by BobA. Troutt
*****
Giggle’s Holiday Book
Splitting Hares
Back in the little community of Scrambleville in Hard Boiled County, on the corner of Cross Creek Lane and Cedar Ridge Way, sat the little old Easter egg factory called The Painted Egg. It was owned and operated by two brothers, Harold and Harry Talmadge. The factory had been handed down to them by their great, great, great hares. The little company had been in business for many years, decorating and coloring eggs for Easter. But, this year was special. It was their one-hundredth anniversary, and Harold and Harry were very proud.
“Well, Harold,” said Harry, “our dad and his dad would have been proud of us, 100 years of top-notch, fine quality, uncracked Easter eggs.”
“Yep,” replied Harold. “I can see his smiling face now and I can hear him say, ‘You’ve done a fine job, men.’”
Now, there was one thing about Harold and Harry Talmadge, they ran a tight ship. There were no cracked, double-yoked, or rotten eggs leaving their factory, nothing but Grade A, large, medium, and small eggs. If there were any lollygaggers caught at their plant they were replaced immediately. There was no dropping the egg there, ‘cause you didn’t get another chance.
Then one day it happened, a few days before the company’s 100th year anniversary. Harold got an idea and so did Harry.
As Harold sat in his office, he jumped up and said to himself, I’m going to come up with our 100th year anniversary egg.
Little did Harold know, Harry sat in his office and thought the same thing.
“It’s brilliant,” cried Harry. “I’m a genius. I’m going to create our 100th year anniversary egg. It’s going to be wonderful.”
From that moment on, it all began to happen. Harold worked on his egg, and Harry worked on his egg. Neither of them knew what the other was doing.
“Now, let me see,” said Harold. “How do I want to do this?” Carefully, he placed a fine nice egg upon a stand. Next, he slowly eyed it around and around. He suddenly stopped, gasped for a breath of air, and tilted over to get a close look at the egg. “Yes, yes,” he said as a fine beam of light pierced the side of the egg. What’s this? he wondered as he looked closer. “It’s a small speck in the shell,” he said.
Quickly, he tossed it over into a basket and then sighed in relief as he placed another egg upon the stand. Meanwhile, in Harry’s office, he had just placed an egg upon a stand and carefully began examining it.
Uh-huh, he said to himself, a very nice specimen. He reached over and grabbed the egg-sizer to check the egg. “Not bad, not bad at all,” he said. With the tip of his finger, he carefully picked the egg up slightly, and slowly turned it around. “Perfect! Perfect!” he yelled.
Time passed as the two brothers worked day after day on their egg, never mentioning it to the other. It was to be a surprise. They each wanted their egg to be the 100th anniversary egg for their company. Days passed, and they worked hard, day and night, long hours, creating that perfect egg, the perfect look. They polished, painted, trimmed, and colored. The two brothers tried this and that, until all of a sudden, one day it was finished. It was done. It was magnificent.
“Oh, I can’t wait,” cried Harold. “I just can’t wait to show Harry. He will be so proud of me.”
At the same time, Harry waltzed about his office with his finished egg in hand, singing to it.
“You’re so beautiful. I know Harold is going to love it. I have worked so hard and so long, and it’s so—so—wonderful. He’ll have to love it,” proclaimed Harry.
Each of the brothers headed for the door at the same time. Quickly, they opened it and stepped out.
Harold said, “Harry.”
Harry said, “Harold, look what I have.”
But as the two stood there surprised, their eyes bugged, their smiles dropped and there was a slight groan.
“It’s perfect,” cried Harold.
“It’s wonderful,” shouted Harry.
Harold turned and stomped back into his office, slamming the door. At the same time, Harry turned and walked back into his office and slammed his door.
All fell quiet until Harold yelled from behind his office door, “Mine is perfect, you rotten egg!”
From behind Harry’s door, Harry cried out, “Mine is wonderful, you egg-sucker!”
Thus began the feud between the two brothers. For days, they didn’t speak, and if they did it was a slur. Everyone at the plant had to walk around like they were walking on eggshells.
“We can’t have them both,” said Harold.
“Well, I’m not giving mine up!” shouted Harry.
“I’m not giving mine up either!” screamed Harold.
“You always get your way,” said Harry.
“No, I don’t,” replied Harold. “You do. You always were Daddy’s pet.”
“No, I wasn’t,” cried Harry. “He liked you more.”
“Oh, come on!” shouted Harold. “What about that time?”
“I knew you would bring that up,” said Harry.
On and on and on it went, day after day. Nobody could stand to be around them, they were afraid to say anything, afraid of being fired. It was a no win situation. Only Harold and Harry could find the solution. Finally, after a couple weeks, it happened. The two brothers had fussed and fought so much that they were sick of it. Besides, Harold missed Harry, and Harry missed Harold. There has to be a solution, they thought, there is no use of splitting hares over something like this. Out of the blue, it hit them.
“That’s it,” cried Harold.
“That’s it!” shouted Harry. “We can take some ideas of Harold’s egg and some ideas of my egg and put them together as one egg. It can be the 100th anniversary egg from us both.”
Quickly, Harold grabbed his egg, and Harry grabbed his. As the two brothers talked, they began to look over each other’s egg.
“Fine work, little brother. Fine indeed,” said Harold.
“Oh, Harold,” said Harry. “I must say you have out done yourself.”
“But where do we begin,” they both cried.
Finally, the two brothers put their heads together. It wasn’t long until they started working together and came up with the perfect, wonderful egg for the anniversary.
“Fine workmanship,” said Harold.
“Brilliant design,” replied Harry.
“Harry,” said Harold. “I think we have done it again. Daddy would have been proud of us.”
“I believe you’re right, Harold,” replied Harry. “I believe our workmanship together has created a class A, one fine baby of a gem egg.”
The big day finally came at The Painted Egg. The two brothers stood proudly with their 100th anniversary egg in their hands. Carefully, they reached up to place it in the trophy case when suddenly it slipped and fell out of their hands onto the floor. Crack, went the egg as their smiles fell. Harold looked at Harry, Harry looked at Harold, and they began to laugh.
“It’s not worth splitting hares over,” they both agreed.
