by Mary Hagen
“You’re looking good, Mrs. Linn.”
“Our beloved Hitler has made such a difference in our lives. Next week, I’m leaving on a two-week free vacation thanks to the Fuhrer. Can you imagine?” She led Penn to the door of his father’s office. “Mr. Schwartz, you’ll never guess who is here? Penn.”
His father’s office displayed a new walnut desk, leather chair, and new carpeting. Bernhard gripped Penn’s hand, his eyes sparking with delight. “What brings you here? Mrs. Linn, serve us coffee, please, then leave us. I haven’t seen my son for quite some time.”
After settling in a chair in front of his father’s desk, Penn added sugar to his drink. “I drove by and decided to check in with you. How is Mother, sister, and the children?”
“Well enough, however your brother-in-law, Hubert, is most unhappy with your recommendation. He wanted to fly fighters, not bombers. Where is your loyalty? Hubert is a faithful supportive Nazi unlike you, I might add.” His father scowled at Penn. “For your own good, you should join the party.”
Penn ignored his father’s comments, a topic he did not want to discuss, but said, “Members of the Luftwaffe are not allowed to join the party.” And I would not even if I could. In a controlled voice, he said, “It takes courage to fly bombers. Hubert will do well enough. To fly the bomber takes nerves of steel, and he does possess that, but he doesn’t read the wind, the actions of the plane, the sound of the engine, the whir of the propellers. I hope he does well in the Junker. Perhaps, Lisa should thank me.”
Penn glanced out the windows surrounding his father’s office. On the floor below them, workers cranked out parts on machines, the vibrations and noise drowned out by the thick panes of glass.
“I’m afraid your explanation is not adequate to sooth the feelings of Hubert. Beware, he doesn’t turn on you and declare you are disloyal to Hitler. Even as your sister, Lisa controls nothing Hubert does or says. He can be jealous.” His father sat forward in his chair with his hands clutched in front of him. “I wish you would consider joining me at the factory. I know Goring, and I could get your release from the Luftwaffe. My business is thriving thanks to Hitler.”
Penn stiffened. Doesn’t Father perceive Hitler’s motives, his desire to build an empire at the expense of them? What does he mean by Hubert’s jealousy? “You’re making parts for tanks. Surely, you must realize Hitler wants war.”
“Blasphemy. Hold your tongue. He’s thinking of our future. We must protect ourselves from our enemies, the Bolsheviks. It doesn’t mean war.”
Penn could have retorted, “Blasphemy,” but he held his tongue. His father was completely deluded by Hitler. “Flying is my true love.”
“You studied engineering and would be an asset to the company. We’re becoming wealthy. Come into the business.” Bernhard took a sip of his coffee. “It’s my dream.”
“How is Mother?” Penn changed the subject.
“If you’d bother to visit us, you’d know, but in answer to your inquiry, she is fine, doing her duty as a hostess, playing grandmother with Alice and young Anton, and studying floor plans.”
“Floor plans?”
“We hope to sell our house and build a new one on the river. Despicable, living next to a family of Jews, witnessing the rats defying the law. Eventually, if they’re not picked up, it may be my duty to report their activities. The vermin.”
Penn’s mouth dropped open. “The name is Dresser, Dr. Dresser, your friend.” Penn emphasized each word. “You cannot be serious.” A chill of apprehension jerked him upright in his chair. He no longer understood the man he worshipped while growing up. The thought left him sick to his stomach no longer able to tolerate his father’s words.
“Venom, killer of Christ, scum,” Bernhard snapped. “Do not mention his name in my presence. He’s a filthy Jew.”
Penn shook his head, placed his cup on his father’s desk, and stood, unable to control his disgust much longer, having no desire to fight with his father. “Give my love to the family.”
“I hope you’re not seeing that Jewish girl,” Bernhard shouted at Penn as he left the office, slamming the door behind him.
The parking lot filled with men and Volkswagens as the day ended for some employees and began for others. Climbing into his car, Penn puzzled at his father’s blindness to Hitler’s intensions. He loved and admired his father, but his emotions were in a turmoil over his father’s change in beliefs since Hitler came to power. Did he truly believe in the Nazis? He did not take even a mild stand against the Nazis. What of his own actions? Was it cowardice on his part that he didn’t express himself in words? He preferred to evade the issue of supporting Germany while refusing the Nazis and the contradiction. Or were Germany and the Nazis the same? Penn’s values conflicted with his position in the air force. If Germany went to war, would he fight for his country or was he indirectly supporting Hitler? He shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts.
~ ~ ~
Hannah pulled on her favorite dress, a pale green cut on the bias with a wide white belt, white V-shaped collar, and white cuffs on the elbow-length sleeves. Slipping into her white pumps with two-inch heels, and arranging a small white hat on her head, she observed her outfit in the mirror before moving quietly down the stairs and out the front door to meet Penn. Tonight, she caught the tram and rode to the Tiergarten for an evening with dinner at a restaurant on the banks of the Spree River.
Her heart beat with happiness as she hurried along the street to meet him, but worry accompanied her. Under the Nazis, the unease was part of her day. Even the man she loved could not erase the horrors of the Nazis from her mind. The closer she came to him, the harder her heart thumped against her chest. She visualized his arms around her, the strength of his body pressed against her, his narrow waist and broad shoulders, protecting her with false security. He was tall, over six feet, and next to him, she felt small although she was five feet six inches. While with him, she could forget her apprehensions, but never for long.
Engrossed in her thoughts of meeting Penn, she did not notice the car following her on the road behind her. When she did, she quickened her step and hurried to enter the Tiergarten.
The black automobile pulled in front of her, made a U-turn and stopped. Beads of perspiration broke out on her upper lip. Her heart leaped into her throat. Did the automobile belong to an SS officer who recognized her as a Jew? Would he beat her, tear off her clothes?
To reach the entrance to the park, she had to walk past the auto. Her legs turned to lead weights and the palms of her hands became clammy. The feeling of helplessness shattered her outward calm. The smell of death overwhelmed her. She forced one leg in front of the other.
The door opened and a short, dark-haired man with the ugliest face she had ever seen, stepped part way out of the car, one leg resting inside, the other on the curb. He smiled, hideous lines creasing his cheeks. His eyes pierced her body.
“Miss, may, I offer you a ride?” He had a reedy, coarse voice, demanding, cold and by implication ordering.
Her legs went from lead weights to jelly. She stiffened and clutched her purse to her waist to remain standing and fought to gain her voice and rid the feeling of marbles in her mouth. When she did speak, her words were loud and throaty. “No thank you. I’m meeting my fiancée in a few minutes.” As an after-thought, she added, “He’s a captain in the Luftwaffe.”
“Such a pity,” he said. “One so beautiful should not walk alone.” His high forehead wrinkled with disapproval. “I have much to offer, more than a captain in the Luftwaffe.” He laughed, a harsh menacing laugh.
Staring straight ahead, she forced her legs to move, and she walked past the man and automobile keeping a reasonable stride, resisting the urge to run. She did not answer his challenge, but she felt his eyes boring into her back. Entering the park, she continued her rhythmic gait until cer
tain the loathsome man could no longer see her.
As she increased her pace, she touched her nose, cheeks, mouth, and checked her hands and feet. She had not grown claws. Her nose had not changed. She had not grown hair on her arms and legs. She had not turned into a rat. She blew out her breath.
A chill breeze brushed her cheek as though sending her a signal of immediate endangerment. Her head boomed and she felt as though she was separated from everything and everyone she loved. Anger tightened her stomach and as quickly was replaced by deep anxiety. How long would Penn put up with secret meetings, lies to his parents before he tells me he no longer can see me? The thoughts attacked the only security she had left. She clutched her handbag closer to her waist.
Not until she spotted Penn, did she run. Penn approached her, his arms outstretched to give her a hug. When he looked into her face, she read his surprise.
"You're as pale as a ghost and your eyes are like those of a frightened animal. What happened? What's wrong? Are you sick?"
He took her chin and raised her head. "I never should have let you come alone to meet me."
Without waiting for an answer, he kissed her, and led her to a bench.
Fighting to hold back tears of fright and to banish her distress, she said nothing for several minutes.
Penn waited. He kept his arm around her shoulders and drew her against him.
“Goebbels, that vile little man, the Jew hater, the liar, stopped me on the street and offered me a ride. I know he saw me as a Jew. What would he have done if I hadn’t kept moving?” The words poured from her.
“You’re too beautiful. He’s a womanizer. He saw you for what you are.” She knew his words were meant to sooth her, but they did not.
“But he’s married. He has six children and a pretty wife,” she said, not comforted by his statement.
“None of it matters to him. He’s a selfish, vain, little puppet under his fuehrer.” His eyes snapped. “I’ll kill him if he so much as lays a hand on you.”
Hannah opened her mouth to protest his threat, but said, “I’m so frightened. He ruined my happiness at meeting you. It’s been so long, a whole week.” She twisted her hands and her voice carried the strain she felt. “I’ll forget him,” but her words were not true. She would never put the incident out of her mind. She changed the subject, but her encounter with Goebbels remained with her. “Tell me about your week.”
“I’ve been reassigned to fly the Messerschmitt ME 109.” He smiled as though relieved to change the topic, but his concern was in his expression.
“It’s a fighter. Oh, I hope you won’t have to use it in a war.” She gulped. “Damn Hitler. He seems determined to start a war. If he does, what will happen to us?”
“I don’t know, but I fear such an event, a war we cannot win. So many countries would turn against us.” He squeezed her shoulder, his stern chin signaling his anger with Hitler. His voice calmed. “We talk of such unpleasant topics. I’m excited about flying, and I won’t think of war. I want to return to the Messerschmitt as soon as possible. It reaches speeds of around 400 miles per hour, is excellent at climbs and dives. The ground below me whizzes past. In it, I’m a bird, free of the ground, of Hitler, and his madness with nothing to concern myself except my deep love for you. Someday, I hope to give you a ride in the two-seater Messerschmitt ME-110. Then we’ll fly away to a better time.”
Hannah frowned. Such thoughts did not cheer her. Her earlier happiness evaporated as she pictured the menacing Goebbels destroying her along with her fellow Jews. Penn could do nothing to help her. She was a disenfranchised person, no longer a citizen of Germany with no protection from the government or any individuals who could choose to harm her.
“I think we should leave Germany together while we can. You can leave the Luftwaffe. I can insist my family go with us. Then, we’ll marry and live together without fear.” She snuggled closer to him as a chill of foreboding wrapped her heart knowing her statements were without merit.
“My father is a staunch Nazi, but it would not save him or my family from torture should I resign. I can’t sacrifice them, but you should marry me, get out and wait for me until this is ends and we’re rid of Hitler.”
“We’ve been over this before so many times. I couldn’t exist without knowing about you, seeing you as often as possible.” She sighed. Such a dilemma. Her concern for her parents tied her to Germany as much as Penn. “You know as well as I, most countries won’t help Jews. They refuse to believe any nation promotes such intolerance.”
Penn stood and offered Hannah his hand to help her to her feet. They faced one another, their thoughts clearly written on their expressions, love and desire mixed with anxiety. She hurt with thoughts of pain and confusion, broken dreams and hopes for the future with Penn. She stifled a sob, but he caught it and pressed her head against his chest, his arms tight around her, his lips brushing her forehead. As much as she loved him, it could not infuse her with faith in their future.
“What will we do?” she asked. Her heart ached.
“I don’t know, but for the present we have our love to hold us. We must enjoy are time together. Let’s walk and erase nasty thoughts.” His smile twisted revealing his distress. “We should become as one, defy the Nazis, marry in Switzerland, and return as Mr. and Mrs. What can the Nazis do to harm us?”
Hannah shrugged. “Silly question. They’re forcing spouses to leave each other. Our marrying would be short-lived, but you know as well as I do, marriage is not possible ever under Hitler.”
“You must have heard some 6,000 couples protested with such wrath, the Nazis gave in and released the Jewish spouses and children. I rent my apartment from such a couple who now live in South America.” His mouth thinned. “Then, we could do the same without worrying about families.”
Hannah laughed at the ridiculous proposal, but it would be nice. She should consider it. Such a hopeless dream.
They walked hand in hand along the path. The warmth of the evening, the smells of the trees, and the rustle of leaves did nothing to relieve her distress over her encounter with Goebbels. At one opening, they paused to listen to a brass band, thumping together a tune she did not recall. The rhythm did not blot out her concerns or replace them with bliss. Fear tugged at her. She could not put her encounter with Goebbels out of her mind. The happiness she felt earlier did not return.
She walked with Penn toward the river past pretty lakes and next to a small stream. The sun had set in the west and sky was lit up with thousands of stars blinking down on them. With an unread message for them, she wondered. In the park, she attempted to cut out the horror of the Nazis and return to a kinder Berlin.
Penn chose a quiet restaurant on a bend in the Spree River where they could watch the activity on the water. He ordered Boulette, a kind of meatball served with mixed vegetables and a shot of mustard, and light ale. Hannah did not appreciate the heavy German food so she ordered breaded veal and mushrooms and a glass of apple juice with sparkling water. At home, she ate kosher food.
While waiting, Hannah played with the ring Penn had given her. She only wore it when she met him, and he brought the ring with him. The beautiful green stone reminded her of their time together in Switzerland. She wished it was her wedding ring. The green stone went well with her green dress. Penn said little as he watched her with a soft expression. She doubted anyone around them could miss the deep love they had for one another.
They both glanced up when they heard the clacking of black boots marching past the restaurant. Hannah lost her breath and her head swam, but the SS kept their eyes straight as they marched in unison down the walk. It was after they moved away, she realized the restaurant was silent.
Penn leaned forward and clasped her hand. “Put them out of your mind. They’re gone and I doubt they’ll return.”
The waiter set their food in front
of them along with their drinks. The smell tantalized her nostrils, but she had trouble eating her dinner.
When she finished, Penn suggested they order apple pie drowned in vanilla sauce. She refused, but he ordered some. The sight of the SS haunted her and ruined her time with Penn. If they knew she was a Jew, attacked her, and Penn defended her both of them might be killed.
“I’d like to leave Tiergarten, perhaps ride around the city before you take me home. The Storm Troopers have frightened me and someone might recognize me.”
“I’m with you. I will never let them accost you.”
“That’s what worries me. I’ll be more comfortable away from here.”
Penn paid the bill and they walked out of the park to his auto. “I hoped you would relax and enjoy the outing,” he said as he helped her into the car. “It angers me such scum as Himmler and the SS can disturb us even in the park. They’re killers, thieves, who should not have power. Hitler should be wiped off the face of the earth.”
Hannah put her finger over Penn’s lips. “Please, don’t say such things in public. Some Nazi might hear you and you could be thrown in prison.”
Penn laughed. “I think not. They need me to fly their planes.”
Chapter 10
When they parted, Hannah returned the ring to Penn. She hated leaving Penn at the end of their evening together. Frightened by her encounter with Goebbels, she was glad Penn watched until she reached her home, but realized there was little he could do should the Gestapo come to their home. For her, there was no refuge or safety from the Nazis. She opened the front door and slipped inside expecting everyone to be asleep, but she heard muffled sounds coming from the kitchen.
Placing her purse on the front hall table, she made her way through the formal sitting room, the parlor, and the long dining room to the kitchen. Faint light escaped from the crack at the bottom of the door. Garbled voices reached her. Jacob? It could be Jacob.
