“Come on, darling, that is not why you are up here by yourself posing like a tragic figure watching the horizon for land or ship or your heart’s true desire.”
She choked out a laugh. “That’s a great visual and I am not the right person to cast in the part.”
Benjamin turned, still leaning one arm on the rail, but angling his body to face her. It was classic body language to invite more trusted discussion. If he’d remained with both his elbows on the rail or turned to her with his arms crossed, she’d have been able to maintain emotional distance because his body would’ve indicated he was closed off to discussion. Instead, he’d opened up to her and she couldn’t close herself off from her friend. Not face to face.
“I can see the gears turning inside your head,” he said quietly. His voice was warm and maybe a little sad. “You don’t have to be so buttoned up. You can get out of your own head.”
She held out for another whole ten seconds, then she blurted out the events of the whole cruise. Benjamin just listened. He didn’t try to tell her what she could have or should have done. He just listened. By the time she’d brought him up to speed to where things stood now, she felt drained, not better per say, just empty. “This week has been the one time I let go and cut loose. Look where it got me. Not only am I not going to get this promotion, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get pulled in by HR and fired.”
Benjamin patted her on the back, his touch comforting. But it wasn’t the touch she was hungry for and knowing she still missed Bryan in so many ways frustrated her even more.
“I’m not going to say it isn’t as bad as you think, because I honestly don’t know your work or how your company will react. I’m not going to disrespect you by suggesting it’ll play out differently than you figure.” Benjamin pulled her in for a quick hug. “But even while you were telling me all about your adventures with Bryan, I could hear how much fun you had. Everything about you changed while you told me about him. This guy, he was good for you.”
“I don’t know.” She looked out over the ocean and thought about an old poem. The opening lines used imagery of a ship tossed upon cloudy seas, but that poem had ended in tragedy. “Even if he was good for me emotionally, I’m pretty sure we broke my heart in the process.”
Because he hadn’t done it by himself. Her choice to walk away had been a part of it too.
“That may be.” Benjamin nodded slowly. “But you still have choices ahead of you. Whatever you do moving forward, don’t regret…and don’t assume you can’t repair what got broken.”
Hope flared and Grace squashed it with ruthless speed. She needed to focus on her career, not a days long fling. Once she got her professional life stable, then she could turn her attention to her private life.
“This isn’t what this week was supposed to have been about.” She said it out loud, even though she was trying to convince herself and not Benjamin.
“No.” Benjamin sighed. “But let’s consider this: what are any of us expecting after this? What exactly did we hope reconnecting would accomplish?”
She opened her mouth and closed it. It was the end of this vacation and they weren’t together. The group was scattered. “I’ll do better keeping in touch with all of you.”
Benjamin smiled. “I’d like that.”
“Me too.” She’d try to be sure to touch base with all of them. “Honestly, even if we haven’t spent a lot of actual time together, I’ve been thinking about all of you more. Way more. I feel closer to you all. That’s one good outcome for all of this.”
“It is. And there’s our Grace back. You are a light wherever you go, don’t forget that.” Benjamin gave her another warm squeeze, then stepped away. “I’ve got to go pack. I’ll see you as we disembark, okay?”
She nodded and turned back to resume watching the stormy waves. Benjamin looked like he had his own stuff to work through, but she thought he wasn’t quite as ready to talk it out as she had been. Hopefully, he’d talk to her tomorrow.
And yes, they were going to keep in touch but what else had she expected from this trip. What did she expect reconnecting with her friends would accomplish?
Since college, they’d all built separate lives for themselves and while they might reach out to each other more, now that they’d reconnected, they weren’t going to be directly in each other’s lives come tomorrow. She’d had a taste of sharing space with someone and she’d walked away from him.
There’d been a strategic purpose to her taking this vacation and coming on this cruise. It’d been logical and a move designed to demonstrate she was that much more ideal as the candidate for the promotion she wanted. But standing here, looking out over the waves as the ship raced back home ahead of a tropical storm, she wasn’t actually sure she could remember what that original goal was.
He’d failed. Again.
Bryan stood at the airport gate with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, scanning the passersby for a familiar figure. It was a fruitless exercise in hope. He hadn’t caught even a glimpse of Grace as he’d gotten off the ship, nevermind the thousands of passengers leaving at the same time. He didn’t know how to find her in the urban wilderness that was New York City, either. He’d been too paralyzed by trying to come up with a solution for the security breach and a way to get her images off the internet that he hadn’t taken the opportunity to seek her out while they were still on the ship.
If he was being honest, he’d been too much of a coward to go to her without a solution.
His smartphone rang and he answered immediately.
“This is Bryan.”
“I just want to state for the record that I am an amazing friend if I’m calling you this freaking early in the morning from the West Coast.” Charlie sounded disgustingly cheerful for what was probably before dawn in his time zone.
Bryan refused to fall for the guilt trip. “You stayed up all night, didn’t you?”
“You know it.” Charlie was probably running on caffeine and vitamins. Bryan could hear him continuing to tap away at his keyboard as he spoke. “I managed to analyze the security breach and write the code to fix the problem. I’m uploading the patch as we speak. You should see an app update on your phone shortly.”
Progress. It still wasn’t anything Bryan had done himself, but it was a part of what needed to happen for the app. “You’re the best.”
“Hey.” Charlie sounded serious all of a sudden.
“Yeah?”
“Look. I’m glad you didn’t just scrap this project when the security issue was exposed.” Charlie cleared his throat. “You had every reason to, but I put a lot of work into this app and I think it could be successful. Really. The feedback you got this week is already input and I’ve got it all organized into functional requirements for us to look at for future releases. This is going to be above and beyond the other apps out there.”
“Someone very wise told me being able to do damage control in an emergency situation and mitigate issues is a formidable skill set. I’m trying to up my game.” Even if she wasn’t around to hear it, he was admitting she was right in the sincerest way he knew how, by putting actions to her words.
“Can we hire that genius?” Charlie snorted. “Whoever it is sounds way the fuck smarter than the two of us.”
“I don’t think she’d take the job, even if we offered it to her.” He was pretty sure she wouldn’t ever talk to him again, much less work with him.
“You can’t charm her into it? Or does she already have a job?” Charlie was still asking questions and Bryan resisted the urge to tell him to shut the fuck up.
It wasn’t Charlie’s fault Bryan had made a mess of things.
“Dunno if she has a job anymore, but I’m very sure she has reason to not be fond of the app right now.” And that was an understatement.
Charlie let out a low whistle. “She. Is this the woman in the video and pics that got leaked to that blog post? Shit.”
“Yes.” Whether it was a confirmation of her identity
or an acknowledgment of the situation, Bryan wasn’t sure but the answer did apply to both.
“Well, we sent a takedown notice to the blog and got the video removed, at least.” Charlie sounded a lot less excited now. “I also checked around and there don’t seem to be any copies of the video floating around anywhere. The post wasn’t exactly tagged with metadata that would attract pervs, so unless someone specifically had it out for her and would recognize her …lower body in that video, she might not have too much to worry about from the video itself.”
“Might.” Bryan growled. “Keep doing what you can to lock that down. The smaller percent chance of that being out there, the better.”
“It’s impossible to be sure it’s completely gone from the internet, man.”
“I know.” Bryan closed his eyes briefly. “I know, but we owe it to her to do the best we can.”
“What about the other images? It’s obvious she posed with you for the selfies. I’m guessing we can’t use them.” Charlie sighed. “They’re really good.”
“Learn from the data and feedback.” Bryan was not going to use Grace or do her any more damage than he’d already done. “But don’t use her images in any of the website or other promo.”
“Got it.” Charlie was typing again. “It’s a shame though. She’s ridiculously photogenic. You two looked like you were having a lot of fun. Hell, I’ve never seen you so…happy. Like really happy, not just partying.”
Bryan’s chest tightened and he wondered if he’d learn how to breathe again. Any thought of Grace stole the air from his lungs. He missed her so much. “Once in a lifetime experience, Charlie. Next time, you go on the cruise and do the testing.”
“Hell no.” Charlie laughed outright. “I get seasick. It doesn’t matter how big or small the boat is. I’d puke into some person’s lap and that’d be it. You’re the face of this project. You have the connections to get people talking about it. You can get us the backers and support, plus launch it with the right audience to get it out there. I’m going to hide right here in my tiny apartment, keep coding, and order in Thai food takeout.”
Bryan laughed in spite of himself. Charlie was a man of simple pleasures. “You are going to have to get on a plane and come out to Bangkok sometime. I’ll take you for real Thai food. The restaurants in the US change the recipes to suit the ingredients available and the tastes of the clientele, no matter how ‘authentic’ anyone claims the menu is. Ninety nine percent of the time, Pad Thai in the US is about as authentic as General Tso’s chicken.”
“I don’t know if my very Americanized digestive system can handle it, man.” Charlie sounded wistful though. “But I’d give it a try. It’s probably delicious. All of it.”
The thought of how much Grace enjoyed food grew in Bryan’s mind. She didn’t just take a mouthful. She drew in the scent, took in the visual appeal, and chewed slowly to get all the stages of flavor and texture a single bite could create. She made eating an experience.
“I do have an idea for test pics to replace the cruise.” Bryan cleared his throat. “Book that flight to Thailand. Seriously. I’ve got to board my plane.”
“What?” Charlie sounded panicked. “Are you…okay. You are. You said you are. I have a passport around here somewhere. Do I need to get shots?”
“I’ll send you a link with travel advice.” Bryan grinned. “I’ve got a plan coming together and you are going to be a part of it. We’re going to widen the demographic of our target audience too.”
“Whoever this woman is, I hope she’s right there with you.” Charlie made the statement with reverence.
Bryan’s momentary high crashed hard. “She’s not.”
“Then find her.” Charlie was decisive. “Whoever she is, she’s your muse. Hell, if I meet her, she might be mine.”
“I’m not sharing.” The words popped out before Bryan could think.
Grace wasn’t his to share or not. She wasn’t next to him and might not even take his calls even if he did track down her contact information. But…
He could learn from her and carry through with this app. She’d put work into it too. He could launch it, make it a success. Then maybe he’d be able to prove to her that he was worth taking a chance on too.
It wasn’t going to be easy. He had an app to launch and an incredibly judgmental family to convince to acknowledge his success and the odds to overcome for any small start-up tech company. But it was doable. This app could make it.
He could accomplish this and then he could track down Grace and show her. Then, if she still decided she didn’t want to be with him, it wasn’t because he’d given up on himself. He wasn’t going to play it safe and self-reject this time.
Grace was worth going the distance. Maybe he’d eventually develop his own drive and ambition for overcoming every challenge and obstacle to come up in his path but for now, Charlie was right.
Grace was his muse.
14
Grace walked into her studio apartment and closed the door behind her in a daze. Slipping out of her heels, she placed them on the shoe rack by the door and shoved her feet into her comfy house slippers. She staggered past her tiny table that doubled as a workspace and a dining area, dropping her tote bag on a chair on her way by. Opening the refrigerator door, she stared, unseeing.
Returning to work had not gone the way she thought it would.
Well, it had, but then it hadn’t. It’d been a morning full of anxiety and cringing anticipation, followed by a stomach sickening drop as her vice president informed her that another colleague had been chosen for the position she’d been hoping for before she’d left for vacation. Her worst fears had been realized. But then, he’d asked her to remain in his office as that same colleague had left triumphant.
Grace snagged a few plastic containers, piled them on top of each other, and dropped them onto the counter next to her rice cooker. Luckily, she’d set it to make rice by habit this morning. She opened the cabinet overhead and pulled out a bowl, then grabbed herself a long pair of metal chopsticks. She was starving and she needed to eat to process what had happened next.
Her vice president had known about the leaked app and the images of her! Of course. For anyone who did public speaking, including training, on behalf of their company, the HR department ran regular searches on the internet for them to be aware of any feedback about them. Her vice president hadn’t had the video of her pounding on Aubrey’s door, pantsless, but he had pulled up several of her on the ship and around the islands with Bryan.
She used her chopsticks to nab a bite of kimchee, following up the combination of sour and umami bound by a heavy dose of spicy heat with a mouthful of steaming rice. It took her a minute to chew and swallow, then she let out a gusty sigh. She’d been mortified as her vice president pulled up all those images of her. He’d even admitted they were not exactly anything HR would approve of, so he was showing her all he had so there would be no misunderstanding about why he had them in the first place.
She gathered up a bite of myulchi bokkeum next, the stir-fried little anchovies providing a savory crunch with just a hint of sweetness. Ah. She needed more rice too. The rice on the cruise ship just hadn’t been as nice as making it at home. She turned and leaned on the counter as she continued to think over what her vice president had said, because he’d had to repeat himself. She’d been too panicked seeing her pictures to hear him the first time.
She wasn’t fired.
While there were definitely going to be hurdles to overcome in regard to her image because those photos had hit the internet, he was more interested in the impact they’d had for the app she had been helping Bryan test. The company—actually Bryan and his developer, was Charlie his name?—had released official responses to the sneak peek blog posts. The responses had been smart and witty, calling out the sites that had jumped at the opportunity of the security breach to admonish them for posting her pictures without her explicit permission and also making it clear just how much she’d contribute
d to the important testing phase of their app. Bryan and his developer had demanded they respect the value she’d brought to the app.
Her vice president had agreed. In fact, he had a new role and a new team for her to build, if she agreed. It would be as a product manager, responsible for the vision and development of the company’s software product lines. It’d be a major stretch based on her background in training, but he felt her ability to understand the needs of the users of any system and communicate those needs in a way the IT developers could understand was exactly what the company needed.
She looked down at the counter and realized she’d demolished a serious amount of the rice in her bowl plus a good portion of the Korean dishes she’d picked up from the nearby Asian market. Putting the covers back on each of the containers, she returned them to the refrigerator and poured herself a big glass of water.
They’d had a heart to heart, then. Her vice president had pointed out to her that she had a broad number of soft skills that didn’t show up on a resume. The ability to communicate to different groups of people, be able to translate needs between them, while making sure all the parties involved felt heard, was not easy. She had to agree. It took a lot of energy to do that. He had pointed out most people couldn’t manage it, but he had observed that it was like breathing for her. He’d felt that while she could have done well in the role she’d wanted, it would have been comfortable and within a relatively short period of time, she might even become dissatisfied, stagnant.
He’d asked her to think about what she wanted for her career, agnostic of the company and what roles were officially available. He asked her to think about her vision and values to develop herself as a professional. He could have been patronizing about it, but Grace had worked with him for quite a few years. He was earnest.
Just as she’d left his office to think about the opportunity for the new role, he’d said one last thing that sent her head spinning.
Gaming Grace Page 12
