by Lia Nox
I’d lost my cool and was now burning from the inside out with embarrassment and anxiety, both of them drowning me in equal measure. Although my reaction was understandable to me, I knew it wouldn’t have been for them, which meant that it was going to be seen as nothing more than an irrational outburst. And ignoring all of that, how I’d snapped at them was totally uncalled for, it was wrong. Shame gripped me.
My first instinct was to bolt as far away from them as my wobbly legs would carry me. Anxiety coursed through my veins, ensuring I’d stumble about if I fled. But instead of running, I remained. They deserved better than my cowardice.
Overwhelmed by emotions, I dropped my head into my hands.
“I think it’s best we get some rest. Kern, you take first watch and then swap over with myself. Talos can relieve me once it begins to get light,” Roth ordered, though none of his instructions were aimed at me. Not being addressed by any of them made me worry all the more; I didn’t want to lose the bond we’d built up. “Erin?” he added, much to my amazement. I was certain I’d be painted as a black sheep, or whatever their equivalent was.
I lowered my hands, my cheeks red from embarrassment and the sweaty palms which had just been covering me.
“We’ve all got pasts we’re ashamed of, don’t let it consume you,” Talos surprised me by speaking. I reeled with a whole new set of emotions, though for completely different reasons. Out of all of them, he’d been the more guarded from the beginning, so for him to accept my flaws was a development I hadn’t foreseen. “Rest now. Leave your past behind.”
Without another thought, his words fresh in my ears, I rose to throw my arms around him. It wasn’t an easy feat to embrace someone so large, but I tried my best as I hugged him tightly, my face buried into his body. As we stood there, my arms holding him in place as he allowed me to manhandle him, Roth and Kern came to join in. Their arms engulfed me in a loving embrace, the first one this saturated with deeper affection.
I knew deep down that this wasn’t an instant cure all for my intimacy problems, nor did I immediately think I’d be happy to be as immersed in a group as I now was. However, even though I was frightened of what such closeness would bring, I couldn’t be without it when it came to them. I needed them. It would take me some time to get used to so new a sensation, but I was willing to do so if it meant I could begin to make progress in getting over my damaged past.
I pulled a blanket over me and settled down for the night, closing my eyes with happiness instead of sorrow. I’d shown a part of my soul I hadn’t thought possible to bare and survived. Better still, those I’d shown were still happy to have me in their lives. We’d take our dystopian pasts and fitted them together in a bid to make the best of what we’d been dealt.
For the first time in a long time, the idea of a team didn’t unnerve me quite as much as it had before. I still had a way to go before I could be free of my demons, but for tonight, they’d be kept under lock and key as I drifted off to sleep.
They wouldn’t hound me tonight.
My twilight tormentors had been slain. . .for now.
Roth
We left the camp at daybreak.
The sun had barely started to peek through the mountains in the distance when I slung my rifle over my shoulder and strapped my bags to my back. We put out the fire before setting off and, after Kern calculated a new route for us to avoid a questionable area, we decided to stray further inland, aim straight for one of the larger bases, even if it meant a few more nights camping in the open air.
With the shore at our back, we had no idea what we would find—or even if we’d find anything. But after last night’s conversation, and after all the questions Erin had raised, I knew that sitting still and waiting for the Masters to reach out to us wasn’t an option.
We had to move and look for our own answers.
We walked in a line and, with me at the front, we hacked and slashed our way through thick vegetation. The blade on my knife was almost as long as my forearm, and it had been sharpened to allow me to cut through thick branches. The foliage didn’t offer much resistance and, thankfully, we made good progress before we made our first stop.
Perched on a small rock that jutted out from the ground, the tall trees all around us like a protective shield, I watched as the others put their bags on the floor and went through whatever was left from last night’s dinner.
The smoked meat was dry and hard, but it was still good enough to settle our stomachs. At the very least, we could save our combat rations for another day. Just like Talos had said, there wasn’t much wildlife around and we knew that hunting would be an ordeal. We would have to do it, eventually, but the longer we could manage without making camp and having to look for prey the better.
“Delicious,” Kern grimaced, sinking his teeth into a bit of meat. “Even better than last night. Maybe we should have not eaten then, but smoked it all? That way we’d be having a banquet right now.”
Erin laughed, struggling with her own hard slices of meat, and I smiled as well. Kern always managed to find humor in the grimmest of situations and, now more than ever, I felt thankful for that. I could handle tough situations, and I could handle having to wander through the wilderness without a concrete objective. . .but I wasn’t the best at keeping morale up. Kern always took on that role, and he was perfect at it.
As for Talos, he stood at the base of the rock I was on, scanning the thick vegetation with his watchful gaze. Unlike Kern, he never really relaxed, and his body looked as it if were always tense. Only after a good and long battle did Talos manage to let go and, it being a few days after we had faced an enemy, he was growing tense like coiled wire.
To be honest, even I was.
I felt the same tension he did, as if electricity was crackling under my skin, and my muscles had built up a lot of energy that I was aching to release.
Erin, though, merely seemed happy.
She chewed her meat as she laughed at Kern’s antics and, even though she now knew the situation we were in, her morale wasn’t faltering. I wasn’t exactly familiar with humans, but I couldn’t stop thinking that Erin had to be a superior female. Her body wasn’t meant for battle, nor for situations like this, and yet she braved it all with a smile on her face. Other females from her own species wouldn’t do so well, I believed. Aside from Delia, of course, who seemed to have become an invaluable member of Axar’s team.
Maybe I had to start giving more credit to human females. At least they had enough poise not to have a mental breakdown when facing insurmountable odds. I had met countless warriors that, in a situation like ours, would already be on the verge of mentally losing it.
“Someone’s coming,” Talos suddenly said, jolting me out of my reverie. Turning around on my rock, I narrowed my eyes into slits and saw something move in the distance. Leaves rustled heavily, and I could already hear the faint sound of feet crushing the underbrush as something moved toward us.
“There’s more than just one,” Kern said. He reached for his rifle, which lay against a tree stump, when something jumped out from the vegetation and toward him. The creature, much larger than a wolf but still slick and covered with fur, landed on Kern’s chest on its hindquarters and immediately snapped its jaw at him.
Reacting on pure instinct, Kern reached for the beast’s neck and wrapped his fingers around its throat. That didn’t stop its attack, but it ensured its large fangs didn’t get to have a taste of Kern’s face. I was about to move in and help when two more shadows jumped out to attack. I turned on my heels just in time to strike the jumping beast with the butt of my rifle, but I lost my footing and tumbled down from the rock I was on. The beast was on me a fraction of a second later, and I had to wrestle it on the ground, using nothing but my body.
Too busy to look to the side, I heard Talos’ rifle go off, as well as the whimpering of one of the beasts. “Come here, you bastard,” Talos growled, grabbing the fur of the creature I was struggling against and pulling it off me. The mome
nt I found enough space to use my rifle, I slammed the muzzle against the beast’s exposed belly and squeezed the trigger. My rifle went off immediately, and the scent of charred meat hit me right away.
Pushing the dead creature aside, I grasped Talos’ hand. I jumped to my feet with his help and we turned all of our attention toward Kern, who was still fighting the beast that had jumped on him. It was larger than the other two, its size adding to its ferocity. Even though Kern had already struck the beast with his fighting knife countless times, blood trickling out of the wounds so much that the fur was turning red, the creature didn’t stop its furious assault.
Talos and I took aim with our rifles, but Kern was too close to the creature for us to risk it. Gritting my teeth, I grabbed my own knife and rushed toward Kern when I saw the unexpected happen. The creature batted away Kern’s forearm with its muzzle, and now its open jaw was moving at blinding speed toward Kern’s exposed neck. I ordered my legs to carry me even faster, but I knew it was useless. I only had fractions of a second to save Kern, and I was simply too far away to be of any help.
“No!” A cry rung through the forest, and that momentarily distracted the creature. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move close to the place where Kern had left its rifle. The sound of gunfire exploded in the air and, next thing I knew, the creature lay dead on top of Kern’s body.
“Now that’s what I call a perfect shot.” Kern exhaled sharply as he pushed the creature’s body off of him. Groaning, he rose to his feet and looked at both Talos and I. Only then did he realize that we hadn’t been the ones that had saved him.
Stunned, I followed Kern’s gaze and found Erin standing with her back against a tree, Kern’s rifle in her hands. The weapon was far too large to be handled by someone like Erin, but somehow she had managed to use it and save Kern’s life. For the second time that day, I found myself thinking of how little credit I was giving Erin. She wasn’t hopeless, that much I already knew, but now I was slowly realizing that she wasn’t helpless either.
She had become a member of our team, and now she had proven that she could handle herself. She wasn’t a fighter, no, but there was no denying that she was a survivor.
“You saved Kern’s life,” I said, looking straight into her eyes. She gave me a coy smile as she lowered the weapon, breathing out with relief as she let go of it, and then ran one hand through her hair. “Come close.”
Hesitantly, Erin walked toward me and I laid one hand on her shoulder.
“You’re part of the team, Erin. You’re a warrior among warriors.” As I spoke, I waved toward the beast she had killed. “You have fought not just to survive, but you have fought to protect.” With that, I bent down and used my fingers to touch on the beast’s gaping wound. The blood felt slick against my fingertips, and I applied it on Erin’s forearm as if it were paint. I drew three straights red lines, then looked her in the eye. “We were three,” I said, and only then did I drew the fourth line. “And now we are four.”
I couldn’t remember just how long ago I had performed this ritual, one that not only represented a successful battle as it celebrated the acceptance of a brother-in-arms, but one thing I knew for sure: Erin was worthy of it.
Erin
I’d never been one to judge others. Having been cast aside at a young age, what I’d thought I understood about the world had been proven wrong: parents didn’t always love their children, life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, and the people you least expected tended to be the “good ones.” Roth, Kern, and Talos were a great example of this.
To outsiders looking in, of which I’d once belonged, they seemed to be nothing but oafish beasts. They were all brute strength, muscles, and enhanced fighting skills. Nothing more, nothing less. It was a completely jaded way to regard them, but I’d been guilty of doing so. Now however, I realized just how wonderfully layered they were, both as a group and as individuals.
“Don’t judge a book by its cover, Erin.” The words unexpectedly swarmed me inside my head; to recall the accent of one of my old scavenger contacts so suddenly was both lovely and heartbreaking all at once. Schooner had always used clichés to make observations about the world, a habit I’d fondly made fun of whenever I’d seen him, both to his face and behind his back. But with every passing year since I’d been introduced to him, it had dawned on me that they were clichés for a reason: they were accurate and, ultimately, true. “Seriously, kid, if you can do that, your life will be easier. Those rich bigwigs never plan on the quiet mouse being the fiercest of all—that’s their biggest mistake. Use that mistake, but never make the same one.”
Schooner hadn’t been wrong.
I’d been disregarded by so many, a lot of them quick to assume that because of my silent demeanor, coupled with my doll-like features, I wasn’t a threat. Threats burst through the door sounding off like a siren, alerting you to their danger so that you could plan a counterattack, right? Wrong. The ones who truly surprised you were always the ones you least expected. This was the mistake the arrogant, powerful suits lording over us all back on Earth had made about me. And then, in a twist of ironic fate, I’d been foolish enough to make the same misjudgment about my alien lovers.
My initial conclusion had been that they were only useful as muscle; they’d bested monsters right before my eyes, and their bodies were made for battle. They served an obvious but single purpose. Oh, how stupid I’d been. These aliens were the most fascinating I’d had the pleasure of getting to know. Yes, they were fine to look at, a prime example of masculinity, however they were also deeply cultured, romantic, knowledgeable and thoughtful. I was sure I could add even more favorable traits to the considerable list I’d mentally compiled, but in truth, there was no need. They knew their worth and as a result, I now knew it too.
As I sat immersed in my innermost thoughts, I couldn’t stop the little twinkle of a smile coloring my face. Delia had mentioned how there was more to these aliens than what I was seeing, that she herself had thought them mere savages but had soon seen the error of her ways. Honestly, I’d thought her brainwashed, her mind converted due to time spent with them and the intimacy they’d shared.
Plain, old Stockholm syndrome at its finest.
I hadn’t told her that at the time though, but it had been a thought that had crossed my mind. Except she’d been right about them. My group may have been created to be different to hers, both in appearance and beliefs, yet they’d pushed beyond their confines to become well rounded, in-depth beings.
They were like me, really: there was more to them than what could be seen, they were the book you judged but had been wrong about. And they’d reward you handsomely the second you figured all of that out.
I’d finally figured it out.
I’d been rewarded.
As we set up camp for the night, the smile I’d allowed to spread across my face now morphed into a devilish grin, one I was sure only I could see in the dappled evening light. Sneaking a quick glance at the group, I could see how they were too content and absorbed in their own private worlds to notice that mine was spilling out of me and into theirs. I needed to show them how much I’d grown, that I’d learned more about them than I’d ever thought possible, and that now was the time to fully give myself to them.
We’d all fucked before, our bodies rutting together like animals down in the dirt. The smell of sex had stained the air with its musk, the odor an aphrodisiac spurring us on further. But as we’d tumbled about, thrusting and groaning for even more, I’d still kept a small portion of myself from them.
It was my romantic, loving side.
A piece of me so precious no one had ever seen it.
I’d been with men, my sexuality never an aspect of myself I’d shied away from, but they’d been casual lovers at best. Anyone who’d wanted more had been abandoned, better them than me having been my logic. But now was the right moment to let myself be free, for the walls I’d built to come crumbling down.
I still wouldn’t say I wa
s in love with them however, even though the emotion seemed to fit whenever I thought about them beyond their throbbing cocks and rippling muscles. When I dared give the idea more time for reflection, a feeling stirred in my heart which was warm, fuzzy, and scary.
I brushed a couple of fallen strands of hair from my forehead, tucking the stragglers behind my ears to keep them pinned in place. As I did this, however, I found myself thinking of snatching the bobble from my hair and letting the cascading locks flow free. Of how it would drape over my shoulders, giving me an extra sultry edge as I walked over to them, my body hot with the desire burning within.
The devilish grin returned again. It was time to be unapologetically me. I would be a vixen, my sexuality dripping from every pore with more than simple lust.
Unfolding from a cross legged position, I straightened my figure to ease my stiff muscles, the tension they’d held instantly ebbing away. I quietly undressed, their eyes never even straying to look my way. It was exhilarating to strip off without them knowing, the act itself as intoxicating as I anticipated their reactions to be. Once I was naked, the soft lighting emphasizing the contours of my buxom body, I sauntered over. My giddiness became tangible, the hairs all over my body beginning to prick up on their ends. I giggled.
Talos turned his head slightly to look at me, his expression changing from surprise at my close proximity to the group to a hooded look of sexual longing. Roth and Kern must have spotted how his behavior had changed, as they too turned to regard me, their expressions changing to match Talos’. They were copies of one another, yet each of them held a secret smile that only I could decipher.
I went to them then, the power to hold back no longer in my grasp. I strutted by Roth first, my fingers stroking at his broad back; I felt him shiver with excitement. When I rounded the other side of him, moving towards Kern, I gave him a playful wink. Coming up alongside Kern, I stood behind him and raked my hands down his front before lightly scratching as I moved my way back up his torso. My eyes could easily see from this angle how rigid he was getting just as I lifted my hands away.
