“Let me talk to Jenna and see what she thinks. But, if she says yes, you keep your hands to yourself in front of my kids, you’ve got that?” He points his finger at me in stern warning.
“Don’t worry, I will not grope Mickey Mouse in front of them. Only when they aren’t looking.” I mock salute him, before turning around to leave his office. I pull out my phone and respond back to Cora, agreeing to meet her for lunch. Hoping there won’t be any paparazzi around, but not taking any chances, I decide to tell Isla about what is in store for today.
Me: I forgot that today’s your day off. I was hoping to spend the day with you, but I actually need to have a serious conversation with Cora, per Cal’s request. I would like to tell you all about it over dinner. Can I pick you up at seven tonight?
I retreat back to my room, wanting to do my own investigating work into Cora before meeting with her. I sit down on my bed with my laptop, stack a couple of pillows behind my back and lean back into them. When I do, I catch a whiff of Isla’s floral scent, making me smile from the memories of this morning. I decide to not waste my time on investigating Cora and instead, search out the perfect place to take Isla for dinner tonight as I am not taking no for an answer from her.
16
Cora
Cal’s rejection of my request to apologize in person this morning sends me into a downward spiral of rage, making me break anything that I can get my hands on in my apartment. How dare he ban me from his home! I bet that wasn’t even his idea, but hers! Memories of her in that ugly wedding dress, taking my man from me, fuel my fire in the continuation of destruction. Once my rage finally dissipates, sadness takes its place, and I can’t stop my body from slipping to the floor, shaking with uncontrollable sobs. All I have ever wanted in life was to be loved by the people who mean the most to me, but here I am all these years later, alone.
I cry for never receiving the love that I deserved from my father.
I cry for never receiving the love I deserved from my mother.
I cry for losing the man of my dreams.
I cry for having no true friends.
When the tears have all dried up, I look at the sea of broken glass and ceramic that litters my floor, a visual effect of what my heart feels like. I sigh heavily and realize that I am the one who is going to have to clean up this mess. I stand up to get a broom and dust pan and get to work. The monotony of the sweeping motion of the broom seems to calm me and help lift the fog of misery. I am not out of the game yet. All I need to do is figure out how to get a photo or video of Cal and I in a compromising position on this upcoming press tour. Evidence will be made public, Jenna will take the kids and leave him, paving the way for us to finally be together. But with his current attitude toward me, that is going to be difficult to orchestrate. Continuing some sort of relationship with Sean is my last hope of keeping ties with Cal. I can only hope that he is more receptive to my message this morning than Cal was. He’s slipping through my fingers due to that little slut, Isla. I need to keep myself prevalent in his life, give him more attention, especially physical attention. But how?
My mind’s racing at how to handle Sean when my phone alerts me of a text message. I throw the remaining shards of glass in the trash bin, grab my phone and smile like the Cheshire cat at reading that Sean will see me today. “Yes!” I shout out as I text him back a time and location. I walk to my bedroom to figure out what my attire for today should be. Looking through my closet, I decide to keep my outfit casual with a sundress and cardigan. I am about to start putting makeup on when I realize that it might benefit me to look like I’ve been crying. I put away my makeup and pull my hair into a tight ponytail. I need to convince Sean that I am remorseful and that my outburst was because I was feeling like I am losing Cal as a friend since he kept the details of his wedding a secret from us. Sean didn’t believe me when I told him I wanted to be with him, so how am I going to convince him that the flipping of the tray with champagne glasses was from anger of feeling left out? My words have lost all credibility, so I need to do something drastic for Sean to believe me. Suddenly, the most brilliant of plans forms in my head. I pick up my cell phone and call my agent as I will need his assistance to pull this off.
“I’m mad at you, Cora, so keep your bullshit short and get to the point of why you are calling,” he says after picking up on the first ring. I can only imagine that the reason he is mad at me is that he knows about my little parting gift last night.
“Philip, I need help,” I sob into the phone, hoping that because he has never heard me this way before, that he’ll believe my act. “Cal won’t talk to me and I don’t blame him. What I did last night was unforgivable. I was just so upset that he left us out of his planning of the wedding, that I got upset. But the thought of losing my best friend devastates me even more.” I exhale loudly into the phone, creating a dramatic pause before continuing. “I think I need to go to therapy, Philip.”
“I am so relieved to hear you say this, Cora, because I agree, I think you do as well,” he sighs into the phone, his voice sounding less harsh than it was a minute ago. “How can I help you with this?”
“I want to go back home to London and enter a week long treatment facility and then continue with weekly outpatient sessions. Can you help secure that for me, Philip?” I purposely make my voice crack at the end, indicating that I am about to continue crying. I hold my breath, praying that he is buying all of this as I have never had to act vulnerable before and am unsure if I am even doing good at convincing him. Silence fills the air and then I hear rustling sounds at the end of the receiver.
“Of course, Cora. I can book this for you today.”
Hook, line and sinker.
“Oh, Philip, thank you! Thank you for still being my friend!” I dramatically cry out in fake gratitude, pumping my fist in the air for my victory.
“Cora, you’re my client. Of course I want what’s best for you. Let me make some calls and I will get back to you later when I have more details.” I thank him again before hanging up with him. The idea of going home and being in therapy is as appealing as getting a root canal, but this has to be done. Getting Philip involved will convince Sean and Cal that I recognize that I need help.
But in reality, Cal Harrington is the only cure I need for my help.
If they think I am sincere, the likelihood of them letting me back into their inner circle is high. But this scheme is going to cost me money, as I’ll need to pay for the treatment. I also need money because I want Danny Salari with me on this press tour. I need someone to take the incriminating evidence of when I get Cal alone and he’s the only one who will do it for me.
This is going to cost me even more money.
Money that I don’t have.
The amount of jewelry that I have to sell will not even come close to what it’s going to cost me to get Danny to go to Europe with me. I look around, trying to see what else I can sell when it dawns on me that I can sell this apartment. This place was never intended to be permanent and once I make Cal mine, we will want to get a place of our own together.
I call my realtor and tell her I want this place sold as soon as possible. Because it’s a buyer’s market, I might even make money. Good riddance as I hated being here anyway. It has been a constant reminder of how alone I am.
I go back to my closet and throw all my incognito outfits into the trash. I then go online to book a one-way ticket back to London for tomorrow and text my mother the happy news of my homecoming. Feeling accomplished, I look at the time and see that it’s time to go meet Sean. I grab my purse, put on some flats to go with my homely appearance and make my way downstairs to catch a cab.
I mentally psych myself up for my act with Sean, knowing that I am going to have to try to make myself cry in order to convince him of my sincerity. I rub my eyes, close them and then squirt eyedrops onto my lids to help refresh the look from my earlier crying session. I pay the driver as soon as we pull up to the restaurant and put my game face on as I g
et out and head inside.
The hostess leads me to a booth in the very back where Sean is waiting for me. Despite his baseball cap pulled down low to hide his face, you can still tell from his strong jaw line how handsome he really is. Part of me wishes that it was always him I loved, as life would have been a lot easier, but the heart wants what it wants and mine has always wanted Cal.
I slowly sit down across from him and keep my eyes low, giving him a second to observe me before speaking to him. He does exactly what I hope he would do and studies my appearance. I visibly swallow and get ready to perform the most important role of my life.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet me today, Sean. I truly don’t think you realize how much I appreciate it.” I purposely keep my voice low and slow, swallowing again to make it seem I am holding back tears. “I am so incredibly sorry for my behavior last night. It was childish and uncalled for.”
“Why’d you do it, Cora?” His eyes are cold, his voice emotionless. His body language is screaming that he doesn’t even want to be sitting here with me. I need to pick it up a notch, become raw with emotions.
“I did it because I was angry and thought I was losing you both. I was hurt and upset that Cal would keep something so big in his life a secret from us. Then your words to me during the ceremony cut deep. I was angry and wanted to lash out. And unfortunately, I did. If I’m thankful for anything, it’s that no one got hurt from the glass.” I decide to play on his emotions since I know Sean had to be a little upset from being kept in the dark. “Can you understand why I was so upset? Weren’t you hurt too, Sean? He’s your best friend.”
“I felt hurt for a millisecond before that hurt turned into happiness for someone I view as a brother. Why couldn’t you just be happy for him? When are you going to get it that he doesn’t love you? He never has loved you in the way that you want him to.”
I cast my eyes downward to disguise the hatred I am feeling for him at this moment for reminding me how Cal does not want me. His words are like knife slashes to the heart. I realize this would be the best time to start crying. I dig my nails into my thighs underneath the table until tears sting my eyes and look back up at him. The trick works as he leans back in shock, not prepared to see an emotional Cora.
“I am realizing that Cal has never loved me in the way he loves Jenna, Sean. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less. Some of the most important men in my life wouldn’t love me the way that I wanted them to. I am seeing for the first time that my issues from childhood are affecting my behavior.” I pinch my leg some more as tears start streaming down my face. “Obviously, I chose the wrong man to love and I am so sorry for hurting you like I have. Please don’t feel like I have never noticed how you’ve always taken care of me and protected me. I’m sorry I never appreciated you for that.” He looks down at his hands, his face softening with my words and that is all the encouragement I need to continue. “You’ve been a true gentleman and friend to me, Sean. The only one who has ever been there for me and for that, I am forever grateful for.”
The waitress comes by to take our order. We both decline food, instead asking for coffee. I take a sip of my water to clear the dryness of my throat before proceeding. “After last night, I can recognize that my anger issues are beyond my control. I need professional help. So I am going back to London and will be checking into a treatment facility. Philip is working on the details for me as we speak.”
He looks at me in stunned silence, his mouth partly open in surprise. He waits for the waitress to put down our coffees before responding. “Philip is helping you with this?”
“Yes, he was happy to help. With him being my agent, he needs to know at all times where I am and what my schedule will be, so it made sense for me to reach out to him for help.”
“Wow, Cora. I don’t know what to say. I’m… I’m proud of you for doing this.” His words make me smile on the inside, but I know this performance is not over yet.
“Thank you, Sean. That means a lot to me. Sean… please don’t give up on me.” I’m getting so good at this that I don’t need to pinch myself again in order to cry on command. “I have already lost Cal’s friendship. If I lose yours, I don’t think life would be worth living anymore.”
“Cora, don’t talk like that.” Anger flashes in his eyes and he slaps his hands down on the table. For a brief moment, I hope I didn’t go too far with that implication.
“It’s true, Sean. I have no one in my life anymore. My mother hates me and only uses me for my money, saying I owe her from what she has spent on me as a child. I have no women friends because they all become jealous of me and I have no partner in my life due to wasting my feelings on Cal. I was so blind that I threw away the love from a good man.” I pause for my words to sink in for him. “What’s the point of living, Sean? My life is fucking miserable,” I bitterly say and although this is a performance, I know there’s some truth to my words as I am miserable. But I have been a fighter all my life and I will not give up until I go down in flames.
I have one last tear left in my eyes, so I grab his hands and squeeze them. “Please Sean, please don’t write me off.” And the last tears fall on my cheek, perfectly on cue. I stare intently at him, willing him to believe me. He’s got to believe me.
You’re my last hope.
He reaches across the table and uses the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tears. He keeps his hand on my cheek and caresses it. I close my eyes and relish the touch of his warm hand.
“You haven’t lost me, Cora. I will always be your friend.”
The audience inside of me jumps up, giving me a standing ovation for my performance. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. I cover his hand on my cheek and squeeze it. “Thank you, Sean. You won’t regret staying my friend.”
He removes his hand, takes a big gulp of his coffee and let’s out a deep sigh. “So, what’s the next step?”
“I go home and start working on myself. As soon as Philip secures the treatment facility, I will check in that same day. I have no movies or endorsements lined up, just the press tour, so this is the perfect opportunity to work on me. You know how this industry can eat you up alive. I think this is a wake up call for me to get back to basics, get back to myself and everything else will align.” I take a sip of my coffee to wash down my bullshit. The waitress puts the check on the table and Sean reaches into his pocket to pull out cash to pay for our bill. I thank him for the coffee, his only response is a nod of his head, clearly at loss for words. He looks at his watch and decides that it is time to go.
“C’mon, I will drive you back to your hotel,” he offers and moves out of the booth to leave.
“Thanks, but I think I want to walk. It’s a beautiful day and the fresh air would be good for me.” I can’t have him going to the hotel with me and risk him wanting to escort me to my room since I don’t have a room anymore. Sometimes Sean is too much of a gentleman, always making sure people are safe, as if I might be kidnapped from the entrance of the hotel to my room.
“Okay, but why don’t I walk with you?” he asks as we make our way out of the restaurant.
Thank you, Sean, for being so fucking predictable.
“Thanks, but I really want to be alone right now.” I move to hug him, squeezing him as tight as I can so he can feel my appreciation. I release him and turn to go, but quickly turn back to him with one last question. “Hey Sean, can I call or text you during my free time in treatment? I know I am going to need some moral support during the tough times that therapy is going to bring out.” I give him a pathetic, sad smile, one that I hope portrays me looking pained.
“Of course you can, Cora. I look forward to hearing of your progress.” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, I move quickly to kiss him on the cheek.
“Talk soon, Sean.” I turn on my heel and don’t look back at him, telling myself to keep the solemn looking facade up until I reach the hotel. Once I see the sign for the hotel, I turn around to look to see if he followed
me. Once that I see he didn’t, I walk past the hotel, hail a cab and go back to my apartment.
I let out a sigh of relief as soon as I enter my place and lock my door. A celebration is in order and I get out my last bottle of wine from the refrigerator. Might as well drink it all today so that it doesn’t go to waste! I pour myself a very large glass and sit down on my couch, excited at the idea of not having to look at this shitty view of Lake Michigan anymore.
The next step in my plan is to survive the treatment facility that Philip picks out for me. If I can survive having to turn favors for movie roles, I can survive being psycho analyzed by boring doctors. I already know everything I need to say in order to secure my success in treatment. In the meantime, I need a plan to win Cal back into my life. I have no doubt Sean is going to tell Cal all about our conversation today and they will probably call Philip to verify that he’s actually helping me. I smile as I lean back and take a big sip of my wine.
Victory has never tasted so good.
17
Isla
“You’ve got to help me figure out what to do, Robert!” I whine in panic, as I sit across from him on the couch, holding my cup of coffee. As soon as Sean went into the shower, I bolted from his room in embarrassment, needing to get away from him to think. I went to my room, showered, got dressed and drove downtown to Robert’s apartment. He wasn’t very receptive to my presence at such an early hour considering he was tired and hungover from the wedding, but I had nowhere else to go.
“You’ve got to stop talking to me until I finish my cup of coffee,” Robert groans, holding his head with one of his hands. “I will never let you into my house before ten a.m. on a Sunday ever again.” He threatens and I can’t help but laugh at his grumpiness.
Edge of Desire Page 12
