by Hart, Rebel
“Clint, I—”
He sniffled. “For years, it’s been this way. For years, my father has seen me as nothing. But, I mean, even the last time I was in the hospital, he was here. Present. Sure, typing away on his laptop and taking phone calls. I’d fallen out of a fucking tree and jammed my neck. And every time I woke up, he was at my bedside. Working, yes. But here. And now? He’s nowhere to be found. On a jet somewhere, or chilling on some island with a cocktail in his hand while the only person who’s been at my side since I was admitted to the hospital sits at home, by herself, because of him!”
I cupped his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Clint.”
“My father is a good-for-nothing piece of shit. And he thinks that, for some reason, being back before I’m discharged is good enough. Like, sure. I’ll leave you while you’re in the hospital. While you’re hooked up to tubes and in ICU. But, at least I’ll be here by the time they take your fucking catheter out.”
I leaned his bed back as he closed his eyes. Something in the pit of my gut told me he wanted to lean back, so I laid him down. I tucked the blankets around him tightly because I really didn’t know what else to do.
Other than listen, of course.
He murmured, “Thanks.”
I shook my head. “No thanks needed. I just wish I had something to tell you. Or advice to give.”
He snickered. “There’s no advice when it comes to my father. He treats me like a nuisance rather than a fucking son.”
“I’d do anything to take your pain away, Clint. All of it. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it.”
“I know you would. But I wouldn't let you. I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. I can do it for a few more months.”
“If it makes you feel any better, you’re right. He’s a piece of shit human being who doesn’t deserve the type of son you are in his life.”
He scoffed. “I’m not anything special. It’s not like I made things easy on him.”
I nodded. “I’m sure that’s true. But at one point in time, you were nothing but an innocent boy. A boy who missed his mother and didn’t understand the world. Anger begets anger, Clint. You are this way and you act this way because you’ve learned to survive your father. Not thrive alongside him. And that’s your father’s fault.”
His eyes found mine. “Since when did you become so smart?”
I smiled softly. “You forget we both have Daddy issues.”
He chuckled. “How is it that you can make me smile, even in this kind of situation?”
I shrugged. “Consider it my superpower. Making people smile and laugh when they’re on the brink of destruction.”
“Says a lot about what you’ve been through.”
“Yeah, well. I can cry on your shoulder about it a different time.”
“Deal.”
I squeezed his hand tightly. “I hope you know this isn’t your fault.”
“Rae, don’t.”
“I’m serious, Clint. None of this is your fault. It’s got nothing do to with you. Some people just don’t know how to be parents. Your father doesn’t know how to be a parent. He only knows how to be a businessman, and everything else is a nuisance. Including your stepmother, I’m sure.”
“I hope she comes back tomorrow. I’ve liked having her around.”
I smiled. “That’s good. I take it you guys have been talking a bit?”
“A bit, sure. I mean, it’s been awkward. We don’t really know each other, despite the fact that she’s been around for a while. But, it’s been nice waking up and having her around. She’s helped a lot with the doctors. Relaying information. Shit like that.”
“Sounds like she’s finally figuring out how to step up as a parent.”
“And she doesn’t berate me for things like my father does.”
I swallowed back my growl. “If I could get your father in a room for just a few minutes…”
Clint smirked. “I’d like to hear what you might do to him.”
“For starters, I’d sneak in a baseball bat.”
“Old school. I like it.”
“His kneecaps wouldn’t.”
The two of us laughed softly as my eyes danced between his. Then Clint closed his eyes.
“I guess I just always wondered if he loved me or not. But now I guess I have my answer.”
I snuggled against him, trying to be his rock while his foundation eroded from underneath him.
“And the funny thing now, Rae, is that I’m starting to regret ever wondering at all. I guess ignorance really is bliss, at times.”
I looked back over my shoulder and saw Allison wiping at her tears. Even Michael’s eyes were glistening. I didn’t know what to say. As I looked to them for guidance, all they did was shrug their shoulders. None of us knew what to say. There were no words for the situation. I turned back around, finding Clint staring at me as I sighed.
“You can go, if they need to go,” he said.
I nodded. “If they need to leave, they can come back around and get me. Or I’ll catch a cab once a doctor kicks me out.”
Allison piped up. “Actually, you’ve been okayed to stay in here for a bit.”
I furrowed my brow. “Really?”
“Well, once we get you on this HIPAA form, yes.”
I turned around at the sound of the strong voice. A man in a white coat came into the room with a clipboard and a pen. He handed it all to Clint before sitting him up in the hospital bed, using the controls that had taken me damn near ten minutes to figure out.
The doctor quirked an eyebrow. “While we’re not fans of how you guys sneaked in—or brought him food—the truth of the matter is that neither his father nor his stepmother are allowed in here right now. So, as long as it’s one person at a time, we can overlook some things for a few hours.”
I smiled. “Thank you, Doctor. I really appreciate it.”
Clint groaned. “What do I do, Doc?”
“Have this young woman put her name, address, and phone number down. Then you sign at the bottom. That’s all you need to do.”
Clint handed me the clipboard. “Rae?”
And with a smile on my face, I took it from him to fill in.
Anything that got me one step closer to never being pushed away from his side again.
12
Clinton
“All right, Mr. Clarke. It’s that time again.”
I smiled coyly. “Hello, Nurse Nina. Time for me to show you my nooks and crannies again?”
She giggled. “You better stop that flirtatious nonsense. My husband’ll come in here and give you a piece of his mind.”
“The more, the merrier.”
“Hey, now! I saw that cutie patootie that came in here yesterday to visit. I also saw how she made your heartrate monitor rise and fall. You can’t tell me there isn’t something there.”
I chuckled. “That’s Rae. And she’s a saint. Literally, my guardian angel. She’s the one that found me in that ravine.”
“Well, thank the Lord for that. Because without her, I wouldn't be accosted by you on a daily basis.”
“And you know you’d miss it.”
Nurse Nina was always a refreshing face on the ICU floor. An older lady with a spunky personality and a lovely meet-cute story she enjoyed telling people about. Everyone on the hall knew the story of how she and her husband met. And I had to admit, I didn’t mind hearing it multiple times a day. She always had a smile on her face and a giggle on the tip of her tongue to offer someone. An infectious sound. One that reminded me a lot of Rae’s giggle.
Thank fuck for Rae.
Nurse Nina sighed. “All right. Ready?”
I looked up at the ceiling. “Just be gentle with me. I’m tender, and sensitive.”
She giggled. “You wish.”
She pulled my blankets off, exposing me to the harsh cold of the room. And after she flipped up my hospital gown, she got to work. I had bandages covering stitches created during surgery. Multiple entry points where the
surgeons had explored, cauterizing veins or whatever the fuck it was they did to stop the internal bleeding.
“All right. Things look nice.”
I grinned. “Just nice, Nurse Nina?”
“Oh, stop it, you little hellion.”
The humor detracted from the fact that she was literally raising my cock up to inspect me. Because out of everything else, my balls had also been bleeding when I came rolling into the E.R. She finished her inspection before changing my bandages. She ran this numbing salve over my wounds before covering them back up with new gauze. She taped everything down and flipped my gown over my hips. Then she changed my blankets out for these nice, warm sheets that made me moan as they hit my skin.
“Fresh out of the dryer. Why do you always flirt with me like this?”
Nurse Nina laughed. “I plucked them out just for you. It’ll help you relax a bit.”
But I knew the real reason she was doing it.
Does everyone on this damn hall know my father abandoned me?
I closed my eyes as she continued checking my vitals. I felt my tubes being finagled with, and I held my breath for it. I hated it when they shifted the ones going up my nose. It always pinched a bit more than I wanted. I listened as she whirled around the room, whistling to herself and trying to bring a bit of cheer into my life.
Then I heard the clicking of those heels.
“Uh oh. I think I hear someone coming down the hallway.”
I opened my eyes as the nurse leaned up my hospital bed. And my heart exploded with delight when I saw Cecilia come into the room. Thank hell, the hospital had let her back in. Because this Sunday was creeping by slower than I wanted it to. She clutched a bag of food and it made me smile. Plus, she had some books in her hands. She pulled up a chair and sat down next to me, sitting the books in my lap.
“I found those on your bookshelf. They had various bookmarks in them, so I figured you might want to continue reading them to pass the time.”
I grinned. “I appreciate that.”
Cecilia unpacked the food. “I also brought lunch. There’s this cute little cafe on the corner just a couple blocks down from here. Massive salads. And great soups. I got you a steak salad with extra meat, and then some thick tomato bisque soup and some of their freshly-baked bread to dip in it.”
“Thank you, Cecilia.”
“I also snagged you a lemon bar, if your sweet tooth starts acting up.”
She said it as if she had some sort of dangerous secret she were carrying around. And the tone of her voice made me chuckle.
“That’s more than enough food, thank you. Really. I’m glad you made it back today.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry I let your father get to me like that. I couldn't stop thinking about you yesterday.”
I reached out, taking her hand. “I’m glad you stood up for yourself against him. Even if it did get you tossed out.”
“I should have kept a cooler head for you. You were here all alone yesterday. That isn’t right. I shouldn’t have been so selfish.”
I squeezed her hand. “It’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up over it, okay?”
I wanted to tell her about Rae, but I figured… baby steps. I thanked her for the food and the books, then dug in while she ate beside me. I looked at the books in my lap and sighed with relief. I’d been painfully bored in this place. And while I usually would’ve been upset that she rifled through my room, she brought me four books I had been wanting to secretly devour for weeks now.
“I’m sure those books will help. And if there’s anything you want from the house, just let me know. I’ll do my best to find it.”
I took a large bite of my salad. “Thank you. Really.”
“Oh! I have exciting news, too.”
I looked over at her as I chewed my food, watching as she set her salad down. She looked at me with pride in her eyes, and I wondered what had her so worked up in all the best ways.
“I talked with your father. And meetings are going well. He said he’s going to video conference in tonight and hang around with us. I have the laptop in the car, I’ll just have to go out and bring it up here once he tells me he’s ready. He’s going to text, I’ll get the laptop, then boom! Howard’s here with us.”
She beamed with happiness, and I tried to give her the kindest smile I could. But I knew how my father worked. He’d get busy with something, or pissed off at something, and suddenly he’d forget all about me. I didn’t have the slightest bit of hope he’d video conference in, much less remember to text Cecilia about it. But she looked so happy about it. So bright and vibrant with hope.
I didn’t have the heart to destroy it.
“That sounds great. It’ll be nice to see him.”
She picked her salad back up. “He’s been asking about you. Updates and such. I know he’s worried, even though he isn’t here right now. His flying out was a knee-jerk reaction to us fighting. Not you, Clint. I hope you know that.”
Yeah, sure. “I know.”
“Good. Very good. And to celebrate, I’ll go out and get us something nice for dinner. You know, so you don’t have to keep suffering through all this hospital food. This is going down easily enough, right?”
I nodded, taking another bite. “Like butter.”
The two of us continued eating and her vibrance filled the room. I knew she’d take it harder than me when Dad faltered on his word. But I knew how things rolled around here. I didn’t want to say any of this to my stepmother, though. She seemed so happy, and I wanted to enjoy that happiness for a while. So I chose to enjoy her company and eat with her instead of pin-pricking her happiness.
After all, my father did enough of that.
Ask her why.
I pushed the thought away from my mind. For days now, I’d been wondering why she loved my father. Why she was with my father. And while I could conjure a decent-enough answer, something about this entire situation wanted to hear it from her mouth. Wanted to hear her open up and say it. Maybe it was all of our discussions, or somehow getting to know one another. But something inside me wanted to hear her admit why she was still with my father.
Then again, it also wasn’t any of my business.
Plus, you don’t want to piss her off and have her leave you alone in this place.
No. I really didn’t want that. If Cecilia left, this hospital stay would be even more lonely than it had already become. No. It was better to keep the peace and let her be ignorant for a little while. Keep that blissful nature about her that filled up whatever space she might have occupied. She cured my loneliness. She made this stuffy ICU room more bearable.
Minus Rae, of course. Rae made this place shine. Hell, Rae made any place shine. Rae could’ve made the bowels of hell itself shine with her presence.
Thank fuck for Rae.
And maybe someday, I’d feel confident enough to indulge Cecilia with stories of my girlfriend.
13
Raelynn
As I sat in my English class just before lunch, I felt everyone’s eyes on me. I heard them whispering. I felt their minds wondering. I smelled their confusion and their questions. Their snickers made me upset. Their scoffs made me want to punch them. All day long, people had been staring. When Michael, Allison, and I walked through those school doors. Every time I walked to class and paused by Clint’s locker. Every time I got up to do anything, everyone watched my every move.
It felt like even the teachers were out to get me.
“I heard he fell over.”
“I heard he was pushed over.”
“Do you think she pushed him over?”
“Maybe he jumped over because she won’t leave him alone.”
“I don’t know, I heard there was a car involved.”
“Her car?”
“No, no. I don’t think she has a car.”
“So she rides on the back of his bike? Lucky.”
You’re damn right I’m lucky.
As the day progressed on, I tried my best
to keep my head above water. To stay out of the gossip and ignore the slivers of voices I heard wafting around me. Every transition to class made it a bit more difficult, though. Every bathroom break I took, the girls would stare at me. Silence themselves. Like they were talking about me before I walked up. I shook my head and made my way into the stalls, wanting a bit of peace and quiet. A safe space to breathe before going back out into the shark-infested waters of Valley High School.
I hated this fucking place.
I knew everyone was familiar with what happened. The crash. The boys. The car. Clint’s bike. How he was in the hospital, and not due to return to school for a while. Everyone gossiped about it. I had to stop Allison from interjecting into their conversations. I had to hold Michael back a few times, seeing as he lunged at people trying to come up with asinine excuses as to why I was there.
“It’s okay, Michael. Come on. We just need to get through the day.”
In some ways, I was thankful for them. They wanted to leap to defend Clint. To defend me. And in other ways, I was upset. I was there. I brought Clint back to life. I was the one that got him into this situation, yet I was the one holding other people back?
Why did I always have to be the strong one for everyone else?
“No, for real, guys. Clint’s really bad off.”
“I heard he broke his collarbone.”
“And a concussion? Poor guy. I don’t know what Rae’s doing here at school.”
“Yeah, I’d be by his side every second if I was his girlfriend.”
The only thing that made me smile was the school referring to me as ‘his girlfriend.’
I didn’t like anything else, though.
“Rae, can I ask you—?”
“Rae, what—?”
“Rae, do you have an update on—?”
“Rae, I heard you—”
Every time someone stopped to ask me a question—to actually own up to their curiosities—someone stepped in my way. Michael. Allison. A teacher. The principal. And I was thankful for it. I’d talked about it enough to the police. To the doctors. With Clint. With myself. I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone else. I didn’t want to keep reliving it. It happened, it was over, and all I wanted to do was focus on Clint’s recovery.
