by Jerry Boyd
Pete said, “I can handle that, Boss, but why me, rather than Abe or Andre?”
I replied, “He’s a sneaky little fart, I thought you two would be on the same wavelength.”
Pete said, “I understand, Sir.”
Jim and Janice followed him off to the transit. I grabbed one as well and headed to our cabin. Janet and Nikki were there. Nikki already had my Captain Kangaroo suit ready for me. I asked, “Has anyone set a time yet?”
Nikki said, “No.” I looked at my watch. Quarter after ten. I said, “Gene, please make an announcement that Jim Bailey and Janice Parks are to be wed at eleven A. M. sharp, all personnel who wish to attend should make arrangements to be there.”
Gene replied, “On it, Boss.” I shaved, and got my uniform squared away, and then we headed out. Topper greeted us at the door. I asked, “What are you doing on the door, Topper? I thought you were the Best Bot. Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere getting the groom squared away?”
Topper replied, “Those duties are already accomplished, Sir. Ozzie should be here any time to take over the door.”
I replied, “So long as things are under control. It’s a shame we couldn’t wait until Taz got back.”
Topper said, “I was going to stream it to him, but they can’t have any comm signals right now.”
I said, “Better to keep them safe. He’ll be back soon, so I hear.”
Topper replied, “Boss, I’m grateful you unlocked our memories, but the emotional module that turned back on is not my favorite thing. I miss Taz. I never had feelings before. How do you organics get anything done, having feelings all the time?”
I answered, “We just have to learn to push on through. I don’t have any sage advice, but it does get better with practice.”
Topper said, “Thanks, Boss, for understanding.”
Nikki and Janet found seats, and I went to the front. Ruth was sitting at an organ. How they came up with that, I had no idea. I wandered over and asked Ruth, “Where did we get an organ?”
Ruth looked up at me, and I knew it was coming, “From an organ donor, where else? Really, Boss, Scotti built it, and I helped tune it.”
I said, “Good work, all around.” Soon enough, Topper stuck his head out of the curtains at the back of the hall and cranked his finger for us to get started. Ruth started playing, and Jim came in to stand next to me. Rhonda came down the aisle, with Molly. Molly had a pillow strapped to her back, and on it I could see the rings. Rhonda spread her flowers, and Molly came straight to Jim. He removed the pillow and held on to it. Topper started down the aisle, escorting Gail. When Topper took his place, Jim handed him the pillow. He removed Jim’s ring and handed it to Gail. Ruth struck up the wedding march. No one had told me who was escorting Janice. Andre was spectacular in dress uniform camo. When they came to a stop, I asked, “Who brings this woman, to this place, for the purpose of matrimony?”
Andre said, “I do, Sir!”
“Is she here of her own accord?”
“She is, Sir!”
I snapped to, and said, “Dismissed, Marine.” Andre turned, and marched back down the aisle, where he stood at the back of the room to watch the rest of the ceremony. I said, “It has long been custom, that the Master of a vessel underway, has the right and the duty to join in matrimony such persons as come to him asking to be so joined. Here, today, as Master of the B. S. Gene Cernan, I claim that right.”
“Mr. Bailey, do you swear to take care of this woman, respect her, and love her?”
“I do, Sir.”
“Ms. Parks, do you swear to take care of this man, respect him, and love him?”
“I do, Sir.”
“Jim, give her the ring.” He did so.
“Janice, give him the ring.” She did so.
“It is customary to give a talk on the fact that marriage is about helping one another through the tough parts. I have no doubt that these two could tell me a great deal about that, so I feel no need to do so. What has been joined here, let no human, nor bot, nor Squatch, nor Squirrel, put asunder. Go on, Jim, kiss the old bat before she changes her mind.” He did a fine job of that, and Janice managed to flip me off without anyone else seeing. They turned. Topper knelt and pulled out a carpenter’s square. Jim and Janice jumped over it into their new life. After they made it back down the aisle, the crowd started milling. Gail came over to me. She said, “That was a nice ceremony, Captain. I have something to ask, if it’s okay?”
I said, “Of course, but I have to be entirely too stiff and formal about it while I’m wearing this getup. You might do better to wait till I change clothes.”
“I think it will be just fine, Captain. I have to return to Earth, since I will be in charge of Shady Oaks until either Mr. Branham or Mrs. Sloan return. Rhonda has expressed a desire to remain aboard, studying with Sally, and assisting in Engineering with her new friend, Janet. Would this plan of action be acceptable to the Captain?”
I replied, “It would. Thank you for bringing this state of affairs to my attention.” I called, “Mr. Topper, front and center.” He came up in front of me. “Yes, Boss?”
I said, “Mrs. White, here needs a ride back to Earth. Please take a freighter, because I would like you to bring back Joanna’s Datsun. It’s in the barn at our place. She has decided to take up a new identity. The Datsun is many things, but it is not discreet.”
Topper said, “Understood, Boss. How soon does this need to happen?”
I looked at Gail. She said, “As soon as you can, Topper.”
Topper said, “Step this way, Ma’am.”
Dingus and John walked up. John said, “I hear you’ve got us a new recruit.”
I replied, “More like a consultant. High-priced consultant. Ten tons of black walnuts.”
Dingus asked, “Ten tons of black walnuts? What kind of a price is that?”
I replied, “It’s the whole reason he’s here. Seems they can’t get the trees to grow on their planet.”
John asked, “I know black walnuts are better than those silly English ones, but what’s the big deal?”
I said, “Sounds like his people are really fond of the taste. Kinda like truffles for humans, or garlic for Squatches. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s a trace mineral, like titanium for Fuzzies.”
Dingus said, “What?”
John said, “It’s a good book you missed while you were in the box. I’m sure we’ve got it in memory around here somewhere. I’ll send it to you.”
Dingus said, “Well, glory be! Bob said something obscure, and it was a book, instead of a TV show.”
I replied, “I do read, maybe not as much as I once did. Is everyone aboard who is going back to Charlie’s with us?”
John said, “The last time I checked, yes.”
I replied, “Good. As soon as Topper makes it back, we can get underway.”
Dingus asked, “What’s Topper up to?”
I said, “He took Gail home, and he’s picking up Joanna’s car.”
John asked, “Something wrong with the Datsun?”
I said, “It’s too conspicuous. She’s decided to stay on Earth and taking that car with her would make it hard to stay hidden.”
Dingus asked, “When is she leaving?”
I said, “Near as I can tell, she already has.”
He said, “I hope she said goodbye to Dee.”
I said, “Surely she did. I better change clothes and get to the bridge. I know the bots have it, but I like to be there when we go in and out of FTL.”
Dingus said, “Sounds like a good policy, Captain. See you later.”
I went to the cabin and got back into my work uniform. Gene came over the intercom. “Captain, medbay wanted me to inform you that the dog, Alice, is ready to wake up.”
I said, “Very good. Please page Janet to meet me in medbay.”
I left the cabin and grabbed a transit. Janet was waiting when I got there. We went in, and the medbot woke up Alice. She was glad to see Janet, and apparently v
ery happy to be out of the cone of shame. I went with Janet to show her where the grass box was. To my surprise, the whole compartment now had a grass floor. I asked, “Gene, when was this put in?”
Gene replied, “Boss, Sally thought that with three dogs aboard, we would need more room for them to do their business, so she got some more soil and grass while we were at Earth.”
I said, “Glad she’s thinking ahead. Thanks, Gene.”
I left Janet with Alice and headed for the bridge. In the transit on the way there, Gene said, “Captain, Mr. Topper is back aboard. Mr. Richards wants to know if you will be retrieving his relatives on this trip.”
I replied, “I don’t know, Gene. I’ll have an answer soon.” I commed Max. “Yes, Bob?”
“I’ve been asked whether we intend to rescue those kids this trip. Do you know anything yet?”
Max replied, “When asked by the judge in open court, they both said they wanted to live with their Uncle Bill. The judge denied their request and sent them to live with their grandparents.”
I said, “That’s our answer, then. Thanks, Max.”
“You’re welcome, Bob. I’m thinking that means the feces will soon impact the impeller?”
I replied, “I’m afraid you’re right. I hope Joanna has her head down, wherever she is.”
Max said, “Me too. Later, Bob.”
“Take care, Max.”
I said, “Gene, please page all personnel assigned to the raid to the landing bay.”
“Sir, Sally has modified your plan to use fighters for the stunner sweeps. Do you want the fighter pilots in the landing bay, or with their craft?”
“Send them to their craft. My mistake, Gene.”
I grabbed a transit, Gene must have given me priority by default, because I was at the bay immediately. I saw Pete when I stepped out. I asked, “Where’s your recruit, Sergeant?”
Pete said, “Sally is giving him some homework, Boss.”
“As long as I don’t find him tagging along on this mission, I’ll be happy.”
“Sally is making sure of that.”
I said, “Good work, Pete.”
John and Dingus came running up. John asked, “Why didn’t you mention this when we were talking a while ago?”
I replied, “Because I had forgotten that we needed to take care of it before we left the system.”
Dingus asked, “So Reggie gave it his okay?”
I replied, “I just talked to him, he said the kids begged to live with their Uncle Bill, but the judge wouldn’t allow it.”
We loaded up, as Bill came running up. I said, “Thanks for reminding me, I would’ve forgotten, we would have had to come back for them.”
Bill said, “Not like you have a lot on your plate or anything.”
I replied, “Still, I told you I would take care of it. I should have been more on the ball.”
Bill said, “We’re on our way now. That’s good enough for me, Captain.”
Our pilot was kind enough to give us a display of what was happening. The fighters were arrayed ahead of us, and we were all making an atmospheric entry as fast as we could, without an ion trail. Half the fighters split off, when we got through reentry. We tucked in tight behind our fighter escort, as they dived toward our objective. The Marines lined up at the ramp and faded out. The ramp came down, and shortly we turned to come in for a landing. Bill, Dingus, John and I lined up to run out when we touched down. Pete was waiting by the door. He said, “This way, Sirs.”
I asked, “Any trouble, Pete?”
“No, Sir. They’re all sleeping like babies.”
I said, “Let’s get what we came for and get out of here.”
We ran downstairs and found the Faraday cage where they were keeping the kids. They looked scared, until they recognized their Uncle Bill. The boy said, “Uncle Bill, you came for us. They said you were dead.”
Bill said, “Still alive, kiddo. Let’s get you out of here. Where are your Grandma and Grandpa?”
The girl said, “We don’t know. These men gave them a lot of money, and they left.”
The cage was locked. I said, “Pete, if you please?”
The lock realized that it much preferred the state of being in smithereens, and we grabbed the kids and left. We got back aboard the ship, and I asked, “Pete, are your Marines all present?”
“They are, Boss.”
I said, “Pilot, unass this planet.”
Ruth said, “Aye, Sir.”
The next thing I knew, the ramp was coming back down, and Gene said, “Welcome back, Boss.”
I replied, “Please ask Sally to wait for me before she takes the ship to FTL.”
Gene said, “On it, Boss.” I grabbed a transit and then strode on to the bridge. Sally announced, “Captain on the bridge.” I said, “As you were.”
I said, “Sally, I have the conn.”
“Your ship, Sir.”
I said, “Very nice work with the dog’s room, by the way.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Have the fighters recovered?”
Sally replied, “They have, Boss.”
“Is everyone here who wants to go to Charlie’s Planet?”
Sally said, “Yes, Boss. Zoom and Diego made it back while you were on the raid. Everyone who needed to go ashore has left. We are clear to leave, on your order.”
I said, “Ruth, please take us to FTL with as little fuss as you can manage.”
Ruth replied, “Easing us out, Boss.” Once we were steady in FTL, I asked Sally, “I suppose I have work to do, down on the sim deck?”
Sally answered, “Whenever you feel ready, Boss.”
I said, “With you and Dingus collaborating on the new sims? I’m never going to be ready, Commander. The best I can hope for is being receptive to new concepts.”
Ruth spoke up. “I finished that work you asked for, Boss. I put it in your personal simulator file, under ‘Death Blossom’.”
“Thank you, Ruth. Hopefully, it will be enough to keep me ahead of the e-ville sim builders.”
Sally replied, “Not e-ville, Boss. Just trying to help you be your best.”
I said, “You have the conn.”
Sally replied, “My ship, Sir.”
Being in no hurry to take my punishment, oops, I mean education, I decided to walk down to the sim deck. I found Janet and Jane, along with Alice and Snitz, at the compartment where Janet’s attack had taken place. Jane was trying to coax Janet into the room, to face her fear. It didn’t seem to be going well. I decided to see if I could help. I walked up. Jane said, “Hi, Bob. Just trying to get Janet over her fear of this compartment. We aren’t having much luck, though.”
“Mind if I try?”
Jane said, “Go ahead, Captain.”
I figured giving her time to think was the wrong approach. I said, “Apprentice, attention!” She snapped to. “Are you armed?”
“I am, Sir.”
I said, “Draw your weapon and clear that room.”
She pulled the Baby Browning Scotti had made for her and went into the room. Snitz, seeing her draw, went with her. Alice followed Snitz. Jane started to say something, but I gave her the shh sign. Janet came back to the door, put her weapon away, and said, “The room is clear, Sir. There are no threats present.”
I said, “At ease.”
Janet relaxed, and said, “Boss, I need a hug.” I hugged her, and she cried. When she was done, she said, “How did you know I needed help, Captain?”
I said, “I didn’t. Just happened to be here when you needed something.”
Jane said, “You really believe that. It’s hard for any of us to believe, you do it so often, just turn up where you’re needed.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. Are you squared away, Janet?”
Janet said, “Not completely, but that helped a lot, Captain.”
I said, “Holler if you need anything else, I’m late for sim deck.”
I headed on down to the simulators, even i
f I dreaded what was to come almost as much as Janet had dreaded that room. I knew Dingus would have made it nearly impossible for me to beat his sims, and I knew people were expecting me to find a way. Dixie was waiting when I got there. She said, “There you are! I was beginning to think you had found something else to do.”
I replied, “Only temporarily. I’m here for my punishment, now.”
Dixie said, “Boss, we’re not punishing you. Aren’t you the one who always talks about using resources to their full potential? We’ve yet to find out what that is, for you.” I got strapped in, and off we went. At first, they were rougher than the ones from the other day, but still winnable. It wasn’t long before I got to sims I was having to have three or four tries at to beat. Some of the ships could absorb more than one round of Gene’s main guns, Dingus had thrown in all kinds of issues. One sim, Sally and Tex were both disabled, and I had to figure out who to replace them with. Then I got to one where we emerged from FTL in the middle of a fleet that immediately opened fire on us. Dingus had prevented me from cheating by issuing orders before we emerged, so I had to react in real time. I tried ordering us to jump back out, but by the time we did, we were damaged beyond repair. It was time for the Death Blossom, so on the next run, I tried it. Ruth had programmed a miracle. We jumped into a spot, fired, and jumped back out before we were hit. Then we would take another shot. She had figured out how to control where the ship was pointed when we emerged, so that we were able to use the main guns to best effect. We took damage, sim Scotti was cussing me up one side and down the other, but in the end, we were the last ship fighting. The screen said, “Simulations completed. Please exit.” I pulled my gear and got out. It must have taken longer than it seemed, because I was stiff, and in need of the little boy’s room. Dingus was standing there when I got out. He said, “If I wasn’t so impressed, I’d deck you right here. We worked hard on those, and you went through them like they were nothing. No way should you have been able to beat that last one.”
I said, “I’ll talk to you about it more, but right now I have an urgent appointment across the hall.” Once the world no longer had a yellow tinge, I went out to see if Dingus had calmed down any. He had, but Joshua had shown up, and he was fit to be tied. “You terrible, warlike monkey! What in the world was that? We knew these ships were powerful, but you took down an entire fleet with one ship! No wonder we’ve tried so hard to keep you from finding us.”
