by S. J. Smith
The next afternoon when Alexis trained with her mum and FJ, she blew them away with the progress she had made overnight.
By the Friday she was exhausted. Training sessions six days in one week on top of school and homework, she was almost ready to throw in the towel. That was until FJ didn't turn up to their session.
"Mum, where's FJ? Shouldn't he be here by now?"
"He's not coming tonight, his parents needed his help with something."
Alexis couldn't say that she was totally upset that he wasn't coming. She loved her cousin, there was no question. She was just sore and tired of getting pounded on. Alexis knew that he was rougher with her than he normally would be because she needed to get used to taking pain. It was all part of the conditioning process, it made it easier to bounce back in a real fight when the other person isn't pulling their punches.
It was during their warm up drills that Carmen finally said what was on her mind. "So, you've been going really well with your training."
Dodging her mother's thigh slaps Alexis wandered what brought on the sudden praise. "Thanks mum."
"If I didn't know any better I'd think that you were training with someone else as well."
"When would I even have time?" There was a fine line when it came to avoiding eye contact. Too much avoidance and you looked guilty, too little and you looked guilty.
"Well you're staying after school a lot the past week."
Dodge. Slap.
"I've been working on a group assignment."
Fake out. Dodge. Slap.
"Really? So where'd that bruise on your neck come from?"
Without even thinking Alexis' hand went up to cover her neck. She'd forgotten all about the mark. Lucas had gotten carried away the day before. She'd noticed it in the mirrors of the training room and retied her hair to cover it, but this afternoon she'd just been so distracted with showing her mum the progress she'd made. Without her mum finding out how she'd made it.
Slap.
"So, who's the guy?"
"What guy?"
Slap. Dodge.
"The one who gave you that hickey. I know it wasn't there when you left for school yesterday morning so it's not from sparring."
Alexis knew that there really was no point denying the truth. She'd have to come clean eventually, and not being able to go to her mum for advice the past few weeks had been gnawing away at her sanity.
Carmen stood up straight and nodded her head towards the water fridge in the corner.
"His name's Lucas. He was the one I went to the movies with a few weeks ago, and he was the one who carried me to the office after the attack."
"So he's the one you've been with in the afternoons?"
"Yes, but we've been training," Alexis insisted. She didn't want her mum getting the wrong idea about Lucas. He'd helped her more in the short time she'd known him than most anyone else she’d known for years.
"Mmhmm, sure you have."
"Seriously, you’ve seen how much better I've gotten over the past week. The stuff I get stuck on with FJ, I work on with Lucas. He saw the bruises on my arm last week and how frustrated I was, and he just wanted to help."
Carmen studied her daughter for a minute. She wasn't lying, that much Carmen knew. She didn't like that her daughter had been keeping a secret like this for weeks but she also remembered her first love. Besides, if this boy was helping her daughter learn to defend herself, and effectively from what she'd seen, he couldn't be that bad. She would however be the judge of this herself.
"Invite him to dinner next weekend.”
By her mum’s tone, Alexis knew that there was no room for discussion. If she claimed that Lucas couldn't make it next weekend then her mum would just plan for the weekend after, either until they broke up or the world ended, whichever came first.
Chapter 19
In the weeks leading up to Easter break Alexis wasn't spending as much time with Seth and Brennan as she used to. She had tried, but they accused her of having ulterior motives, and Brennan would alternate between clingy and standoffish. It was like they'd turned into PMS-ing girls overnight and she was becoming exhausted by their behaviour. In all honesty it didn't bother her that much that they were acting so crazy. It made it easier for her to spend more time with Lucas and not feel guilty.
Aaron's end of term party was the first time Alexis would actually be seeing Seth and Brennan outside of school in almost two months. Every time she tried to make plans with Brennan he would always give her the same answer, 'yeah if the guys don't want to do something'.
She had apologised for getting caught up in her relationship with Lucas and not spending as much time with him as she used to. He said he understood and forgave her. It was clear though that he didn't.
When she had vented to Jess and Aaron about how standoffish Brennan was being, Aaron had reminded her of Brennan's crush on her. She thought that he'd gotten over that, especially after she had made it clear that she thought of him more as a brother.
Whatever feelings were or were not in existence, both Seth and Brennan had told Jess that they were coming to the party. Which meant that Alexis might finally be able to talk to them, call them out for being assholes and then they could all move on.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
◆◆◆
For two hours before the party officially started, Jess and Alexis sat around in Aaron's room, a decent sized shed that he'd converted into a bedroom, getting ready for the party. Alexis had offered to help set up and Aaron had welcomed the help. Once Jess was out of earshot, he'd asked her to keep Jess occupied for a while before the party started. Apparently, he had a surprise for her.
And so here they were. They'd finished setting up the various tables for food and drinks. Eskies were full of ice and drinks, prepped cold food was in the fridge and packets of chips were sitting in the bowls they would be emptied into once people started arriving. Everything was ready except for the two girls, and whatever it was that Aaron was cooking up.
"So why is it that Lucas isn't here for this? It would be your first party as an official couple."
"He's got some family dinner, but he said he'll come by afterwards so it's not so bad." Alexis didn't bother to hide her disappointment that he wouldn't be there when the party started. But at the same time it might be a good thing, give her a chance to talk to Brennan without him getting all standoffish.
◆◆◆
The party had been in full swing for two hours. The heat had everyone going to the eskies for cold drinks. Alexis had managed to find Brennan, but before she'd had a chance to start a conversation, Marty had appeared and pulled Brennan away for a game of beer pong. He'd actually looked relieved to have an excuse to get away from her.
Maybe it was the way that he'd been ignoring her texts for weeks or would only give her short answers whenever she managed to catch him in person. Or maybe it was how he wouldn't commit to plans with her no matter how flexible she tried to be. Whatever the combination, seeing his look of relief, and the smug smile that Marty shot her way, Alexis decided that she was done trying.
Turning away from her ex-boyfriend and friend, Alexis headed for the drinks table wishing that there was something stronger than lemon lime bitters. The eskies had beers buried under the ice for those in the know, but she couldn't stand the taste.
She started thinking about all the times that Brennan had been a shit friend and she'd forgiven him, brushed it off and let him off the hook. There were times when he had done something wrong, but the second she pulled him up on it, he'd try and turn the tables on her, guilt her until she ended up apologising for getting upset that he'd been a jerk.
Whenever a guy had shown interest in her since they became friends, he'd gotten all sullen and withdrawn. It didn't matter that she hadn't said anything about liking them back.
She'd thought for a while that he was just protective of her, the way she was of him. It took her a while to realise that while she thought of him as a broth
er, he didn't see her the same way.
That realisation had felt like a light being shone into the dark corners a cluttered room. There was unused crap everywhere, but now she could see it all clearly. See it for what it really was. The over protectiveness was really jealousy. She used to believe he stood too close to her because of his anxiety, he'd said that she was a calming presence for him. So she tried not to be bothered by it. But even that she realised was just another way for him to lay a claim to her that he didn't actually have.
It had been different when Seth had done it to her. She'd seen it for what it was. But something about her friendship with Brennan had clouded her thinking. She'd been so blinded by the feeling of being needed that she'd ignored all the red flags.
Alexis walked through the house, wanting to find anywhere else to be, somewhere she didn't feel so pitiful, so stupid and naive.
She wandered from room to room, never loitering for more than a few minutes. She was on her way back out to the backyard after doing a lap of the house when Seth suddenly appeared in front of her.
"Lex, can we talk?" He didn't wait for her to reply, instead just grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into one of the bedrooms.
"Seth what the he-" Alexis was cut off by Seth pressing his mouth against hers. One hand held the back of her head, the other wrapped tightly around her upper arm. His tongue was trying to force its way into her mouth. Her brain was screaming for her to do something, but her body wouldn't respond. She just stood there like a limp fish.
His grip got tighter. More painful. Just like that, a switch flipped in her head and her free hand formed a fist and thrust forward into his soft belly. Seth pulled away from her but there wasn't enough distance for her liking. Pushing him away she side stepped for the door, not taking her eyes off him. She knew that she should be running from him, not looking back. But he was her friend. She had to know why he was doing this.
"Seth what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. It didn't get rid of the feeling of his mouth on hers.
"I miss you Lex."
"Well this isn't the way you show it, you asshole!" God, how was she going to tell Lucas about this?
Seth took a step towards her. She took a step back.
"Come on, just one more time, for old times’ sake," Seth pleaded. She couldn't believe what he was asking her. When she looked in his eyes they were glassy, like he'd been drinking.
"Seth, no! I have a boyfriend."
"Oh come on, that's never going to last and you know it," he made a grab at her, but she smacked his hand away.
"It doesn't matter if you think that we'll last, I really like him and I want to see where this goes."
"But we were so good together."
Alexis scoffed, "Together? We were never really together, we were a thing." She emphasised thing with bunny ears.
"Whatever we were, I want it back. Please. I miss you."
"You don't miss me. You just miss having someone who put up with your bullshit."
"What's wrong with that?"
Alexis shook her head, not quite believing that this conversation was really happening. "I'm going Seth, I'll see you after break,” and she went for the door. She never should've taken her eyes off him though, the moment that she did he made another grab for her.
This time his arms wrapped around her torso and brought her up against his chest. Her muscle memory and instincts took over. In moments she had him bent over, his shoulder one firm tug away from dislocation. When she'd thrust her head back she heard a crunch of bone and cartilage. Most likely his nose, though from their current position she couldn't see if she had broken it... she could only hope that she had.
"I told you that we were over Seth. I am with Lucas and I have no intentions of screwing that up. So back the fuck off."
With a hard shove she pushed him away from her. Unsteady as he was, he fell to the floor on the opposite side of the small room, narrowly missing the bedside table. She didn’t take her eyes off his limp form until she was out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
She tried to keep her shaking to a minimum. The adrenaline raced from her body, her legs shook with every step.
Stumbling through the hallway towards the backdoor she felt like she was drunk. Her vision was blurring. Her breaths were short. There wasn't enough air.
She finally made it outside but still couldn't get enough air into her lungs.
Away. She had to get away.
"Lex?"
Away.
"Aaron, something's wrong."
Have to get away.
She should've left. Shouldn't have come.
"Alexis, it's me, Jess." Gentle hands grasped her own sweaty palms.
"Jess? Jess - I - can't breathe," Alexis gasped out. She was so dizzy.
"Babe, wait here while I make sure my room is cleared out okay."
Aaron. He was here?
Someone - Jess? - put their arms around her. A hand stroking her hair.
She still couldn't breathe.
"Babe!"
Hands pulling her away from where they stood.
Where had they stood?
Where was Seth?
Lucas. She needed Lucas.
"I'll lock the door as I go. I'll be back in a few minutes, I'm going to get her some food and water."
I'm not drunk. She wanted to speak but the words wouldn't come out.
Alexis heard the solid thunk of a dead bolt sliding into place, felt the soft hands of her friend running over her back. Slowly her senses came back to her. At some point her breathing calmed. It hitched again when a key slid into the lock and the door opened. But the second Aaron stepped over the threshold, closing and locking the door behind him, Alexis calmed again.
He carried a bottle of water under his arm and a plate piled high with party food. Alexis gratefully took the water from him, not missing the worry clear as day on his face. She knew that if she looked at her friend sitting behind her, still rubbing soothing circles on her back, Alexis would see the same look.
"I'm not drunk, I haven't drunk anything."
"I know Lex," Aaron said gently. "I figured that if anyone asked what happened then you could just say you drunk too much." That's if you didn't want to explain the panic attack.
It was things like that that made Alexis adore Aaron as Jess' boyfriend. He thought about things like that. She knew that he'd keep her panic attack quiet without needing to be asked.
"I'll let you two talk. I've got my phone if you need anything. Feel better Lex." Once more he left the room, locking the door from the outside. Alexis wondered for a moment what would happen if they needed to get out, but realised that she preferred other people not being able to get in.
◆◆◆
Jessica had never seen Alexis have a panic attack. She'd only ever seen her cry twice in their eight years of friendship. Even once Alexis had calmed down and was breathing normally again, there was an alertness in her eyes that didn't die down. Shifting on the bed to get a better look at her friend Jess looked for any visible injuries. She saw a red mark resembling a hand on Alexis' left upper arm. A mark that hadn't been there when Alexis had been getting ready a few hours ago.
"Lex, what happened?" Jess asked softly. When Alexis wouldn't meet her eyes, she tried again. "You can trust me hun, no one's going to hurt you. Please, tell me what happened, who grabbed you?"
Alexis looked down at her arm in surprise, as though only just realising her skin had been marked.
"Seth," Alexis confessed, her eyes still fixed on the red hand print. She poked it. It was going to bruise.
"What? Seth did that to you? Why?" Jess' head spun. Everyone knew that Seth was handsy with his female friends, but she'd never thought him to be violent.
"He wanted to continue what we had..." And so Alexis told Jess what happened in the darkened spare bedroom. She confessed to their ten-month secret affair that ended after New Year’s and why. She told Jess about the
first day of school, how mad Seth had been when she didn't show, and then how she'd found out the truth from Brennan. How she'd realised that she was just a distraction until Jess became available. When she'd finally finished telling her story, Jess had now seen her friend cry three times in eight years.
Holding Alexis close, Jess worked up the courage to confess a secret of her own. It was one that she hadn't yet confessed to Aaron though she knew that she should've by now.
