Roc observes Josh then condescendingly asks Sky, “And this shocks you why, Pee Wee?”
Josh’s shoulders relax as the lecture refocuses on Roc. Josh smiles at being out of the line of fire.
Skyler looks like a Josh Jr. with her finger pointing and poised for a lecture. “You know what, Rocco…”
Observing Sky’s rant, Jolene shakes her head. “I think you’re losing both girls in one day, babe.”
In his chair, Josh sits up straight, his upper lip snarling. “Huh?”
Jolene is seeing what I’m seeing. Sky likes Rocco. Josh’s eagle eyes are giving a warning to Rocco, but Rocco is far too busy smiling at Sky, who’s still rambling.
“And for another thing, Jolly Green Giant…”
While everyone helps clear the table, Sky and I do the dishes. Heat suddenly rolls through me. I realize Dereck is standing behind me again.
“When you’re done, do you think I could talk to you outside for a minute?”
Jolene walks up, pushing me aside. “Go on. I got these.”
I dry my hands and look at Josh. His smile is different this time. It’s a mature, no-more-jokes, my-baby-girl-is-falling kind of smile. That confirms I’m okay. I bashfully smile back then walk away with Dereck.
As we head toward the laundry room, I can’t help noticing his arm brushing mine every now and then. No words are shared, but so much is being said as he watches me. I shyly gaze at him, trying to notice where I’m going. The back of his hand grazes mine. He looks there.
“Sorry.”
“I’m not.”
His eyes snap to mine. A questionable smile appears. “Okay.” He opens the back door and gestures for me to go first. My shoulder touches his sternum as I pass. Again, I’m not sorry.
My childhood swing hangs from my favorite tree. The tree that stands tall next to my bedroom, beaming its natural energy as if winking at me. I can’t resist and take a seat, even though I haven’t sat on this swing for years. I lean backward to reach the sun rays beckoning. Dereck leans against the tree trunk, studying me. His light is showing a touch of insecurity. Looking at his tall, handsome physique, I can only imagine that the feeling is uncharted territory for him. Dereck has no reason not to feel confident around me, for I think he and his light are magnificent. In fact, I’m the one who should be apprehensive, even though I don’t want to be.
We stare at each other, and I wonder what he’s thinking. A storm is stirring in his eyes again. “You want to hear something crazy?”
My swing slightly moves as I nod, wanting to hear anything he has to say.
“I feel as if… I already know you.”
My heart sings. “Maybe you do, Dereck.”
He readjusts against the tree then peeks out from the hair falling into his eyes. “Do you think it’s because of everything Josh and Joles have told me about you?”
I shrug. Or because we have known each other many lifetimes? “I’m usually afraid of people.” It’s a random comment that I can’t stop from coming out of my mouth.
He inhales slowly. “And with me?”
“With you…” I pause then whisper, “the complete opposite.”
He exhales.
Yes, moments that last forever.
Dereck slides down the trunk and sits on the ground. “What is it about you?” With one leg stretched out in front of him, his other is bent as he plucks at the grass. “How can someone you’ve just met…” He hesitates.
I sit forward in the swing, my feet planted. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
The back of his head rests against the tree. “You seem so unusual to me.”
I glance at my lap. “I feel I should apologize for that.”
“Why?”
“So far, being different… has caused a bit of alienation.”
“Is it the same for Sky?”
My throat tightens. “Yes.”
“I find you both refreshing.”
I look up from my lap. “You do?”
“Yes.” Dereck smiles at me. “I’m really glad I got to meet you today.” I eye the spot of grass in front of him. He observes then pats the ground. After sliding off the swing, I sit in front of him. “Serenity, can I see you, again?”
“Sure. I see Josh and Jolene all the time. Come hang out.”
He slowly shakes his head. “Not what I’m talkin’ about.”
“Ya lost me.” I nibble on my bottom lip.
“Not looking to hang out,” he says with a more serious tone.
“That sounds rather intense. What would you like to do, then?”
“I want to learn everything about you.”
I inhale. “Oh… Yes… Intense.” My cheeks warm. “Think you’re up for the challenge?”
A flirty smirk crosses his beautiful face. “I’m game if you are.”
“Games, huh? Josh has warned me about guys like you.”
“Now you’re playing with my words.”
“Soooooo, you can’t really handle me?”
“Oh, girl. You are lighting a fire in me. It’s on. Winner takes all.”
I lean forward. “Great. What am I winning?”
His grin and shoulders feign defeat. “My heart, I think.”
That catches me off guard. Jolene said this is not his style. I ask, “Would you like to start this ‘getting to know me’ process now?”
“Yes.”
“Shoot.”
“Favorite color?”
I roll my eyes. “Boring.”
“Caught me off guard.”
“Then don’t be guarded.”
He squints accusingly. “Same goes for you, then.”
“Touché.” I roll my shoulders back and shake off my caution. “Okay, try again.”
“All right.” He pauses. “How many favorite colors do you have?”
I sit up straight. “I’m impressed. How’d ya know?”
“So far, you’re quiet, a lot. That tells me you have time to observe much. Therefore, you possibly also have time to learn what you appreciate.”
“I’m intrigued. Go on.”
“And… my mom says, when people take the time to see all the greatness around them, they tend to see more than the norm.”
“Your mom sounds brilliant.”
“Nah, she’s a psychologist. Dr. Sams.”
“It hasn’t made me stronger, though. In fact, knowing more scares me more.”
He nods. “That, I believe wholeheartedly. Maybe there’s a way to make the world not so… overwhelming?”
“I don’t know. People can be harsh. Their light—” I catch myself from saying too much.
“Thought we weren’t being guarded?”
I laugh, a little bewildered. “It’s not easy with you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I have a certain way—rhythm—to my daily actions. I’m safe that way. But with you, I’m off.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Does that mean I can’t see you again?”
“That depends on what’s most important to me.”
“Why?”
“I have to choose.”
His face pales. “Choose between what?”
“Existing”—I inhale—“or living.”
His now haunted eyes go to my back sliding-glass door. Josh is standing there with a deadpan expression. They lock stares. Then Dereck gives a slight nod—a message I can’t interpret. Josh appears to, though. He nods back and walks away.
Slightly alarmed, I ask, “What is it? What does the nod mean?”
Dereck’s eyes are fixed to mine again, and they’re no longer haunted; now they are de
termined. He opens his mouth to talk but the back door opens, interrupting him.
Rocco sticks his head out. “I’m sorry, Bubba. But Payton has to get to her car for work, and since Alex left—”
Dereck silences Rocco with a solemn nod. The door shuts. Foreign emotions are overwhelming me, so I say nothing. Dereck’s hand makes my chin tingle when he lifts my face to see his. “Serenity—”
It’s raining, and someone is holding my hand. When I glance down to see who, I’m shocked to see my skin so dark. The one clinging to me is a young black girl, and we’re hiding in shrubbery. The night terrifies me until I see a black man running to us. I don’t know why, but my heart feels a surge of trust for this man. The young girl tries to hold back cries of relief at the sight of him. As soon as he jumps into the bushes, she lets me go and crawls into his lap. His green eyes shoot to mine. Dereck.
He holds her to him and speaks to me with a Deep South accent. “I’m needin’ to ask you to watch my sista…” Whimpers cut him off, so he says to the one in his lap, “Shhh, you stay with Serenity, ya hear?” He appears tortured, kissing the top of her head, then speaks to a woman that I didn’t even know was behind me. “She bleedin’. It real bad. John’s with her.”
The woman has a scarf wrapped around her hair and old beads hanging around her neck. Very Voodoo New Orleans. She nods and whispers, “I’ll go to her.” And quickly she leaves, running into the night. I don’t know who they are speaking of, but my heart does, and it’s terrified for her.
Dereck cups my face. Raindrops and tears blur my vision. “Serenity, don’t you follow me. I must lead ’em away.”
His sister pleads for him to stay, but he won’t hear of it. He only hands her to me. Her blue eyes, full of fear, look at me. I don’t know how, but it is Skyler I’m seeing. In a hurry, I pull her to me, wrapping her in one arm while reaching to Dereck with my other. I know what he’s about to do for me, and I can’t stand it. The thought of never seeing him again has me clinging to him. “No. They gonna hang ya.” My Southern accent, matching his, rings through my words.
Suddenly he’s on his knees, kissing Sky’s head with his eyes slammed shut. Then they open and meet mine with a strength that rocks my soul. Over her head, his trembling lips press to mine. The love—the absolute love that pours from this one kiss—is something indescribable and an experience I will never forget. Slowly, he pulls those loving lips from mine. “I love ya both.” He grasps my face. “Do you hear me? I love ya so much. Ain’t got no regrets. Never regrettin’ you.”
My arm grabs around his neck. I decide not to let go of such a gift, but Master’s dogs start barking in the background. Dereck pulls from me. “They gettin’ closer.”
I cry, “Please, don’t go—” His hand goes over my mouth as he peers over his shoulder.
I see the white men coming with lighted torches. Dereck looks back at me again and whispers, “They’ll follow me, and you’ll be saved. She bleedin’. You must survive.” His lips crush mine before he stands. I try to stop him, but he pulls free of my grasp and runs out into the open. The back of his shirt is ripped with whip marks, covered in blood.
“There he goes!” a white man yells. “Get ’im!”
Dereck runs as fast as he can, but the dogs are set free and catch him.
The rope is flung over a tree… Around his neck…
I hide Sky’s face to my chest and reach out for him—
“Dereck.” I painfully whisper for the one who sacrificed himself for me. His choking and struggling echo in the present. My eyes clear, and this Dereck is sitting before me again. Not the slave whose fate left a hole in my heart so deep I can feel it in this lifetime. No, this Dereck is alive. Slowly, I reach out and touch his chest, because this time, he is not hanging from a tree.
Maybe it’s the desperation in my voice or the touch he feels on his chest, but his palm presses my hand to him and holds it there. “Serenity, what is it about you that’s pulling me to you? Why does the thought of leaving you today feel like having something ripped from my chest?”
He must not be seeing these memories as I am. I shake my head, my eyes brimming, because I don’t know how to explain the unexplainable.
Dereck removes my hand from his chest as he gets to his knees. “Come ’ere.” He lifts me to my knees and pulls me to him. As my body crushes his, thunder erupts through my whole being. “You’re not alone in this. Whatever is happening between us.”
“W-What are you saying?”
“I’m saying—I’m begging—for you to let me be a part of your world, in whatever shape or form you’ll have me.”
With his arms holding me, his hand cradling my head to him, I feel precious and loved. It’s beautiful. Life up to this moment has just been something I’ve done—something I’ve survived. My arms wrap around his waist faster than lightning. Before Dereck, I had no inner movement in my soul. A connection beyond all other connections is taking place.
My choice was to exist or live. I choose to live.
“I feel like I’ve found someone I lost,” he whispers with intensity. His embrace is fierce and the most comforting touch I’ve ever felt. “I never saw this happening to me.” His heart pounds against his chest where my face rests. I keep nodding, fighting tears at the same time. I can’t talk. I’m simply too overwhelmed. He rocks me as if trying to ease us both.
We hear a light cough. Not letting Dereck go, I gaze at my back patio and see Josh apologizing without words for invading our moment. Josh has no choice. The time has come to say goodbye.
With a strained voice, Dereck tells him, “You told me when you first saw Jolene, you just knew. But Josh, nothing, absolutely nothing you could have said would have ever prepared me for this.”
Glimpsing true pain for the first time scares me. “Josh?” Letting Dereck in is opening and exposing me to levels I’ve never known in this lifetime.
With teary eyes, Jolene holds her hand to her mouth.
“It’s okay, baby girl,” Josh says. “He won’t let you fall. He promised.”
Now I understand the nod.
After such a day, her humming soothes me. Lying within her arms, resting against the cloaked one, we sit among the flowers. Tonight, we watch the sky that can only be found in my dreams. A rainbow of colors, masterfully intertwining.
“I met him, today.”
“I know.” She presses her head to mine, continuing to hum her special melody.
“I saw things I have never seen.”
“I know.”
“How many times have I known him?”
“Many.”
“Will he remember, too?”
“His soul remembers.”
“You know what Shanti, ja, means, don’t you?”
“Yes. It means… Serenity, run.”
Chapter Five
Resisting Nature
We live on the west side of Austin, Texas, in the hill country. My parents don’t travel, so I haven’t seen much of anywhere, but I’m told Austin is different from the rest of Texas. I would like to see more someday. I would like to be brave again—live outside my box, and travel. Not that I don’t appreciate this immediate beauty, because I do. Jolene, Sky, and I head down a road where nature surrounds us—a sign that we are leaving the city far, far behind. My body sighs its thank-you.
Jolene drives her car—a hand-me-down from her uncle—that gets us to and from safely. Sky is lounging in the backseat with her little toes tapping to the beat on the middle console between the front bucket seats. Last night, I painted her toenails red because Rocco brings out the fire in her. The Wise Ones are loving it. When I told Sky that Rocco reminds me of a teddy bear, she softened, and a beautiful smile crossed her angelic face. I guess Rocco brings out more than just her feisty side.
“I’m proud of you.” Jolene stares ou
t the front windshield.
“Why?” I ask from the passenger seat.
“To let your heart go is a brave action.”
I stare out the passenger window. “Who says I’ve lost my heart?”
“That a girl!” Sky hollers from the back. “Stand strong!”
Jolene eyes Sky in her rearview mirror. “Is that what you think you’re doing with your teddy bear?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jolene pulls her car into a lot where the guys have plowed down the grass, creating another entry spot on the river for more tubers. I wasn’t there, of course, but I remember Josh’s story of some good-ol’-boy playtime. I try to picture Josh, Rocco, and Dereck’s trucks bouncing as they ran over bushes while hollering out their windows like the country boys they are. Wild and free. Now that I have met the Crew, I miss a memory I never had.
As Jolene parks, I see Dereck standing in the back of a sharp-looking black crew-cab truck, unloading tubes—onto heads. Annoyed, Josh pulls a tube from around his neck. “Damn Pretty Boy is cheery today.” Dereck’s wearing a Longhorn cap and long, light-green swim trunks—and nothing else. Nice. He laughs at Josh and Rocco’s frustration at him playing around. Alexandria and Payton are nowhere in sight. Jolene had told me they aren’t coming. She said Payton really likes me, though, and feels bad for having to miss this. I’m not sure if Alex deserves such devotion, but I understand Payton staying with her. I would do the same for Sky or Jolene.
Jolene and Sky get out of the car and start to undress down to bikinis, but all I can do is sit and watch Dereck. The way his body moves intoxicates me, and I don’t get intoxicated. Ever. Dereck looks up, and when he sees me, he smiles, jumping out of the truck with ease. I grin and shake my head, knowing I don’t have a chance. Jolene is right. I’m officially hooked on the male gender—one in particular.
Jolene leans in her open driver’s side window to put her clothes on her seat. “That smile has nothing to do with losing your heart, huh?” She observes Dereck beelining to me. “I used to get a hug and a kiss from that beautiful creature, and now he doesn’t even know I’m alive.”
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