by JD Jones
Chapter Six
Rita awoke suddenly and sat bolt upright in bed. Her breathing was labored like she had been running a marathon. Her heartbeat sounded loud in her ears in the quiet emptiness of her bedroom. Paul was gone again. More often of late he left her alone to carry out his master plan as he called it. Also, more and more she wondered who it was that he was becoming.
She had had the dream again. That makes three times, she said to herself. She found that in her recent loneliness she had taken to talking to herself. It was a strange dream about a strange place she didn't recognize. But somehow she felt comfortable there. She had the feeling she belonged in that place, wherever it was. But Paul did not think she belonged there. That was the climax of the dream each time. Paul showed up and asked her what she thought she was doing there. She admitted she didn't know but explained that she thought, somehow, she needed to be there or belonged there. Her statement always made Paul furious and then began his murderous rage of shouts and threats against her and whoever the mysterious shadow was that watched them arguing.
That shadowed seemed familiar but was too far away to be recognizable. Really just a dotted blur of darkness within the already dark landscape of her dream. Always, she ran away from Paul's screaming fury. Then Paul would chase her. He was bigger than her and faster than her and she knew she could not outrun him. Somehow she knew that if he caught her he was going to kill her. That made no sense to her, though. She knew Paul loved her. He would do anything and everything he could for her. He had proved that so often. Why was he screaming for her death in her dream? The senselessness of the actions were as disturbing as the being chased in an unknown place. She ran. She ran hard but she had no idea where she was going. She was in good shape but not an athletic person by nature. She had always been more of the pretty cheerleader type than the hardcore athlete.
Rita awoke from the dream each time scared to death. Fear held her in its grip and controlled her every thought for the first few minutes after awakening. Catching her breath and reasoning out that it was just a dream helped her bring her life back into perspective. She knew it was silly to think of Paul as anything but her husband, lover and biggest fan. Any other thought was a foreign intrusion that had no place in her world.
Getting out of bed, Rita padded barefoot across the carpeted floor of their new bedroom. She loved the new house. It was everything a woman could want in a home. Big but not too big. In a good neighborhood where they could raise kids safely and not too far from the school. It had a big back yard with a swimming pool and lots of little flower gardens, which she loved.
That was her plan today. Gardening. Since Paul's success, she had become a woman of leisure at his request. She filled her day with gardening, rearranging furniture and thinking about the changes in her life. And wondering about the dream.
Today she would start with the gardening. She had gotten some Monkey Grass to plant all around the borders of the gardens at the back fence. She thought it would add a touch of lighter greenery to the darker bushes at the fence and the bushy annuals she had planted previously in front of the bushes. She had looked and looked at the combination for days before deciding it needed something with a different green to really set it off. The Monkey Grass would do nicely.
After lunch she planned on tackling the dining room. There was only one place the big table Paul had bought looked right, but the china cabinet and the dry sink were still not quite right. And when those pieces finally had a permanent home, she would need to work on the wall appointments. She had a wonderful painting of a halfway house by a river in what looked to be the old south. The colors matched the room perfectly and the hospitality of a halfway house spoke volumes to her way of thinking about the service she wanted to bestow upon those that dined with them in the future.
As she brushed her teeth and checked her face in the mirror, the dream came flooding back. Running. Curious. She could not really imagine a situation where she would be running away from Paul. Even with all the changes he had undergone since the attack, she only saw him as her big, strong protector.
The shadow. She gave that some thought. In the dream she was afraid of Paul and comforted by the presence of the shadow. Totally opposite how she saw things in the light of day. Paul was her comfort, especially when he was home. She was not an easily frightened individual but the unknown was always a concern that caused her to check up and think twice before doing something. Funny that the unknown in her dream would be a comfort for her.
She tried applying her psyche training to her dream and it made no sense. Somehow her subconscious was sensing that Paul was the danger and some person she did not know was going to help her or save her. That was the reading she got. If she had been talking to a friend about the friend's dream, she would have cautioned the friend to be careful around Paul. She believed the subconscious mind saw things the conscious mind dismissed. Her counsel to a friend with the same dream would have been totally opposite the counsel she gave herself. Don't eat any more peanut butter sandwiches before bed. Too heavy.
With a shrug, Rita slipped out of her short, silky nightie and let it drop to the floor. Bending down, she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her skimpy but equally silky panties and slid them to the floor. Stepping out of them, she admired herself in the mirror thinking for the millionth time that she was lucky to have been born with such a nice figure. She knew many women were unhappy with their bodies in one respect or another. She liked hers. Men liked it too. Their approving glances told her that. Maybe that was what she really liked, that others liked her body. It gave her a sense of acceptance.
Turning the hot water on in the shower, she let it heat up and steam up the room before getting in. She loved the warm, steamy wetness of the atmosphere in the large bathroom when she showered. It was like walking through a warm mist and letting every sensory organ in her skin enjoy the experience. Even the ceramic walls held the moisture for hours after the shower like they could not bear to part with the moment either.
Once the room was acceptably cloudy with the steam of her shower, Rita walked into the shower. It was floor level and had a drain sunken in the floor. There was no door. Just a space large enough to allow her to take a shower and splash around without the water going too far from the large space allocated to the shower facility. Paul said he liked it because he could watch her in the shower and admire her body while she enjoyed the hot water cascading down her body. Paul also could not control himself when he watched and usually ended up joining her. He said he liked that, too. The fact there was enough room for the both of them to do whatever they wanted in this shower.
Her thoughts of Paul dampened her spirits when she should have been soaring with the sensation of the hot water running down her body. That concerned her a little. Before the attack, thoughts of Paul always brought a smile to her face. Now, thinking about him always brought her to the place where she wondered about his dark side. Every person had one. She had been sure that Paul had his dark side totally hidden. Lately, he seemed to be enjoying discovering it more and more.
She closed her eyes and let the water run over her face, washing away the cares of the attack, Paul's changes and even the dream that had so frightened her only moments before. A sense of warmth flooded her being and she enjoyed the feel of the water scalding her skin and exciting every nerve to its fullest awareness. Every part of her was awake. Every part of her was listening to the sounds of the universe and waiting on every vibration to summon the better things of life to her. She hummed to herself. Nothing special. Nothing recognizable. Just sound. Her sound. A sound that summoned her deepest consciousness to draw strength from and find the peace of existence.
Rita just let it come, enjoying her moment of life disconnected from life in its physicality but connected all the same in an existential way that she had learned to cultivate since her childhood. From her earliest memories she could remember her parents had always argued with each other. That was another reason she wanted a gentle man. To escape th
e noise of the shouting, she had often turned inward upon herself and found a quiet place of her own to hide from the confrontation of the pain and unsure moments of her life. The shower had become a bastion of refuge in her home. The place she ran to to find peace within when there seemed to be no peace without.
The heat of the water was almost unbearable, which made it all the more inviting. Bear up under it and achieve a place where others won't come. Let the pain of the heat wash away the pain of reality. Rita enjoyed the sensation of the water running in rivulets down her bare skin. She shifted position to make the water go where she wanted it to. Her place of control. She controlled every sensation in here. Her every move was part of the control. This was her world.
“Hm-m-m-m-m!” She sighed out loud to herself and hugged herself tightly swiveling under the steady stream of hot prickles the water created as it exited the shower head and splashed downward over her body.
She was feeling better every second. Gone were the misgivings about Paul and the dream and everything else. A sense of calm was coming back. A sense of control. Even a sense of blissful joy began building at the edges of her consciousness.
That was when she noticed the strange figure standing just at the edge of her mind. She shook her head, but did not open her eyes. He was still there. This was her place, under her control. Still, the figure remained, unmoving, unflinching. In her mind's eye, she stared at the figure. He posed no threat. In fact, his presence was understood to be a protection against something evil.
Rita relaxed. The figure watched her, admiring her nakedness in the shower. She felt no compunction to cover up. A part of her wanted to give herself to the stranger's eyes. He was a friend. She did not know how she knew that. She just knew. His presence was acceptable, desired even. She continued with her shower, letting the hot water wash away the world outside. The stranger watched her. She let him.
Paul sighed into his chest. His head was down and he was feigning resting while the cab driver drove him to his destination. He had long ago wearied at the babble of cab drivers around the country. No matter where he went, it was the same thing. Every cab driver acted like every fare needed to be brought up to speed on the area they had come to explore. Well, maybe some did. But he did not. He preferred them to just shut up and drive. Besides the time spent in his artificial rest state allowed him to check in on the little woman.
Kul had taught him how to go through the plane of Sand in his mind and reach out to her wherever she was. At first it had been difficult, moving in a realm where he could not be physical. His mind had been relaxed for too many years and he needed to build up those mind muscles again. He also found that he could look in on those he had partaken of and see what was going on with them, which allowed him even greater control over the environment of his business deals. Kul was proving to be a real boon to his success and his enjoyment of life in general.
The sigh that escaped Paul as a long puff of expelled air was because he saw the stranger in Rita's dream and then again in the shower with her. He had seen him before and knew exactly who it was. At least he believed he did. He never saw a face, just the way the man stood. He knew a man who stood just that way. How he roamed inside Rita's mind like he did was a mystery to Paul. He had meant to ask Kul about it but had forgotten.
Previous encounters with the man in her dream, as she ran from Paul, were just that, encounters. He was there. She went on by and kept going. No recognition. No acknowledgment. Nothing. She saw the figure and dismissed it just as quickly. No problem. But in the shower, that was a problem. She not only saw the figure but accepted it as a friend and allowed the figure to watch her shower.
Paul was uneasy in his spirit because of the figure. Not the figure as much as Rita's response to him. If the figure was who he thought it was, Rita was headed in a dangerous direction. Not for her, maybe. For him. Maybe the figure was real. Maybe Rita was conjuring him up for her own excitement. He could not be sure of any of it.
She had always been his since they met. But he had always felt like he should have been her second choice. Or maybe a distant third, even. The past few months had made him forget about those feelings. Now, watching her showering and enjoying the eyes of the stranger upon her, those feelings came rushing back. He wondered in his spirit again. Rita was fantastic. Part of him felt he had earned her love more fully since he became a better provider. Still, another part of him knew it had been artificially manufactured. He felt like a fake sometimes. Maybe Rita could sense that he was not for real. Not just the change in him, but something deeper. After all, she was his wife. His better half.
Rita was scared of him since the attack and his change. He could tell. She still loved him and supported him. But she was cautious somehow. Feeling her way along around him. He tried to be totally at ease around her but her wariness pricked his own. No matter how much he tried to be her old Paul, his new found success drove him onward. He liked being the boss for a change. He liked fixing the wrongs that had been done him. He liked providing for Rita in a manner he felt was worthy of her. He intended to make it even better. He hoped she would learn to understand he did what he did for her.
But this stranger in her mind was a concern. Whether she was conjuring the figure up in her own desires or the figure was advancing upon her on his own, Rita was enjoying his presence. She was liking the figure looking at her. She was wanting him to look. He knew Rita was not one to cheat on her husband. His concern was more about why she felt the need to seek protection and why she was choosing this man. It seemed natural to Paul that she did not run to her newly successful husband for protection. She had not known him as protector long enough. It was too recent a change in him. He hoped that time would bring her around.
Paul sighed again and looked up in time to see he was arriving at his destination. The cab slowed to a stop and he paid the man. Getting out of the cab, he stood in the sunshine momentarily looking around. The offices he sought were straight ahead. To the left the street was modern buildings and high rises blocking the sun on the street in places. To the right the buildings ran shorter and became more sparse. The sun was bright across the street in that direction. Paul admired the contrast in directions. One was sunny and bright. The other was hidden and blocked. Kind of like his life. A bright, exterior version and a darker, interior version.
Heading into the heat of the Summer season, John worked less in a physical sense and more in a mental capacity. He left the real work of maintaining the campground to Enrico and Juan. The heat did not seem to bother them as much as it bothered him. Besides, he was the boss and needed to have plenty of face time with the new arrivals and campers with concerns. At least that was how he justified it to himself when he thought about it.
John walked in the Mist in the woods at the back of the property each night. He loved the stimulation of the sparkling contact with the entities in the Mist as he slowly moved through the dampness and swayed with his arm movements. Marcie said the Mist enjoyed his foreplay as much as the anticipation of the sharing of his fluid energy with her, which always came after his walk through the Mist.
It had become their normal nightly ritual. He would close up the office, take a shower, get something to eat and then take a walk as the evening light grew darker. The stimulation provided by the walk through the Mist always set the stage for Marcie showing up later. It was a fantastic release to his day of stress related conversations with disgruntled campers.
Fixing the imagined problems of others all day was proving to be an exhausting job. By the time Marcie showed up each night to help him release some of that tension, he was more than ready to share with the Mist. Thankfully, Marcie was always an attentive and energetic partner. Since her permanent image was now the knockout, dirty blond with shapely hips and bust line, without flickering back and forth with the battered little girl, he had no problem being properly excited at her visit.
They talked too. Marcie had proven to not only be a sexy partner in the bed, but also a good soun
ding board and source of information in almost everything he needed to know, especially things concerning the spiritual planes. She was his liaison with the Mist because she had been the one to bring him into the Mist but she was also his friend. More than that, even, she was his family. They shared a blood energy from their shared past as well as the fluid energies they created each night. She only came by for short periods of time to minimize her drawing of energy away from the Mist, but the energy she received from their visit more than tripled what she used up to make the visit. Everyone was benefiting and John was no longer feeling so alone without Kathy around.
Marcie had left for the evening after her nightly visit. John laid still in the bed, relishing the experience as he did each time she left. Unlike with a physical woman, the act of sharing with Marcie lingered after she was gone. Almost like his body was still attached with hers beyond the coupling act. He had felt that way with Kathy many times. After they had made love, if one or the other of them had to leave and go somewhere, he always felt like a part of her remained behind with him, enjoying the sense of being joined in such a way. With Marcie, though they were not technically making love, it was a similar sense of joining in a permanent way that stayed around after she left, allowing him to feel her presence more acutely each time she returned. It also made him desire that return more each time. If he had thought about it, he might have equated it closer to a drug dependency than he would have liked.
Laying there, he could not imagine his life being any different than it was. But he knew it was a strange existence he lived. Sharing fluids with entities from other planes of existence. He almost felt like he lived in a fantasy world.
“It is a fantasy world, darling.” Kathy burst in on his thoughts. Her voice in his head was another joy he relished whenever he could.
“But it's my fantasy world,” John laughed.
“Ever think of dating some nice, young girl, instead of sleeping with your personal ghost?” Kathy asked.
“Maybe I'll do both.” John joked. Well, half joked. He had been thinking more and more lately about getting a physical relationship back in his life.
“Well, yeah, I can see how that might be appealing to someone like you.”
“What do you mean, like me?” John tried to sound offended.
He had learned long ago that people of the Mist can not do anything accept what they sense to be the best thing for those in the human plane. Kathy was not only his deceased wife, but a member of the Mist. She was doubly influenced to only desire the best for him. Whatever she said would always be for his best interest. She could never hurt him on purpose. Kind of like Marcie, who was the sister of his great, great grandmother. Family and the Mist made her doubly sure to be trying to help him. It was love on a scale beyond anything humans understood or experienced without help from someone beyond their normal plane of existence.
“You know, a pervert. Someone who has to have sex every night.” Kathy laughed.
“I only do that to add to the energy level in the Mist.” John defended his nightly activities, though he smiled to himself.
“You personally support the power supply for an entire city inside the Mist.” Kathy laughed.
“Really?” John inquired, impressed at his own sexual prowess.
“Well, maybe a small town.” Kathy amended. “Don't go getting a big head now.”
“How can I with you constantly reminding me what a pervert I am?”
“That's what wives are for.” Kathy laughed inside his head again.
“I thought wives are supposed to cook and clean and iron my clothes.” John took his own shot at her.
“I am not that kind of wife.” Kathy said in her most indignant voice. “I have other talents.”
“When do I get to sample those talents, then?” John asked.
“Wow! You really are a pervert. You just had a marathon session with Marcie and now you want some more?”
“You know what I mean.” John gave her his best I'm-annoyed voice.
“Yes, I know exactly what you mean. That's what I have come to talk to you about.”
“What's that?”
“Your sex life, John.”
“What about it?”
“It's … uh … unnatural, to say the least.” Kathy searched for a way to begin.
“Yeah. I guess.” John was noncommittal.
“No guessing, John. You need to develop a healthy physical relationship. The human body and mind can not exist in any plane except its own. It's unhealthy to be living primarily for the relationships of another plane. Your physical body may not be complaining right now, not yet. But, the effects of the mental stress without the corresponding muscular exercise to excite the nerves and correlating sensory cells of your body will eventually start to cause you problems.”
“Wow! That's a mouthful.” John joked.
“A serious mouthful, John.” Kathy reminded him.
“Okay. Okay. So I need some physical relationships in this plane. I'll get to it eventually. It's not even been a year yet.”
“Muscles need to be exercised regularly, John. Not just once a year. Nerves dry up and stop working. Tissue cells reorient themselves to be useful in other ways to the body's functions. Don't let your relationship with the Mist cause you to abandon the human plane before it's your time to leave. You need to be one hundred percent in the human plane at all times. Your knowledge of the Mist and other planes may give you a mental and spiritual advantage but it does not erase your involvement in the physical world you live in.”
“I understand.” John acknowledged her words. He had thought of this a few times himself.
“It's serious, John.” Kathy warned him. “When you can generate physical relationships again, Marcie says she'll back off a little.”
“What if I don't want her to back off?” John was worried he could not function without Marcie around. It had been too long. He feared being alone since Kathy had died.
“You're never alone, John.” Kathy reminded him she could read his every thought. And you can function just fine without Marcie having to hover over your every action. She has a life, too, you know.”
“I know.” John felt defeated, like Kathy was warning him that all the good times were about to end because they were too good.
“Nothing's going to end, John.” Kathy sighed. She didn't feel like she was doing a very good job explaining this to her still physically living husband. “You just need to get on with your human life and stop depending on the Mist for your support. We're here for you, but we are not capable of being everything you need to be healthy and happy in the human plane.”
“I feel pretty good and I am definitely happy,” John laughed and flashed Kathy a memory of himself with Marcie riding energetically above him in his bed.
“Whoa, Cowboy.” Kathy stopped him. “You can not see the degeneration of your musculature like we can. I'm just trying to help you.”
“I know. It's just hard to move on.”
Kathy knew what he meant. Moving on meant to John he was giving Kathy up as gone and leaving her memory behind. He did not want to do that. He liked the memories. He was afraid the memories would somehow be tarnished if he let another woman into his life. That was why Marcie made such a good substitute. She was not really in his life. At least not physically. She did not take up space in his camper and walk around with him during the day. She was an acceptable substitute.
“I'm not afraid,” John reminded her that he could also read her every thought. “And Marcie is not a substitute for you. She is a totally different relationship.”
“Then prove it.” Kathy challenged him. “Move on to other relationships in the physical world and let's see where we can go from there.”
“I've been thinking about it.” John admitted.
“It's time.” Kathy stated.
“Seems funny having my wife tell me to go find another woman.” John smirked in his head.
“I am not your wife any more, John. I've to
ld you that. I was your wife. I have moved on to an existence without marriage. You still live in a plane that needs marriage between a man and a woman. It's not good for you to be alone. It's not just a mental thing. It affects your physical and spiritual energies as well.
“I'm not trying to push you away. Believe me, if my coming to you every night was healthy for you, I would definitely be there. I can not think of anything I would rather do. My love for you did not lessen when I joined the Mist. The effect of the Mist on my love has amplified it to a power far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. At times it hurts. A good hurt, but still a hurt. I think of you and watch you and think to myself how much I ache to be with you. You have no idea how much my love for you has grown since I passed on to this plane. That is why I have to tell you this.
“It is good that the Mist and Marcie were there to help you get over the extraordinary event of my death in the human plane. It required more than just the normal healing process for humans. But that's been accomplished now and you have to get back to living in the human plane again. You're like a man who's been in the hospital for a long time on pain medication and when he gets out can not come off the medication, so he looks for substitutes. A good doctor denies such a patient access to the medication that would ruin his life. We do not want to deny you any access to the Mist. We enjoy the relationship as much as you do. But we want you to be healthy. You have got to go back to living in the real world where you reside.”
Kathy was finished with her prepared speech. She hoped it hit the mark and got his attention. There was a long silence. She could not tell if John was considering her words or ignoring them. His mind was a fuzzy, emotional blank. She could read nothing.
“You still love me?” John's singular, plaintive question worked its way out of his fuzzy mind.
“John?” Kathy was asking him to concentrate and listen to her.
“Yes?”
“I will always love you. I can not be married to you but I can not stop loving you either. You are a part of me as much as I am a part of you. There is no way we can be separated unless we choose to be. We were joined in the human plane and that oneness will remain forever through eternity. We'll always be one in a sense. Even though marriage is not necessary here, we will still exist in a joined pattern here. If you choose to go to another plane, we will still be connected by that oneness. We will never escape it. It is eternal. My love for you is eternal. Love, in it's purest form is eternal and can not be diluted of adjusted.
“Right now, your love for me, as strong as it is, is still only a fraction of what it will become when you depart the human plane. Real love, in the full presence of the Creator of Life blossoms like a giant flower that will not be denied its place in the sun. My love. Your love. Our love. It's all the same thing in eternity. No matter who else you choose to share your love with, there is enough love in the universe of planes to cover all of it.
“You're not cheating on me, Darling. In fact, if you would get your physical life back under control, I might be able to come to you in a few physical meetings of my own. Marcie said she would not mind. But the first thing we have to concern ourselves with is getting you back to complete health. Your spirit and even your emotions, for the most part, are doing fine, now. It's your physical and mental energies that need a little recharging. Marcie is not a proper physical counterpart for the exercise you need in those areas.”
Kathy added an unprepared sidelight to her speech. She said a lot more than she had intended. John's fragile state about her love hurt her deeply. She could not bear a single moment that he was not totally sure about her love for him. That was never in question for her. He just did not understand the way things worked in the other planes. He needed to live in the human plane. She needed to help that happen.
John just laid there. His fuzzy thoughts kept Kathy from knowing what effect she had on him. She was just about to break in on his thoughts and find out when he spoke finally.
“I needed that.” John told her. “I wanted to hear that. You have no idea how badly my heart needed to hear that. I am still struggling to work out this plane to plane existence thing. I can not envision my life without you in it, though.”
“Well, I understand. Really I do,” Kathy spoke inside his head. “And I know I have preached at you enough. I don't mean to. I guess I'm just worried for you. You do not have an existence in this plane, only in the human plane. Relationship with us here allows you to know things about the Mist and other things, but you only exist where you are, in the human plane. Therefore, you have to answer to the laws of the human plane. One of those laws concerns your health. You must exercise your love in the human plane for it to be a healthy thing. Please, believe me when I tell you I wish I was enough to sustain you. But that's not the way it is. I am not enough for you in the human plane. Marcie is not enough for you. Together we could never be enough for you.”
“Wow! Now you really make me sound like a pervert.” John laughed, the tension breaking. “Okay. Okay. I get the message. I guess I was kind of leaning on the Mist like a drug addiction. I can see that.”
“So, you'll move on?” Kathy wanted a promise.
“Yes, dear.” John answered her like she was a nag.
“Okay, then.” Kathy laughed. “That's what I wanted to hear.”
“Never let it be said, I didn't tell a woman what she wanted to hear.” John laughed.
“Oh!” Kathy blew out a deep breath in mock frustration. “The poor women of the human plane are going to need a lot of help with you back on the market.”
“That's another thing,” John chuckled. “Think you could steer a couple good prospects this way?”
“Oh! I never!” Kathy thought loudly and with great pose of indignation.
“Maybe you should.” John laughed out loud in his small bedroom.
