“Is it too much pressure?” Cassidy asked.
“Ha!” She doesn’t understand the concept of pressure. She leaned in, grabbing Cassidy’s arm. “It’s too easy for her. She’s bored.”
“Wow,” Cassidy said.
“Oh yeah. I don’t know why I’m surprised. This is what she does. She tries to live up to her potential, and then she blows it up within months.” She shook her head. “I know she’s going to quit. It’s just a matter of time.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t worry about this right now. I’m trying so hard to take care of myself. The doctor said we could try again right away, and so we’re doing that, God, how we’re doing that. I’m that whole ovulation monitoring cliché. I’m reading endless materials about it. I’m taking my temperature, I’ve got like three apps on my phone that are supposedly helping me. And I’m trying to freaking figure out what I did to mess the first one up so I won’t do that again.”
“Sweetheart, I know less about pregnancy than anyone on the planet, but one thing I’d bet my life on is that you didn’t do anything to mess that pregnancy up. I don’t know anyone who eats cleaner or takes better care of their body than you do.”
She closed her eyes. “I know that. It’s just hard to understand why, you know?”
Cassidy nodded. “I do know.”
Maya let out a sigh. “Well, now that that’s all out. Let’s get you dressed.”
Cassidy took her hand again. “You are doing wonderful, my friend. Whatever happens, you’ve got a support system around you to help you through it. And I’d say Shayla would be more upset knowing you were holding this in than she would be if you told her what you were going through.”
Maya nodded, swiping at a tear. “I know. I’m going to tell her soon.”
“The wedding was yesterday, wasn’t it?” Cassidy asked, just now remembering. God, she had to get out of her own self-absorbed head.
Maya smiled. “It was so lovely. Simple but beautiful. It couldn’t have suited them more perfectly.”
Cassidy nodded, feeling a tear form in her own eye. Damn emotions. “I have no doubt.”
Maya let out a laugh. “Chase bawled through the whole thing.”
With that, a tear fell right down Cassidy’s cheek and she laughed along with Maya. “Of course he did.”
“We’re some lucky folks in this group, having found one another.” Maya squeezed Cassidy’s hand. “All of us.”
Cassidy nodded, the tears free-falling now. They both broke out in huge smiles and hugged each other again. Cassidy pulled away. “Okay, enough of all that. My eyes are gonna look like puffed-up marshmallows.”
Maya held up a finger as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue. “I have something for that in my bag.”
Cassidy smiled and they went back to work on the outfit.
18
Jesse and Cassidy held hands wordlessly the whole way down 30A to the house in Rosemary. As GPS weaved them through the rows of white houses with brown trim, Jesse’s stomach tied itself into tight knots he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to loosen.
Cassidy pointed. “I think that’s it.”
He parked behind a car with Kentucky plates that he didn’t recognize but assumed was one of theirs. As he cut off the engine, he looked over at her. “Thank you for coming.”
“Of course,” she said, giving him a comforting smile.
As they got out of the car and walked toward the door, his whole body filled with an almost paralyzing anxiety. Part of the reason he’d wanted Cassidy there with him was because he knew he wouldn’t back out with her there. Otherwise, he was pretty sure he’d be outta there.
The front door stood open, a glass screen door in place. Just as Jesse was getting ready to knock on it, his sister passed by chasing one of the kids. She caught sight of Jesse and Cassidy, surprise changing her firm expression. He just stood there, waiting for her.
“We got this,” Cassidy said out of the corner of her mouth, and just her use of the plural pronoun was enough to get him through the next five minutes.
The door opened and his sister stood there with that know-it-all half-smile she wore around him—the one that always made him feel like a kid.
Ava and Olivia pushed through the doorway and attacked him. “Did you bring us anything?”
“Girls,” Rachel barked, and then nudged them out of the way, putting her arms around Jesse. “Thank you for coming,” she said into his ear.
He stepped back from her. “Rachel, this is Cassidy. We’re...” He trailed off, realizing they had never established what they were, and he hadn’t thought about how he’d introduce her. “We’re together,” he said.
Rachel blinked, staring at Cassidy for way too long. Jesse put a protective arm around Cassidy, reinforcing his stance with her.
“It’s so nice to meet you.” Cassidy offered the pink boxes she held. “I brought a couple of pies. I run a bakery in Seaside.”
“Oh,” Rachel said. “How lovely. Thank you. Please, come in.”
As they stepped into the entryway, Rachel fussed at the girls and then yelled for Elijah to get off the game.
Cassidy leaned in. “Did she know I was coming?”
“Yeah, I told her I was bringing someone with me.”
“Did you tell her I was older?”
“No, fuck that.” If Rachel or any of them had a problem with Cassidy, he’d be more than happy for the two of them to leave immediately.
Rachel turned back to them. “Come in, please. Everyone’s in the kitchen…except Chuck. His golf game’s running long, but he’ll be here eventually.”
Jesse’s feet could barely move him forward. Cassidy took his hand and he gripped the wine bottle in his other hand.
They rounded the corner to find his brother, a good thirty or forty pounds heavier than Jesse had last seen him, standing next to a highchair holding a bottle of beer while a woman with short brown hair whose body he didn’t recognize situated a baby into it. “He is not too big for a highchair. It amazes me that you think you—”
“Lauren,” his brother said, cutting her off.
“What?” she asked, looking up at him with a disdain Jesse wasn’t sure he’d ever seen in her eyes. Justin nodded at Jesse, and she turned to see him.
“Oh. I didn’t hear the door,” Lauren said, her face losing color as she set her gaze on Jesse.
“I found them on the doorstep,” Rachel said. “Cassidy, this is Lauren and Justin, Jesse’s brother.”
Jesse gave his sister a look. Either she was acting like she assumed Cassidy wasn’t important enough to know who was who, or she was trying to drive the point home that Jesse and Justin were brothers and needed to get over it.
“It’s so nice to meet you all,” Cassidy said with her calming, gracious way.
Justin gauged Jesse from across the room, feeling him out. Jesse wasn’t about to let him off the hook, not for a second. Justin nodded. “Hey.”
“Mmm,” Jesse uttered.
Lauren checked on the baby and then walked across the room and shook Cassidy’s hand. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
“Cassidy has a bakery in…Seaside, was it?” Rachel asked.
Lauren looked at her curiously. “Not Seaside Sweets?”
Cassidy smiled. “Yes, that’s the one.”
“We were in there yesterday.” Lauren turned to Rachel. “That’s the one I was telling you about where we got the cinnamon rolls.”
“Okay,” Rachel said, nodding but seeming less impressed than Lauren was, of course.
“A very pretty blond girl helped us.”
“That’s Marigold,” Cassidy said. “She’s my assistant manager and lifesaver. I don’t know how I ever did it without her.”
“She helped us organize this whole week. She wrote down a list of places we had to try and all kinds of stuff for the kids to do.”
Cassidy grinned with a nod. “That’s Marigold. She’s a people person.”
Jesse wasn’t sure what was happening
here, but he wasn’t digging it. He didn’t need Cassidy and Lauren to be friendly.
Lauren finally met Jesse’s gaze. “Hey, Jesse,” she said, and then to his horror, she opened her arms and tried to pull him in for a hug. They ended up in an awkward half-hug with him holding her off by the arm. He understood her need to lighten an awkward situation, but he wasn’t ready for touching.
Lauren pulled away and swiped at her forehead looking embarrassed. “Well, I hope you both came hungry. We’re boiling a big pot of shrimp, and we’ve got potatoes and green beans—”
“Did Mom come?” Jesse asked, not able to take the fakeness of talking about what was for dinner.
“She didn’t,” Rachel said. “Pete can’t really travel in the car anymore with his back, and you know Mom’s thoughts on flying.”
Jesse nodded, still not used to his new stepdad, though they’d probably been together seven or eight years now.
They all stood there in silent hell, trying to figure out what to say next. Cassidy saved them. “What can I do to help with dinner?”
“Nothing,” Rachel said, taking the bottle of wine Jesse was still holding.
“That’s from Cassidy,” Jesse said.
Rachel turned to Cassidy. “Thank you. That’s really too much with the pies.”
“All right, fuck this. I can’t stand this,” Justin said.
“Justin!” Lauren shouted, indicating the kid.
“He’s a fucking baby.”
Rachel got up in his face. “Do you mind?”
“The kids are all outside.”
“But I’m here, and so are others who might not want to hear your foul—”
Justin muscled away from her. “Jesse? Please, can we talk?” his brother asked, a look in his eye of desperation.
Jesse, a little dumbfounded by the animosity in the room, just nodded. All this time he’d imagined Justin and Rachel laughing and living it up in romantic bliss in his absence. Maybe he had it wrong. He turned to Cassidy. “Is that okay?”
“Of course. I’m looking forward to getting to know Rachel and Lauren.”
When they got out the front door, Justin turned to him. “Wanna take a walk?”
“Please,” Jesse said, eyeing the house which seemed to pulse with anger.
They walked by a few houses before either of them spoke. Justin was the first. “I know I’ve said this before, but I can’t say it enough. I’m fucking sorry, man.”
Jesse wondered if he meant he was sorry for what he’d done to Jesse, or sorry for marrying Lauren. Either way, he didn’t respond.
Justin shook his head, glancing around. “Love is so fucked up. You get in that headspace and it’s like you lose your goddamned mind. I was just so miserable all the time, for years. I tried dating other girls, but I couldn’t get her off my mind. I look back now, and I can’t believe I did that to my own brother, but when I think back, hard, I remember that I was desperate, and those feelings for her just wouldn’t quit. I imagined you marrying her and I wanted to blow my brains out.”
“Fuck,” Jesse said, a little disturbed.
“I wish I was goddamned joking. But now…” He shook his head.
Jesse knew he should feel vindicated, but that victory wasn’t nearly as sweet as it should have been.
“I just want out,” Justin said.
Jesse stopped. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Justin turned to face him, looking surprised.
“You took her from me. You married her. I had to leave my cushy job because of you. And now you’re ready to throw her out?”
“I’m not gonna throw her out. I’d be the one leaving.”
“What about your kid? And is she pregnant now?”
His brother gave a sardonic laugh. “Nope, that’s just her new body.”
Jesse eyed him hard. “You know you didn’t age too well either, asshole. What have you put on, thirty pounds?”
“I can’t believe you’re defending her.”
“From her husband making a snide comment about her weight. Fuck yeah I am.”
“It’s not just the weight gain. It’s the constant nagging and bitching. Do this, do that, don’t do it that way.”
“Well when I walked in the house tonight it looked like you were telling her she was doing something wrong with that highchair.”
“Yeah, because I have to. I feel my manhood slipping away sometimes.” He backhanded Jesse in the arm. “Look at you. You look like a goddamned million bucks. You own your own bar at the beach. Who the fuck do you think won here?”
“I’m sorry, were we playing a game?”
Justin waved him off. “Just fucking forget it all.” He glanced around like he didn’t know what direction to walk in.
“You’ve got a wife who loves you and a baby at home. You’re not fucking that up. You’ve been selfish your whole damned life. Justin, Justin, Justin. That’s all you’ve ever cared about or thought about. And nothing has ever been good enough for you. You always want what someone else has, and when you can’t make it for yourself, you take it. Well, fuck you. My life’s not for the taking anymore, big brother. And yours isn’t for the leaving. You say you think you’re losing your manhood? This talk of leaving her with that baby makes you a whiny little immature brat of a boy. Man the fuck up.”
Justin hauled back for a punch but Jesse had spent too many afternoons in the gym not to see it coming and ducked. Justin lost his balance and fell to the ground, and Jesse realized he was probably already drunk. He’d likely been drinking all day on the beach while Rachel and Lauren took care of the kids.
“Fuck you!” Justin shouted from the front yard of some family’s home. A salty looking old man walked out the front door eyeing Jesse, who just held a hand up in apology and headed back toward the house.
“You get back here and face me you chicken shit,” Justin shouted.
“You get the hell off this lawn, you drunk idiot,” shouted the old man.
Jesse was almost back to the house when heavy and quick footsteps behind him got his attention, and he ducked away from Justin’s charge. Justin toppled over again, this time bouncing off a car parked in the road, denting it with a thud to rock Rosemary, and then landing on the sidewalk. As appealing as the idea of beating the hell out of him was, he knew if he laid a hand on him, Rachel would turn this all around on him. Jesse would somehow be the asshole again, and he was tired of being the asshole.
Jesse flung open the door and marched into the kitchen to find the women all three looking stunned. “What was that noise?” Rachel asked.
“Justin. He fell into a car.” He turned to Lauren. “Hope you’ve got your insurance card.”
“Did you shove him into it?” Rachel asked, as she headed toward the front door. Typical Rachel. Everything was Jesse’s fault even when it wasn’t.
“Wish I could take credit for it, but he did it all to himself,” he said, mainly for Cassidy’s benefit. Rachel wasn’t even in earshot anymore. “You ready?” he asked Cassidy.
She nodded, eyes still wide.
Lauren’s face contorted, and the fact that she wasn’t even going to check on her husband spoke volumes. The kid sat in the highchair throwing handfuls of cereal at her, and she just took it like a punishment.
Jesse gathered her into his arms. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, into her ear. When he pulled away, she gave him a look, begging him to save her. But there was nothing Jesse could do for her, not anymore.
Jesse grabbed the bottle of wine and then Cassidy’s hand and headed to the front door. When they got outside, Rachel and Justin were in a scuff-up with the guy whose SUV had been assaulted.
“I saw the whole thing,” said the salty old man, arms crossed, up in the mix.
“Do you think we need to—?”
Jesse cut Cassidy off. “No.”
They jumped in his car and backed out of the drive. When they got safely on 30A, Jesse turned to Cassidy, his heart pounding. “I love you.”
He
put his eyes back on the road, and they drove wordlessly to her house.
* * *
Jesse had entered somewhat of a catatonic state. He sat on Cassidy’s couch with a beer in his hand watching HGTV. It’d been on that channel whenever Cassidy turned on the TV. Even though she’d handed Jesse the remote, he didn’t use it. She wasn’t sure he even understood that he was holding it. Luckily, she had been to the store that previous day and had the stuff to make tortilla soup, so that’s what she had chosen to do with her hands. Lord knew she needed to occupy them.
Whatever had gone down between Jesse and his brother had disturbed him deeply. The fact that he’d wrapped his arms around Lauren like a father would a troubled teen worried Cassidy. These weren’t her people and they weren’t her problems, but whatever was happening between Lauren and her husband was hard not to be concerned about.
Jesse had turned off his phone. It’d rang once when they’d gotten to her house and he’d silenced it and then put his attention back on the television. Cassidy stirred the soup, peering in to see him, and then turned off the burner and covered the pan.
The fact that he’d told her he loved her didn’t mean much to her. She understood the meaning behind it. These people make me miserable. I don’t want to be like them. I want to be like us. He hadn’t said those words, but she’d bet money that’s what he’d meant.
She sat down beside him and put her hand on his thigh. He dropped the remote and covered her hand with his, trying to force a smile. “The soup is ready if you’re hungry,” she said.
“I’m not. Please, go ahead and eat though.”
“I’m not either. We’ll eat it later in the week.”
He met her gaze. “You think you’ll want me around later in the week?”
She wrapped her hand around his thigh. “If I left you after witnessing one fight with you and your family, I’d be pretty sorry.”
He squinted at the wall. “What a goddamned shit-show. Lauren’s dad would be humiliated if he witnessed that.”
“Who knows what he’s witnessed in the past several years,” she said.
Grayton Beach Dreams Page 14
