by K. S. Adkins
I wanted my second chance.
While he slept, my first order of business was taking a shower followed by digging out something not wrinkled. Thumbing through the random pieces of clothing that have been discarded while we’ve been here, I find a clean pair of shorts and a light sweater I didn’t remember packing. Dressing quickly, I jump on the bed intent on getting the day started.
Slowly waking from sleep, he groans rolling over. Ignoring my tickling him, he farts then scratches his ass and I lost my shit. Flying backward off the bed, I hit the floor laughing. Coming to stand on the side of the bed he looks down at me on the floor with one hand in his boxers and I see he’s scratching his dick now too.
“Morning, little Bet,” he says yawning, “Were you in the blast zone?”
“You’re disgusting,” I squeal as he helps me up.
“But you love it,” he says squeezing my ass.
“I do,” I agree watching him touch himself. “So explain morning wood to me.”
“Why tell you when I can show you?”
“Are you ever not horny?”
“If you weren’t hot, I wouldn’t be horny.”
“So it’s based on appearance?”
“My hard-on is based on you,” he says pushing me toward the living room. “I wake up with it, walk around with it and go to sleep with it. This morning’s chub can go one of two ways; we can fuck and get rid of it or I can take a piss and get rid of it.”
“Decisions decisions, huh?” I ask licking my lips.
“Stop staring at it,” he groans, “Now taking a piss is going to suck.”
“Or I could.”
“Oh, I know you could but we got time, let’s get outta this room for a bit.”
“Are you turning me down? Seriously?”
“My dick needs a time out,” he says rubbing it like it has a boo boo. “Don’t worry, he’ll be hungry by lunch.”
“Fine.” I pout sitting on the couch to wait him out. I didn’t have to wait long. Like all things Rio, he does his three S’s in record time. Oh and he told me what those were too.
Shit, shower and shave.
Not that I asked or anything but, I was wondering if all men shit first thing in the morning. That seemed odd to me. It just goes to show you I knew nothing about how males worked. They shit in the morning, really? Of all the things to do when you wake up, that’s the priority? Now I was totally intrigued. How else did men differ from women? There was so much I didn’t know, wanted to know, simply needed to know.
Men always seemed so simple, basic even, only they aren’t. Using Rio as my learning curve, I was chomping at the bit to know what made a male tick. It had to be more than his dick.
Once we secured coffee and breakfast we set out to do whatever felt good. Mostly it was her asking questions and me answering them while we walked. She asked me the most bizarre shit, too. Do erections hurt? Did I trim my nose hairs? How much porn did I watch? Did I cry at movies or animal commercials? Do I like Sarah McLaughlin? Oh and do I moisturize?
My answers went something like this…
Yes, yes, as much as possible, no, who? And why? Am I supposed to?
As much as her questions intrigued me, I had to wonder why she didn’t seem to know anything about men. She was married to one but you’d never know it. Not that I like thinking about it, but she even admitted to paying men for their company so how can she not know? Letting her get a few more in, these were deeper and required me to think. They were questions about character and chivalry. Needless to say, both topics left me unsure of what to say. Changing the subject seemed to be the way to go, besides, women love to talk about themselves.
“How come you’re asking me questions about everyday shit you’d know a few months into being with someone? You were with him for years, Bet, you didn’t ask him?”
“No,” she says staring at her feet. “I didn’t ask him.”
“Why not?”
“Because Alan wasn’t like that. He was quiet, private and very traditional.”
“You never saw him take a piss?”
“No.”
“He ever watch you take a piss?”
“No.”
“Did you like watching me take a piss?”
“Oddly enough, yes.”
“What’d you like about it?”
“I don’t know, it was manly. The way you stood, the way your arm braced you. The sound of it too, you’re a loud pisser. I have a feeling few men can make peeing attractive.” She says smiling then immediately slaps her forehead. ”I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”
“Who cares?” I tell her pulling to me. “Women spend too much time worrying about what they think men think. ‘Cause bottom line? We don’t think all that much, you just think we do. You females over think not thinking, ever think sometimes men just don’t have shit to say?”
“This is exhausting.”
“Try having a dick,” I tell her, “Women are exhausting.”
Laughing she takes my hand to resume walking. Suddenly she stops and gives me a tug. “Am I exhausting?”
Leaning in and kissing her in broad daylight I tell her the God’s honest. “Hell yes, you are, but in a different way.”
“Explain a different way.”
Taking her hand and putting it on my still hard dick I tell her, “The best way.”
“Oh.”
“You’re not like other women, little Bet,” I remind her, “Nothing wrong with that.”
“What’s right with it?”
“Everything.”
With that, I took her hand and even though she had a thousand more questions she didn’t ask a single one. What I said was the truth. She was different and it just so happens that I loved different.
Two hours and three bags of carry out later, we’re back inside when she suggests a movie. We were down to one TV but if she wanted a movie, she’d get a movie. Scrolling through the channels she squeals “Wait!” when Monster’s Inc. shows up.
“Oh come on,” I groan, “Not a kids’ movie, little Bet.”
“First,” she says cuddling into my side, “Pixar movies are for all ages. Their movies resonate with adults, trust me. Second, I love Sully he’s the top scarer until he meets Boo. She’s the cutest by the way.”
“Christ, what’s the third thing?” I ask her but the light in her eyes is all I care about. We could watch infomercials if it made her happy like this. “Oh, number three is shut up and watch it.” she says pinching me.
Look, I’ll admit, she was right. This flick wasn’t for kids. The content, while not dirty, was some heavy shit. The thing was I felt like Sully and that Randall prick was Adrian. Sully loved Boo and I love Bet. He wanted to risk it all to save her, like I do.
But it was the ending that got me.
After it was all said and done, he knew she didn’t belong with him. Boo belonged at home surrounded by what she knew. Sully loved her enough to let her go. Boo didn’t belong in his world any more than Bet belonged in mine. Looking down at the woman who I love, that I convinced to live, I knew what I wanted wasn’t what was best for her.
When this was over, the right thing would be to place Bet back in her world, a world without me in it.
Fucking Pixar.
For almost two hours Rio was perfectly still.
He didn’t razz me for the movie choice or make a play for my boobs. He laughed at the comedic parts and tensed when Randall was hot on Sully’s heels. Occasionally, he’d play with my hair or kiss my head but other than that, the television had his total attention.
Since I was a kid, I have loved cartoons.
But Pixar didn’t make cartoons, they made miracles. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve spent years searching for my own but until that happened, I watched these cartoons.
Every movie they’ve made, I own. The first time I watched ‘Up’ I didn’t leave the house for three days. Whoever does their writing is either an emotionally unstable person or has life figured o
ut. For me, the life lessons in these movies moved me deeply.
When Sully tucked Boo back in her bed prepared to say his final goodbye, I knew this movie moved him too. Especially, when he gripped me tight and used his free hand to wipe his eyes.
Pixar takes no prisoners.
“You lied to me.” I tell him not looking up because I don’t want him anymore off kilter than he already was.
“What?” he whispers.
“You said you didn’t cry at movies, you lied.”
“This ain’t no movie,” he groans. “Hell, I don’t know what the fuck it is but if you ain’t crying there’s something wrong with you.”
“So you liked it? It was good right?”
“Gimme a minute,” he says. “My heads all fucked up.”
Leaning up on my elbow and kissing his cheek I whisper, “Yeah, you liked it.”
“My turn.” He says stealing the remote.
For several minutes he flicks through every channel we’ve got which thankfully isn’t many. When he finally lands on one, I offer up a groan of my own. “Zip it,” he says “I sat through that emotional cluster fuck, you can sit through mine.”
“Yeah but I feel the need to point out Top Gun is kind of a chick flick.”
“Take that back,” he says sitting up. “The movie is about flight school, trusting your co-pilot and---”
“Getting the girl.” I finish. When he fights for words I toss him another one. “Did you like Jerry Maguire?”
“What guy doesn’t? Football flicks kick ass.”
“That’s it!” I say sitting up. “Seriously? Jerry Maguire was not a football flick. It was made for men to watch with women so they could get laid. Hot scout falls for mousy office girl who happens to have an adorable kid with a speech impediment, really, you don’t see it?”
“But there was sports in it!”
“Face it, you were duped. Most movies aren’t meant for men anyway, they lure you with guns and sports and bam! Love story. It happens, no judgment.”
“Fuck,” he groans tossing the remote. “How did I miss that?”
“See? We both learned something today.” I state proudly.
“True,” he says smiling, “Now let’s talk about tomorrow.”
That’s when I lost my smile.
Dammit, I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.
Thing was, tomorrow wasn’t goodbye. Far from it. Granted, I switched topics and caught her off guard but I thought we were on the same page. When she fidgets with her hands, I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her nervous.
I wasn’t sure what she was nervous about but now she was making me nervous. Tilting her chin up it’s her perfectly clear eyes that put me at ease. “Tomorrow we board that ferry together.”
“Okay.”
“When that ferry docks we get off together.”
“Okay.”
“We’re going to be separated for about six hours minus any fucking construction but after that, we’ll be inseparable.” When she stays quiet I prompt her, “Repeat that back for me, little Bet.”
“Six hours of separation followed by inseparation.”
“Is inseparation a word?”
“Yes?”
“Are you asking me or telling me? You’re the brains of this outfit.”
“Can it be a word? It seems fitting.”
“Then it’s a word,” I tell her, “and it’s a promise.”
“You won’t break your promise?” she asks in the quietest of voices.
“To you? No. Never.”
“Then I’m good with our itinerary.”
“These ain’t just plans for travel, these are plans for our future. You with me on this?”
“I’m with you.” She says smiling but then holds her hand up.
“Why’d you raise your hand?”
“Because I have a question?”
“We ain’t in school.” I tell her but then add, “Alright then, ask.”
“Are you going to be a control freak like this when we’re back in the city?”
“Yeah,” I tell her “Any other questions?”
“Nope,” she says “Just making sure we’re on the same page.”
“Admit it,” I tease her, “You like me bossy.”
“I won’t deny that.”
“You’ll get used to someone telling you what to do for a change,” I tell her. “Look how well you’re doing so far.”
“I have a line, Rio,” she smiles. “Remember that.”
Kissing her hard on the mouth, we exit our room in favor of the Pink Pony one last time. The woman has a thing for whitefish dip and what Bet wants Bet gets. Even with my phone blowing up in my pocket I focus on her. Reality is waiting back home and I still ain’t got a plan. I was hoping inspiration would come to me on the long ride back and if it doesn’t I’ll just kidnap her as a last resort.
So tonight while I was buried inside of her I made it a point to tell her I loved a thousand times. When she fell asleep on my chest I wanted to wake her and tell her a thousand more.
Because no matter which angle I approached this, I felt like our happy ending was in Adrian’s fucking hands.
As he sleeps, I quietly pack my meager belongings up and slip out to get him coffee for a change. Rio takes his coffee black with two creams and one sugar. My coffee is like a dessert compared to his, it was also my favorite vice. Walking back, I stop briefly at the bottom of the hill to look over the lake one last time. With the sun shining bright and the ground still damp, I knew I was going to miss this place. We’ve been here far longer than we’d intended but I wasn’t going to ignore my good fortune. If it wasn’t for him and this storm, I’d probably be dead by now. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be entertaining love right now either. A week ago I had no idea feelings like this existed. Even last night, when he told me he loved me at least a thousand times, I didn’t return the words out of pure fear. This morning I decided while pouring the cream into his coffee that I didn’t just want to tell him how I felt, I needed to. Fear could fuck right off.
The fact that one week ago I was positive I wanted to die scared me. One week ago, I would have followed through with it, too. Bottom line was, I feared the unknown. Then I met him and if it wasn’t for Rio, I wouldn’t be going home with hope. So here I am holding two coffees, taking in a gorgeous view knowing I had my own happiness asleep in my room. My breath caught thinking about showing him my home. Excitement peaked at the thought of seeing his. I wanted to meet Rion and Loyal, maybe even invite them out to double date for dinner one night. It was the idea of a double date that put extra some pep in my step and I practically jogged back up to our room to share it with him.
Rio needed her in his life, she’s been his family for years and I wasn’t jealous of it. Maybe if we hit it off, she could one day become a girlfriend to me? Taking the steps two at a time, I balance the coffees in one hand to manage the door. Resuming my pace I stop when I hear his voice coming from the great room to my right. Standing just to the side of the door and out of sight, I listen as Rio speaks to who can be no other than Adrian himself.
“How can I trust you? How do I know you ain’t gonna try and hurt her?” Even as what little heart I had, started to break, I had to give Rio credit for at least sounding like he cared for me. “If she gives you the money, you’ll back off then?” he pauses and I lean in closer. “The fuck do you mean she owes you more than money? You asked me to find her, I found her. You want me to bring her home, I am. But ain’t no way I’m coming in blind. Tell me what the fuck to expect here. I ain’t just handing her over.”
Closing my eyes in agony, I supposed it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Rio was here to bring me home but honest to God, it was. I ignored my instincts and had chosen to believe him. His words slap me in the face, the touch I craved minutes ago disgusted me now because I still wanted it. Rio was planning on handing me over to Adrian, what the fuck! Backing away, I drop both drinks into the trash bin in th
e hallway before entering my room and closing the door behind me.
“Where’d you run off to, little Bet?” he asks coming up behind me moments later to nuzzle my neck. Not noticing my distress, I stow it away in favor of getting answers instead. Rio thought he could fuck me? Yeah well, he was about to get fucked by the master.
“I went to make sure the ferries were running on schedule and I didn’t want to wake you.”
“I was thinking,” he says stuffing his own bag, “We could stay at my place tonight. I could take you for a drink, show you where I used to work and---”
“I’m going home, Rio. I have almost two weeks of work to catch up on, but you’re welcome to stay with me if you’d like. Maybe we could order in and watch a movie? We could do your place another night?”
“You can’t work from my place?” he asks taking my bag. “It ain’t much but it’s got Wi-Fi.”
“I’ll make you a deal,” I offer holding in my hurt. “My place tonight and your place the following. I’ll even bring my toothbrush to make it official. I’d like to go down to the water one last time before we leave, if you don’t mind.”
“I like the sound of that, little Bet,” he says opening the door for me.
Taking in the scenery from the white Adirondack chair, I couldn’t help but let the sadness take me over. So many amazing things happened here and it was all a setup, a fantasy. A God damned lie. The only real moments have been spent in this chair. When I arrived the beauty of it all soothed me, when he kissed my wrist before the sky opened up and now when I wanted to live again. Being blindsided was nothing new but I never thought the man I fell for would be the one do it. Right then, I felt like I lost them all over again.
