by K. S. Adkins
“You okay over there, neighbor?” he asks from his side of the fence. I wanted to ignore him, I did but, I was just so God damn lonely that I couldn’t. Plus that voice. Fuck, that voice was beautiful. “Not really, neighbor,” I mutter, “Not really.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
“Talk to me?”
“’Bout what?”
“Did you read the book?” I ask taking another chug.
“Yeah,” he mumbles, “I read some of it.”
“Was I right?”
“About which part?”
“I don’t know?” I laugh, “All of it?”
I’m startled when the book crashes at my feet. Picking it up, I set it on the table next to me. “So what did you think?”
“I wiped the evidence off the pages,” he says, “What does that tell you?”
“That you amuse easily?”
“You drunk?”
“Working on it,” I tell him chugging again.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“Not really,” I confess but then change my mind like all women do. “Hey neighbor, have you ever lost the one thing you valued most?”
He was quiet a minute before he answers, “Ain’t got nothing left to lose these days.”
“Oh,” I say clumsily standing up and leaning against the fence. For some odd reason, I put my hand against the wood wanting to be close to this complete stranger. For some reason, I felt like he understood my misery. “Well, I lost four things I valued most and I can never have it back.”
When he stays quiet, I close my eyes and feel the wine kick my pathetic ass. “Night, neighbor,” I throw out before entering my suite and screaming myself to sleep.
Like every night since I lost it all, I prayed I wouldn’t wake up. But like all things in life, you seldom get what you want.
Life wouldn’t release me and I hated that I wasn’t strong enough to do it myself.
I hustled to make it back to my room first. Sitting outside pretending I’d been there for hours, I hear her knocking shit over to find her place on the deck. As I sweat to death, It didn’t go unnoticed that her room had air conditioning yet she didn’t turn it on. Preferring to roast like the rest of us I guess which, I thought was supremely stupid. I only know this, because when she was taking a shower this morning I hopped the fence and snuck into her room to look around. Fuck if I knew what I was looking for, I expected something to stand out though. It’s not like I was sent here to just watch her, I was here for a reason. The woman brought one bag, just one. Whatever Adrian wanted recovered had to be small like jewelry or a flash drive.
On top of that mess, I’m pathetic that I felt the need to know she was okay. As a rule, I don’t do needy chicks. But this one was dealing with some shit, I could feel it. When she leaned against the wood privacy fence separating us, I could feel her trying to stay strong but failing. Call me crazy, but I had a feeling she had to be strong most days and today wasn’t one of them. Putting my hand up to the fence, I just wanted to be close to her even if she didn’t know it. Maybe offer her some of the strength I wasn’t using. That moment she went from buzzed to shit faced was quick and just like that she stumbled her way back in while I stood there wishing I’d had more time with her. The female was quick-witted and I liked that. She wasn’t shy either and I liked that most of all. Seeing her in person was a shock to my dick and my dick wanted her. What’s fucked up is the man wanted her too. Man and dick have never been on the same page before. My dick was a fuck stick, pure and simple. The man has only ever wanted one woman and while the man thought that woman had issues, she doesn’t hold a candle to the shit show passed out in the room next to mine.
Fuck if I could sleep now either. Listening to her scream at the water was rough; watching her force herself back to her room was rough. Hearing her say she’s lost four things she’s valued most was rough, but hearing her scream herself to sleep was the worst. Replaying all that shit in my head over and over made sleep fucking impossible.
I may follow her during the day but it’s the last two nights I look forward to most. Her voice, her laugh and her fucking humor. I’m telling you, she doesn’t even try to be funny but she’s so sarcastic she might be the funniest chick I’ve ever met. Even if I’d never had a picture to go by, I’d tell you she was gorgeous by voice alone. That voice has kept me in a state of perma-stiff for two God damn days.
Mostly I wanted to let her know I was her neighbor but I didn’t because I still didn’t know why I was here. Sending Adrian a text, I tell him I need to know what I’m recovering for him and that I needed it now.
Her.
That was all he had to say. I recover items, not people and this was not welcome news. Now, Adrian and I go way back and not in a good way. We used to get into a lot of shit and where I was good at taking things like documents, cars and jewelry, he excelled at some dark underground shit. Why the fuck would the woman in the room next to me have to do with any of that? I debated telling him no, but knew he’d send someone else instead. Ain’t never had to secure a person and I had no idea how I’d go about doing that either. Fact was, I owed Adrian big and if he wanted the emotional train wreck next door, he would have her. Even if I didn’t like it, money and freedom meant more than my erection.
In my world, fifty grand goes a long way and it squared my debt with that asshole for good.
Besides, if he had his eye on her, there was a reason. The last thing I needed was to know the reason. So this morning when I woke up after sleeping like shit, I head out to the deck to sip coffee hoping to catch her but hours pass and she never comes out. Sitting in my room, I wonder if she slipped out early. The island ain’t a big place but it is big enough that I could have a hell of a time trying to find her and that meant spending more time here. Throwing my jeans on, I hop the low side of my fence then hop hers onto her deck. Peeking in the sliding door, I don’t see her in the living room. The lights are off, no television for white noise, just silence.
Taking it a step further, knowing I could get arrested for breaking and entering, I round the corner to look into her room. Closing my eyes, I mutter a silent fuck to myself when I see her. She’s curled up in the center of her bed with two empty bottles and picture frames all around her. I can’t see who they’re of, but whoever it is she misses. There’s a quilt with girly shit she’s wrapped up in and I started to worry when I realized how hot it was in here. Yet, here she was curled up like she was freezing cold.
Stepping back out and hopping both fences again, I sit on the couch in my own room wondering what the fuck to do now. Grabbing lunch to go, I come back and she’s still in her room. I spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between sitting on the deck, pacing and wanting to break back in.
At eight pm sharp, I heard her door open and her foot steps on the wood. Sitting up in my chair, I move it closer to our shared side of the fence to see if I can get her to talk to me.
Until now, I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear her voice.
Sitting outside I wondered if I’d ever be warm again. No matter what I did, I was always so fucking cold. No, I’m not anemic; what I am is, lost and alone. My family had kept me safe and warm. Without them, I’ve been eternally frozen. When I opened my eyes and realized I’d lived another day, the disappointment was crushing. Why can’t I just be with them? I served no purpose here, I was in the process of giving my money away so what use was I? How much money did I even need? Even if I lit it all on fire, I make enough on my investments to live comfortably for three lifetimes. Only, I didn’t even want to exist in this one.
Why couldn’t I catch a break? I needed to sleep through today because I knew tomorrow was going to wreck me, only I was wide awake. Why her birthday hurt worse than the fact she was dead, I’ll never know why, but it does. It was these quiet moments with nothing to distract me that were the worst. Normally, I work late then get stupid drunk to forget. This time, I needed to get away and try to deal only I found I cou
ldn’t. Sitting here staring at trees with a vicious hangover and no sense of self, I admitted that I never would.
“Where you been?” he asks knocking on the fence to get my attention. Not bothering to answer, I curl myself tighter inside of her blanket hoping to disappear. “Talk to me,” he urges, “You hungry?”
“No,” I whisper, “Thanks.”
“Wanna grab a drink?” he offers, “My treat.”
“Pass,” I whisper.
“You hurting, neighbor?”
“Yes,” I admit, “Deeply.”
“”Bout them four things you valued most?”
Covering my mouth to stop the wail from escaping, I run to my room slamming the patio door behind me. Punching, kicking, throwing the lamps, shattering the glasses and finally running to the bathroom to vomit, I collapse on the floor in a useless heap. Fuck, I can’t do this anymore.
Resting my head on the bowl, I stare at my vomit without thought. It was all wine anyway so who cared, I could always get more. So many ways to die, why I couldn’t I find the right way to end this? Because I was pathetic, that’s why and even death laughed at me. This wasn’t the first time I looked into paying someone to kill me. On my way here I actually called in a favor to a hit man offering him a fortune to do the job. Who knew hit men worked on referrals?
Fuck, I can afford to die that’s for sure.
“You ain’t getting your deposit back,” he says from outside the door. Oddly enough, I don’t even care that he’s in my room. Knowing my mental state I probably left the front door open intentionally, hoping a murderer was on the island. The odds were slim, but I was open to it.
“You gonna stare at your puke all night?” he asks persisting. Looking up, I see he’s the man from Starbucks, the one who looks like Ricky Martin and was there getting his wife coffee. So no wife then, fucking awesome turn of events. “Up you go,” he says gently lifting me and I don’t fight him, I can’t. He sets me on the edge of the bed, grabs a wash cloth and sets about wiping my face and mouth. I felt like a child and didn’t have the energy to scream at him to leave. The chill from the cloth alone has me looking for her blanket to comfort me. “You sick?”
“No,” I whisper, “Do yourself a favor and leave the way you came, please.” Staring at the wall, I can’t look at him. I don’t want to see how beautiful he is, knowing he has life to look forward to but I don’t.
“Ain’t leaving you like this. So you got two choices, have dinner with me at the bar or have dinner with me on the deck.”
“I’m not hungry!” I scream at him while clutching that damn wash cloth. “Get the fuck out!”
“Can’t,” he shrugs casually dismissing me, “You got me worried now, so what’s it gonna be, neighbor?”
He wasn’t going to leave, I could feel it. Didn’t I want him to leave? I just didn’t know. Part of me needed space the other part needed human contact, his contact. “Still waiting. In case you’re wondering, no is the wrong answer.”
Sitting there in utter defeat, I said fuck it. If he wants to surround himself in misery who was I to say no? “The deck would be nice,” I tell him quietly, “Thank you.”
“Get cleaned up, I’ll be back in a few.”
Nodding at him, I wait until he leaves to flush the toilet and take a shower. A half hour later when he returned, my stomach started growling and I realized I hadn’t eaten in over twenty four hours. Watching him set the table, I pull up a chair offering to help but he orders me to shut up and eat.
So I do.
Twenty minutes later with a full belly and a fresh glass of wine, I can’t help but admire his beauty now that I have a face to go with the voice. Was he sent to save me, fuck me or just be another lesson to learn from? Christ knows, I’ve had enough lessons. My life clock was ticking and I knew I was beyond saving but if he wanted to fuck… who was I to say no?
She ate like a lady. Napkin in her lap, plastic silverware arranged properly and no elbows on the table. I, on the other hand, ate like I always did, with purpose. She watches me, I watch her and we don’t talk. Dinner may have been my idea but I was thinking it wasn’t a good one. The fuck do I have to say to this chick? Find her, bring her back and hand her over that’s it, that’s my job. Thing was, I thought I had problems right? Loving Rion knowing she didn’t love me back, but I still got her in my life if I can man up and handle it. There’s a darkness about her that rivals my own. Thing is, I work at hiding mine while she flaunts hers. She’s sick with something but I ain’t got no name for it yet.
Wanting to challenge her darkness made me a bastard, I knew this and I had no problem with it.
Thinking back on her curled up on that bed got me starting the conversation. I didn’t know the specifics, but whatever her damage was it’s contaminating her and I found that I didn’t like it. “Guessing those things you valued ain’t things, am I right?”
“No,” she says sipping her wine, “They aren’t things, they are, or rather, they were my family.”
“Ah,” I say reaching for more chicken even though I’m full. I just need the distraction because I’m not sure I even want to know more but I started this game. “Mom or Dad?”
She closes her eyes and when she opens them and locks on me, I freeze. For just a moment her mask slipped, her walls were down and I saw her for who and what she really was. “Look,” I mumble. “You don’t have to---”
“Mom, Dad, Alan and Indie.” She says taking another sip. “Alan was my husband, Indie our two year old daughter. I lost them all six years ago today, tomorrow is Indie’s birthday. She would have been eight years old.”
“Fuck,” I whisper feeling like shit for doing this to her, “I’m sorry---”
“What’s your name?” she asks tilting her head to the side to rest it on her hand. She let me off the hook so I didn’t hesitate in giving it to her. “Rio,” I offer, “What’s yours?”
“Bet,” she says quietly, “Bet Lennox.”
Lennox, fuck! In some way she was related to fucking Adrian, had to be. This was not good at all. The irony was not lost on me that my best friend and the only woman I thought I’ve ever loved was a bookie. Not only did she live and breathe betting, for fifteen years I did too. Now, in the middle of an island I’m sitting across from a stunner whose name is Bet of all fucking things and I’m seriously taking a gamble even talking to her. This new information was not welcome and I didn’t know what the fuck to do with it. If I thought running would help I’d have Usain Bolted it outta there but I dug my grave this deep, might as well jump in now.
“What do you do for a living?” she asks, making the effort to get to know me.
“I’m in between right now,” I offer, “But I used to be in collections. What about you?”
“I exist,” she says pushing away from the table to stand up.
“You leaving me, Bet?”
“Can I pay you for dinner, Rio?” she asks.
“No,” I growl, “You can pay me by sitting down and talking to me.”
“I’m not good company,” she says reluctantly taking her seat again, “Surely you have other options.”
“Nope,” I say pouring her more wine, “Dinner with a depressed female is all I got going on.”
“Will you get drunk with me tonight?” she asks, “I mean like stupid drunk?”
“What else is there other than stupid drunk?”
“Exactly,” she smiles at me. Christ, is she something. Not just beautiful but broken and accepting of it. As we drink in silence, we watch each other again but on my end it’s because she’s quite possibly the most haunted woman I’ve ever seen and the attraction is undeniable. Then the guilt kicks in because I’m here to betray her. Making light jokes and small talk, I can see when her buzz kicks in and she starts to settle. I could also see the desire she had for me and no doubt it mirrored my own. You can fake a lot of shit but lust isn’t one of them. We both have danced around it, trying the get to know you bullshit, but it was there, brewing. But it all
came crashing down with one question.
“What’s got you thinking so hard?” I ask her when I could take it no more. She’s been staring at me like she’s weighing in on my character and it’s freaking me the fuck out. “You have a dark past and possible future, I can feel it,” she says casually. “I find myself wondering how dark.”
“Dark enough,” I growl at her. I don’t like that she sees it, I also don’t like her boldness about it either. This chick is bold about everything like nothing scares her. In return, it scares the hell out of me.
“Hmm,” she says swallowing the rest of her glass. “Since you’re in between jobs, I have a proposition for you.”
“I ain’t gonna like this,” I argue standing up to leave. “I think I’m gonna call it a night, you probably should too.”
Grabbing my wrist with surprising strength, she stands pulling me toward her and kisses me hard on the mouth. When her tongue works mine, I groan pulling her even closer. She wraps her arms around my neck and seduces my mouth with her own. Pushing her up against the privacy fence, she reaches down and palms my dick and I bite her lip in return. I’ve been with a lot of women, and ain’t one of them ever made me feel like this with just a kiss.
“Now do you want to hear what I have to say?”
“I’m listening,” I tell her while squeezing her ass. Crawling her way up my body, she meets me face to face. Bet is a small woman but her strength is impressive. Without even blinking she speaks loud and clear. “First, I want you to fuck me,” she says biting my lip hard and licking away the sting. “Then I’ll give you five hundred grand to kill me.”
“Are you fucking crazy!” I roar, pinning her arms above her head.
“No,” she whispers looking me in the eyes. “I’m not crazy; I’m just not strong enough to kill myself. It’s not as easy as you think.”
“You are one fucked up bitch, you know that?”
“Is that a no?”
