Not wanting to make myself a liar, I went to the vegetable patch but instead of throwing myself into the work, I sat upon one of the large boulders, silent and alone with my thoughts. Ralf’s declaring his intentions to rejoin his people threatened to cripple me with anxiety and fear. Even though he spoke of it with increasingly regularity, I never allowed myself to truly believe that Ralf would go. I thought about it dozens of times but that desperate part of me refused to accept that the fateful day would come. All my hoping and wishing had been for naught. Ralf was leaving and I was staying here. My eyes burned again as my vision blurred with unshed tears. Squeezing them shut, I turned towards the strong wind and let it blow against my face. I sat for what felt like hours, allowing the cool, powerful breeze to soothe me. I tried not to think of what life would be like without him, but it was futile. No matter how I tried to force him from my thoughts, the more he was there, and the more he would not be denied.
“Yvaine, is something the matter?” I jumped at the sudden sound of his voice behind me and fell off the rock. Ralf caught me before I hit the ground. Lifting me up, we locked eyes and my breath caught in my lungs. One of his massive, strong hands rested at the base of my spine while the other rested against the top of my thigh, his warm skin delicate upon Cal’s scar.
“You startled me,” I said as Ralf gently eased me back to my feet. “I didn’t expect you to come down so soon.”
“Have you been crying?” He wiped away the lone tear that rested on my cheek.
“No. The wind blew something into my eye, and it won’t stop burning and watering. It will be fine in a minute.” I added, the words echoing our conversation from earlier. “There’s no need to worry yourself.”
“If you’re sure.” He said flatly before he walked into the remaining rows that we had planted. Despite the growing chill, he stripped off his shirt, exposing the exquisite carved muscles of his chest and the taught, strong length of his back. My body physically reacted as ripples of electricity traced across my skin seeing him in all his splendor. As he worked, I was unable to pull my eyes away from him. The way his muscles worked and strained across the lines of his back and knowing that there was an intelligent, progressive mind to match made me tingle with passion. After watching for a length, I went to join him. We passed the next hour in silence, working side by side in harmony.
Once our work in the garden was complete, Ralf picked up his discarded shirt and left without a word. I watched his back retreat across the budding green until it disappeared from view. I remained behind, choosing to spend my time picking more herbs rather than returning to the soon-to-be-empty home. I stayed until the sun was touching the horizon. The wind had died down while I picked but as I readied myself to leave, it grew forceful and blew harshly against me. The promise of rain hung in the wind and within seconds, small pinpricks stung as they collided with my skin.
Ralf was gone when I walked entered our home, but I knew that he hadn’t been absent long because a hearty fire burned in the hearth and the pot had been set over it. Curious, I peeked inside and found the beginnings of dinner simmering away. Taking a wooden spoon from the nearby table, I sampled the potage and found it mouthwateringly delicious.
“I started dinner,” Ralf suddenly appeared in the doorway, his arms filled with firewood that he stored in a small nook tucked into the base of the hill.
“Thank you.” I said already settled into a mood and not looking for long conversations. Ralf stacked the wood near the door and then left again for more. He repeated this pattern twice more, returning each time with a hefty stack to fuel the fire.
On the last trip, he finished stacking the logs neatly and mumbled, “I think we will see frost again in the morning.” He went over to his chair, sat down, leaned back, and closed his eyes. He remained like that until I announced that dinner was ready. Not waiting for me, he retrieved his own bowl, filled it, and steadily ate until there was nothing but a small puddle of liquid in the bottom. Once he finished, he washed the bowl and spoon with the grit that he made from ground stones. I followed suit and went back to my chair, trying not to let the whole of my thoughts absorb me. My face, however, never failed to betray my thoughts. It was something that Ravene constantly pointed out from the time we were small.
“You have a transparent face, Yvaine.” She laughed as we sat in the meadow and I had just suffered the disappointment of not finding any of the butterflies that she had promised would be there. “Anything you think is easily read across your features.” She added that sooner or later, the butterflies were bound to return, and they did two days later. I hoped that my time on my own and that my experiences had helped me control that weakness. The last thing that I wanted was for Ralf to see was my heartbreak. I didn’t want to guilt him into staying. Like those butterflies, he deserved to be free, to come and go as he pleased. Swallowing an urge to cry, I fought to keep a brave face. I had to accept that he was leaving and that I was not. I knew that there was very little chance that he loved me in the way that I loved him. That nothing that I could do or say would change his mind to stay.
There were so many times through the day when I fantasized about being in his arms, kissing him, and making love to him as he promised to stay, to protect me, and that he’d always love me. Each time I would wake up from those blissful dreams, I instantly yearned to run back and drown myself into those fancies once more. If only I had the courage to do something, say something, just a touch or a look to let him know, but I knew that it was futile. You can’t make someone love you. Ralf saw me as his friend and there was nothing that I could do that would make any difference. With that in mind, I busied myself and waited until it was bedtime to cry. We sat there, wordlessly. I wove a new basket to replace my old one that was steadily falling apart. Ralf returned to the flames and his thoughts. He sat there, most likely mentally mapping his voyage, formulating a plan for what he would do once he got there. As each moment ticked away, the old, familiar taste of depression reinserted itself with me, warning me to prepare for the second heartbreak of my life.
FOURTEEN
“The night is growing cold, Yvaine,” Ralf said softly, his face illuminated by the warm, reddish-orange light of the fire. “Don’t sit with your back to the door without your shawl. The wind keeps gusting in and it’s getting colder. You’ll catch your death if you’re not careful.” I looked up at him, barely understanding what he had said to me. Just like yesterday, Ralf had been silent throughout the night and then suddenly, he was speaking to me again. It took several moments to comprehend what he had said. I blankly restoked the fire in response. The cold realization that he was leaving left me out of sorts and depressed. Try as I might, I couldn’t shake it, and the more I thought about it, I didn’t want to. I had to be prepared for when he left. I had to be ready to watch him fade from sight as he headed back to his people. Most importantly, I had to be ready to accept the fact that I would never see him again. Loving him as I did made it near impossible to bear but to act and still lose would make it that much worse.
“Yvaine?” His smooth voice said my name with a softness that stirred something deep inside of me. I closed my eyes momentarily, savoring the even timber. “What is wrong?” He reached out and stilled my hand. “You’re shutting me out again.” His hand burned on mine. I considered him, seeing his bright, blue eyes that were the color of the springtime sky. I wanted to tell him but couldn’t. Not if I wanted to keep my wits about me and loosen the tight grip that I clung to. “Yvaine?” His eyes implored mine. I could see something working behind them but what, I didn’t quite know. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“It’s nothing, Ralf,” I said and went back to my basket. Ralf rose up from his seat and reached down, drawing me up to my feet. We stood stomach to stomach, barely touching but separated by an insurmountable chasm. His eyes bore down into my own and my knees went weak. All I could think about was how beautiful he was. I longed to run my fingers down the edge of his jaw. Unable to help myself,
I drank in his well-muscled shoulders, his long, perfectly proportioned body, the strong, delicacy of his hands, and his heart, as gentle and compassionate as it was fierce. How had this fascinating, wonderful stranger come into my life, near dead and in great need of my skills? Why did he stay on after he was fully healed, strength renewed? Now that he was days away from disappearing forever. My eyes went to his lips but again, finding the emotion too much, I attempted to turn away.
“Look at me.” Ralf’s fingers grasped my chin and raised my face close to his. “Tell me,” He urged me again, but my will refused to obey, and I kept quiet. “Yvaine, why are you pulling away from me?” His other hand slid down the length of my arm until his fingers were threaded through mine. My skin reacted to his touch and a wave of heat spread out from my core to my extremities. “Why can’t you share what’s inside of you with me? I thought we were past that. I thought you trusted me as your confidant and your friend.”
“It’s…it’s nothing. . .” His fingers released my chin and now rested upon my back, stroking it softly, the tips trailing down my spine. My breath caught at the sensation. His face was so close to mine. The fire reflected in his eyes and the warmth of his breath was close on my skin. All I could think of was how much I wanted him. Not just the feel of him against my skin and alive inside me but to merge my soul with his. To know that I was his for the rest of our lives. That I wanted him to stay, to live with me, and be mine. The thought was too much. I attempted to release myself from his grasp, but his hand remained, keeping me near to him.
“Come with me,” He said unexpectedly, catching me off guard. My surprised eyes widened as I stared at him with disbelief. The beginning of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth that sang in my soul. “I told you before that I wanted to go back to where I come from. I still intend to leave but I want you to come with me.” One hand drew me tightly against him while the other touched my face. His fingers stroked the skin of my cheek while his thumb teased the edge of my lower lip.
“You want me to go with you? But—” I started to protest but he quickly erased anything further. His lips were on mine, passionately kissing me with a fervor that left me speechless. The heat from his body burned my skin. Our lips, our mouths moved with synchronicity and his tongue licked and teased mine as it explored the soft cavern of my mouth.
“Yvaine,” He whispered, temporarily breaking the kiss, leaving me hungry for more. Ralf pushed the dress from my shoulders and watched with worship as it slipped from my body and pooled at my feet. He drank me in like a thirsty man who had stumbled upon an oasis. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressing my lips against his. I pushed my hips against his and opened my mouth wider for him to take more of me. My fingers feverishly undid the laces tied at his waist. His arms slipped down under my bottom and lifted me up to meet him. I wrapped my legs around him and lost myself as he carried me my bed.
Ralf set me down gently and laid on top of me, taking care not to crush me with his size. His mouth grazed from mine and he kissed his way down to where my neck met my shoulder, his tongue lapping, and licking, tantalizing the skin and sending frissons of ecstasy rippling through my body. His hands slid up my sides. They cupped and caressed the smooth flesh of my breasts. His fingers teased the soft, sensitive points playfully. His thumb stroked the tip of one and raised it into a pointed peak of desire. The hot, wetness of his mouth embraced the raised flesh. His tongue teased the edge, flicking against the highest point, before taking full possession of it, sending a surge of desire directly down to my womanhood. Breaking away momentarily, Ralf gazed up at me with a mischievous smile.
“Mm,” I moaned in response and arched against him. He licked and nipped his way down my stomach, his hands stroking the sensitive mound until he came to rest at the source of my womanhood. He raised himself up again and met my eye again. The mischievous twinkle shone in his bright blue eyes and brought me to point where I believed I would never regain control.
His tongue struck the heart of my femininity and my body gave itself over to the desire he created. Waves of ecstasy flowed through me that left me breathless and crying out ecstatically. A pleasure that I had never felt washed over me and all I could do was respond with pure instinct. Ralf licked and lapped, and I moaned deep and low.
“Yvaine,” My name rested on his lips like a prayer. I ran my fingers through his brown hair. I grabbed his dark, brown hair and pulled him closer, deeper into me. He continued until my desire was at its breaking point. I looked down as he raised himself up again. His eyes looked up the length of my body until our eyes locked and we spoke a language that did not need words. We both knew it was time for us to connect in a deeper, more primal way. He took me great skill and tenderness. I embraced him fully, wrapping my legs around his waist, holding him against me as he took me deep and my body shuddered with each thrust. He laid half-crushing me with the weight of his body, but it only added to my arousal. Each push teased with me higher with satisfaction and with the next thrust, my climax reached its highest peak.
“Ralf!” I screamed as waves of rapture surged over me. Each was stronger than the next.
“Yvaine!” He thrust himself again until he shuddered and cried out, reaching the peak of his desire. We lay joined in the aftermath of our lovemaking. Our sweat-covered bodies entwined as one. The smoky, spicy scent of him clung to my skin. Ralf slid off me and rested at my side. “I’ve wanted to do that since the first time that I saw you.” He confessed and it sent a shock through me.
“You what?” I sat up suddenly, naked as the day I was born and looked down at his amused face.
I have wanted to do that,” He said slowly and purposefully, raising his hand to capture a loose tendril of my hair in his grasp. “Since the day that you stood over me wrapped in a golden halo of sunlight.” He chuckled, unable to withhold his amusement. I slapped him which only caused him to laugh harder. “And that was better than I could have ever imagined.” He raised up and kissed my shoulder. “I want to be with you no matter where the future takes us. When I leave this place, please say that you’ll be there at my side?” My decision was made before he had even asked the question. I would follow him to the ends of the earth because I could not imagine living in a world without him in it.
“Yes,” I said eagerly, confident of my decision. There was nothing left for me here. I had been forced to leave my society after those that I had loved turned their backs on me. I had loved and lost friends that would never return. Everything that I needed rested within the man at my side. I could leave without guilt for I knew life would worthless if I had to exist here without him. Ralf kissed me deeply as he stroked the delicate skin behind my ear.
“I love you.” He whispered as our foreheads rested against one another.
“I love you too.” I confessed as a rush of relief overcame me. My face was wet before I realized that I was crying. Ralf’s arms went around my waist and drew me into his lap. We spent the rest of the night making love and speaking tenderly about our future during the moments in between. When the morning came, we began to make our plans to leave.
************
We did not leave that autumn, as he planned. Ralf and I stayed through Winter, Spring, and the following summer months. We continued to live as normal but focused on gathering supplies, growing an abundant source of food and planning the journey that would lead us to the coast. The only thing that changed was that we were now one. Ralf and I committed our spirits and lives to each other, not needing the presence of a holy man to sanctify it. There, in the center of the meadow, standing close to Talen’s cairn, Ralf and I took vows, marrying one another, pledging our troth until the end of our days. The days that followed were committed to fully preparing for our journey. The nights were spent in worship of the love we shared, as well as our devotion to one another.
************
On the day of our departure, we woke up to a cool, sunny late-autumn morning when the sun was just peeking over the eastern hills. I s
tood at the edge of the mouth of my cave. This place had been my sanctuary, had offered me shelter, and kept me safe when I had turned my back on my former life. I held a debt of gratitude to Valon for bringing me here and guaranteeing that I’d continue to thrive. As I stood staring into the empty space, I was thankful for all the memories. I couldn’t help but think back the years and what they had brought to my life. This was my first home. The place where I shared many meals and conversations with Talen. Where I lived with Bird and where I still missed waking up to his dark body and brilliant gold eyes wrapped around my feet. Lastly, this was where I had brought Ralf after I found him wounded and broken. It had been our first home. A home that I felt no regrets in leaving now. It had outgrown its purpose and I was eager to start the next phase of our lives together. Ralf was taking me on an adventure. A place where we could plant roots. Where we could build a home and where I could live with this strong, proud man that I loved more than my own being. A place for us to raise the product of our love that I carried deep within me.
************
I knew that I was pregnant two turnings of the moon before we were ready to leave. I carried what we had made secretly inside of me, half in disbelief that I was going to be a mother after so many years of believing that I was barren. Aunt Leena and Grandmother both warned me to never expect that life will turn out just as you planned. Overjoyed by the new life residing in my womb, I could saw the wisdom of their words.
Leaving the space that had been my home for ten years was bittersweet. That small cave had been my refuge as I learned to find my place in this world. Ralf and I stood just outside the entrance, arm in arm, both sad to go but both excited at the future ahead of us.
The Island of Mists Page 33
