by S. J. Smith
"Lex! What are you doing on the ground, you loser?"
Emilia. For her, calling her best friend a loser, was the nicest thing you could expect at this time of day and thankfully, it was enough to snap Alexis back to reality and stop checking out the forearm of the handsome stranger. Snapping her eyes up to meet the boy’s, she smiled awkwardly and reached her hand out to grab his still out-stretched one. In one swift move he pulled her to her feet and caught her when she over balanced.
"I... um... thanks... mean... sorry for running into you... I guess I didn’t see you... don’t know how you’re huge... I mean... Not huge huge... Tall... You’re very tall." Stammering… I’m stammering. If God had any kindness left he would open the ground and have it swallow me whole right now.
The boy just smiled sweetly at her before bending down to pick up their books. In the seconds he wasn’t looking at her, Alexis turned to Emilia, her eyes wide and panicked. All she saw in return was amusement with a touch of pity. Turning back just in time for the boy not to notice the shared looks, Alexis gratefully took her books back.
"I’m Lucas, by the way.”"
Those eyes... God they’re blue... and that hair - her thoughts were interrupted by a sharp jab in her side, which thankfully she didn’t visibly flinch away from… too much.
"Um… yes... thank you… Lucas. Welcome. Bye!"
Then with as much dignity as she could muster, Alexis spun around and started walking away, Emilia quickly catching up to her.
"Hun, you know we’re going the wrong way right?"
"Mmhmm." She was too mortified to even form words. They were too close to the scene of the crime. The crime being, any chance of her being perceived as an intelligent and funny person being murdered. The murderer? Herself. Alexis Angelo. It wasn’t until they’d done almost a full lap of the building that Alexis stopped and faced her best friend.
"Em… I froze."
"Yes… I did see that. It’s okay. I don’t think he noticed."
Now if she’d been able to look as confident as she sounded, Emilia could pass as almost believable.
"Not notice? How could he have not noticed? I was staring at his forearm for the entire time that I was on the ground. How could anyone not notice that? And I was stammering! I don’t stammer. When was the last time I was at a loss for words? I’m one of the biggest smart mouth pains in the ass here, all the teachers think so! Yet here I am, lost for words because of some guy. Oh god…"
While Emilia was guiltily enjoying the 'out of character' freak out, the look of horror in her friend’s eyes was cause for concern.
"What? What’s wrong?"
"I told him he was huge, and then called him tall."
"Yeah, sweetie. I think he’s aware that he’s tall. It’s not like you blew his mind with that revelation of yours." Though I’m sure she’d like to blow something else of his.
"I know he knows he’s tall, that’s why what I said was so stupid. I didn’t tell him my name either. He introduced himself, and all I had to say in return was, ‘welcome’ and ‘bye’."
"You also said ‘thank you’, which personally I thought was pretty polite."
Lucas saw the girl visibly freeze again, and although he was behind her, the reflection in the window showed him that her eyes were once again wide and full of embarrassment. It was a really clean window.
"Well, Alexis, I think now you’ve got the chance to introduce yourself."
Giving herself the time to mouth the words ‘I hate you’ to Emilia before turning around also gave Alexis the chance to school her face into an expression that wasn’t one of horror or embarrassment, but instead what she hoped was a cute and confident smile.
"Hi Lucas."
The sound of his name coming from this amusing girl was enough to make him grin again.
"I realised that I had your pencil case in my pile of stuff and thought you might want it back."
Emilia subtly stepped back a few meters, far enough that she didn’t feel like she was intruding on whatever straight flirting ritual was going on, but close enough that if he turned out to be a deranged, teenage psycho killer and attacked Alexis suddenly, she could at least jump in a try and save her best friend.
"So, Alexis, was it?" He waited for her nod of acknowledgement before continuing. "It was really nice running into you today. Maybe we could do it again sometime… say this weekend?"
How is he so confident? Teenage boys are never this confident. Answer him before you scare him away.
"Yes! I mean… fuck." Though she muttered the curse under her breath to herself, there was no doubt that he heard it. "That would be really nice. Should I give you my number or should we just meet up somewhere?" And now she sounded desperate, just offering her number up left, right and centre. Asking to meet up.
"How about this, I give you my number and then, if you want to, call me and we’ll do something."
A few minutes later his number was in her phone and they were saying their goodbyes.
When Lucas had finally left ear shot, Emilia sidled up next to Alexis again and started peppering her with questions about what had happened. She gushed like a proud mamma when Alexis got to the part where she was able to string an actual sentence together, without swearing and without stumbling her way through it. Then she practically snatched the phone out of Alexis’ hand to examine the new contact.
By the time they made it from their lockers to the waiting car and then to Alexis’ house, the pair had gone over each interaction with Lucas twice and discussed in length when and how she should contact him. While he had told her to call him she clearly couldn’t be trusted on her own to string a coherent sentence together, so they settled on texting him to make plans. If he ended up calling her after she texted him, well then she was screwed and would have to wing it from there.
A few hours later after they’d eaten dinner, they rushed back to Alexis’ room with enough junk food and drinks to choke a grown man. Alexis pulled out her phone and started to draft a message. It took twenty minutes and five rewrites, but eventually, she was able to send off the text message, Hey, it’s Alexis, I’m free tomorrow, what about you?
And then they waited.
Chapter 8
"Hey mum, um there's something I need to ask you. Well not so much ask you but more just talk about."
Carmen had been waiting all night for her daughter to come to her. When the girls got home from school that day they'd been buzzing. She and Tony could hear them giggling and shushing each other right up until they got called down for dinner. During dinner though, Alexis got quiet and Carmen knew that something else was going on. She just had to wait.
"What's the matter?" Putting down the damp tea towel she'd been using to dry dishes, Carmen moved around the kitchen preparing mugs of hot chocolate for the two of them. Alexis appreciated how her mum gave her time to get up the courage to say what needed to be said. Finally she just opened her mouth and said the first thing that came to mind, and she shocked herself.
"Do you think I'm a good person?"
Carmen spun around, the open can of chocolate powder in one hand and a spoon in the other, her eyes squinting at her only child. She shouldn't have been surprised that she was asking, it was bound to happen after she confessed to being behind April's 'fall'. However with all the girl talk she and Emilia had obviously been having upstairs all night, it wasn't what Carmen had been expecting to be the most pressing topic of conversation.
"Honey, of course you're a good person. What's got you thinking otherwise?"
"Well um, today at school in the library, during study period, there were these girls talking in the cubicle next to me. They were talking about what happened with April, and about me."
"What were they saying?"
"They were saying how they wouldn't have blamed me if I had been the one to make April fall. They were saying that she deserves whatever happens to her. They would've thought I was awesome if I'd made April split her chin open. Like, what? Who thin
ks like that? Is April a horrible person? Yes, a thousand times yes, but they were talking like she deserved to bleed for everything she's ever done to people. They didn't care that she was hurt. They loved that she got stitches and is going to have a scar for the rest of her life." It all just spilled out. When Em had been there, she'd been able to distract herself with talk about Lucas and laughing at how weird she'd been when they met, but the moment Em got picked up it was back to her moral dilemma.
"Lex, do you regret what you did?"
"God no, she put her hands on Em." There was a finality in Alexis' voice that Carmen had heard before, except it was coming from her husband not her daughter.
"I dunno why, but it made me think about Ty and that day in the warehouse when I snuck into the car and walked in on one of dad's business meetings. Afterwards Ty was all worried that I saw him differently, and it took him months to realise that I didn't. But what I was thinking about was how I didn't see him differently. He's my uncle Ty, nothing could change how I see him. But why? I saw him kneecap a man, but I didn't care because he's Ty. I didn't understand everything back then but I get it now, he was doing what he had to do to protect the Family. But listening to those girls today, I felt sick. Two of them were practically singing my praises just on the speculation that I might've been responsible. And I was thinking about the situation with Ty back then and comparing it to now, and I don't understand how in my mind what I saw Ty do is somehow not as bad as what I did. I'm not saying that what I did was good, but it's not as bad a shooting a guy and breaking all his fingers."
Carmen took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak. And then closed it again. She had two more false starts before she finally got words out.
"So, you do remember that day, I thought you might have."
"That's it? Yeah, I never forgot. I just pretended I did so no one would send me to therapy."
"Oh honey, we wouldn't have sent you to therapy, we would've indoctrinated you right then and there."
"Really? No therapy? After what I saw?" There was a glimmer of humour in Alexis' eyes and Carmen was relieved to see that her daughter was calming down a bit.
"No, they wouldn't have believed you anyway. Would've thought you were dreaming or delusional, but hey sometimes they give you the good drugs for that kind of thing. But seriously, is it the fact that the girls would've been happy if you'd done it, or the fact that you did it to begin with?"
"Mum, I was serious. When I think about what happened, I don't feel remorse for it. Did I intend for her to get seriously hurt? No, but it happened, and yes maybe she deserved to get hurt, but I just wanted her to leave Em alone.”
"So you're upset that they were happy about what you did even though they don't actually know you did it, they just wish you'd done it?”
"Yes? But then when I was thinking about the whole thing with Ty, I felt like a hypocrite because I did the same thing back then that they're doing now."
"But are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you happy that Ty hurt that man?"
“Well... no?"
"So you don't think the man deserved what happened to him?"
"I don't know if he deserved it or not, but I know that for Ty to be torturing him then there must have been a reason.”
"There we go. Those girls glorified the violence and are using April's actions as a way to justify how they feel. What you saw that day was significantly worse, but you aren't doing what they did. You know that Ty was doing what he had to do for the Family. He was protecting the Family. You were protecting your family. If you were anything like those girls then you would've been bragging about what you'd done from the get go. But you didn't. You don't want credit for what you did because that's not why you did it. I hope that you're never in a situation where you need to make hard decisions about what's right and wrong, but I also know the life we live and if you choose to be a part of this life then you will have to make those choices. There are worse things to do to someone than to physically harm them.” There was a look in her mum's eyes that Alexis couldn't quite place, but her tone said she knew what she was talking about.
"Now let’s talk about what happened at the warehouse and why you decided to pretend you didn't remember."
Chapter 9
Alexis was going on her first proper date. While she and Marty had dated for a few months, they hadn't actually gone out on a date. But now, in five hours time she would be meeting Lucas at the cinema where they would be seeing some movie about a house party that gets out of control.
For the third time in two hours Alexis called Emilia in a panic. As soon as her friend had picked up the call, Alexis let loose, "What do I do if he tries to kiss me? Or puts his arm around me during the movie? What if he wants to hold my hand? What if my hands are all sweaty? What if his are? Oh my god what if he doesn't try anything at all? What if one of us loves the movie and the other hates it? What if we go to dinner and we have nothing to talk about? Em help me," her final request came out as a desperate plea.
Emilia took a deep, calming breathe and was very glad that Alexis couldn't see her rolling her eyes.
"Honey, you need to chill out. Seriously. You're going to give yourself a panic attack and that's not going to do anyone any good. Now do those breathing things you told me about, I'll wait."
Emilia waited until Alexis had opened up the app on her phone and listened to her control her breathing. Alexis had actually downloaded the app for Emilia for when she got an anxiety attack, but there was no harm in using it for herself. After a few minutes Alexis closed the app. "Okay I'm back. Sorry about that."
"It's okay, now that you're not losing your shit anymore. Let's start from the beginning. Do you want him to kiss you? If so then make sure you take some mints with you just in case. There is also the option of getting chocolate at the cinema, make yourself taste extra sweet. As for his arm, same thing, if you want it there then leave it there, if you don't then take it away. Those rules apply for all physical interactions that might occur tonight.
"Sweaty hands just mean you're nervous. Now if he's been listening to any of the rumours they tell new kids in our year about you then he probably would be nervous to be dating you, but hey, he'll get over it when he realises how amazing you are. As for the movie, whether you love it or hate it then that in itself is a conversation. It can easily take up at least twenty minutes of conversation, more so if you both hate it, then you can rip on it for a good forty-five minutes. This can then lead into talking about other movies and TV shows that you both like. Maybe even hint at seeing a different movie later that you might actually like.
"Ask him where he's from, siblings, what do his parents do. In the event that he asks you these same questions, do not tell him what your parents actually do. Actually, do that, then take a photo of the look on his face when you tell him that your dad is a mafia boss. I think that'd be pretty funny."
Alexis couldn’t help but laugh.
This was one of the reasons Alexis defended Emilia so steadfastly. Emilia knew just what to say to get her to calm down.
After another few minutes of talking the pair hung up and Alexis finished getting ready. She was about to go on her first real date.
◆◆◆
"That... sucked. I'm sorry, but that was probably the worst movie I've ever seen."
"You do not have to apologise. I totally agree. I'm sorry I ever suggested it to begin with. Seriously the whole movie was a bad home video. If that's what's passing as cinematic genius these days then my parents could make a fortune off my baby videos." Lucas voiced his opinion in such a passionate and dramatic way that Alexis just had to laugh. The pair sat across from each other at the Chinese restaurant across the way from the movie theatre.
"If I'd known you hated it so much I would've suggested that we leave when I wanted to," Alexis grinned.
"God I wish you had, definitely two hours neither of us are getting back." Before Alexis could say anything in reply, their food a
rrived and they lapsed into silence as they started eating.
"I didn't mean that how it sounded," Lucas said suddenly. Alexis looked up and tried to quickly swallow the mouthful of food so she could speak. Unfortunately, she only succeeded in almost choking herself. After chugging her glass of water, she felt like the blockage had cleared and prayed that Lucas hadn't noticed.
"Are you okay there?" he asked.
"Ahem, hmm? Me? No, I'm fine. So, you were saying something about... something?"
"About the two hours of our lives thing." He looked so nervous about what he was trying to get across and it took a moment before it clicked with Alexis what he'd said. When she opened her mouth to tell him it was okay he rushed to explain himself.
