for each other like humans do."
"They live together," he posed.
"That's right, but they don’t share emotion like we do and
they don't ever really know their partners. We can talk and learn all
sorts of stuff about each other. We communicate. But lust isn't
about all that. Lust is just another form of hunger. And most times
it is dirty."
"Dirty?"
"People can lust after people that they don't necessarily care
about, and that's when it becomes dirty and ugly. That's when it can
kill."
"That sounds bad, Mom," he said flatly to her.
She wondered if he was really so intuitive, or if he was just
being a kid. Perhaps things like that were clearer to a child.
Life hasn't yet told him what he can't be or can't do. Society
hadn't yet sucked the ambition from him. His innocence gave him
clarity. Then again, maybe he was justbeing a little kid, and she was
reading into his words. Perhaps she was the one who needed the
clarity of thought. He stared up at her intently, patiently. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the forehead.
"Try to remember that, baby. Okay?"
He nodded. "I won't forget."
Later that night as Lil' Norman lay in his bed staring out the window at the moon glowing like a giant porcelain dish in the sky he considered his mother's words. He could hear her as clear as if she had just spoken them. The words circled around in his mind until they found their appropriate resting places.
At just eight years old, Lil' Norman had an acute mind. He could figure things out more quickly than other children his age. But like all theother things in his life, he guarded this secret closely. As he drifted off into dreamland, his thoughts calmed. He was asleep when the front door opened and Pamela's next customer made his way up to her bedroom.
The next day, just as promised, Pamela took Lil' Norman and his best friends, Reese and D.J., out shopping before going to the zoo. By the time their shopping spree was over, Pamela had spent over 500 dollars on clothes, shoes, and toys.
Lil' Norman and Reese were inseparable. They had been best friends since they first met. Whenever you saw one of them, the other was bound to be nearby. Reese lived next door with his grandmother, Ms. Lilly, and his little brother D.J. Ms. Lilly was a friendly older woman in her late 50's and the legal guardian of her two grandsons. After their mother died of a heroin overdose, the State of Pennsylvania awarded Ms. Lilly full custody of the boys. Soon after that they moved in with her and were introduced to Lil' Norman.
After returning home to drop off all of their newly purchased items, Pamela and the three boys boarded her Nissan Maxima and began their voyage to the Philadelphia Zoo. Once there, they went from one exhibit to the next. They ate cheeseburgers and fries, rode around on ponies and walked to each and every cage, studying each of the animals as if they were shopping for a new pet. They never seemed bored.
Pamela always liked watching the kids interact with animals because it was pure. Inquisitive children and curious animals were calming to watch. It was a pleasant experience for all of them. A few hours later they had seen and done everything they wanted to see and do at the Philadelphia Zoo. They were all filled with good food and wonderful images. It had been a good day.
As they made their way back to the car, Pamela noticed an oddly familiar looking man staring at her. Her heart felt like it had suddenly stopped beating inside of her chest. Even though it had been over eight years since she had last seen him, his face was one that she would never forget... never in a million years.
Standing beside his brand new all-black Mercedes Benz was Hood - the same man who was responsible for killing her man.
Smiling from ear to ear, Hood had no idea who the attractive young woman was. On the night of Norman’s murder, he never noticed the crying female slumped down inside of his victim's Cadillac, and he didn't stay around long enough to find out if anyone saw the murder he just committed.
Now all he saw was an attractive woman...a prize.
As Hood approached her with a pleasant smile on his face, a nervous feeling crawled throughout Pamela's body. Hood stood 6’2”. He had pearly white teeth and a cleanly shaven head that accentuated his handsome chiseled features. Most women couldn't help but lust over him.But Pamela was not most women. She never ran after men; they ran, fought, and even killed over her. Norman had taught Pamela how to use her beauty. He had shown her that the physical gifts she possessed could bring her the world on a silver platter if she had the presence of mind to use those looks to her advantage. She knew she had this power over men. Yet staring at her now was another man... not like the rest. He was a true monster; a beast.
"How are you doing today, beautiful?" His eyes scanned her entire body. She knew primal lust when she saw it and had witnessed such glances often. He wanted her, this she knew. His eyes told the story in detail.
"Good, I guess. But I could always be doing better," she said.
"My name’s Jack, but the few friends I still have call me Hood," he said smoothly, as if it was something he said a thousand times a day.
She looked over at the kids who were seated in the car. "Put on yourseatbelts guys," she said, before turning her attention back to Hood. "My name is Pamela," she offered with an extended hand. "...Jack."
He shook her hand delicately as if it might break into tiny pieces, "You can just call me Hood."
"But we just met. I'm not a friend."
"Not yet, beautiful, but maybe we could do something about that." He casually passed her a white card with his name and some numbers printed on it. "When you feel like you're ready to be my friend," he smiled, "give me a call." He winked, and even though such a gesture would usually be considered ridiculous, with him it wasn't.
"Maybe I will," she said as she slid the card into her purse and headed around the side of the car, making sure the doors were securely closed. Pamela stood at her driver’s side door watching as Hood strode over to his car and climbed inside. She didn't move until his car started up and hewaved.
She waved back, feeling dirty, and somehow guilty. She couldn't believe that after eight long years she had finally come face to face with the man who had savagely gunned down her child's father. She was beingbombarded by different emotions. Anger, fear, and nausea all rolled around in her stomach. And the smell of the zoo didn't do much to alleviate the feelings she was having. As his car left the parking lot, she noticed that she was starting to cry. Quickly, she pocketed her emotions as she had done so many times in the past. She had to be strong for the kids and for herself.
Sitting inside of his mother's car, Lil' Norman had watched everything transpire. He noticed the change in his mother's behavior after the man left. He had never seen a look like that before. "Mom, who was that man"? He asked as she got into the car.
"Nobody baby. Nobody," she said. She started the car and their journey home began.
Lil' Norman noticed a lone tear hiding at the corner of her right eye. He imagined that it was deciding whether or not to roll down her face. He had a feeling that he was going to see the man again. He wasn't sure why, but he knew that he didn't like the man.
Later that night as Lil' Norman lay in his bed asleep; Pamela sat on the living room sofa holding a small photo of Norman and herself. The picture had been taken a few weeks before he was murdered. Staring into the grainy photo, the weight of loss and emptiness fell upon her, dragging with it the tears she had suppressed earlier.
"I found him, baby," she whispered to herself excitedly. "Don't you worry, your woman is gonna take care of everything." Hearing a shuffling sound behind her, Pamela quickly turned to see Lil' Norman standing at the bottom of the stairs, his head cocked to the side like a puppy trying to make sense of the world. He slowly walked over to his mother's side and sat down on the sofa.
Wiping her tea
rs with the sleeve of her robe, she said, "Baby, what are you doing up at this time of night?" She wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
He shrugged, "I was making sure you're okay." His voice was so pure and honest that she felt like she might cry again. His brown eyes blinked at her.
“You're just like your father. Always making sure I'm okay,” she said, looking deep into his eyes... deep into his soul. “Mom, who was that tall black man that you was talking to today?” "I told you he was just some guy, nobody important."
Lil' Norman looked into his mother's watery eyes, knowing that there was more to it. He knew there was something she didn't want to talk about. He could always tell. Norman reached out and very slowly and deliberately took the picture out of her hand. “You thinking about my father again?”
"I'm always thinking about your father, baby. There isn't a day thatgoes by that I don't wish he was here; that I don't imagine what our life might be like." She realized that she was probably saying things that Lil' Norman couldn't understand. She knew that she was saying these things because she needed to hear them herself.
"I think about him too, Mom," he offered, trying to raise her spirits."Anyways, he's probably watching us from somewhere... like an angel."
That brought a smile to Pamela's face. Norman had been many things to many people, but that was probably the first time that 'angel' had been one of the descriptions. Pamela stated, "And if he is watching us, he'd expect us to be strong. He wouldn't want us sitting around, crying about him."
"Ms. Lilly says that crying is good, Mom," Lil' Norman said.
"Really?" she asked, feeling like maybe the pain would drift away for a while.
"Yeah. She says it's okay to cry because that's our emotions coming out," he pointed to his stomach, "...from the, you know, inside. And that's what makes us clean."
Pamela stared at her son. No matter how bad she felt, with just a look or a comment, he could make her feel whole again. It was as if through her child, Norman could speak to her. "Ms. Lilly is a very smartlady."
"That's what I always say," Lil' Norman replied, as if they had covered this ground before.
They made their way back up the stairs, and within minutes Lil' Norman was fading off into that other place where miracles dance through children's minds. She leaned the photograph against the small lamp that sat on the night table beside Lil' Norman's bed, then quietly left the room, closing the door softly behind her careful not to wake him.
Later, she found herself downstairs, sitting on the sofa again. All kinds of racing thoughts moved in and out of her confused mind. Two images swirled around behind her eyes: Norman, her dead boyfriend and the father of her only child; and Hood, the man who had put Norman in hisgrave.
After wiping away the tears she noticed the clock on the wall and stood up from the sofa and went around the house turning off the lights. While in the living room, she noticed a familiar sounding car pulling up out front.
The white Lincoln Continental shut off its engine and as the door opened, she watched as a handsome brown-skinned man got out and closed the door.
Pamela walked to the front door and opened it.
"What's up, beautiful?" he said as he entered the threshold. Closing the door behind him, she grinned. "Hey, Jay." She put her arms around his waist.
"Is your son asleep?" he asked politely.
"Yup. He went to bed a little while ago," she whispered.
Jay reached into his jacket pocket and took out a large money roll. He peeled off three $100 bills and placed them into the palm of her hand, slowly folding her long slim fingers around them as he gently kissed her arm.
Without words they made their way upstairs, she leading him, he kissing her.
Once inside the bedroom, all was quiet in the house until their lovemaking was well underway, then Pamela's love for sex became veryvocal, as usual.
Chapter Three
A Few weeks later...
Ms. Lilly was sitting on a blue couch that looked as if it had been made in the late ‘60s. As was her usual routine, she was watching her favorite daytime soaps. She enjoyed living vicariously through the different characters that perpetually cheat on their spouses, become enemies, then friends again, win lotteries, kill their lovers, and plot industrial espionage. It was, of course, a rollercoaster of nonsense and impossibilities, but she was hooked.
Pamela and Lil' Norman walked into the living room, already knowing where they would find Ms. Lilly. Pamela and Ms. Lilly had a mother-daughter-like relationship. Whenever Pamela needed someone to talk to, she could always count on Ms. Lilly. She always seemed to have sagely advice; the natural result of having lived through many tough times herself. Ms. Lilly and her best friend, Veronica, were really the only two people that Pamela ever confided in. She could talk to them, letting them in on her secrets and not be judged for her actions.
Everyone around the neighborhood had love for Ms. Lilly. No matter who it was, or what the problem might be, Ms. Lilly was the one you’dturn to for advice. She was like a mother to so many folks in the neighborhood that people took to calling her 'Momma'.
"She should dump that loser," Pamela said, commenting on the soap opera playing on the television in front of them.
Without looking away from the screen, Ms. Lilly replied, "She's just usinghim for his money. They're each getting what they want. She just better not get pregnant, or the Senator will go on a rampage. He don't want his son mixed up with a girl like that."
"Momma," Pamela asked quickly, "can you watch Norman for me,again?" Lowering herself onto the couch, she explained that she had a veryimportant date. "I don't mean to saddle you with this so late."
"You ain't saddlin' me with nothin' girl," Ms. Lilly scoffed. "You know Norman and I have plenty to discuss." As she spoke, her thick southern accent brought a relieved smile to Pamela's face.
"Thanks, Momma," Pamela said as she leaned over and kissed Ms.Lilly on the cheek.
Norman gave his mother a hug and two kisses, one on each cheek, before running up the stairs to play with Reese and D.J. Once he was gone, Ms. Lilly turned toward Pamela and her gaze became very serious. "Who is the lucky guy this time?"
"Hood."
"Hood? What kind of name is Hood?" Ms. Lilly asked as her eyebrows rose a bit.
"Well, his real name is Jack, but he likes to be called Hood." "He's the one you was with the other night?"
"Same one," Pamela replied slowly.
Ms. Lilly studied her face, curiosity getting the best of her. "Girl, what is you up to? I ain't never seen you breaking your neck to be around one man so much."
"It's not what you think, Momma. This is strictly business." the words came flatly out of her mouth, almost as if she were reading them from a note card.
"How late will you be out this time, Pam?"
Pamela shrugged, "I won't be too late.”
Ms. Lilly just sat there, studying her. Then she laughed to herself. "What, Momma?"
"Girl, you must have something special about you these men ain't never seen before. I ain't never seen so many men go through the trouble they do for one woman in all my days. If I had what you got," she leaned her head back with a devilish grin, "I'd have me a house in West Hollywood, instead of West Philadelphia.” They both broke out into laughter.
"Just don't put it on him too much we, don't need any more of them crazy-assed stalkers lurkin’ round here. I got me a shotgun, and I know how to use it."
"I'll keep it under control," Pamela said.
"And you know I don't call no cops, neither," Ms. Lilly added. She then held her hands up as if she was holding the shotgun. "Boom, boom!"
They both started laughing again." Momma, you somethin' else."
"I may look like a little old grey-haired couch potato, but don't befooled. Up here," she pointed to her brain, lightly tapping her temple, "...the machine is still runnin' fine."
Before Pamela could respond, the sound of a car interrupted them. Pamela stood up from the c
ouch and walked quickly over to the window. "Momma," she said as she saw Hood's black Mercedes, "that's him." She glanced back at the couch, "I'll see you in a little while. Tell Lil' Norman to be good."
"Will you be going back to your place tonight?"
"Yeah, probably." She headed towards the door. "If you could keep him over here with you, you know how...how he is."
"I'll do my best," Ms. Lilly said, "but you know how clever that boy of yours is. He's got his own key, and he's been known to disappear and check on his mother. Can't get him to sleep if he doesn’t."
Pamela opened the door, "I know, just try. Tonight is kinda special." "No promises, but I'll see what I can do."
The Mercedes had a distinct horn, and they both heard it honk twice. Pamela headed out, turning her head toward Ms. Lilly, "If Veronica comesby tell her I'll be around tomorrow."
Ms. Lilly waved her off with her fingers, "Girl, get out there. Don't keep that man waitin'."
Pamela smiled and then rushed out the door.
As she entered Hood's car, he couldn't help but to stare. Pamela looked like some super model from the pages of Ebony magazine. Her long black lashes and perfect hazel eyes had him almost hypnotized. She was one of the most beautiful women that he had ever laid eyes on, and he was determined to make this one-of-akind beauty his own.
Knowing her impact on him, Pamela smiled, as she sat in the leather car seat that surrounded her body as if it had been tailor made just for her. And the way he looked at her…she knew she had him. Norman had once told her that “the eyes never lie”. Hood's eyes screamed lust.
As the Mercedes pulled away, Lil' Norman and Reese turned back from the upstairs window they had been staring out of. "Reese, I don't like that man," Lil' Norman said.
"What's his name?" Reese asked casually.
"Hood."
They both gave each other disgusted looks.
"That’s a stupid name," Reese stated. "So why don't you like him?" "I don't know." Lil' Norman seemed to be getting agitated. "Well, you gotta have a reason not to like somebody," Reese
explained matter-of-factly.
"I don't know why. I don't like him."
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