by Hart, Rebel
He should’ve taken the nose-dive off the bridge.
Not me.
I closed my eyes and envisioned Rae. What she’d look like if she were with me. Her hair mussed. Knotted. Tangled. Her eyes sparkling as she stared back at me with her sleepy orbs. Her smile, lopsided from the pleasure we’d both experienced. And her body, warm and comforting against my body. I lost myself in the vision. In how things could have panned out had she stayed. I wasn’t sure when she’d slipped out last night. Or this morning. But I wanted to call and make sure she’d gotten home safely.
Then I heard the door open.
I furrowed my brow as I heard Rae’s soft humming filtering through the door. The smell of coffee flooded my nose, filling the room with its presence. I smiled as my bedroom door closed, and then another scent caught my nose.
Were those pastries?
“What are you still doing here?”
I went to prop myself up on my elbow just as Rae yelped. And when I shot up from bed, I saw her stumble with the coffees. The brown paper bag from underneath her arm dropped to the ground, revealing several warm danishes and pastries. She cursed under her breath as the drink carrier tilted. Some of the coffee went spilling onto my carpet as she righted herself, refusing to let the drinks fall. I watched with a grin on my face, feeling bad that I’d scared her. But also incredibly happy she was still here.
“The hell’s wrong with you? I almost peed myself!”
I chuckled. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t know you were still here.”
“I mean, I wasn’t for a bit. But I didn’t want to wake you up.”
I watched her dip down, scooping the paper bag up under her arm again. I grunted as I sat myself up, trying to shake the morning stiffness so I could help her. By the time I got a pillow behind my back, she was already at my side. Sitting the coffees down, rearranging the food, then reaching for more pillows.
“Here, lean up.”
“Rae, you don’t—”
“I said, lean up, you stubborn boy.”
She fluffed my pillows as I did what she asked. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She had her hair piled on top of her head and she had picked her way through my drawers. She had on a shirt of mine. And a pair of sweatpants. I looked over at my dresser drawer, seeing two of them pulled out and hanging on by a thread.
“Sorry, I was tired this morning.”
I shook my head. “Don’t you dare be sorry. You’re welcome to anything in here.”
She snickered. “Thanks.”
I kept running my eyes over her, because she looked fucking fantastic in my clothes. They hung off her, completely covering her form. And yet, she’d never been sexier. She’d never been more beautiful. I licked my lips as she handed my coffee to me. The black liquid still steamed from the to-go lid, and I smelled hints of rosewater and caramel.
“I know it’s a bit fancy, but trust me. I tried a sample of it. It’s damn delicious.”
I grinned. “I trust you. What’d you get?”
Rae shrugged. “The usual. Iced caramel macchiato with an extra shot.”
“I’ll have to remember that.”
I took a sip of the coffee and was stunned at how good it tasted. I took another sip. Then another. And soon, I was chugging the damn thing down.
Rae giggled. “Good thing I got a large.”
I nodded as I continued drinking, not wanting to let go of the lid. But the coffee burned my throat. So I slowed down in order to savor the taste a bit.
“What’d you say was in this again?”
Rae smiled. “Regular caffeinated coffee with a shot of rosewater and two pumps of caramel.”
I grinned. “Damn, that’s good.”
“There’s this cute little coffee shop not too far up the road. I got Michael to drive me up there.”
“Buckheads Brews?”
“That’s the one.”
“You know, I always thought that place was a bar until I walked in there one day. I smelled lemon bars in the damn place and got confused.”
She giggled. “I don’t think you’re the only one to make that assumption. They had an assortment of fresh pastries on sale because they didn’t get the ‘pastry to filling’ ratio right. I don’t know what the hell that means, but I got them half off. So I got a bunch of them.”
“You didn’t have to do that, you know.”
“I don’t have to do anything. But I wanted to.”
I grinned. “Thank you, Rae.”
She leaned over and kissed my cheek, letting her lips linger for a little bit. I scooted over, giving her enough room to sit on the edge of my bed. She didn’t take the hint. Instead, she grabbed her coffee and leapt into bed with me, taking up the spot next to me she’d had last night. I reached for a cheese danish, handing it to her before digging out a lemon one for myself.
And when I took a bite out of the damn thing, I moaned.
“Holy shit.”
Rae nodded. “Right?”
“So fucking good.”
“Seriously. Their cheese ones are great. But I’ve got, like, four apple ones in there. You’d think that’s gross. But it’s not when they do it.”
I took another bite. “How have I not known about these things? They’re incredible.”
“Have you ever actually been in there, tough stuff?”
I cast her a look that made her snicker. Of course I’d been in that damn place. Every fucking girl at our high school had been in that damn place. Which meant just about every guy in our school had been in there at least once. Doesn’t mean I’d had their food, though. Just a plain coffee while the girl I was with got some hoity-toity soy-based milk-coffee concoction. Some girl I’d hooked up with wanted to go there for a date after skipping out on class sophomore year. Just after I’d gotten my bike license, and right before I totaled my first rusted-out motorcycle. I wasn’t going to tell Rae that, of course. She didn’t need to know those details.
But, yes. I’d been in the damn place before.
“Got any plans for your day?” I asked.
I peeked over at Rae and watched her shrug.
“I mean, they can wait.”
I paused. “What’s waiting?”
“Nothing much. Just a study session with Allison.”
“Is it important?”
“Not as important as this.”
“Are you sure?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, Clint. I’m sure. I don’t actually need to study with Allison. It’s just tradition for us before every major test with classes we share.”
“What class?”
She paused. “History.”
“Oh, goodie.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll help you through the test.”
I grinned. “Skipping study sessions for little old me, huh? What’s next? Skipping classes? Skipping school days?”
“In your fucking dreams, hot stuff.”
“That’s more like it.”
I leaned over and gave her a kiss, but she turned her lips toward mine. Instead of connecting with her cheek, her lips fell to mine. And I tasted that cheese danish against her skin. She moaned against me as my tongue pierced her lips. Her jaw dropped open, allowing me inside as I reached over to cup the back of her had. I contorted my body, swallowed my groans of pain as I tasted her breakfast upon her lips.
Then I pulled back. Because my ribs were screaming at me the more I moved toward her.
I winced. “I like that cheese danish.”
Rae pushed me back. “Sit up. I know you’re in pain.”
“Never, when you’re around.”
“Clint—”
“Rae, it’s okay. I pro—”
“Just let me take care of you, okay?”
I heard the frustration in her voice and it gave me pause.
“Just… just let me be here for you, all right?”
I nodded. “All right.”
“You’re important to me. You’re worth this. You’re worth skipping the study session and
you’re worth spending time with. I know you’re used to being tough. Always doing it alone. But you’re not alone right now. So, just… try to work with me, okay? It’s okay to tell me when you’re in pain.”
“I’m just not used to it.”
“Well, try to get used to it, please?”
I sighed. “I can give it my best shot.”
“Here, let me fix your pillows.”
I leaned forward for her again, letting her rearrange them behind me. And as she doted on me, trying her best to make me feel comfortable, I felt cared about. For once. I felt loved, for once. It’d been a long time since I’d felt things like this before. Yet she and Cecilia were practically showering me with it. I had no idea what I’d done to deserve it. To warrant it.
But I hoped one day to find a way to pay them back for it.
Rae leaned me back. “There. How’s that?”
I sighed with relief. “Much better.”
“Good.”
I grinned. “You think I’m worth skipping your study session for?”
“Don’t you start.”
“You want me more than school. You want me more than school.”
“Well, there are times where I want torture more than school. So take it for what it’s worth.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve heard torture can be pleasurable at times. If you do it right.”
She shot me a look. “You can keep all those thoughts to yourself.”
“So my hands have free rein?”
She playfully shoved me. “You’re insane, you know that?”
“Insane for you, sure.”
Her eyes met mine and my heart grew two times in that moment. Two times bigger than what it usually was. Rae Cleaver—the outcast nerd of our school—was slowly filling a void I had ignored for a long time. A void I’d allowed to fester for much too long. A void I’d convinced myself didn’t really exist.
I love you. Just say it. Tell her how you feel.
“Rae?”
“Yes?”
My hand moved to cup her cheek. “I—”
“Yeah, Clint?”
“You mean a lot to me. You know that, right?”
She nodded. “And you know you mean a lot to me, too. Right?”
I nodded. “I do.”
“So then we mean a lot to each other.”
“We do, yes.”
She smiled softly. “Well, then…? Good.”
But for some reason, that statement didn’t seem good enough. Not for everything Rae had given me. Not for everything she’d done for me. Not for everything she’d filled within me.
One day, I’ll show you. I’ll write it down and shout it from the rooftops.
“Just like you deserve.”
Rae furrowed her brow. “What was that?”
I paused. “What?”
“You murmured something. But I didn’t understand you.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize I’d said anything.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
She pressed her hand against my forehead, making me snicker. “I feel fine, Rae.”
“You’d tell me if you didn’t feel okay, right?”
I brought her hand to my lips to kiss. “I would.”
“Promise?”
“Promise, promise.”
And as I placed a kiss to the palm of her hand, I felt her snuggle against me.
A place that almost seemed to be carved out against my body just for hers to have.
21
Raelynn
RaelynnOne Week Later
I huffed to myself. “Come on, where the hell is it?”
Mom poked her head in my room. “Whatcha looking for, sweetheart?”
“Nothing. Nothing. I’m fine.”
“Sure you don’t need any help?”
I shook my head as I rushed around my room, listening as papers fluttered everywhere. I cursed myself, catching them out of thin air before piling them into a wrinkled ball within the palm of my hand. My eyes darted around the room. I had way too many things I needed to lug to school today. I had my homework and Clint’s homework. My books and his books. Today was an exciting day, and I needed to make sure it all went off without a hitch.
“Sweetheart, sure you don’t—”
I held up my hand. “Just give me a second to recuperate. I know it’s in here somewhere.”
“What’s in here somewhere?”
“That damn history book,” I murmured.
Mom let out a soft giggle and I looked over at her. She had her arms crossed around her chest and her head shook itself at me. The look in her eye was skeptical. But the smile on her face was telling. It made me blush underneath her gaze. It gave me pause as to just how much was rushing through my mind.
And on Clint’s behalf, too.
“Have you checked under your bed?”
I sighed. “Nothing ever gets kicked under my bed, Mom. I’m not twelve anymore.”
She shrugged. “Sometimes the one place where I find things are the last place I figured I’d find them.”
I dropped down to my knees. “It’s not going to be under my bed. I promise you, out of all the pla—”
Mom laughed as my words stopped in my tracks. I rolled my eyes as I reached under the bed, feeling my fingertips fall against the hardback cover of Clint’s history textbook. I swallowed my grumbles and tried to find the hilarity in the situation. I grinned as my mother’s laughter grew to almost fiendish volumes.
“Can you keep it down up there? I’ve only got one cup of coffee in me!”
Mom snickered. “Sorry, Deej!”
I rolled my eyes as I stood up. I hated that man. I hated him with every ounce of me I had. But there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about his presence. I stood up with the book in my hand and slipped it into my shoulder satchel, then rifled through the papers on the bed.
“This goes with that. This goes here. Oh, that’s mine. Yikes. And… where’s the last page of this paper?”
I looked around the room before Mom cleared her throat.
“You mean this?”
I looked over at her and I found her clutching a sheet of paper. I walked over and saw the last little bit of typed information I needed for Clint’s history paper. I took it from her with a thankful smile, then placed it with the rest of the sheets of paper. I clipped it, slipped it on top of his history book, then sandwiched it between that and his English book.
I needed to make sure I didn’t accidentally turn in my homework as his.
Mom giggled. “Do you need a ride to school?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’ve got it.”
“Are you sure? That bag looks pretty—”
I heaved the shoulder strap over my body, grunting as I situated it. Yes, it was heavy. But I didn’t want a ride to school from Mom. Because I knew what that entailed before she even said it.
“I’m fine, Mom. Really. I’ll be good. Just need a bit of an earlier start.”
She scoffed. “You’re going to sweat through your clothes before you even get there. Come on, let us give you a ride. I can ride with you, and D.J. can drive us on his way to work.”
“I’m good.”
I hated the fact that Mom had officially gotten back together with D.J. It made me sick. It made me wonder if the things she’d said that night had ever been true. I wondered if she’d ever had plans to better her life. Or herself. Or her circumstance. I mean, in the back of my mind, I knew they hadn’t been completely over. Someone was still paying the bills, since her applications had gone unanswered. According to her, at least. I wouldn't have been shocked one bit if they’d called for interviews and she had dodged the phone calls.
It was my mother, after all.
Mom shrugged. “Well, be careful, okay? I can tell that bag is heavy.”
I nodded. “I promise I’ll be careful. It’s why I’m getting a bit of an earlier start. So I can take my time.”
“You got any plans for after school? Maybe with this
boy of yours?”
“His name’s Clint. And I’m not sure.”
“Did you have fun with him last weekend?”
Wow. Finally. After over a week of spending the night at Clint’s place and meeting his stepmother, my own mother finally asked me about it. I tried not to let the pain and the hurt show on my face. I tried not to let it get to me too much. I mean, it had been nice, having my mother back. Having her fun banter and her attention and her love back. Not that she didn’t love me. But she was a different type of mother whenever D.J. was around.
The type of mother that pretty much clocked out whenever I wasn’t around.
I nodded. “We had a good time. Cecilia’s really nice.”
“His stepmother?”
“Mm-hmm. Very kind. She cooked this massive meal, too. Lasagna.”
“Sounds like she’s an amazing woman.”
I heard the pain in Mom’s voice. “She’s amazing, just like you.”
And when Mom smiled, I knew my words had at least soothed a temporary balm over whatever pain she was trying to cure with D.J. I didn’t know much as a teenager, but I knew that much. I knew there was a good chance Mom had never gotten over my father leaving. Gotten over the way he abandoned us. So, being around D.J. and having D.J. always come back to her—like my father never had—sort of reassured her that she meant something to him. That she was worth something to this world.
At least, that’s what the guidance counselor at my school said.
“Well, I need to get on to school.”
Mom frowned. “You don’t want to have some breakfast? Or some coffee with us?”
I don’t want to deal with D.J., no. “Like I said, early start.”
“Let me at least get you something to go. You can come down to the kitchen and I’ll get you and D.J.—”
“Mom.”
She paused, and I had to check myself. For whatever reason, she was pushing—hardcore—trying to get D.J. and myself into the same room. But it wouldn’t happen. With all the shit happening with Clint and his schoolwork right now, I didn’t have the energy to deal with my mother’s abusive fucking boyfriend. I’d thrown in the towel with D.J. At least for now. If that was who my mother wanted to cuddle up with at night, then so be it. I was done putting my energy into her, trying to talk her out of this disgusting scenario.
