Much like the Junebugs of Maryland’s eastern shore, the tourists invade during the warm months and nearly triple the population of the otherwise quaint towns. They flood the coastline and litter the beaches with their presence. Finding a small spot in the sand to sunbathe or relax with a good book is no small feat for anyone during this time of year.
So I entered the bakery-coffee shop where my sister was the general manager and observed her frantically taking orders and packaging pastries. It was nearly eight o’clock at night on a Thursday. Why were there so many people in need of coffee and muffins at this hour?
I stood in the common area and glanced at the mugs on display for purchase until a high-pitch squeal rang out behind me, and I was embraced in a bear hug that nearly toppled me over. “Char!” Only Claudette could get away with that lame nickname. It reminds me of charcoal. I would have turned around to face her, but she plastered her cheek to my back and was literally squeezing the breath out of me.
She finally released me, and I looked at her sparkling blue eyes. My gray eyes always seemed so dull in comparison to her dazzling cobalt ones. She also stood at least two inches shorter than me. Even though she was the oldest of the Callahan offspring, she was the most petite. She had our mother’s stature as well as her wavy blond hair. Cameron had the height of our father and his dark brown hair with hazel eyes. I fell somewhere in between. I didn’t seem to favor either one of our parents. My hair was a lighter brown than Cam and my dad. And I lacked the petite frame of Claudette and my mom. Thankfully I wasn’t as tall as the men in my family. I would have been teased and called an amazon woman for sure if I was.
“What are you doing here?” Excitement was bursting through my sister. Her eyes were shining and a smile stretched across her entire face.
“I came to see you.” Burning crept up my throat and a squeezing sensation spread throughout my chest, but I quickly sniffled the emotions back.
“I am planning to leave in about an hour,” she said as she walked back toward the counter. “Why don’t you go back to my place and relax? I will pick up takeout burgers and meet you there.” She pulled her purse out from a cubby behind the counter and dug into its contents until she retrieved her keys. Unwinding around the overlapping circles, she removed the key from its ring and handed it to me.
I happily took it from her and drove to her cottage in town. I parked and walked into the small bungalow with my suitcase in tow. Craving a beverage to moisten my dry throat, I searched her fridge. The interior door shelved five bottles of wine. Geez, Claudette. How many bottles does one person need? I guess she is someone that could benefit from a wine fridge.
I decided to fill a glass with tap water and sat on the couch, flipping through the channels on her television with the remote in my hand until she returned home less than an hour later. I hadn’t found anything worthy of watching on television when she finally entered the living room through the front door.
She set down a brown paper bag on the coffee table my feet were propped on. I removed my feet from the area when she pulled out two Styrofoam containers. “I got a bacon cheeseburger for you.” She pushed the square container toward me. The scent of a delicious juicy patty wafted through the air.
“And you got a plain burger piled high with shrubbery for yourself.” I laughed and she quirked her eyebrow up.
“Some things never change.” I guess my sister paid closer attention to my likes and dislikes than I had originally thought. “So what’s up, Char? How have you been?”
“I need some advice.” My comment elicited an excited gasp to whoosh from my sister and she pointed a finger to her chest.
“You want advice from me? I need to mark this on the calendar. I thought Cameron was your BFF.” She opened her food container and sat on the couch next to me.
“Can we uncork one of those bottles of wine you have in your fridge? I may need some alcohol.” Although Claudette seemed genuinely thrilled, sadness overloaded my core. I came to my sister for her advice in healing a wounded heart.
In only a moment, my sister abandoned her burger and retrieved a corkscrew and bottle of wine from her fridge. She approached me with a poured glass grasped in each of her hands.
“You are entirely too efficient at that.” I easily extracted one of the glasses from her hold. “I worry you might like wine too much.”
“Maybe I just never seem to have a reason to drink it, so the bottles sit in there unopened.” She stuck her tongue out at me just like she used to when we were kids. Cameron was absolutely the more mature of my two siblings.
I took in a long breath and exhaled forcefully. But once my gaze found hers, burning developed within my eyes and I knew tears were forming. What’s with all the tears? Women cry when they are happy. They cry when they are sad. And a woman like myself, cries when I am angry. With so many reasons to cry, how could one keep track of why she was actually crying? However, there was no doubt in this situation. I cried because of overwhelming sadness.
“What happened, Char?” My sister’s excited expression transformed into a sympathetic one, but she managed to maintain a half-clenched smile as she brushed a stray tendril of my hair behind my ear.
“You remember La-La-Louis?” My quivering lips vibrated as I stuttered. I hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to even acknowledge his name.
“Of course. He was Cameron’s best friend.” A blank stare reflected back to me. “The three of you used to be inseparable.”
Visions of Louis and me with intertwined legs and connected bodies took up residence in my mind at her comment. “Yeah, well…”
“Have you seen him?” She must be hungry because she quickly tossed the sympathy aside and resumed eating her burger.
“Oh, I’ve seen him all right.” And I definitely liked what I had seen.
“I heard he moved after high school and hadn’t been back home since.” She talked while she chewed. She had always been so ladylike, I was surprised her manners weren’t on point all the time.
“Well, he came home two weeks ago.” Her burger dropped back into the food container with a soft swish while confusion mixed with inquiry occupied her expression as she turned toward me. With her legs crossed, she pulled them up into her chest presumably getting comfortable for the story she knew was going to follow.
She sat silently while I told her about the CPR on the old man at the grocery store, the beers at the bar, the forgiveness, our running together, the innocent flirting, and the not so innocent touching. I explained the rules that we made and seeing his mother kissing another man. I told her about our ice cream date and that he stayed at Cam’s house one night and mine another. Her eyebrows lifted when I told her about sleeping in bed together, but she remained quietly listening.
Then I told her that he found out his parents were getting divorced, and how he came over to my apartment and entered with the key I had given him. When I finally told her about the lust we could no longer deny, she bit her bottom lip in anticipation of the rest of my story.
“So we slept together and then he left.” Tears rolled down my cheeks and my sister grabbed a tissue from the box on her end table to hand me.
“Sweetie. I am so sorry. Did he say anything before he left?” She brushed the hair off my face again.
I thought back to that afternoon. I hadn’t remembered that he said anything. “I told him I loved him, and he took off.”
Laughter rang through the air as my sister chuckled at me. I sat in my car driving for an hour and waited another hour for her to get home so that I could sit on her couch with a broken heart and have her laugh to my face. “Char, you can’t say that to a guy the first time you have sex with him. That is, unless you’re looking to get rid of him. No wonder he ran away.” She threw me a wayward glance. “I’m surprised Cameron didn’t tell you the same thing.”
“I haven’t talked to Cam about this.” I blew out a breath and faced her. “Claudette, I came here looking for advice. I am in love with Louis.
I want to be with him, and I was hoping you could help me figure out how to do that.”
She took a swallow of her wine and resumed consuming her burger. I wasn’t sure how she could keep eating while my life was in crisis, yet she did.
15
Charlie
I let Cameron know I had been staying at Claudette’s for the last couple of days. I found it better to text him rather than speak to him. He already knew something was bothering me. He probably knew what was bothering me or had a pretty good idea, and he was likely upset that I went to Claudette. He was always my go-to sibling for the good and the bad.
It was relaxing at Claudette’s place. I liked being away from everything for a little while. It was good to be away from Louis and work, and it was enjoyable having some time to myself. My sister worked every day, so I had plenty of time to sort things out in my mind. I ran on the beach every morning for three days. Those runs were quiet and tranquil. I didn’t have to watch for car or bike traffic. The only noise other than the squishing sound of my feet into the sand came from the waves crashing on the shore early in the morning. The Junebugs weren’t out on the beach at sunrise, so it was quiet, and I didn’t trip over anyone while I jogged along the water’s edge.
The saltwater smell hung in the air and the beach surface was soft in contrast to the pavement I usually ran on. A gentle breeze was always blowing at the early hour on the shoreline as the sun rose from the horizon and painted a picture of purple, orange, red, and yellow in the sky while reflecting on the water shining bright light and emitting radiating warmth. Why hadn’t I ever thought to run on the beach before?
One morning I did have an encounter with some seagulls that were fighting over trash that some tourists had left behind during their daily beach excursion. Their squawking was loud, but I put in my earbuds with music playing to drown out the noise. Once I passed the birds, I removed my earbuds so I could listen to the ocean again.
It was good to visit with my sister, too. Every night she came home from work and we drank wine and ate together. I was pretty sure she only had one bottle of wine left when it was time for me to return home. I decided I would have to buy more the next time I came to visit. After my few days of peaceful comfort, it was time to leave the refuge my sister had provided me when I needed it. So I packed up my suitcase and began my long drive.
It was Tuesday when I left Claudette’s house, and I was due to return to work on Wednesday night. I hoped it would be coffee night. Maybe I would nudge Cam toward that. I got up early to avoid traffic on the road. I was exhausted and didn’t feel up to dealing with all the people on the highway, so I decided to forego my morning beach run in order to get on the road early.
When I arrived at the apartment building, I walked up and dejectedly sat outside of the door because I realized I didn’t have a key. I could call someone about the situation. Surely, Cam would be happy to help me with my predicament. But I didn’t know if I was ready to talk to him about everything yet, and that’s exactly what would end up happening if I called him. So I sat there for several more moments.
The minutes ticked by and soon it was almost an hour. I stood to leave and return to my car, but as if I had willed him there because I was thinking about him, the most gorgeous man I had ever seen approached me wearing a navy blue firefighter uniform. He told me he would be going back to work on Monday as long as he had been cleared last Friday by the doctor. So there I was after his first twenty-four-hour shift back after two weeks of medical leave wanting to make things right with him.
“What are you doing here, Charlie?” The moisture from my mouth evaporated and my fearless front dissolved. I couldn’t get words out. So, taking my nonverbal stance as a response, he pushed past me and inserted his key into his apartment doorknob.
Once the door opened, I followed him inside, closing the distance between us. Digging deep into my core, I managed to find a shroud of courage, so I took in a deep breath and stood straight and tall toward him. “I needed to see you.”
He turned his body to face me with a scornful look held firmly across the chiseled features of his face. How had I thought my feelings were reciprocated by him?
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” I decided to draw from whatever inner strength I had and conjure up some bravery to speak to him about the situation between us.
“I’m fine. Are you okay?” I don’t know why he asked. He already knew the answer. He knew I wasn’t okay, or else I wouldn’t be there.
“No. I’m not okay.” He stood only an arm’s length away from me, so I reached toward him and placed my hand on his shoulder. He promptly pulled away from my touch. That rejection stung. “What is with you?” His dismissal toward my affection brought on a pool of tears within my lower eyelids. I could feel the wetness hovering and knew their descent out of my eyes and down my face in slow streams was eminent. “You told me you loved me five years ago, and then you ran away. I told you I loved you five days ago, and then you ran away. What is it with the running away from me?”
The emotionless gaze from his cobalt eyes pierced my breaking heart. “I don’t know what love is. I thought my parents had it, but here they are twenty-five years later, and they are getting divorced. I am not interested in anything that has to do with love.” His facial features were stern and unfeeling. His happiness was gone. The smile that I used to see and melt over was gone. His appearance was no longer a reflection of the same person I had spent time with over the previous two weeks. He was a stranger…an angry stranger. “You need to go.”
“Why?” I swiped my fingers across my eyes to keep the looming tears from falling out.
“Because I can’t give you what you want.” His matter-of-fact tone was in such a nonchalant manner, yet I had no idea what he thought I wanted.
“So you can’t be my boyfriend?” I figured that’s what he thought I wanted.
“That’s exactly what I am trying to tell you.”
“Okay. So how about my friend? Is that off the table?” I wanted him in my life. It didn’t matter to me in what capacity. I just didn’t want him to walk away from me for another five years. Truly, I didn’t want him to walk away from me for another five days.
“I think we have proven that we can’t just be friends.” He brushed his fingers through his blond hair. “Remember the rules?”
“Yeah, I remember.” I knew I was going to regret what I was about to say. “I wasn’t the one that initiated breaking the rules. You were!” I was hurt and angry—a deadly combination. I knew I shouldn’t have said that because I was about to get exactly what I didn’t want—for Louis to be out of my life again.
I was completely bewildered when he slumped his shoulders forward and hung his head low. He didn’t yell at me as I expected. Feeling as though his demeanor could detonate at any moment, I approached him cautiously. Then I slowly brushed my hand against the bristly hair of his forearm.
He gradually pulled his head up and dragged his eyes into a gaze in my direction. “I’m sorry about what happened. I got carried away.” I could feel the shame in his words, tone, and body language. He shouldn’t feel ashamed.
“I’m not sorry about what happened between us. I told you how I feel about you. The only thing that I regret is how I chased you away…again.” He wrapped his strong arms around me, and I nestled into his chest within the comforting embrace. I pressed my face against his uniform shirt and inhaled his scent as a kiss touched the top of my head.
“We aren’t any good together, Charlie.” How could he say that? Did he not remember the last two weeks like I had?
“You’re wrong. We are perfect together.” I encircled my own arms around his waist, but he quickly began to struggle free from my grasp.
“No. We’re not. You need to go. I had a rough shift back at work, and I don’t need this right now.” He was stronger than me, so he easily pulled out of my hold and stomped out of the living room area and toward the back of his apartment. I assumed he was headed to his
bedroom. I followed behind him after a moment once I realized he wasn’t coming back.
I saw a closed door in his hallway and swiftly turned the knob. The knob didn’t budge, though. It was locked. “Louis. Let me in, please. I want to talk with you.” There was no response, just deafening silence. “Will you at least let me know you’re okay? I won’t leave until you tell me.”
“I’m fine, Charlie. Go home.” His icy, muffled voice rang in my ears. I had been dealing with his mixed signals for two weeks at that point. Maybe I was better off without this confusion in my life.
“Well, unlike you, I don’t leave without saying goodbye.” I knew he was hurting, but I was hurting, too. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from lashing out at him, however. When he didn’t reply, I shrieked out a final “Bye!” and strutted out of his apartment.
After I was safely in my car, I let the tears flow. Sadness swept over me and replaced the anger I had felt standing in his apartment. My chest heaved deep sobs and my vision was blurred from the waves of water clouding them like a rainstorm so severe the precipitation came down in sheets and sometimes blew horizontal.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there. Maybe minutes, probably longer. Once my shaking and sobbing subsided, I put my key in the ignition and started the drive that would surely be the longest two hours of my life. I was leaving Louis. I didn’t know if I would ever see him again. I was sad because he was in need of support, and he didn’t want it from me.
I fetched my cell phone out and sent a text to my favorite person. I’m ready to talk. I will be home in a couple of hours. Can you come over? I needed my best friend. I no longer cared if Louis and I disrupted the friendship between Cam and the person he grew up with. I was going to tell my brother everything in person, not on the phone. I needed to get the weight of the Louis burden off my shoulders.
16
Louis
Love Burns Page 12
