by Mary Hagen
“I won’t betray us. You know that without my saying so, without doubt.” Hannah turned her cup in a half circle, the water spilling into her saucer and onto the table.
“Then, stop seeing him,” Papa said crossly. He removed a satchel from underneath the refrigerator. “We have work to do. You’d best go to your room. We’ll finish our conversation later.”
Dismissed like a child angered Hannah, and she made no effort to leave the room. She stared at her Papa as her stomach tied in knots. “What else do I need to know?”
Without facing her, Papa hemmed and hawed and straightened his tie. Mamma spoke for him in a resolute voice. “Jacob will be here in a few minutes to take Karl to Holland.”
“Jacob, but he’s left Germany,” she said, her words anxious. A wave of blackness swept over her. “He’s in danger.”
“Yes,” Mamma said. “He’s with an underground movement to rid Germany of the Nazis.”
Pushing her cup to one side, Hannah folded her arms on the table and buried her head. Quiet filled the room. Her nightmares had grown uglier. Impossible. “This, because of you.” She turned toward Karl, livid he was in their house, putting them and Jacob in peril.
Her father encircled her shoulders with his arms. “Sit straight and try to understand. This man is not putting us any greater danger than we face. We must do everything we can to end the Hitler menace. If Jacob is ever in danger of arrest or capture, he’ll slip across the border to a free country.”
“If he isn’t caught by the Gestapo first.” A sob escaped her, and her arms shook. She wanted her beloved brother safe.
“I’m willing to take the risk.” Jacob entered the room.
Hannah raised her head and stared. Jacob, her brother, stood in front of her. The brother she thought could be dead. Jumping out of her chair, she ran to him and threw her arms around him. “I can’t believe I’m seeing you.”
He returned her greeting with a kind but condescending smile. “I wish you weren’t present. How much have you been told? We wanted to keep you out of this. The less you know the better for all of us.”
Her legs turned to jelly and she grabbed the back of the chair to steady herself. Always my older brother looking after me.
“I’m sure I need to know much more than I do and I’ll find out. You’re putting yourself in a dreadful position.”
“I hope it will bring us a settlement to our situation.” He released her and turned to Karl. “I’m late. We haven’t time to waste. Rudy is waiting for us three blocks from here and we’re driving to Switzerland. They’ve agreed to let you enter their country on a permanent visa.”
Karl gathered his few belongings. Jacob kissed his mother. “Wipe the worry from your face. We’ll be all right.” To Ethel, he said, “Thank you, dear lady, for your loyalty.”
How could she wipe the worry from her face? Jacob was not all right. They were not all right. The Gestapo could be on their way to arrest them as they stood there. She wanted to scream at them. She bit the inside of her cheek to restrain herself and the panic stirring in her stomach.
As they left the kitchen, Jacob gave his father a bear hug and Hannah a quick caress on her forehead. “I miss you and your ability to get into trouble, but now you must be careful. Say nothing, not to Penn or anyone about me. Remain my sweet little sister.” He led Karl out the door.
Papa sagged against the table, and for several minutes, the room was as silent as buried in a grave.
Papa sat quietly across the table from Hannah, worry evident in his eyes. Her hand resting on Papa’s shoulders, Mamma stood behind him. Ethel busied herself at the sink but without clanking dishes, rushing from the stove to the table and back to the sink like nothing had happened.
Realizing she was in for a lecture, Hannah twisted in her chair and waited for someone to break the silence.
Papa thrummed his fingers on the table and said, “We’ve kept Jacob’s visits from you because of Penn.”
Sitting forward, Hannah opened her mouth to defend him. Papa raised his hand to silence her.
“Listen to me. You cannot trust a Nazi. You must stop seeing Penn. He’s part of the Luftwaffe. His parents, our neighbors and onetime friends, no longer speak to us. We are the untouchables.”
“Seeing you with Penn,” Mamma said, “they will object eventually and report us. Penn admires his papa as he should.”
“How did you know I was still seeing Penn?” She attempted to stand, but her legs would not hold her. “Penn and I have been so careful.” Despair rattled her words.
“I saw you slipping out the front door,” Mamma interrupted. “We watched you. You must stop seeing him.” Her mother gave her a stern look, but she was too kind and a romantic at heart and failed in her attempt.
“I cannot stop seeing him. I love him and will always love him. He would never betray me or us to the Nazis.” Her heart beat hard against her breastbone. She did not like taking a stand against her parents. A thread of doubt disturbed her mind. Penn would never betray me.
Papa sighed. Mamma patted his shoulder, pulled a chair to the table and sat next to him. Ethel ceased her activity at the sink and stared at her.
“You must listen to your papa. To continue to be with him, no matter what you think, could end what we are doing.” Mamma gave her a stern glance. As a child when she was naughty, she had used the same glance and Hannah behaved.
She was no longer a child, but she said nothing more, determined to continue meeting Penn, but with care. “What other activities are you involved in?”
“You learned tonight a little. We help the underground movement to bring Hitler to justice by providing temporary shelter to men and women in need of escaping Germany, men and women who protest Hitler’s illegal activities.” Before continuing, Papa asked Ethel to fill his cup with hot water.
Hannah waited for him to resume. She said nothing even though words of protest were on her tongue and the danger to all of them. When he finished, she would object. She dared hope Papa might listen to her.
“The persons we hide are usually only here for a night. If they need to stay longer, we don’t object. It depends on how long it takes Jacob and his group to arrange safe passage out of Germany which includes getting them permission to enter another country. They need papers, money as well as safe transport.”
“Incredible,” Hannah exclaimed. “Jacob should not come here. He’s a threat to our safety too, and think what might happen to him if he’s caught. If we follow the Nazi rules as you tell us, stay out of sight as much as possible, we may live through this abominable Nazi rule. Jacob should get out of Germany and stay out. If he’s arrested, he will be tortured and killed.” She choked on her words, dread for Jacob shaking her to her core.
“And who will help the unfortunate souls who do nothing more than write protest pamphlets or send warnings to countries like England to beware of the Nazis? Hitler will take us to war if he isn’t stopped. Dachau is only the beginning of death camps. Goring has plans for many more. Hitler and his thugs attempt to keep hidden the atrocities at Dachau. We must do what we can to help people.” Papa gulped his hot water and coughed. “For the safety of all of us, our work, you must stop seeing the Nazi. You’re a Jew. Penn’s Aryan. Hitler and his thugs attempt to keep hidden the activities of Dachau but their goal is to wipe us out as a race.”
Hannah’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Since when had it matter to her father who was a Jew and who was not? He had never been religious, perhaps not as anti-religious as she was becoming, and never had objected to relations between the two groups. Penn could be in as much danger from the Nazis for seeing her.
“What can I do to help?” she asked.
“Do not repeat one thing you’ve seen tonight,” Mamma said. “We’ll continue our work with Jacob and the underground.”
“What happens if you’re discovered?”
“Jacob will lead us to safety,” Papa said.
“If there’s time.” Hannah declared. Her hands were icy cold. She could not take a deep breath. If Papa, Mamma, and Ethel were arrested and sent to Dachau, she wouldn’t know how to help them.
“Please take care,” she begged.
Papa said nothing, his eyes dark, his lips pressed together, his brow wrinkled. “The less you know, my dear daughter, the better for all of us. Go to your room. Forget everything you’ve seen tonight, as though none of it happened.”
Mamma hugged her. “Stay out of trouble. Stay away from the Nazi. To lose you would be the end of our world.”
“I love Penn. He is my world. Without him, I’m lost and cannot exist.” She sighed. “Penn is not like his father. He hates what the Nazi’s represent.”
“He’s a Luftwaffe pilot training to fight. Hitler wants war and is leading us in that direction. He cannot separate Hitler and Germany.” Papa scowled and chewed his lip.
Slumping in her chair, she blew out her breath. Her parents refused to understand, the yes he is, no he isn’t argument with no winners. A squiggle of doubt entered her mind.
Ethel interrupted them, a feeble attempt to change the subject. “We haven’t asked about your holiday. Did you enjoy you visit?”
“Why did you come home?” Papa barked, his face bleak.
“Papa, I love you and Mamma. You think I’d abandon you when you need me? We don’t know what will happen from one day to the next,” Hannah said. She took a deep breath to calm her pounding heart.
“Abandon us. Go to England. I have money put aside should we need to leave Germany, but I must stay until I can do no more for those who need my help.”
Silence enveloped the room. It wasn’t just her family. She needed Penn and he needed her. Anger mixed with fear roiled her mind.
Ethel coughed and asked again, “Did you have a nice vacation?
“It was wonderful to have freedom from worry for a short time.” Hannah forced a smile in her direction and the misgivings out of her mind. “The time went too quickly, but I’m home, and we must take care to survive as a family, give up taking in strangers in trouble with the Gestapo.”
Papa’s face tightened. “You’ve been an obedient daughter, but now you forget your place. You have no say in what we are about. Do not see Penn. Stay out of the way when we have visitors.”
Papa’s harsh words stung to her core. She pushed up from the table, then sat down blinking back tears. “You can’t mean what you are saying.” Coldness closed in on her. He didn’t trust her.
“Best we all retire,” Mamma said, her voice thin and sad. “We mustn’t fight amongst ourselves. “Assist Saul with his patients, but stay out of our activities.”
Reluctantly, Hannah picked up her suitcase and climbed the stairs to her room without another word to her papa. Her thoughts were dark. Can I trust Penn? Are Mamma and Papa right? What if he is a Nazi? Will the day come when he will turn us in? Her lungs fought for air. Her heart faltered. She loved Penn, but she would take care not to mention the activities of her family and Jacob’s visits.
Chapter 8
The construction of the Reich Chancellery was finished in 1938. Hannah gazed at it with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, the order of Nazi rule. Such fiction. Order. Not for her. She pulled her hat lower on her head afraid someone might notice she was Jewish as she left the building. She was ordered to register her ancestry, to declare she was a Jew as was every other Jew in Germany. She considered it ironic. The Nazis made them register because they could not tell the Jews from any other Germans.
Hannah stifled her desire to scream, “Open your eyes, Germans.” Unfortunately, the citizens thought living with a little evil was the price to pay for stability and growth. The growth could not sustain itself according to their Reich Minister of Finance, Hjalmar Schacht. Far too much money went into rearming the country.
Penn, bless him, feared Hitler as much as she, but for different reasons, certain Hitler’s goal was to conquer Europe by war. He did not approve of Hitler’s concentration to build a superior race. When Jews were called diabolical, Penn shook with disgust. Hannah had to restrain him more than once to control his reactions if in hearing distance of others.
Her footsteps pounded on the sidewalk as she hurried away from the building with growing anger. Why should her religion make such a difference? It did. She could not marry Penn, the man she loved, the only man she would ever love. His proposals hurt, the pain deep within her, knowing it was impossible to obtain a marriage license.
Since Jacob’s visit to her home and her father’s warning not to trust Penn, she had held her thoughts to herself. She never mentioned Jacob and the men they hid from authorities. Jacob’s visits conflicted with her love and belief in Penn, and rattled her certainty in his loyalty. When he asked about Jacob, she replied, “I don’t know where he is.”
In March, Penn and Hannah sat in a theater watching Hitler’s triumphant march into Austria. The Austrians greeted him with screams, “One Reich, one people, one Fuhrer.” Women pelted German troops with flowers applauding the joining of the countries. People laughed as Jews were forced to cut grass with their teeth. They deserved no better treatment.
“Together we will build an empire with happy people who are thinking and promising to be good people,” Hitler shouted on the newsreel showing on the screen. He slammed his fists on the podium in front of him. His charisma, a tyrant who seized an opportunity, was not lost on the audience. She swallowed the lump of fear pushing into her throat as he was celebrated for his remarks. The Jews were nothing in the eyes of the Nazis.
Penn squeezed her hand as though sensing her distress. In the dark, she could not see his face, but she detected his anger that matched her sentiment. She concealed her fear, but it was always near the surface, sickening her, and sucking her life away. While everyone in the theater cheered, Hannah’s muscles tightened, her body stiffened, and she was overcome by a sense of disaster. Hitler’s megalomaniac greed for power showed on the screen. Heinrich Himmler, the chicken farmer, yelled, “We shall have the greatest Germanic empire.”
After watching several minutes of the newsreel, Penn stood and whispered, “Let’s leave this gloom.” She walked ahead of him relieved to get away from the hateful messages. The lobby was empty except for employees of the movie. Penn helped her into her coat. She glanced at him with the feelings of the audience and their hate of Jews hideously close to the surface of her mind. At least Penn had not joined the Nazi party.
“The Austrians are the losers.” The gravity in his voice was not lost on her.
“Speak softly,” Hannah warned. The man she loved was vulnerable because he loved her. She did not want anyone to threaten him because she could do nothing to help him if he was arrested for accompanying a Jew.
Outside a chill wind blew. She pulled the collar of her coat around her face as much to hide who she was as to keep her warm. Penn led her to a café for something to drink. A dark shadow of anxiety followed her. Neither had stomach for food, but she ordered a chocolate drink and he ordered espresso.
His expression remained sober, his face worried, the lines around his eyes deep. “Today, I was reassigned to a new squadron, flying the Messerschmitt 110. Why do we need it if we declare we don’t want war?” Penn took his napkin and unfolded it before placing it on his lap.
Hannah searched the café for Gestapo before leaning toward Penn and answering in a soft voice. “Hitler claims he wants to help Germans in Austria but, you must not question his motives. If you’re overheard, you could be reported as a troublemaker, stripped of your rank, thrown in prison.”
The waiter placed cups in front of them. “We are fortunate Hitler looks after our best interests.” The waiter looked at Penn. The
young man fit Hitler’s idea of the perfect specimen for the German pure race, tall, blonde, blue eyes, and muscular. “He does not intend to embark upon a war.”
Penn lifted his cup as though in a toast and took a sip.
“To the new Germany.” The waiter clicked his heels and raised his arm.
“Heil Hitler,” Penn said.
The waiter spun around and returned to serve other customers.
For several minutes, Penn ran his thumb around the rim of his cup lost in thought. When he spoke, Hannah rested her arms on the table afraid for him. “Hitler’s ambitions are much more than helping Germans.” He blew on his espresso and took a sip of the liquid. “Take your parents and get out of Germany. Many Jews are doing just that.”
“Yes, but they must leave everything behind with no compensation, and it’s extremely difficult to get all the papers needed.” Hannah attempted a smile. She said nothing about Jacob. “If you go with me, I’ll be ready tomorrow. We can marry in Switzerland and ask for papers to enter England.”
Five army officers with wives or girlfriends entered the café disrupting the quiet with low voices and high-pitched laughter. The officers saluted Penn. He returned the greeting with a half-smile.
Penn stirred his espresso. His words were hard to hear, but she read his lips. “You know I worry about my family. I’m trapped. I’d like them to leave Germany, but father is growing wealthy under the Nazis and he supports them.” Fear shadowed his face.
Hannah ached for him. They were at an impasse, one impossible to solve. Someday, she had to decide, and possibly leave Germany. The thought hurt, spiraling from her mind to her stomach, clenching it into a hard knot. She set her cup down unable to drink. Penn reached across the table and covered her hand with his, but it did nothing to release the coldness gripping her heart.
“Tell me about the plane you’ll be flying,” Hannah said. “Is it dependable?”
