by Jerry Boyd
I asked, “So, how drastic of a change can it make?”
John replied, “Not much, but if you had access to a more advanced model, it might have more capability.”
I said, “I see what you’re saying.”
Richard said, “I sure don’t.”
I replied, “Sorry, but that’s probably best for right now. I’ve got to check on something in town tomorrow. Maybe then we’ll be able to tell you more.”
Richard said, “You guys have never steered me wrong. Susie thinks we should bug out with you when the time comes. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
I said, “That’s up to you two, but I don’t think staying here, after you’ve been associated with us, would be a good plan. You’re liable to get yourself a free vacation in Gitmo, till you tell the Government all you know.”
Richard said, “You really think they’d treat us like that, Bob? We’re natural born citizens, for Pete’s sake.”
John said, “We tried to help a fellow out that used to work for those folks. He couldn’t convince us that we could trust him, so we put him back where we found him. He decided to go back to them and try to tell them what he knew about us. We’ve since heard that they just killed him, rather than listen to what he had to say. Do you think they would have any qualms about putting you two in a dark hole until you talked?”
Richard gulped. He said, “I guess I’ve been trying too hard to look on the rosy side of all this. It sounds like Susie has been right all along.”
I said, “It’s a lot to take in. Don’t beat on yourself for not landing on your feet when your world got turned upside down.” Greg made it back with my beer. I noticed the fluid level was a little higher than usual, but I didn’t say anything. When I tasted it, sure enough, it was weak. I gave Greg a stern look, but I didn’t say anything to John. There would be time enough to let him know later. I think Greg knew he was busted, because he said, “I think I’ll go see if I can get a turn on the motorsickle, if that’s okay, Dad.”
John said, “Sure, Son. Just be sure to wear a helmet.” As soon as he was gone, John said, “Okay, Bob, give. I saw that look you gave Greg. What’s up?”
I replied, “You’re going to make me rat out my friend, John? You know I don’t do that.”
John looked at me, and said, “We’ve been friends longer than you and Greg, a lot longer. He’s my son, and I need to know what he’s up to.”
I said, “He drank part of my beer, and filled it back up with water. About half, judging from the taste.”
Richard said, “Sneaky.”
John said, “Thanks for telling me, Bob. I know that went against your rules.”
I replied, “I would have told you, John. I just wanted to talk to him first.”
John said, “I know. I’m new at this father business, and I get ahead of myself.”
I replied, “You’re better at that than I am at being Captain, that’s for sure. Cut yourself some slack.” I looked at the steaks, and they were about ready. I asked, “Richard, do you mind seeing if you can round up a platter or something to take these in the house?”
When Richard was out of sight, I turned to John and asked, “We still good?”
He said, “Of course. Will you help me get Greg squared away?”
I said, “I’ll do what I can.”
Dingus came cruising up on Dot. He said, “Greg got sick, I thought you might want to know.” John and I smiled, so Dingus asked, “What’s going on, you two?”
I said, “I believe they call it karma, Dingus. Young Greg snuck half my beer, and filled it back up with water. Apparently, he doesn’t hold his liquor well.”
Dingus laughed. “I thought I had done too many stunts with him on the back. Serves him right.”
John said, “I wouldn’t want to be him, when his Mama figures it out.” Richard came out with platters, with Jane close behind, mad as a wet hen. She said, “Which one of you idiots gave my boy beer?”
I said, “I sent him after a beer, that arrived watered down. I’d say he drank about half before he filled it back up.”
She responded, “When were you planning to tell me about this?”
“I was discussing it with John, when Dingus arrived and informed us that it had bounced. We were all enjoying the beauty of karma.”
John said, “I would have told you as soon as we came in the house, Dear. I didn’t realize he would react to it badly.”
Jane said, “I know you guys look out for him. Sorry I flew off the handle.”
I replied, “After all you’ve been through with Greg, you wouldn’t be quite right if you weren’t overprotective. I do think it might be a good idea to channel that sneaky streak into something productive, though.”
Jane replied, “How did that Captain’s hat just materialize on your head, Bob? You just went from friendly Bob to Captain Wilson in about three seconds.”
I replied, “Sorry, I’ll try and use my dirtside voice.”
Jane said, “It’s fine. What’s your idea?”
I said, “Well, he’s sneaky, and he needs to be guided so that he uses that for good purposes, and not stealing beer. I’m thinking Pete could do with a new recruit.”
John said, “You want to farm him out to Sneaky Pete, the infamous Marine?”
I replied, “Who else do we know that will catch him before he gets up to something?”
Jane said, “Crazy as it sounds, I think Bob might have something there. A little discipline, a job to do, I think it could be good for him.”
Dingus said, “Leave it to Bob. He’s got the answer. May not be right, but it’ll work till something better comes along.” We went inside, where Dee and Susie had the table set. Jane asked, “Where’s Greg?”
Susie said, “Still driving the porcelain bus, as far I know. He’s not contagious, is he?”
John said, “Not unless poor buzz management is contagious. He snuck half of Bob’s beer.”
Jane asked, “Should we give him something to settle his stomach, or let him contemplate the error in his ways a little longer?”
John said, “If he’s still at it when we finish eating, I’ll get him something.”
We sat down. Susie said a blessing, and then Dingus thanked the spirit of the steer. Susie asked, “I’ve noticed you folks doing that, but I guess I don’t understand why.”
Dee said, “Too much time around the Squatches. It’s their way of being thankful for what they have to eat.”
Susie replied, “I’ve never met one. People tell so many scary stories.”
Dingus said, “Yes, they have great fun scaring the Smallfoot. It’s a game among the younger males. The more things they can make you drop, that they can carry back as trophies, the more the girls like it. They say it works almost as good as garlic.”
Susie asked, “Garlic?”
I said, “The lady Squatches go for garlic like lady Smallfoot go for chocolate. Charlie pays his hands in garlic, and never has a shortage of help. A young buck will work all day for a few heads of garlic.”
Janet spoke up. “I talked with some of the young girls when we were on Charlie’s Planet. They talk about a guy they like by saying, ‘I bet he brings home a lot of garlic’ or ‘Mmm, mmm, I can smell the garlic from here’.”
Susie replied, “I learn so much hanging out with you guys. How far away is this Charlie’s Planet?”
Nikki said, “What is it now, about two days travel?”
I said, “A little less, I think. That last trip was pretty quick. Scotti and Frank have a couple days to work on the drives while we’re here. May be quicker going back.”
Susie asked, “How is it you’ve been able to make so many improvements to tech you haven’t seen before, Bob?”
I replied, “First, only a little of it has been me. Most of it is either humans or bots who work for me. The more important thing, Max figured out the other day. A couple of hundred years ago, they changed suppliers for the ration packs they all eat. The new folks weren’t a
s careful with some of the micro-nutrients and left out a couple that are important to clear thinking. Another thing we have going for us is that Galactics won’t listen to bots, no matter how good their ideas are. We listen, and let them work on their ideas, so we get a free boost right there.”
Nikki said, “Yeah, Bob is notorious for listening to bots when Galactics won’t.”
Susie asked, “How do you mean?”
Nikki replied, “The other day he set records on several command simulations, just because he let the bots do what they were designed to do and help him fight the battles.”
Dingus said, “Made a bunch of work for me, because I have to help the bots come up with harder simulations to throw at him. We can’t have him thinking he knows what he’s doing, or anything like that.”
That reminded me of an idea I had, so I got out my comm and texted Ruth, asking her to work on something for me, without telling Sally, if she could. Dingus saw me, and asked, “What are you up to, Bob?”
I said, “Just thought of a way to maybe keep up with your nasty simulations. Figured I might as well run it by Ruth, to see if she thought we could make it work.”
Dingus replied, “How am I supposed to come up with a sim hard enough to challenge you, if you keep coming up with ways to beat it?”
I replied, “Gee, Dingus, that sounds like a personal problem.”
Dee said, “There you go, Bob’s your asshole.”
I said, “Thanks so much, Dee.”
The rest of supper went without incident. While we were cleaning up, John went and found Greg and gave him something to settle his stomach. Greg wandered out, still not too steady, and came up to me, with a serious look on his face. He said, “Uncle Bob, I’m sorry I stole your beer and watered down the rest.”
I asked, “Do you understand why that was a bad idea?”
“Yes, I do.”
I said, “When your folks are ready for you to have beer, I’ll be proud to drink with you. Until then, you need to listen to what they tell you. They’re trying to keep you safe and happy. You understand that, right?”
“I do, Uncle Bob. Why didn’t you get sick like I did?”
I replied, “Your Dad could probably explain better, but I’ll try. My belly is bigger than yours, and I have a lot more bodyweight to soak up the alcohol. Also, I didn’t slam the whole thing on an empty stomach like you did.”
John asked, “Anybody want to play Frisbee under the yard light?”
Everybody thought that sounded like a good idea, even Janet, who had no idea what a Frisbee was. It didn’t take long to get her up to speed, and soon the game was ‘keep away from Snitz’. Then, suddenly, he lost interest, and started sniffing towards the woods. I heard knocking not long after that. I got out my badge and set it to Sasquatch. I called, “Come on in, Farts-Like-Skunk.”
I heard back, “It is Tall Deer. May I come into your camp?”
I called back, “Come ahead, Tall Deer.” I went around the house to meet him in the backyard, closer to the woods. An old, brown Squatch, tall and slim, came out of the woods. He said, “I am Tall Deer, father of Wet Bobcat. I am told she is safe, but I do not know this Bawb who says so, and I do not trust it.”
I said, “I am Bawb. What would convince you that she is safe?”
“Could I see her?”
I replied, “She is far away. A world around another sun. I have a way you could talk to her. Would that be good enough?”
Tall Deer said, “It will have to be, I suppose.”
I said, “We are going back to the world where she is soon. You would be welcome to come with us, if you wanted.”
Tall Deer asked, “This is the world of Falling Rain?”
I said, “It is.”
“She told many stories. I have never seen such a place. People like us, living in villages, not running from people like you? It all sounds too good to be true.”
I replied, “I can see how it would, living the way you have to here. I have been there. It is a place where Smallfoot and Bigfoot live in peace. It is your choice to believe or not. Do you still want to talk to Wet Bobcat?”
“I do.”
I commed Charlie. “Hello, Uncle Bob. Are you back already?”
I said, “Nope. I have a fella here by the name of Tall Deer. He wants to talk to Wet Bobcat.”
Charlie replied, “She’s on patrol right now. Give me a minute to patch you through.”
It wasn’t long before Wet Bobcat’s growls and hoots came through the comm. Tall Deer grunted and hooted back. They talked for a while. I turned my badge off, I didn’t want to eavesdrop. After a bit, noise quit coming out of the comm, and I noticed the link was gone. Tall Deer pointed at my badge. I turned it back on. He said, “Thank you, Bawb. It is good to know she is safe and happy. I can go happy to the woods, now.”
I said, “If you ever decide to go visit her, you know how to find us.”
Tall Deer said, “I will remember. Wet Bobcat says I should tell you to ‘fly safe’.”
I said, “Walk safe in your woods, Tall Deer.”
Once he hit the tree line, he faded away into the dark. I went back to the front yard. Snitz was back playing Frisbee. John asked, “What was that about?”
I replied, “Wet Bobcat’s Dad checking up on her. I offered him a ride out to Charlie’s Planet, but he didn’t want to go.”
“Did you get him calmed down?”
I said, “I got Charlie to put him on the comm with her. He seemed satisfied after that.”
“Good deal.”
I asked Max, “Where’s Joanna tonight?”
He replied, “She had something in Springfield. Said she would be late getting back, not to wait supper for her.”
Nikki asked, “Caveman, are you about ready to go? The kids have had all the Frisbee they want for now.”
I said, “Sure. Let me round up our passengers.” I got Snitz and Janet loaded up. I knew Nikki was tired, she headed for the passenger side. Joanna wasn’t home yet when we got there. I took Snitz on patrol, while the ladies got ready for bed. Once Snitz was satisfied, we headed in. I got ready and joined them in the bed. Janet said, “I know it’s an inconvenience. Thank you for letting me sleep with you guys.”
Nikki said, “It’s okay, hon. Just get some rest.”
Just having an extra body in the bed wasn’t enough to get any slack from Snitz. Tongue in ear, right at sunrise. I got up, did what I needed to, and started some coffee. Then we went out to see what terrible degradations had befallen Snitzelvania through the night. Joanna pulled in while we were out. I said, “So, I guess that wasn’t a business meeting, then.”
Joanna said, “I thought it was supposed to be. She apparently had other ideas. Dang, did she have ideas.”
I said, “TMI. WTFTMI.”
Joanna said, “Sorry, Bob. Didn’t mean to offend.”
I replied, “You didn’t offend. I just don’t need to know your business, just like you don’t need to know mine. How would you like it, if I started telling you all the stuff Nikki gets up to in bed?”
“I see your point. You don’t mind, then?”
I said, “Be with whoever makes you happy. I got the impression you weren’t all that picky, the way you talked about Rick, the delivery guy.”
“You don’t miss much, do you, Bob?”
“I try not to. Got too many people depending on me, to start slipping.”
We went back in the house and had some coffee. Janet came out doing the coffee zombie. I still gave her juice. She said, “You’re already dressed? You weren’t even home when we went to bed. How did you get up so early?”
Joanna said, “I wound up staying over in town. I just got home.” A bunch of emotions went across Janet’s face, too quick for me to read. She said, “Did you have fun?”
“I did. I’m sorry if it brings up bad memories. I didn’t mean to do that.”
Janet said, “It’s getting better. The Captain and Mrs. Wilson are taking good care of me.”
Joanna said, “I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. That’s not an easy thing to come back from.”
Janet asked, “Were you...?”
Joanna said, “My sister. I helped her get over it, but it took a while.”
I asked, “What does anyone want for breakfast?”
Joanna said, “Sorry for getting so deep at the breakfast table, Bob. Whatever you feel like cooking is fine with me.” I had been hoping somebody would have a preference, because I was still full of steak, and not really hungry. I just did scrambled eggs and sausage again, kind of on autopilot. Janet said, “Gee, that looks familiar.”
I said, “I wasn’t hungry enough to decide, so I did the same thing again. I hope that’s okay with you.”
Janet replied, “I like it fine. I just notice things.”
I said, “That’s a good thing. I suppose I’m finally getting the idea that it’s okay to slow down for a minute.”
Joanna asked, “Bob, the company account is looking really healthy. If I moved another ten million into that endowment you’ve got me running, I could set it up to run itself, pretty much indefinitely.”
I replied, “I don’t see a problem with that. We’re not going to be doing that much business on Earth from here on out, and that amount of gold won’t buy us much on the Galactic market. You’ve got somewhere else to be?”
Joanna said, “I’ve come to realize I don’t have any interest in pioneering some planet way in the back of the beyond, even with tech to ease the way. I’m a town girl, always have been. I’m thinking I can go back in the autodoc and take a few more years off, buy myself a new identity, and fade into the woodwork before the Government gets wind of our operation here. It’ll mean leaving behind that lovely Datsun your crew built for me, but I think, all told, it’s the best for me.”
I asked, “Do you want to keep a saucer, in case you change your mind?”
She replied, “I might keep a comm, so I could bum a ride if I needed to, but keeping a saucer hidden is going to be a hassle, and I wouldn’t be able to pick up and move, if my cover leaks.”
Janet said, “You’ve thought this through, haven’t you?”
