kept up, wonder not that I have made so littleprogress in the proposed trial.--But how must all this distancestimulate!
Thursday morning, as I said, we were extremely happy--about noon, shenumbered the hours she had been with me; all of them to be but as oneminute; and desired to be left to herself. I was loth to comply: butobserving the sun-shine began to shut in, I yielded.
I dined out. Returning, I talked of the house, and of Mrs. Fretchville--had seen Mennell--had pressed him to get the widow to quit: she pitiedMrs. Fretchville [another good effect of the overheard conversation]--hadwritten to Lord M., expected an answer soon from him. I was admitted tosup with her. I urged for her approbation or correction of my writtenterms. She again promised an answer as soon as she had heard from MissHowe.
Then I pressed for her company to the play on Saturday night. She madeobjections, as I had foreseen: her brother's projects, warmth of theweather, &c. But in such a manner, as if half afraid to disoblige me[another happy effect of the overheard conversation]. I soon got overthese, therefore; and she consented to favour me.
Friday passed as the day before.
Here were two happy days to both. Why cannot I make every day equallyhappy? It looks as if it were in my power to do so. Strange, I shouldthus delight in teasing a woman I so dearly love! I must, I doubt, havesomething in my temper like Miss Howe, who loves to plague the man whoputs himself in her power.--But I could not do thus by such an angel asthis, did I not believe that, after her probation time shall be expired,and if she be not to be brought to cohabitation, (my darling view,) Ishall reward her as she wishes.
Saturday is half over. We are equally happy--preparing for the play.Polly has offered her company, and is accepted. I have directed herwhere to weep: and this not only to show her humanity, [a weeping eyeindicates a gentle heart,] but to have a pretence to hide her face with afan or handkerchief.--Yet Polly is far from being every man's girl; andwe shall sit in the gallery green-box.
The woes of others, so well represented as those of Belvideraparticularly will be, must, I hope, unlock and open my charmer's heart.Whenever I have been able to prevail upon a girl to permit me to attendher to a play, I have thought myself sure of her. The female heart (allgentleness and harmony by nature) expands, and forgets its forms, whenits attention is carried out of itself at an agreeable or affectingentertainment--music, and perhaps a collation afterwards, co-operating.
Indeed, I have no hope of such an effect here; but I have more than oneend to answer by getting her to a play. To name but one.--Dorcas has amaster-key, as I have told thee.--But it were worth while to carry her tothe play of Venice Preserved, were it but to show her, that there havebeen, and may be, much deeper distresses than she can possibly know.
Thus exceedingly happy are we at present. I hope we shall not find anyof Nat. Lee's left-handed gods at work, to dash our bowl of joy withwormwood.
R. LOVELACE.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 4 Page 42
