A peace settled in her being.
Sighing, she relaxed into a sleep deeper than she’d experienced in a very long time.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Mom. They’re going to be here any minute,” Zach’s raised voice carried through her bedroom door as she grabbed a geometric print scarf from her drawer to drape around her neck. Slipping it over her head, it settled against her top, adding the final touch. Her deep gold tunic brushed her thighs encased in black skinny jeans. He’d told her casual would be fine, so she hoped that included denim.
Taking a final look at her reflection in the mirror, she straightened the scarf one last time. Her color was a bit off, so she added a touch more blush. She could linger no longer. The thought of attending the service had her rattled, but she was a determined woman and refused to let it get the best of her. Inhaling to calm her churning stomach and slow her breathing, she stiffened her spine and marched to her door, opened it, and went downstairs to join her son.
As she entered the great room, her son sent a glare her way. “Why do you have to push it to the very last minute?” As the last word escaped his lips, the sound of a vehicle turning into their driveway could be heard through the glass door.
Ellie pulled in a breath and slowly released it. Why was she so unsettled? She hadn’t reacted so strongly on Wednesday night. Could that be because you weren’t in the main body of the church?
Whether she wanted to go or not, her ride had arrived. Zach threw open the door and rushed outside. Ellie followed, closing and locking the door, then setting the alarm before turning to greet Jason and his kids. With heart beating a little faster than usual, she turned toward the sedan and walked to the car.
Jason had the passenger door open for her and gave her a welcoming smile. It helped steady her. Hopefully, she’d be fine by the time they arrived. “Hey, Ellie. Hope we didn’t rush you?”
“Not at all. Your timing was perfect.” Her trembling fingers had her fumbling to buckle her seatbelt.
“Here, let me get that for you.” No such luck. He’d seen. He reached and took the belt and slipped it in the catch.
Hearing it click, she murmured, “Thanks. I guess I’m more apprehensive than I realized.”
“It’ll be fine. I promise.” He kept his voice low so the kids couldn’t hear, and she appreciated that. After shutting her door, he walked around the front of the car, then climbed behind the wheel.
Glancing over her shoulder, she smiled at Kelly and her brother. “Good morning.”
The kids returned her greeting as Jason put the vehicle in reverse and backed onto the street then headed south toward the church. She tried to relax, but her heart raced, and her breathing grew shallow. What’s happening to me?
As her bodily reactions grew, she feared she’d pass out before they made it to the church.
Perspiration dotted her forehead.
Her throat tightened, making it difficult to swallow.
Fortunately, they arrived in a matter of minutes. The boys jumped out, but before they took off, Jason enlisted their help in a commanding voice, a tone she’d not heard him use before. “Please help Kelly and take her inside. Ellie and I will be along in a moment.”
Brian released Kelly’s belt. “Come on, Squirt.”
Seconds later, the kids moved toward the main entrance. Jason crouched down beside her. “Take several slow breaths.” His soothing voice penetrated her haze, and she did as he suggested, hoping it helped the panic that had her in its grip.
Tears pricked her eyelids as she fought for control. In between gasps of air, she managed to speak. “I don’t…know…what—” She gasped for air.
“I think you’re having a panic attack. Have you ever had one before?” he queried, his tone was low and soothed her a little.
“Not…in…many years.” She finally managed to put two words together. His hand gently caressed her shoulder, helping to calm her even more. “I used to have them right after…9/11.”
He opened the glove box and grabbed a napkin from it then handed it to her. She wiped her brow while taking slow, even breaths. At last, her heart slowed, and her breathing returned to normal. She closed her eyes, mortified by what had happened.
He took her trembling hand and stroked it. “Do you have any idea what triggered this one?”
“I’m not sure. I went to sleep last night with no problem, but I awoke around four this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. A sense of doom has followed me since then.” She sighed. “The closer it came to the time you’d said you’d arrive, the worse it grew. The thought of entering the church filled me with dread. I’m so sorry. This is so unlike me.”
“Ellie. I know you mentioned you had a bad experience when you attended church as a child. Did something scare you while you were there?”
She bit her lip and nodded. “The minister’s voice thundered throughout the church, and several other people joined in. He opened a basket and pulled a huge snake from it, holding it out in front of him. It terrified me. My mom pulled me on her lap and covered my mouth. I must have cried out.”
Jason blew out a breath. “How old were you?”
“Young, maybe six or seven? We left as soon as possible. Mom made me swear to never tell my father, and to never mention what happened, not even to her. She said we needed to forget we ever went.”
“Well, that certainly explains why you’ve never gone to church.” He raised her chin. “I promise you won’t see anything like that here. Henry never raises his voice. I remember you mentioned that the other night. Do you think you’ll be okay if we go inside, or do you want me to take you home?”
Ellie refused to give in to her fears, and besides, Zach was counting on her. “No. I’ll be okay now…but could you hold my hand?”
He smiled. “Sure. Are you ready to go in, or do you need a few more minutes?”
She straightened in her seat. “I’m fine. We’d better go in. I’m sorry I’ve made you late.”
“No worries. We’ll slip into the back row. No one will notice.” He offered her his hand, and she took it. Once she was out of the car, she stumbled, and he wrapped an arm around her waist.
“I can walk.” His arm dropped immediately, but he clasped her hand in his strong one, and they turned toward the church. Bells started ringing before they reached the double doors. An organ started playing, and the congregation joined in.
“That’s the processional hymn. We’ll wait until the second verse then enter.” The music calmed her further, and by the time they slid into the back row, she no longer felt as off-center.
After opening a hymnal to the correct page, Jason handed it to her. “Don’t worry about singing.” His deep baritone picked up the verse, and she listened as he joined in. The swell of the organ and the congregation built to a crescendo as the hymn came to an end.
He removed another book and opened it to a page then handed it over. “Just follow along and read anything in italics, if you want. It’s fine if you don’t.”
She murmured, “Thank you.” Then she read along as the minister began speaking. Jason had gotten them programs which outlined the service, making it easy to follow along. A choir member walked to the podium and read from the insert. When she finished, another individual took their place. Then a third person read another passage. Jason explained that the readings came from the Bible.
The organist played another hymn for the congregation, and then the minister, dressed in a resplendent robe, moved into the aisle, and he read another passage. She looked at her program, and it was a reading from one of the Gospels.
When the priest returned to the pulpit, he told a story, tying it to the readings. He spoke of God’s love and explained that Jesus asked his people to treat everyone as they wanted to be treated.
His words were a balm to her soul as nothing had ever been before. In no way was the service remotely like that other church. While it wasn’t familiar to her, it clearly was to the rest of the congregation because Jason
and the others were reciting it by heart.
At one point, people fell into line and went to what Jason told her was a rail. He explained they were taking communion. Each row went to the front until the entire church had received the bread and wine. When it was their row’s turn, she remained seated while Jason went to the front and knelt.
It all seemed so strange yet moving. She watched the minister reverently clean away the remnants of the communal offering before he led the congregation in a final prayer. She experienced tranquility through it all.
After the service ended, many of the congregation hugged each other, clearly happy and at peace. No one seemed in a hurry to leave. Henry approached their row and beamed at her. “I’m so pleased you could join us today. I hope you’ll stay for refreshments. I warn you, it’s normally delicious cookies and cake.” He patted his stomach and chuckled. “As you can see, I’m a little too fond of the sweet treats. Please excuse me, I want to speak to a few more folks.”
Their kids approached, along with Jason’s friends. Emilee greeted her and added, “We’re going to the fellowship hall. Lynda made her iced gingerbread cookies. They’re amazing.”
Jason touched her arm. “Want to join them?”
“That’s fine with me.” As they made their way to the back of the church, Zach fell into step beside her. “Mom, wasn’t this incredible? I really enjoyed the service.”
She smiled at her eager son. His face glowed, and his eyes shone, bright with excitement. “It was very moving. I enjoyed the service as well.”
There was a bounce to Zach’s step as he walked along beside her. “I wanted to take communion, but Brian told me I needed to be baptized first.”
“Yes, Jason explained that to me as well.” Jason held the door for them, and they entered the room where they’d been on Wednesday night.
While they joined the others gathered around the refreshments, Zach turned to her. “Can we go to Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds’ house for lunch? They invited us.”
Lynda moved beside them. “Yes, please come. Cam’s grilling barbequed chicken. You don’t want to miss it.”
“It’s up to Ellie,” Jason deferred to her, sending a comforting warmth through her.
It would be an opportunity to spend some time with Lynda, and Zach turned his pleading eyes her way. “Okay. It sounds great.”
After nibbling on a cube of cheese and a cracker, Ellie relaxed and pushed the panic attack from her mind. She couldn’t believe she’d had one. She’d known she was unsettled over attending the church service, but she never dreamed it would affect her to such a degree.
Jason leaned in. “If you’re finished, I’ll throw away your trash, then we can head over to Cam’s.”
“Thanks.” After he disposed of the debris, they went outside to the car. Cam and Emilee only lived a few blocks from the church, so in a matter of minutes, they pulled in front of their home.
Emilee held the door open. “Come on in. Since the weather’s still warm, we’re in the backyard. I’ll show you the way.”
When they stepped outside, Lynda waved. “Hey, guys. Come sit with us.”
Once they settled into a couple of the lawn chairs, and Zach went with Brian and Josh to toss a Frisbee to the dogs, Kelly turned to her father. “Daddy, can I go to the sunroom with Sarah and Samantha? Sarah brought her tablet, and she’s downloaded a new game for us to play.”
“Sure, baby girl. Have fun.” She blew Jason a kiss then joined the two girls.
Ellie watched as the children slowed their steps to match Kelly’s since she still wore the booted cast. “How much longer does Kelly need the cast?”
“Three more weeks,” he replied. “She’s already complaining about it itching. That’s a good sign.”
Russ stood. “Jason, want to join me? I promised to help Cam man the grill.” He looked at them. “We’ll let you know when the chicken is ready.”
“I didn’t realize it takes four men to barbeque chicken but go for it.” Laughing, Lynda waved them away. “You do realize they took off so we could talk amongst ourselves, don’t you?”
“I wondered. You know the saying—too many cooks in the kitchen.” Ellie stared after the men. “I believe that holds true for grilling as well.”
“Tell me about it.” She smiled. “So…were you able to follow along with the service? From what you said the other evening, you’d never attended an Episcopal church.”
“Fairly well. The program helped.” Ellie hesitated. “Not only was it the first time I attended an Episcopal church, it’s the first time I’ve gone to any church since I was a child.”
Lynda’s eyes widened, but she quickly concealed any surprise she must have felt. “I’m glad you’ve decided to join us. I hope you felt welcomed and want to keep coming.”
“I’ve promised my son I would attend three more Sundays,” she explained. “I thought it would be a chore, but after today, not so much.”
“I don’t mean to pry, but is there a reason you haven’t gone to church?” she asked. Her tone remained non-judgmental, which she appreciated.
“There is.” Then Ellie told Lynda about her experience as a child.
“No wonder that kept you away. I’ve heard of those practices, but they never appealed to me. I tend to be a traditionalist, so the Episcopal church suits me. I hope you’ll give us a chance to show you we’re just a friendly group of folks who love the Lord and try to practice Jesus’s teachings. Isn’t it remarkable that Henry’s sermon, of all days, was on the golden rule?”
“Yes, and it’s a rule I’ve always followed, but I didn’t realize that it’s part of the Christian principles. I feel much better about attending knowing that. I’ve decided I want to learn more. In fact, Brian gave Zach a New Testament, and because I wanted to know what he was reading, I bought a copy. After today, I’ll have an idea where to start.”
She reached over and squeezed her hand. “That’s great, Ellie. Let me know if you have questions. I’ll be happy to answer them. Why don’t we exchange phone numbers?”
After they did the exchange, they continued talking. Lynda was truly a lovely person, and one she wanted to get to know better. Veronica and Emilee joined them, and soon they were sharing stories about their kids and talking about work.
Ellie was surprised when Lynda told her she worked in collections. That wasn’t a field she would ever be interested in, but her new friend seemed to enjoy her work.
Cam called out, declaring the chicken was ready. The ladies set out potato salad and several other side dishes. Ellie wished she’d known. She would have liked to contribute, but the other women assured her there would be another chance in the future, especially if she continued to come to church.
Zach had a blast playing with the dogs. He’d been heartbroken when Hobo had died. Maybe they were ready for another pet. He’d been so excited when she’d allowed him to get Hobo. They couldn’t have a dog until she’d bought Hobo home last year. They’d lived in apartments, and it seemed cruel to have a pet and keep it inside most of the time.
She had to admit that Marlee and Farlee were adorable animals with their thick coats and bushy tails. She’d consider getting one for Zach for Christmas. Since Farlee belonged to Lynda, she’d find out where she could get one like theirs. Lynda had told her they were a new breed. A Pomsky was half Pomeranian and half Husky.
They normally weighed between fifteen to thirty pounds, so small-to medium-sized. That range would be perfect for them. Lynda also assured her they were highly intelligent, and while a little stubborn, they loved to please their owners and could be easily trained to obey.
Once all the food was gone and the cleanup was done, the gathering began to break up. Jason turned to her. “Are you ready to leave? As much as I detest doing laundry, I have several loads to do tonight.”
“Don’t remind me.” She groaned. “I have some to do as well. I’m ready if you are.”
After thanking their hosts, they piled into the car and headed to her house. W
hen they arrived, Jason pulled her aside while Zach and Brian took Kelly inside to the bathroom.
“I’m glad you came with us today. I realize this wasn’t easy for you. I just want you to know, if you want to talk or have questions, I’d be happy to help.” He took her hand. “You’re a brave woman and a fantastic mother, characteristics I admire. I want to get to know you even more than before. Would you consider having dinner with me without the kids on Friday? It would give us a chance to see if this can be more than friendship.”
Her heart gave a little skip. After the way he’d helped her earlier with the panic attack, she wanted to see if there could be more between them as well. Could she take a chance on opening herself up to him?
The kids returned and the moment passed. Jason turned to her. “If it’s okay, I’ll call you in a couple of days. You can give me an answer then.” He squeezed her hand, then got into his car.
As he drove away, she waved to the kids then followed Zach inside. They spent the rest of the day doing their normal activities. They watched a movie they’d both wanted to see and played cards afterwards.
They also talked over their experience that morning. Zach seemed to have a clear idea what he wanted as far as the faith issue. He’d asked her if they could go to the Wednesday night supper again and she’d agreed.
That night after she climbed into bed, she pulled the book from the drawer of her nightstand. This time she opened it. Since she’d enjoyed the reading from the Gospel that morning, she decided that would be a good place for her to start her journey. She managed to find the verse and read it several times letting the meaning sink in.
What she was discovering—the Christian faith seemed like a practical way to live and mirrored many of her principles. She would continue to attend Jason’s church and see if it was for her.
Yawning, she closed the book, and right before she drifted asleep, she prayed again, as she had the night before. Maybe if she continued that practice, it would help her find the truth.
CHAPTER NINE
After Shock- Ellie's Chance Page 9
