by D. M. Shane
“Aislin! Wake up! Come on, love, wake up!” She didn’t move.
Gideon used a knife to cut the straps free as I held her, trying to keep her from falling down onto her head. We slowly pulled her from the wreckage, keeping her head and neck as stable as possible, and laid her down on a soft patch of grass. Gideon ran back up to the SUV and radioed for a medic. The minutes dragged by as we waited.
Her pulse was strong, but the gash on her forehead continued to bleed. Blood covered both arms, tacky in its half-dried state as the bleeding slowed from all the tiny cuts where the shattered glass had cut her. I ripped my shirt off, rolled it into a ball, and held it to the gash on her forehead to staunch the free flow of blood. Unlike the cuts on her arms, the small head wound showed no signs of slowing down.
The world around me receded to nothing. My mate lay broken and bloody on the ground before me. Her left wrist twisted at an awkward angle. I saw and heard nothing but her. Hell, I couldn’t put a coherent thought together if I tried.
I felt a hand on my shoulder pulling me back, and a snarl tore through me. “Don’t touch her!” I bellowed, the madness of desperation creeping in.
“Arkken, it’s me. It’s Gideon,” my brother soothed. I almost didn’t recognize him.
“Get away from her! Don’t touch her!” Fury consumed me, tearing through me like a raging hellfire of chaos and destruction.
“Arkken, I won’t hurt her. Let me look at her,” he said, not kowtowing to the Alpha order in my voice. Gideon was the only one who could get away with that usually. But without warning, the wolf ripped out of me with a ferocious roar.
I stood over Aislin’s body, snarling and gnashing my teeth. No one would touch her! She was mine! The dangerous combination of desperation and rage had turned me into more beast than wolf, willing to do anything to protect my mate from further harm.
I saw red, and then a snarling body slammed into me. Before I knew what had hit me, teeth wrapped around my throat, and I was pinned to the ground. My own brother took me down. Reality hit me, and I was suddenly very aware I’d lost control, something I’d never done before as Alpha. Not like this. Never like this.
I forced myself to stop thrashing under Gideon’s grasp and breathe, willing my wolf to calm down and realize it was not an Alpha challenge. Only once I fully submitted to my brother and shifted back to my human skin did Gideon release me and back away. I sat up, panting, and watched angrily as he shifted back into human form.
“Arkken, she’s hurt. You need to calm down. I can’t help her if you won’t let me near her.” Gideon was right.
I bowed my head in shame and slowly backed away. Then Gideon tossed me a pair of sweats. At that moment, I was very grateful we kept an emergency stash in the back of all our vehicles. We’d both shredded our clothes when we’d shifted.
“Look, I know you need to protect her, but we need to assess her injuries while we wait for the others to get here,” he said. “Go back up to the road and wait for the others. I’ll look after her.”
I turned on my brother with a growl, still walking a fine line between man and beast. I knew Aislin was safe with him, but my wolf refused to see reason where my injured mate was concerned. It was nearly impossible to ignore my baser instincts. “I’m not leaving her alone!”
“Arkken, go. You’re too volatile. I won’t hurt her, I promise. But if you lose yourself again, you could hurt her. Go. Now.”
Another growl tore through me, and it was all I could do to contain the wolf. I nearly launched myself at my brother. “I said I’m not leaving her!”
“Fine. Stay. But you need to calm down,” Gideon warned.
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do! My mate is lying there bleeding and unconscious!”
Gideon sighed. “I know, but I can’t help her if you won’t let me near her. We’re wasting time standing here arguing.”
Wheels ground on the gravel up above us. Doors slammed, and my security team and two medics climbed down the embankment. Stefan and Jorah set a stretcher down beside Aislin. I growled, planting myself between them and my mate, blocking their way. Damn this instinct to protect.
Stefan and Jorah kneeled before me, necks bared in deference to their Alpha, acknowledging my need to protect her. I slowly moved out of the way, though my wolf could barely stand anyone else touching her.
I paced around impatiently as the medics checked her over. Time slowed to a crawl. Every second eked by excruciatingly slow. I knew they were there to help, but it became increasingly difficult to maintain control.
Gideon put a hand on my shoulder, and I slapped him away. He was only trying to offer support, but it only angered me more.
“Don’t. Touch. Me. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I growled. “Why isn’t she waking up?”
Gideon stepped in front of me and blocked my path, making me stop short in my attempt to get closer to my mate again. “Arkken, Aislin will be okay. Stefan and Jorah know what they’re doing. Come on, let’s give them some space to do their job.”
He was right. I moved off to the side and sat on a small boulder, watching helplessly as they worked. I couldn’t protect her by preventing them from helping her. I had to let them work. My men surrounded me in quiet solidarity, lending me their strength when I needed it most. Ever so carefully, the medics placed a neck brace on her, and then Gideon helped them slide the stretcher underneath her.
Corbin and Madigan stepped up to help them carry her back up the hillside. The rain hadn’t let up, and we were all soaked to the bone by the time we made it to the top. I tried to climb inside the medical van, but my men pulled me back. A whimper slipped out of me as I was separated from her. I couldn’t bear to let her out of my sight, but there was no room for all of us in the back of the van, so instead, I rode with Gideon, and we followed it back to the infirmary.
I was beside myself the entire trip home. With the torrential downpour, it had taken us an extra half an hour to get home as we navigated through a few flooded areas. My mind raced. How bad were her injuries? Why wouldn’t she wake up? What made her leave in the first place?
I racked my brain, trying to figure out what could have scared her off. The dream. That had to be it. Dammit! I should have known by the look on her face when I’d told her what had happened. I’d broken her trust. Not intentionally, but I’d still done it.
“I’m sorry, brother. I lost my cool back there.” I said with a rough sigh, guilt weighing me down.
“Don’t sweat it.”
“No. I’m the Alpha. I shouldn’t have lost control like that,” I told him.
“Look, I get it. She’s your mate. I’d have done the same if it was Sara and you know it,” he told me. “Instinct is both a boon and a curse. The most important thing right now is your mate. She needs you, but you can’t be there for her if you’re losing your shit.”
I swallowed hard. “I can’t lose her, Gid. I love her.”
“I know.”
29
Arkkadian
From the chair next to Aislin’s bed, I listened to the beep of the machines surrounding her small frame. Her hand rested in mine, and I willed it to move. To twitch. To show any sign that she would wake soon. I’d been here since yesterday, ever since she’d been brought into the room. When we’d arrived, she’d been whisked away for testing. X-rays determined she’d broken her left wrist, so it had been reset and cast. There were no internal injuries, but she’d taken a pretty good knock to the head. My mate was damned lucky. The accident could have been much worse.
Emmaline Gray, our head physician, said it would just take time for her to wake up. She couldn’t give me an estimate as to how long that would take. So, here I sat. Waiting. Listening. Watching. And kicking myself in the ass.
A knock on the door pulled me from my sullen reverie, and when I opened the door, Sara stood on the other side. She immediately wrapped me in a hug.
“How are you holding up?” she asked, releasing me and moving to Aislin’s side. I grunt
ed in response, not really in the mood to talk. “Really, Arkken, you can do better than that. Talk to me.”
“Where’s Gideon?” I asked, turning the conversation away from me. I really wasn’t in the mood for company, and my wolf, well, he wasn’t interested in anything other than standing sentinel over Aislin.
“He’s with the guys. He said something about working on some security upgrades you asked for.”
“Good.” I sighed as I looked back at Aislin lying on the hospital bed. I hated feeling helpless. It made me feel inadequate. Weak. Something I was entirely not used to feeling as an Alpha, and I hated it. More than hated it. Nothing could have ever prepared me for all the emotional turmoil having a mate entailed. I’d gone from steadfast to stressed-the-hell-out literally overnight, and it had only gotten worse over the passing weeks.
“Any changes?” Sara asked.
I paced back to the bedside and sat down with my head buried in my hands. “No. Emmaline said it’s just a waiting game until she wakes.”
“And you? How are you doing, Arkken? Besides wallowing in your own self-pity?”
“I am not wallowing,” I snarked.
“Don’t lie to me, Arkken. I know you.”
I huffed. If I knew anything about Sara, it was that she wouldn’t leave me alone until I talked. Fine. “Honestly, I’m a wreck. My wolf wants to bond and his incessant prowling and hard desire to do so are tearing away at me piece by piece. It’s getting harder to manage. And my mate? I’m angry she’s hurt. I’m angry she left without a word. Mostly, I’m angry with myself, and I feel all too helpless to fix it.”
Sara rolled her eyes. “Please tell me you didn’t punish her again. Tell me that’s not why she ran off.”
“No, but I should,” I told her. “She stole a vehicle, and then she wrecked it.”
“Arkken, don’t you dare. You know she’s not well-versed in our ways. Her entire life was turned upside down. At least give her a chance to explain.”
“I suppose you’re right. Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.”
Sara rolled her eyes. “I am right. Don’t be a stubborn ass.”
I rolled my eyes back at her, and she cuffed me on the back of the head. As much as Sara was a pain in my ass sometimes, I loved her like a sister, and I even loved our easy banter. She had an easy way of pulling me back into the light when something bothered me.
“How does Gideon put up with you? You’re exasperating,” I teased.
She laughed. “Someone has to keep the Rime boys in check. Have you told anyone else yet?”
I shook my head. “James, Madigan, and Corbin know. And the medics and Emmaline. But otherwise, no.”
“Probably wise for the time being,” she agreed. “In all seriousness, though, do you want to punish her or does the Alpha in you need to punish her?”
“She stole a vehicle. There must be consequences.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I blew out a breath. “Well, that’s my answer.”
“Fine, but I urge you to think about it,” Sara lectured. At her words, a little niggle of doubt settled firmly in the pit of my stomach. If I were honest with myself, fear was the root cause of all this chaos. Fear wasn’t punishable.
“Fuck,” I ground out. Sara simply raised her eyebrow. Damn her.
“Why do you think she left?” she asked.
“That’s my fault.”
I hung my head as I told her about the dream. Gideon knew everything already, including the attempted rape. I’d filled him in earlier on the drive home. So, I may as well tell his mate because my brother would tell her eventually, anyway.
“I can’t forget the look on her face. I violated her all over again, just in a different way. I would have done the same thing in her situation.”
“If you’d have done the same thing,” she paused, “then you can’t really punish her for that, can you? Fear makes a person do things they wouldn’t usually, Arkken.”
“Mm.” I couldn’t argue with that logic, especially after I’d already come to the same conclusion.
Sara sat in the chair next to me and gripped my hand. We sat together quietly for a bit before she spoke again. “I think you have a lot to think about, and you’re exhausted. Go home. Eat something. Take a shower, change your clothes, and for heaven’s sake, take a nap so we don’t have to put up with your grumpy ass. I’ll stay and watch her for a few hours.”
“No.” Like hell, I was leaving my mate.
“Arkken, you need a break.”
I shook my head, refusing to budge. “I’m not leaving her.”
“Don’t you dare play Alpha with me, Arkkadian Rime. I’m not giving you a choice. Go home. Don’t make me call your brother and have him come and drag your ass out of here because I will.”
Didn’t I say she was exasperating? Family can be such a pain in the ass.
“What if she wakes and I’m not here?”
She shot me a look. “Arkken, for the last time, go home.”
“Fine,” I relented. “But I won’t be gone long.”
Sara rolled her eyes.
30
Arkkadian
Though I needed a break, my instinct was to rush right back to that hospital room and never leave my mate’s side again. Every inch of my skin chafed as the wolf yearned for freedom. To go to her. To protect my mate. No. I needed to collect myself first. I couldn’t help her if I couldn’t help myself.
Back at the cabin, I traipsed despondently up the stairs and headed straight for the shower. I didn’t even wait for the water to warm up before I stepped behind the curtain. I let the chilly spray of water rain down over me as I stood there, breathing slow and deep. I stared blankly at the rivulets of water swiveling down the drain and thought of nothing and everything at the same time.
Only once the water ran cold again did I wash up and climb out. My reflection stared back at me with little flickers of blue firelight, the churning flashes within the depths of those cerulean orbs mirroring the unrest deep in my soul. The wolf still lurked just under the surface, a turbulent storm of rage and remorse.
Steady, Arkkadian. Steady. Don’t let the beast loose.
In my closet, I stood somewhere between half lost and half thinking about Aislin’s bags on the floor. Someone had collected her belongings from the wreckage and brought them back here. Everything was just shoved in the bags haphazardly, reminding me of the way the saplings and plants had been crushed beneath the SUV as it plummeted down the hillside. What if the vehicle had thrown her? I shuddered at the thought.
Stop it, Arkkadian. Pull yourself together. She was safe. Nothing positive would come from dwelling on the what-ifs.
Unable to leave her things in a mess like that, I busied myself with making space in my closet, needing something—anything—to occupy my mind. I should have done it weeks ago, but I’d felt that Aislin didn’t need the added pressure. At the bottom of the bag, I found an old book. The cover fairly worn. I flipped it over, surprised to see a man and a wolf gracing the cover. Much to my amusement, it was a book about a shapeshifter. He was tall, dark-haired, and well-muscled, much like me. I chuckled at the irony. Well, I’ll be damned. There was also a cheap laptop, but the hinge was busted and the screen shattered. It would be easy to replace, preferably with something more reliable and much sturdier.
My stomach grumbled then, so I went in search of food. I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, since I’d spent most of yesterday and all of last night sitting beside Aislin’s hospital bed. My meal, however, tasted like ash as I stewed with worry.
I wanted so badly to return to the infirmary, but I knew if I returned too soon, Sara would just kick me out again, anyway. Sometimes, even the Alpha had to know when to back down and let others help. And if anything changed, she’d be the first to call. So instead, I checked in with my security team and then went for a run to ease the beast.
I finally returned to the infirmary and sent Sara home after my run. The rest of the evening dragged on
as I listened to the incessant beeping of the machines monitoring Aislin’s vitals. The nurse came and went discreetly every few hours. For a while, I read the book I’d found in Aislin’s bag aloud to her, internally laughing at the disparities between the characters and actual Lycans. When the night grew late, I nodded off in the chair.
The next morning, I awoke to Gideon perched in the chair next to me with breakfast, but I wasn’t hungry. I barely grunted a good morning as it was. Aislin was still unconscious, the machines droning on and on with their relentless beeping.
“Have you been here all night?”
“Where else would I be?” I growled in warning. The waiting became more unbearable by the hour, and my wolf was becoming increasingly desperate with worry. Even knowing she would heal and be okay didn’t ease the protective instinct.
“Dammit, Arkken. Have you slept much at all? When was the last time you ate something?”
“I’m not leaving her again.”
Gideon gave a frustrated sigh. “You’re as stubborn as a damned mule. You may be my Alpha, but I’m still your brother. Stop acting like I’m a threat.”
“Dammit, Gideon! She’s my mate. It’s my job to protect her. It’s my fault she’s in this mess.” I was so angry with myself, and nothing would make it better until she woke up.
“You don’t know that. Stop blaming yourself. Besides, there’s nothing you can do for her right now anyway, but what you can do is take care of yourself. You’re no good to her in this state. Come on. Let’s go eat and then we’ll go for a run. Sara’s on her way, she’ll look after Aislin. Don’t make me drag your sorry ass out of here.” Gideon stood up and headed for the door.
I sighed. “Fine.”
I kissed Aislin’s hand and then released it. “I’ll be back later, love,” I told her, and then I begrudgingly followed my brother outside.
