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My grandmother met me on the path outside her home on my last morning on the Island. We walked to the Acolyte Village to share a final breakfast with the women who had become my sisters. A pot filled with honey-sweetened porridge mixed with dried apples bubbled in the center of the fire pit when we entered the clearing. The last meal was to be spent outside, amongst the Goddess and all of nature. Our meal started off happy as laughter filled the circle in which we sat. Quickly, the mood soured, and I became quite uneasy because our final discussion became tense.
We were sharing stories of our childhoods when I noticed Ibira’s strange behavior. Normally, my friend was talkative, pleasant, and endearing. Today, she was distant, silent, and fragile.
“Ibira? Is everything okay?” I asked concerned at the abrupt change in her manner. Ibira let out a long, steadied sigh as she set her bowl down and turned to face me.
“Yvaine, there is something that I think you should know—” She managed to say before Tilme quickly silenced her.
“Keep your bad dreams to yourself,” Tilme hissed through clenched teeth, her eyes narrowed into slits. “Do not ruin Yvaine’s day.” She warned again but I sensed that her reasoning for Ibira’s silence had nothing to do with me. Ibira’s hackles rose and she attempted to bark back before Iwied raised her long, slender hand and shushed us into silence.
Everyone’s voices faded as we turned to face my grandmother. She was still, standing before us, dressed in a robe dyed to match the dark, dense green leaves of the forest.
“That will be the end to this fighting,” Grandmother said evenly, meeting everyone’s eye in turn. “Yvaine, the time has come. We must start the final preparations.” She held her hand out for me, asking me to follow her without words. I immediately got to my feet. I waved goodbye to the Acolytes and allowed Grandmother to lead me from the camp. As we walked together, I wondered whether we were going to the Sacred Grove or if we were headed elsewhere? Were we headed to the only part of the island that I was forbidden to visit, even though Grandmother had taken me there once before?
The Ancient Circle was named for the Island’s earliest oak grove. It was where Grandmother took me the morning after my arrival. According to legend, the First People tended and nurtured the small saplings until the trees towered over their heads. Through the ages, each generation vowed to ensure that the trees prospered, never to fall. The aged trees surrounded a large, weather-smoothed, moss-covered circle of sarsen stones taller than any man living. Our legend stated that two of the first inhabitants of our world, a man named Adan, and my ancestor, Maren, left offerings to the Goddess here after the successful birth of their first child. A child conceived during the first Spring Rites and the first person born on the Island.
The final chapter of my journey would begin here in the Ancient Circle. From what I learned from this wonderful, secular group of women, I would travel to the Ancient Circle at sunset. Upon arriving, I would be stripped of my clothes and then washed thoroughly. The Acolytes would anoint me with blessing oil and finally, robe me in my ceremonial gowns.
Dictated by tradition, the Huntress wore a robe made specifically for her. The Huntress’ robe was not passed on from woman to woman. Each Huntress wore a garment crafted specifically for her. Prayers and incantations were woven into the fabric of the garment to help ensure success. A robe imbued with the magic of our world. My robe was started the moment my tattoos started to scab over. The women that had overseen its production came, measured me, and then skittered off like mice. In the two months that I’d been here, I had never cast eyes upon it. I stood wondering if those same women would be the ones to place it on me later. Other than my education, my robe was the only thing that I would be allowed to carry back to the Island.
“Your mother is waiting for us,” Grandmother said as she suddenly broke the silence between us. We came to the crossroads and took the path that leads back to her modest, earthen home. “Reena sent word that she would be waiting once you were through with your breakfast.”
“All right,” I replied, suddenly apprehensive at seeing Reena for the first time in two months.
“Yvaine, there is no need to be nervous. You know that the High Priestess has to bless you and divine that you are ready before we take you to the Ancient Circle. It’s a part of the process.” Grandmother reassured me, sensing my growing anxiety. “Reena doesn’t know that we spoke of your father or that you know that I am your grandmother. The circumstances surrounding Yvan’s death are still a sore subject for her. It is best if neither of us mentions him.” She explained calmly, and I nodded my head once more, promising complete silence.
I wondered momentarily if Reena had forbidden Grandmother from speaking of our relation, just like she had forbidden my mastering the misty veil. A sudden irrational fear flooded through me as I contemplated the consequences Grandmother faced by defying Reena’s edicts. Did Reena have the authority to punish my grandmother for going against her wishes? No matter what she could or couldn’t do, I made the decision to abstain from speaking of anything other than the Rites to protect the person beside me. The only person other than Aunt Leena and Eweln that loved me unconditionally.
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My grandmother and I took our time heading home. Each one of us wanted to say our final goodbyes, knowing that there would be no time for such gestures later.
“Yvaine, I want you to know that I am so very proud of you,” Grandmother said. “Everything that we have put you through, you have excelled at. Tonight, my prayers will be ones of joy. I will pray and sing songs to safeguard that you have a joyful, prosperous journey and that your womb will quicken.” Grandmother stopped suddenly and turned me to face her.
“Thank you, Grandmother,” I embraced her and inhaled deeply, memorizing the scent of her rosemary-perfumed hair. “I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous, but knowing that you will be with me, both in mind and spirit, is all the comfort I need.”
Grandmother was silent for the span of several heartbeats. Her hand rested lovingly on my cheek and her eyes grew dewy. “I pray that the Goddess also blesses you with a husband—even though I know you are conflicted with that choice.” She sniffed loudly as she struggled to hold back her tears. “I do not foresee a lonely life for you.”
“I do not want to marry. How could I when all of the Island men are exactly the same. No one has ever looked at me in that fashion—except Cal—and I will die before I consent to marry him.” I said harshly but quickly saw that Grandmother understood.
“Don’t worry about the man meant to share your life with you. When he comes into your life, you will know it.” She smiled. “Just like I knew with your grandfather. Just like your mother knew when she met your father at the Great Bonfire.” She caressed my cheek again before her hand fell to hang at her side. “You will know when you know.” She cuddled me again and kissed my cheek several times more, whispering how much she loved me.
Once our words were spent, we each fell silent. My grandmothers’ thoughts were her own while my mind was solely focused on my mother. The High Priestess was beyond reproach. No matter the severity of the decision or how dire the consequences might be, her decree was final, and all were commanded to obey. Unlike before, I now knew that she far from perfect. She was a skillful, determined woman who was very cognizant of the power that she possessed. However, I could clearly see that her power did not disguise her flaws. Reena would lash out at those who attempted to defy her. If someone dared, her wrath was swift and complete. The sensitivity she bore caused her to sometimes say cruel things to the person closest to her. That person was always me. I chose many times to not let it anger me but there were just as many times where that resolve failed. That was when I fought back, spitting cruel things to inflict the same pain. It only made her anger worse and propelled her to berate me until she had reduced me to tears. My only way to find solace was to retreat. To flee up to the Hilltop. Ravene sometimes followed behind and did he
r best to console me, insisting that Mother didn’t mean what she said. That I shouldn’t let words spoken in anger affect me. I loved my sister deeply for trying to mend me like one would patch a quilt, but the damage had been done. This was something that I had come to realize during my time in the pools. I carried a deep resentment for how unfairly she treated me. In her eyes, I was the second born, therefore never good enough. I knew that if I was more like Ravene, choosing to go quiet and ignore the onslaught of words, things could have been a lot different. Despite my quietness, that was not who I was, though. I was a fighter, like my father before me.
“There is tremendous strength in silence.” Grandmother’s words echoed back to me and she was right. No matter what it took, no matter what needed to be said, I would stand up for myself. I would protect myself, win or lose.
With each step that I took, I understood where Mother’s anger was rooted. Before, I thought it was just part of who she was, an inherent coldness, a characteristic that she had been born with. Or even a frigid trait learned from her own mother. Now, I saw it for what it was. It stemmed from the great loss in her life. She had lost the one thing that had meant the most to her. The power of loving someone was magic; my grandmother expressed me. A magic that was incapable of fading even in death. A magic that transformed with each cycle of life.
“Its power can bring you the greatest happiness or destroy you in a way that you never knew existed.” Grandmother reassured me one night as we sat outside observing the stars. That’s how it had been between her and my grandfather, Kian. He died while climbing down the unused side of the Hilltop. From onlooker accounts, the ground gave way and sent him plummeting down until he landed on the sharp rocks at the base. He was killed on the day that my grandmother learned that she was going to have his child. Newly pregnant and suddenly widowed, Grandmother had to face a new reality, one where Kian would never know that he was to be a father. His loss made it almost impossible to bear. That was how she could relate to my mother, she told me.
“Grief builds the strongest bonds. It takes a great loss to understand another.” She touched the tip of my nose with her finger and looked me directly in my eyes. “It may happen to you one day, my child.” She gently patted my hand. “Someday, someone may enter your life and you will know that love is either life’s greatest pleasure or life’s greatest agony.” For her sake, I said that I accepted this possibility but to be honest, I didn’t believe it. My desire in life was to be like Eweln. I would work to heal those in need. I would grow old and like all things, I would die. There was no need to look beyond that.
************
Reena stepped out into the open air as we approached Grandmother’s hut. Her dark green ceremonial robes were the same color as my grandmother’s. On her head, she wore her signet, a small crown made from twisted twigs, decorated with crocus flowers, berries, nuts, and a sprig of mistletoe. She looked every bit the High Priestess and her regal image commanded admiration.
“I snuffed out your fire so that it can be lit again with the Ceremonial Fire,” Reena called out. Her smile was genuine as she greeted us. I felt a stirring inside of me. Unexpectedly, I realized that I had missed her. “Leanan, I see that you have done well with Yvaine. That is to be much-admired.” Reena crossed the distance, stopping just beside the firepit where Grandmother and I ate our breakfast.
“Yvaine, you have changed since I last saw you.” Reena briefly embraced me and quickly let me go. She smelled of fresh pine, wild berries, and a trace of wood smoke. However, the mixture of blood and poisonous mushroom still remained. The feel of her arms around me was odd. There were only a handful of times where Reena had hugged me. Each time was like hugging a wooden plank. Emotionless and void. “How I’ve missed you.” She awkwardly patted my shoulder. “Leanan has told me of how well you’ve done. I expected nothing less. There are no words to convey how pleased I am.”
“Thank you, Mother,” I said honestly. Her approval meant a lot to me and to hear it only added to it. “How are Leena and Ravene? How is Eweln?” I was unable wait to know how they fared.
“Everyone is well.” She smiled and reached out to brush my loose hair behind my ear. It was something everyone did. From the time I could walk, I was cursed with wild, uncontrollable hair. Often errant bits would stick out as if grasping for something while the rest of my face was decorated with a crown of curls. Unable to completely control it, I wore my hair long and let the natural curl take shape. When the weather was humid or during a storm, the curl tightened, and my hair took on a will of its own. It had stormed the night before and stopped just before dawn. Due to the high humidity, my hair stretched out in all directions, like the wild ivy that grew over the stones at the High Council Circle. “Leena and Eweln send you their love and are praying for your success tonight.” She added. It dawned on me that she had no idea that I had seen Aunt Leena recently. Apparently, my aunt was good at keeping secrets, too. I smiled innocently and watched as she turned to speak to Leanan about tonight’s ceremony.
I was wounded that she didn’t mention Ravene. Why hadn’t my sister sent along her wishes? Did she still resent me? Was she still angry over something that I had absolutely no control over? Was that why she withholding any communication from me? I searched my mother’s face for answers but found it lacking.
Grandmother and Reena continued to converse while I stood quietly. As they chatted, I turned my attention to the skies. Once the rains ended, the morning was clear without a trace of any clouds in the sky. The sun shone down, warming the earth and all that lived upon it. Now, clouds with light touches of dark blue and gray were forming over our heads, promising to deliver on a threat of rain. The wind, which had been soft this morning, blew with considerable force against our backs. My mother’s hair flew in the wind behind her, stretching out like long, lithe arms grasping at something forever out of reach. My grandmother’s hair, tied back with a leather string, swayed across her back. I raised my hand to shield my eyes from the gusts.
“The wind has picked up,” Grandmother said, placing a supportive hand on my back. “Let us go inside to continue our conversation.” She nodded her head towards the door and then followed as my mother turned and led the way.
Once indoors, they occupied the two simple seats available. I chose to sit on the floor at my grandmother’s feet, opposite Reena. “The ceremony will begin at sundown, just as planned,” Reena said during a quiet moment in their discussion. “Leanan and the others will take you out to the Sacred Grove and there, it will all begin. The Beltane fires will be lit and from that point, you go to the Sacred Grove and in the First Dwelling, you and your Hunter will join as one. Do you feel that you are prepared to perform this ritual?”
Everything she had said was a repetition of what I already knew. I nodded my head even though the thought of being intimate with someone, especially Canwyn, left my belly fluttering with butterflies. Every fiber of my being told me that I could do this, though. My training was of the highest caliber. My grandmother and the Acolytes had seen to it that I could not only perform my duties but that I had every bit of knowledge that I needed to excel at them.
“Blessed Be!” Reena exclaimed and slapped the tops of her thighs for emphasis. “Yvaine, I will see you at home tomorrow.” Mother rose from her seat as she readied herself to leave. “May every blessing be with you tonight,” She reached out to me and I got to my feet. “May the Goddess keep you.” She kissed my forehead. “May Her blessings be abundant,” Reena added before moving towards the door. My grandmother rose from her seat and the two of them made their goodbyes. Mother left quickly to prepare herself for tonight’s ceremonies.
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At sundown, our people lit the Spring Rites fires. As the blazes burned, we placed offerings of protection for the coming year. The Island people adorned themselves with flowers, strings of nuts, dried buds, and wreaths of herbs. Their homes were bedecked with garlands of heather, angelica, coltsfoot, and blackberry vines. Carrying
images of the Goddess made from bay laurel, they moved as a group, going from house to house, blessing their fellow inhabitants, and imbuing their living quarters with the Goddess’ blessed energy. Once offering up the bounty from the last harvest as a sacrifice to the Goddess, the people would dance, hand in hand, round the blazing mounds. The air would be filled with harmonious voices coming together in song and everyone would feast on ceremonial food before moving off to the darkened corners to join together just as the Hunter and Huntress would. The Spring ceremony lasted from sundown until the sun rose again the following morning.
Tonight was a night for conception, expectation, and joyous celebration. A night where new life would begin and gratitude flowed with abundance. All our mirth would pay homage to the Goddess. She gave us life. She blessed us with her protection. Our job was to seek her favor.
As the rest of the community feasted, danced, laughed merrily, and then joined together in the dark corners where the firelight didn’t reach, I would go to meet my Hunter. There, Canwyn and I would join together on a bed made on top a flat, earthen stone adorned with a straw-stuffed mattress covered with animal skin blankets and pillows. We were to join our bodies throughout the night and pray that I would become with child. A pregnancy that came from the Sacred Rites was the most blessed of portents. My grandmother had sworn to me that if I did conceive, she would be there for the birth.
“I will see to it that both you and your child will reach the end of your journeys safely.” She vowed to me. “I would not miss the chance to meet my great-grandchild.” Her eyes smiled radiantly as she placed a cherished kiss atop my head. With my lack of want to marry, I believed the Rites was the only way that I would bear a child.
The Island of Mists Page 9
