by K. S. Adkins
“I hate you!” she yells to the ceiling, “Don’t play with me, Rio! All you have to do is slide it in; I’m so wet right now it’s on the God damn sheets.”
Peeking down she lifts her knees and I see the proof. “Shit,” I moan, “I do want back in there, but for now this’ll work.”
Spreading her apart with my fingers, the index literally slides through and while her eyes roll back my balls tighten. Raising her hips and grinding on my fingers, I’m close to saying fuck it and taking her. “That’s it,” she moans again, “Make me come, Rio, then fuck me.”
“Yeah, no.” I tell her, stopping all together.
“What the fuck do you mean, yeah no?”
Getting her riled up works for me and my dick, we like playing dirty. Knowing how badly she wants me has me jerking faster, harder and leaning up near her mouth. “Please don’t leave me like this,” she half demands half begs and that’s all I needed to let it go.
All over her face.
“You look awfully proud of yourself,” she says while making no attempt to scream at me for jizzing in her eyes and hair. I was hoping she’d flip, but no, once again she acts as if nothing fazes her. “Just making sure I still have my aim.”
“Your aim is good,” she says licking it from her lips. “Then again, this is probably par for the course with you, so why I should I expect preferential treatment?”
“Excuse me?”
“Excuse you? You brag about your prowess, tease me, then leave me like this? Either get me off or free a hand so I can do it myself. Seriously, you’re better than that.”
“I see what you’re doing,” I warn her. Granted, I felt like kind of an asshole for doing it but this isn’t my MO I have a good reason, her fucking life.
“Give me ten minutes; I’ll be back in the game.”
“I’ll be over it by then,” she says rubbing her legs together. “Oh fuck it, I’m taking a nap.”
“I’m sorry, little Bet.”
“No, you’re not.”
“You’re right,” I tell her smirking, “I’m not.”
Doing her best to ignore me and the need blazing through her, I only felt slightly guilty. The payoff was worth the discomfort we both suffered. Getting her to say the words was my main focus now.
She’s close.
“We’ve got ten minutes before I can get in there; tell me something about you no one knows.” Her face hardened before she answered. Like all things Bet, the first thing she says is the very last thing I expected to hear.
“I agreed to get married because it’s what my parents wanted.”
“You said you loved him.”
“I did love him,” she says and believe me, it was not at all convincing. “He was my first boyfriend. But I wasn’t ready to get married yet. When he asked in front of them I couldn’t say no and break their hearts. I knew I could be a good wife but I wanted to do things first. I wanted to travel and be irresponsible. I got pregnant on my wedding night and then in a blink, I grew up. I loved him the best I could, but I could have done better.”
“He know you loved him?” I ask her. The fact that she thinks she could have done better tells me she wasn’t in love with him. She felt for him like I felt for Rion. We both thought love was something it wasn’t and in this we’re both learning the truth.
“I didn’t say it as much as I should have but I hope he knew. Alan was a good man, he deserved better than me.”
“I think he knew he was a lucky son of a bitch,” I tell her while wiping my shit off her chin. “I also think he died knowing he was a lucky son of a bitch too. You were tight with your parents then?”
“Very,” she smiles, “They were great parents.”
“I ain’t no shrink but I think you struggle with losing Indie the most. You got years with your parents and even a few with Alan. You got fucking robbed with your daughter and for that, I don’t blame you, Bet. But dying ain’t the way to go, you can still travel and be irresponsible. Don’t just do it for you, do it for them, too.”
“I hurt all the time, Rio,” she whispers, “It never stops. The void just gets bigger and bigger. I’ve been giving my money away, I don’t want it. I just want all the bullshit to stop. I don’t think it’s selfish to want peace.”
“It is selfish when you got somebody who don’t want to live without you but you plan to leave him anyway. Tell me you haven’t been happy with me; tell me you don’t think we deserve a shot. You look at me and see something, little Bet, what is it?”
When she seals her mouth closed, I press further. “What do you see when you look at me, Bet. I want an answer.”
“Heartbreak,” she says sadly, “I see heartbreak.”
“You trust me with your body; trust me with your heart.”
“It’s empty, Rio.”
“Wrong,” I tell her. Pulling her up to take her mouth, I say it again. “You’re wrong. You melt when I touch you, you laugh when I tell a joke and you seek me out in your sleep. You ain’t empty, you’re filling up. I can see it happening.”
When the tears run down her face I say no more. In fact, for the next several minutes I don’t do anything. I leave it up to her. These were, by the way, the longest minutes of my life.
He’s right. It doesn’t mean that I like that he’s right, but I can’t deny that with him I feel things other than hurt. But he is heartbreak and I’d be foolish to think otherwise. Rio didn’t want me long-term even if I wished he did. It was losing Indie that cut me the deepest. Losing her pretty much ruined me. I was a good daughter, a decent wife but, I was amazing as a mother. No, she wasn’t planned but the best things in life rarely are. Alan said to me once, I wish you looked at me like you do our daughter. I hadn’t known what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything. That was the first time I could say Alan was annoyed with me. He said other things like, when you hold her it’s what true love should look like and, I wonder if she has any idea how lucky she is.
Funny that I chose to think of that right now. Remembering the good was what I focused on, that way I could avoid the memories that weren’t so good. All these years later, I can admit that I didn’t give Alan the love and respect he was due and he knew it. But he loved me enough to stick around just the same. I can also admit that’s why the guilt stays with me too. I wanted to love him better, harder, and longer. I wanted the chance to show him he was my everything but I have to admit to myself that, maybe he wasn’t. I did love him, but I was a kid and marriage was shoved down my throat and I had accepted it. I knew that in time I could be perfect for him as soon as I figured out who I was but, I didn’t have time.
Before I could be who he needed me to be, he was taken from me. He died knowing I didn’t love him enough and that tears me apart daily. Yes, I wanted them back. I wanted them back so I could do better. I failed my parents and my husband. The only one I didn’t fail was Indie. I gave her all I had. Even if I never say it out loud, I miss my daughter most of all and I feel guilty about that too.
Rio was right.
But so was I.
I didn’t feel that I belong anywhere anymore. Not when I failed at the most basic part of life, I failed at love. Money doesn’t define you or bring you happiness. Love does, family does, and I had neither. Sticking around to get my heart broken again didn’t seem worth the risk so I changed the subject to money.
“If you were given a million dollars,” I start, “and you could do anything in the world with it, what would you do?”
Rubbing his chin, I see him thinking on it. A million is a lot of money, but to most people a million anything is more than they’ll ever see in one lump sum.
“I’d open a spot where people could come for a second chance. Wouldn’t matter who you were or what kinda shit you were into, you’d get another shot.”
“Where would this spot be?”
“Detroit.”
“Why Detroit?”
“Maybe because I live there?”
“You do?”
&n
bsp; “Yeah, little Bet,” he says leaning forward to wipe the residual tears from my face, “I do.”
“You never said anything.”
“You never asked.”
“There’s a good chance we’ve passed each other on the street,” I say smiling at the thought, “You never know.”
“I’d know it if I passed you,” he says winking, “but unless you hang over off 8 Mile and place bets you can’t pay, you wouldn’t run into me. You don’t belong on my side of town.”
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Separate yourself from me like that. You look at me and see money, like it’s who I am when it’s not. I may have it but it’s not me. You think I sit in an office and count stacks all day? I actually live off of very little. In fact, when I’m not helping people start businesses---” I stop myself from explaining it to him. Why should I? Like he cares?
“Finish your sentence,” he demands, “You got shit to say, say it.”
“When I’m not helping them financially, I help them physically.”
“I’d buy that,” he says casually, “Why was that so hard to say?”
“Because, I shouldn’t have to prove myself to you.”
“I didn’t ask you to.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Glad you asked,” he says, “I love being with you, first female I can ever say that about. I got shit invested with you, my feelings are in play now. I’m just wondering how this works. I’m thinking maybe I made a mistake. Even if I get you to say the words, the fuck kinda future can I offer someone like you?”
“Someone like me?”
“You got money, I don’t. You got knowledge, I don’t. Yeah, I got a dick and you don’t but you gotta see the gap here.”
“Actually, I didn’t see a gap but it’s moot. I’m not saying the words, so any potential future is irrelevant. Especially, when you put me in my place about where I belong. By the way, Pretty In Pink was a stupid movie.”
At that point I’d had enough. It always comes down to money. I’d give it all away to fit in somewhere. But mostly it was when he said that maybe this was a mistake, because that terrified me. I didn’t want to be a mistake, I wanted… Oh fuck I had no God damn clue what I wanted. Yes I did. I wanted to be wanted for me, just once. Shutting him out I think about the loose ends I need to tie up when I get home.
You’d think planning your own death would be simple, yeah not so much.
With less than forty-eight hours to convince her, I realized my error immediately. Personally, I didn’t give a shit about her money but it was an issue. I had hoped she’d say something to prove me wrong but she didn’t. She fell back on the wanting to die bullshit and that left me with no comeback. Watching her tune me out, I wonder what she’s thinking about. Whatever it is has her total concentration. Bet was a deep thinker.
Grabbing us both some food and a bottle of wine, I come back to the bed to get her attention. I have until tomorrow realistically to get her to say the words. After that, we need to pack and jet the day after if the ferries are on schedule. I haven’t checked my phone, but if I did no doubt there’d be a dozen threats from Adrian on it. As far as that fucker goes, I got nothing on him either. Other than he was blackmailing her because she stopped paying, I had nothing else to go on. Bringing the sandwich to her mouth she opens it, takes a bite, chews and swallows. It’s robotic and it’s pissing me off. Bringing the wine to her mouth she takes a deep pull and my dick felt it. Looking outside, it’s still ass-pouring and this room is muggy as fuck. But watching her eat and drink butt-ass naked ain’t a bad reward either.
“You up for a shower?”
“Yes.”
Untying her, she slowly stretches and makes her way to the bathroom not sparing me a word or glance. When I hear the water starting, I remake the bed, fluff the pillows and wait her out. Ten minutes later, she’s standing before me in a towel smelling like lavender while staring down at me. “Fuck me,” she whispers.
“Say the words.”
Dropping the towel and climbing back on to the bed, she holds her arms out and I tie her back up. Dammit, I didn’t want to. I wanted her to say it so I could beg her to stay with me when we left and promise to handle Adrian for her. Sitting next to her, I decide to level with her as best I can. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you,” I tell her. “I want to exit that ferry with your hand in mine, little Bet. I want to take you to my place, fuck you there. I want to go to your place, fuck you there and I want to be your reason for living. I want to be the reason you’re happy.”
“You’re the reason I’m happy right now, Rio.” She whispers. “With you, I’m the happiest I’ve been in six years. It’s seductive to think that this kind of happy stands a chance but I won’t drag you down with me. Sex only gets you so far. Believe me; I used to pay men to fuck me, I understand all new things wear off.”
“You just said that,” I mumble, “How many did you pay?”
“How many women have you been with?”
“Don’t pay anyone else and I’ll drop it.”
“I haven’t paid anyone in a long time,” she says smiling, “But I’m guessing your number is much higher than mine.”
“Not one meant shit to me.”
“Not one meant shit to me either.”
“This means something, little Bet,” I tell her as I run my fingers across her stomach. “You and me, it’s real and it means something. Give me at least that much.”
“It’s real,” she admits quietly, “and it means something, Rio.”
“Good answer.”
Taking her face into my hands, I slide my tongue in and just like that I’m primed. If her hands worked she’d have them buried in my hair or clutching my shoulders. Right now though, she uses her legs to pull me closer and when I position myself between them she uses her heels to signal she’s ready.
“Need inside,” I warn her. So I may be full of shit. I do want inside but she wants to fuck, whereas I want to go slow making love to her properly. Making love for the first time in my life, with her. She’ll figure it out quick enough but all I need to do is let her think she’s going to get pounded, then I’ll switch it up. “Spread those legs, let me see my prize.”
Doing as she’s told, I watch her chest rise and fall. My dick is jumping around like a fish out of water and my own breathing sped up. Taking each leg, I put them over my forearms and take my time sliding in. Her moans are loud and long, my moan is more of a grumble. Taking it slow is new for me too and no lie, it feels pretty fucking good to feel her like this. Pulling back out slowly, sliding back in slowly, I can feel her contracting around me and I love it.
“Faster,” she pants, “harder.”
Giving her a taste of it, I slam into her one good time and her head falls back. I dial it back down and watch as she thrashes. She’s letting me set the pace, trusting me to speed back up, but I’m not going to.
In fact, I may even stop.
Okay so this is different. Not bad different, more like over-stimulation different. The sensations were so intense I couldn’t tell if he was going to drill me or make me work for it. He slid in with little effort. My body was screaming for it and the second he was close, my legs opened up begging him to come in. The pressure was welcome, his skin was damp with sweat and my back was arching of its own will. I ask him for more, needing to be fucked and he slams me good but then he pulls back and just stops.
Every internal alarm I had went off. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed that this meant something because it gave him hope. Fuck, the truth was it gave me hope too. I want him, there’s no denying that but how long can I possible have him? If I agreed to stop my suicide mission what happens when we get home? We date? Really? How long will that last? It’s not even long distance; he lives in the same city as I do. But if I could have this kind of happiness, even sometimes, I would be okay with it. There isn’t one thing I don’t like about Rio. He says what he’s thinking, he
’s honest and he’s between my legs right now. If what he says is to be believed, he wants me too, the real me. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I was scared. I felt guilty for wanting to be selfish. I was selfish once before and it cost me everything. Am I brave enough to take the chance twice?
“Ask me to make love to you, little Bet.”
It was that moment I knew I had a decision to make, one that would change my life forever. Digging down deep, I asked myself if I was safe with Rio. Could we make each other happy? Do two people from different sides of the tracks stand a chance? I knew my answer. Not only did I know it, I couldn’t wait to say it. I needed to see where this could go. For the first time in years I felt something more than despair. I felt desperation, I felt like I had found a home, a second chance. Putting the fear and uncertainty behind, I looked into his eyes looking for a reason to say no but finding none. What I found instead was acceptance, a chance at peace. If he could truly accept me he would help me accept myself, I knew that and that’s what gave me the courage to take the leap.
“Will you make love to me, Rio?” I whisper and I was so proud of myself for being able to say it without crying. My life would never be perfect, the grief wasn’t going to disappear but if he’s a willing buffer, I’d be foolish to let this pass me by. Smiling at me he leans in kissing me softly, yet it’s the deepest kiss I’ve ever had. It was an emotional kiss and I’d never had a kiss like this before. Parting my legs further, he slowly maneuvers himself back inside of me and with a gentleness I didn’t know he possessed, he started to move.
It was a slow rocking. He stared at me and me at him. My moans were quiet as were his. Our breathing was filling the room and when I bit my lip in pleasure, he kissed my nose. I don’t know why that did it for me, but the next thing I knew he was whispering the most beautiful words to me and that combined with our bodies meshing sent me over. The orgasm was slow and liquid. It left me shattered and completely open to him. He sensed it and when his hands covered my tits and he whispered, “Every day for the rest of my life, I’ll convince you if you’ll let me,” I felt all of it.
