by Kaylee Ryan
Finally making my way into the house, the guys are scarce. I’m sure they saw me standing there like a lovesick fool, watching her drive away, and decided to give me some space. I retreat to my room and lie down on the bed. Her smell instantly surrounds me. I didn’t sleep last night. I couldn’t. I told her it was because I wanted to be awake if she needed me. That was part of it. The other part was this nagging fear that I’ve lost her.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I turn the vibration and the ringer as loud as it will go. I’m exhausted as I don’t want to miss her if she calls. Grasping it in my hands resting on my chest, I drift off to sleep.
When I wake up, it’s dark outside. I reach for my phone and see she texted me four hours ago.
Logan: I made it.
That’s all is says. Fuck! I can’t believe I slept through it. I quickly type my reply.
Me: Good. I’m sorry. I fell asleep, just woke up. How are you holding up?
Logan: Sorry I kept you up. I’m doing okay.
Me: I wouldn’t have changed it. You belong in my arms.
I wait for a reply and get nothing. After twenty minutes, I send her another one.
Me: I’m going back to sleep, just wanted to say goodnight and I love you.
Ten minutes later, she replies.
Logan: Night
I try to remind myself that she’s hurting and confused. Instead, I let memories of the last two months run through my mind. She tore into my life like a tornado and I’m scared to death that my heart is about to be the wreckage.
The next morning, I find the guys sitting in the living room eating breakfast. “Who cooked?” I ask. None of us are any good, unless it’s with a grill.
“Nancy. We told her about Logan, and she decided to fill in for her. She said it was her way of helping,” Gavin says, shoving half of a biscuit in his mouth.
“How is she?” Tristan asks.
I shrug. “Not sure. Her texts are short and evasive,” I confide.
“Why are you here?” Cole blurts out.
“I live here. Why the fuck are you here?” I fire back.
He raises his hands in defeat. “I just meant why are you not in Ohio, with your girl?” he tries again.
“I fucking tried. She shot me down,” I say, defeated.
“I call bullshit,” Gavin says.
“Me, too,” Tristan chimes in.
“What the hell? Is this gang up on Kacen day? Look, I begged her to let me go with her. Fuck, she wouldn’t even let me take her to the airport.” I think back to yesterday in the kitchen when the guys were saying goodbye. Looking at Cole, I ask him, “What did you say to her yesterday? In the kitchen, you whispered something, what did you say?”
He smirks. “I told her what you’re too chicken shit to. I told her you loved her and to let you be there for her.”
Wow! Cole is usually our jokester, very rarely serious. “I told her. Right after that, I told her.”
“Finally!” they all exclaim at once.
“So, again I say, why are you not in Ohio?” Cole repeats his earlier question.
“She said to stay here,” I remind him.
“Okay, I get that,” Tristan says, “but why are you here? Since when do you let someone tell you what to do?”
“Kace, man, she’s torn up. Her heart is broken, and she feels guilty,” Gavin says.
“You heard what Stacy said. That fuckstick of an ex was never there for her. She’s never had someone other than family to rely on. She’s pushing you away. You need to let her know it’s not going to work.”
Reaching for my phone, I send her a text.
Me: Morning, beautiful.
Logan: Morning.
Me: How are you?
Logan: Fine.
“Is that her?” Cole asks.
“Yeah, I texted her good morning. She says she’s fine,” I grumble.
“Done,” Tristan says with a smile as he sets his phone on the table.
“What’s done?” I ask him.
“Five tickets to Cincinnati, our flight leaves at two.” He smirks.
The tightness in my chest eases just a little knowing that I will be close if she needs me. It’s then I realize they’re right. I never should have taken no for an answer. I was so caught up in the thought of losing her that I didn’t fight for her. Well, that was a small lapse in judgment. Twenty-four hours of insanity.
“Rooms are booked,” Cole chimes in. “Wait, five tickets?”
Tristan grins. “We’re bringing your girl along.”
“My girl?” he asks, confused.
“Yeah, I texted Stacy and she’s in.”
“You all need to get ready. We’re not missing that flight,” I say as I sprint off to my room to get packed.
Chapter 40
Logan
We just finished making plans at the funeral home. It’s heartbreaking to plan a funeral. We tried hard to do things that represented who he was. From the flower arrangement to the insignia sewn into the casket. Gran is staying strong. Dad, on the other hand, not so much. I know it’s the chain of life. That someday I will lose my parents, but until that day comes, I don’t want to think about it.
“Logan, would you mind driving Grandma back to her place?” Mom asks. I see her look over my shoulder at my father. He’s a wreck, as he should be. I nod, letting her know I’ve got Gran.
Once the final paperwork is signed, we head out. I help Gran into my mom’s car while she, Dad, and Jase take Dad’s truck back to our house.
“Talk to me, sweet girl,” Gran says once we are on the road. “Tell me about your new job.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. I call them every week to check in, but that still doesn’t make up for not coming to visit more often. “I’m working as a personal assistant for a pretty famous rock band,” I tell her.
“Yes, you thought you were working for the record label at first. I remember your gramps telling me that. He got a kick out of that story,” she says fondly.
“Yeah, turns out the band’s agent hired me for them. It was a misunderstanding.”
“How do you like it, dear?”
“I love it, really. The guys are nice. I, um, actually already knew the lead singer, but I didn’t know him as part of the band, just knew him,” the words fly out of my mouth.
“There’s a story there. Let’s hear it.”
My family has always been close, but I have yet to tell any of them about Kacen and how we met before I started working for him. I decide my story might help occupy Gran’s mind for a while, and she’s wise beyond her years; she may have some sound advice to offer me. “Well, it all started in Hawaii,” I say as I begin to tell the story of Kacen Michael and Logan Paige.
We arrive at her condo just as I finish telling her about our goodbye yesterday. I help her out of the car and inside. “Grab us a glass of sweet tea,” she says as she takes a seat in the recliner.
I do as I’m told and make us both a glass of sweet tea. I set hers on the table beside her chair and mine on the coffee table. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I check for missed calls or texts. There are none from Kacen. Two missed calls from Daniel. I don’t have the energy to deal with him right now. I grasp my phone in my hand, willing it to ring, or vibrate, or something. I don’t’ expect it to. I’ve been short with him, pushing him away.
I miss him.
“So let me get this straight,” Gran says. “He more or less begged you to let him come with you and told you he loved you, and you still turned him down? Why would you do that?” she asks, confused.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not used to it. Daniel and I had a different relationship. I was willing to overlook things because I was blinded by the idea of the fairy tale he promised.” I take a drink of my tea. “Kacen is so different. He’s attentive and kind. He’s beyond emphatic about the way he feels about me. I was feeling guilty that it’s been over a year since I’ve been home,” I confess. “I was grieving and blaming myself for no
t being here.”
“You pushed him away. Sounds like you need to do less pushing and more pulling. I’ve not met the man, but I can tell by the way you talk about him and the way your eyes light up that he’s worthy of your love. I never saw you look that way when you talked about what’s his face.”
“Gran!” I mock scold her.
“What? I’m too old to hold back, my dear. I loved your grandfather for sixty years. That man was my world. Your Kacen reminds me a lot of him. He pursued me for weeks before I finally agreed to a date, and once I did, I never looked back.”
“I miss him, and I feel so guilty for not coming home more.”
“Logan, we love you. We are both so proud of you. He told all our friends how his granddaughter was working for a famous rock band. He would be beside himself knowing that you’re being so hard on yourself. Life is short. You have to live each day as if it could be your last. Just because you’re happy in Tennessee does not mean you didn’t love us. We can’t see those we love every day; it’s a part of life. What you can do is choose who you spend every day with. Choose a man who is worthy of that time that takes you away from us.”
“He is,” I choke out the words, fighting back tears.
“Then pull, Logan. Pull him close and hold on for dear life. It’s rare to find that, some never do. Forget past hurts and focus on the happiness of your future.”
I let her words sink in, and I know she’s right. I don’t want to live my life with regrets or in fear of getting my heart broken. I need to pull just like she said. Swiping my finger across the screen of my phone, I pull up our last text message and type a reply.
Me: I miss you
I hit send before I can change my mind. This is me starting to pull. I love him, and before I got Jase’s call yesterday, I was ready to take a chance. I’m still ready now, even more so.
My phone rings, causing me to jump. Kacen’s handsome face fills my screen. “Hello?” I answer cautiously.
“It’s good to hear your voice. I miss you, too,” he says softly.
The background is noisy, which is unusual. He and the guys try to avoid crowds whenever possible during their downtime. “Where are you?”
“Don’t be mad, but I’m at the airport,” he says cautiously.
“Okay? Why would I be mad?” I ask, confused.
“Logan, baby, I’m coming to you. I can’t stand the thought of you going through this alone. Our flight leaves at two.”
“You said ‘our,’ who’s coming with you?”
“Stacy and the guys. Don’t worry, we have rooms, so we won’t intrude on your family. You don’t even have to tell them who we are. Just know that I’m here. We all are, if you need us.”
“What flight?” I ask. My heart is racing. He’s coming here for me. They’re all coming here for me. “Text me the flight info and I’ll pick you up from the airport.”
“There’s five of us,” he reminds me.
“Dad has a Tahoe. Text me the flight info and I’ll be there.”
“Okay, I’ll do that as soon as we hang up.” He pauses. “You’re not angry with me?”
“No,” I breathe. “I’m not angry. I miss you,” I say the words out loud, giving another pull.
“That makes me a happy man. I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah, see you soon,” I tell him back before hanging up.
“Was that him? Is he coming here? Tell me everything.” Gran rubs her hands together.
I laugh at her. “Yes, that was him. He’s at the airport on his way here. They all are. The entire band and they’re bringing Stacy. I’m sorry to leave you, but I need to go home and get Dad’s Tahoe so I can pick them up from the airport.”
“You bring that boy here. I want to meet him.” Gran grins.
“I will, thank you. I love you, and I’m so sorry for your loss.” It sounds so formal, but true. She lost the love of her life. I think about Kacen and what life might be like without him. The thought alone fuels me to get to him. To apologize and tell him how I feel.
“Oh, Logan. I will miss him. He’s my heart and soul. I love you, too, sweet girl.”
I call Mom on the way to their house and ask if I can borrow the Tahoe. Of course she wants to know why, and I have to explain that four extremely famous, tattooed rock stars, along with Stacy, will be attending Gramps’ funeral.
“Of course you can,” she says. “I can’t wait to meet these guys. Stacy’s with them too?”
“Yes, Kacen just called and said they were at the airport. I told them I would pick them up.” I try to hide the excitement in my voice.
I park Mom’s car and run into the house. “Hey, where’s the fire?” Jase asks.
“I have to get to the airport. Stacy and the guys are flying in.”
“By the guys, you mean Soul Serenade?” he asks.
“Yes, they’re flying in, and I told them I would pick them up. I have to go.”
“Wait, do I get to meet them? I’m a huge fan,” he says hopefully.
“Yes, you will get to meet them. Now tell Dad I said thanks. I have to go.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” he calls after me.
Thankfully, the drive to the airport is not crazy. I was afraid I would hit traffic. The flight is only an hour, so I take the first parking spot I can find and rush inside. My heart is racing. I’m excited to see him. All of them, but Kacen mostly. I’ve missed him. I wasn’t exactly in the best place when I left yesterday. He poured his heart out to me. He told me he loved me, and I just stood there. I’ve got some apologizing to do.
I’m pacing when I hear his voice yell my name. Snapping my head up, I see him, and I can’t stop the grin that turns up my lips. That must be all the encouragement he needs because he takes off running and doesn’t stop until he’s in front of me. He doesn’t even take the time to say hello. He just grabs my face with his hands and forges his mouth to mine.
He groans as I pull away.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” he asks.
“For how I acted yesterday, for pushing you away. There is so much I want to say.”
“Okay, whenever you’re ready, I’m here. I’m just glad you’re not pissed that we came. I fucking missed you so damn much,” he says, pulling me against his chest.
“There’s our girl,” Gavin calls out.
I step away from Kacen, again causing him to groan, and give the guys and Stacy a hug. I fight hard against the tears, but when I get to my best friend, I can no longer keep them from falling.
“Uh, ladies, I hate to interrupt, but we’re starting to draw a crowd.” Tristan motions his head to the side where two teenage girls are snapping pictures with their cell phones.
“I guess you have fans in Ohio. Apparently, my little brother is one of them. He made me promise he could meet all of you,” I confess.
“Happy to, but let’s get out of here before the mob hits.” They each put their sunglasses back on and pull their baseball caps down low. Not that it’s going to help. Those girls are sure to have the pictures loaded before we’re even out of the parking lot.
Chapter 41
Kacen
That vise that was gripping my chest, it disappeared the minute I pulled her to me at the airport. I still hurt for her and the loss she’s dealing with for her grandfather, but the pain in my chest has gone.
I offer to drive from the airport, but she declines, so I take shotgun. Stacy volunteers to sit in the third row because she’s shorter and Cole joins her. He acts like he’s taking one for the team, for the greater good and all that, but I see the way he looks at her. Tristan and Gavin load up in the backseat and we’re on the road.
Reaching over, I rest my hand on her thigh. I have to. It’s not something I can control. Logan quickly glances over and gives me a bright smile as she laces her fingers through mine.
“So where are we headed first, Log?” Stacy yells up to her. “You taking me to see my future husband?” she jokes.
“Yeah, Jase, Logan’s little bother, although there’s not really anything little about him,” Stacy explains.
“She loves to mess with Jase. I think she sort of scares him,” Logan says. “I thought I would take you all to your hotel first and let you get settled. I promised Jase I would bring everyone by to meet him. I figured better today than tomorrow night at the visitation.” She glances over at me. “Where are you all staying?”
“Ask Tristan, he booked the rooms,” I tell her.
I can see the confusion cross her face.
“It’s the Holiday Inn that’s beside the funeral home. I thought that would be the easiest,” Stacy says.
“Yeah, I kind of consulted Stacy for where to stay. I wasn’t sure exactly where in Cincinnati we were going,” Tristan admits.
“You all have no idea what it means to me to have you here. Thank you so much.” She takes a big breath, trying to get her emotions under control.
I give her hand a gentle squeeze as Tristan leans forward and places his hand on her shoulder. “You’re family, Logan. We take care of our family.”
He says it with so much conviction that you know he feels it. Calm settles over me. These guys are my family, and they’ve accepted her as a part of my life, as a part of us.
When we reach the hotel, everyone piles out of the Tahoe. “Get settled and we can head to my parents’ place in an hour or so. We have a ton of food that Mom will be thrilled y’all are going to help eat,” Logan tells us.
“Tristan pre-paid for the rooms and registered them under my name. I’ll go get us all checked in and we can head straight up to the rooms,” Stacy explains.
Not able to stay away from her, I step up behind Logan. I don’t touch her. I’m not sure if she wants me to. I don’t want to push her or pressure her. She’s going through a lot, but I just need to be as close to her as possible. Leaning over her shoulder, I place my lips next to her ear and whisper, “I missed you, Logan.”
