by Alex Langley
What tips might you recommend to newcomers looking to get into writing and online publishing?
number one tips is to prove love is real with every word you write dont need to know anything other than that
BE PREPARED TO RUTHLESSLY, ENDLESSLY SELF-PROMOTE
If there’s only one thing you learn from Chuck Tingle or any other successful online publisher, it’s that you will need to be persistent in your self-promotion because no one else is going to do it for you.
You will, however, drive friends, families, and acquaintances away if all you talk about is your book on your personal Facebook account. So try to focus most of your self-promotion on more impersonal social networks like Twitter or Instagram, and also consider creating alternate social network accounts specifically for your author stuff.
BE PREPARED TO GET PRETTY BUSINESS-Y ABOUT IT
Self-publishing is a business, which means there will be many not-so-creative things you’ll need to do to be successful—tracking things like income, advertising returns, costs, etc. If you’ve got some extra money lying around, you can always pay someone else to do the more business-oriented stuff, but with that you decrease the odds of turning a profit since you’re chipping away at one of the most clear-cut advantages of self-publishing—the low cost of entry.
IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO REVIEW YOUR BOOK, YOU’LL HAVE TO GO OUT AND WRANGLE ’EM
It’s hard to get people to review self-pubs, and that’s because most self-pubbed books suck a mean pile of butts. This is where having established book/geek/business connections comes in handy, as it’s a lot easier to get someone you know to do a quick read and write-up of your book than it is a stranger.
MAKE SURE YOUR BOOK READS WELL DIGITALLY AND YOUR COVER LOOKS GOOD SMALL
People browse and read on a zillion different kinds of devices, and while it’s impossible to make 100 percent sure your work looks good on every single kind of device, you can still check the basic three: computer screen, phone, and tablet. Before you send your work off with the okay to go to print (physically or digitally), double-check to see if it looks okay at different sizes and resolutions.
BE WARY OF SCAMS AND BAD INVESTMENTS
With so many people eager to self-publish, there’s a whole metropolis of cottage industries around it, with companies offering editing services, creative writing courses, marketing plans, etc. Some are legit, offering the services you need at a semi-reasonable price. Others are not, and want to rip your head from your spine and suck every cent from your brainpan. Even the most legitimate, non-head-ripping businesses, however, can make no guarantee that spending money will lead to a profit. Yes, if you want to be taken seriously you’ll need a professional cover for your book and a professional editor to ensure the thing makes sense, but there’s no easy way to get returns on your investment. You may spend a lot of money without seeing a lot of return (for a while).
DON’T BE HEARTBROKEN IF YOUR FIRST (OR SECOND, OR THIRD) BOOK DOESN’T SELL WELL
Whether you’re publishing through traditional venues or self-publishing, the fact remains that your book simply may not sell very well. It’s not a condemnation of your skill as a writer nor your choice of topic. Sometimes you have the right skills for the right story at the wrong time, and that’s the way it is. To prevent yourself from obsessing too heavily over your previous works, the best thing you can do is to keep writing. Work on your next book, get it ready to get out there. Every additional book increases the sales of your other books, because when someone stumbles onto your work and likes it, they’re more likely to buy other books you’ve written.
RESEARCH THE PUBLISHING PLATFORMS AND LEARN WHICH ONE IS RIGHT FOR YOU
IngramSpark®, Smashwords, Draft2Digital®, and Amazon’s CreateSpace® each have their own advantages and disadvantages when it comes to publishing your novel. With each, you will find rabid fans who think you’d be a fool to go elsewhere and detractors who will curse your name for even considering the service. So how do you decide? As with any important decision, you do your research. Talk to people, google around, check the reviews. Get the facts about your top contenders so you can come to an educated decision.
BE BRUTAL IN YOUR EFFORTS TO BECOME A BETTER WRITER AND AVOID THE COMMON SINS OF THE SELF-PUBLISHED NOVEL
As a self-published author, the main person focusing on making your writing better is going to be you. This requires a self-critical eye that doesn’t shy away from the blinding truth: sometimes, what you’ve written isn’t as good as you think it is.
You see, I’ve read a lot of self-published novels. Some are good. Most are not. What’s curious about them is that, despite the fact that the bad novels each have their own special kinds of badness to them, some of the same mistakes cropped up over and over again. Here are some tips all writers should know, and all self-publishing writers should know twice.
KNOW WHEN TO START YOUR NOVEL
Backstory is important, yes, but story is more important. Most self-pub novels should start about fifty pages later than they do and spend way too much time establishing backstory without giving any sense that there’s a story coming.
DON’T BE PRECIOUS WITH YOUR PROTAGONIST
Your protagonist should go through hell to get where they need to be. Too many self-pubs treat their heroes with kid gloves because the author loves them too much. Squeeze that love from your heart and replace it with something cold and mechanized so you can do what needs to be done to make a good story.
USE THE MEDIUM TO EVOKE THE SENSES
Books can make you feel sensations in a way other media can’t. Don’t just write a scene as “Establishing Shot, Dialogue, Character Action, Dialogue, Repeat.” Throw in some other senses—smell, feel, taste, touch, balance, fashion—to ground the reader.
A PROLOGUE IS NOT JUST THE FIRST CHAPTER
A prologue is an opening image, often of something very different from the main story or far back from where the story begins. The prologue primes the reader on what kind of story they’re in for, while also establishing themes and ideas.
DON’T OPEN WITH YOUR MAIN CHARACTER WAKING UP OR HAVING A SYMBOLIC DREAM
Of the self-published books I read, nearly a third of them opened with the main character waking up and/or having a dream. It’s a horribly overused cliché. Be better than that.
FIND THE THROUGHLINE
What is your book about? What’s the main story, the theme? If you stumble trying to answer this, take some time to figure out the answer. If you don’t know exactly what your book is about, how the hell is the audience going to know?
WHEN YOU FIRST DESCRIBE A WOMAN, DON’T LET THE FIRST THING YOU DESCRIBE ABOUT HER BE HOW PRETTY SHE IS OR ISN’T
Far, far too many books (and movie scripts, and comic book scripts . . .) first describe the principal women of the story in terms of how gorgeous they are (or are not). Female characters need character descriptions, not lyrics from a Sir Mix-a-Lot song.
DON’T WRITE STEREOTYPES
Black characters shouldn’t just sit around saying things like “Dayum!” or “You go, girl!” Hispanic characters shouldn’t just be maids with broken English. Asian characters shouldn’t just be obsessed with honor. Women, people of color, people in the LGBTQ community, all sorts of people are just that—people. Human beings are complex; reflect that complexity with writing that transcends mere stereotypes.
FIGURE OUT WHO YOUR MAIN CHARACTER IS
So, so many bad self-pubs don’t seem to know who their main character is, even in books that are named after a single character! They just jump from person to person, hoping to feel epic instead of meandering. Similarly, your antagonist probably shouldn’t get as many chapters devoted to their POV as your main character. The antagonist is there to push back against the protagonist, not to fill time when you don’t have enough for your hero to do.
MAINTAIN MOMENTUM
Slow stories are fine. Slow stories will still have a momentum to them, letting the audience know they’re moving f
orward, moving toward a satisfying finish. Bad stories will wander and lose focus.
SHOW, DON’T TELL!
There’s a reason every writing book in the world beats you over the head with this idea—too many writers tell you feelings, reactions, and motivations instead of showing them. It’s bad writing and merits a bottom-stinging spanking.
CONCLUSION
WE STAND TOGETHER AS NERDS
Though I make my living as an author, blogger, actor, panelist, and occasional Tommy Wiseau impersonator, my story is but one of many. The knowledge contained in this book is a group effort, drawing from the collective mastery of every professional nerd I’ve been lucky enough to be friends with, interview, or research.
I consider myself extremely, mind-bogglingly fortunate to be what some would call a professional nerd, but I do so with the knowledge that this wasn’t a career that appeared instantaneously for me. I’ve spent an unbelievable amount of time at the keyboard, clacking away in the hopes that each thing I write might be a little better than the last. I’ve spent countless hours at conventions meeting with people, planning and participating in panels, grumbling through airport security, chugging orange juice to recover from the convention-related illnesses I got from shaking too many hands and being coughed on too many times. I’ve been frustrated by projects that wouldn’t come together no matter how hard I hammered them, by jobs that fell through before they even began, by unpaid work that was so much harder than the work that actually was paying me, by rejection after rejection after rejection.
So why did I keep going? Why do we keep going?
Passion. We nerds are defined by our passions; they are our fuel and fire. Whether we’re passionate about pop culture because we find our flow in hanging with our friends and contemplating a good story, whether we’re passionate about crafting because the place we feel most at home is wherever the dust and tools are, whether we’re passionate about writing because our minds burn with the heat of words that must be placed on the page lest they incinerate us, we nerds are gifted and cursed to have a roaring inferno within that permeates the core of our being.
It will be your pleasure and responsibility to make the world a warmer place with your passion. Be kind, be creative, be fearless in your expression and merciless in pursuit of your flow. Join with others, be supportive of them, and let them be supportive of you.
A nerdy life spent with good people and good work is a nerdy life worth living indeed.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you to my parents, Travis and Rebecca, who raised me in a nurturing, awesomely nerdy environment and always encouraged me to find my flow. Thank you to my brother, Nicholas, for being a creative, hilarious partner in crime. Thanks to Katrina for bravely battling side by side with me in this crazy campaign we call life, always ready to block its fireballs and slay its goblins. Thanks to Spencer, whose impending birth helped me get this book done on time.
Thank you to my family-not-by-blood: Marko Head, Renee Couey, Sarah “Fiz” Fuller, Stephen Huckabee, Tim Yarbrough, and Carly Cate. You’re each a far better friend than I deserve, and I heart-emoji the hell out of you forevz.
Thank you to my writer friends, without whom my writing skills would be at the same level as that of a moldy orange in a paper sack: Sam Cumings, Jennifer August, Razaq Duradoye, Molly Jessup, Annie Neugebauer, Febe Moss, Ben Inn, Lisa Bubert, Courtney Castner, Cassie Whitmire, Laura Maisano, Laurie Brown, Nush Forte, Richard-Michael Calzada, Clay Brant, Kim Adelaar, Lori Burkheart, Regina Richards, Dan Hammond, Russ Linton, and every other member of the Denton Writer’s Critique Group.
Thank you to the other working nerds who kindly allowed me to interview them about what it’s like to fight the good fight of trying to earn a nerdy living: April Gloria, Allen Pan, Linsdsay Ellis, Bethany Claire, Bill Doran, Ginny DiGiuseppe, Janina Scarlet, Jenna Busch, Sistah K, Oh My Sophii, Justin McElroy, Ronnie Filyaw, Tony Kim, Troy Benjamin, and the unstoppable, enigmatic Chuck Tingle.
Thank you to my agent, Caitlin McDonald, whose endless knowledge and determination has helped propel my work forward. Thank you to Creees Hyunsung Lee for providing the sock-blowing-off art for the book. Thank you to the magnificent team at Sterling for putting their considerable talents toward making this book happen: Kate Zimmerman, Kayla Overbey, Phil Gaskill, and Hayley Jozwiak for editorial work; Lorie Pagnozzi and Gavin Motnyk for interior design; David Ter-Avanesyan and Susan Levitt for their work on the cover; and Ardi Alspach for publicity.
ENDNOTES
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2 Declan McCullagh, “Blogs turn 10—who’s the father?,” CNET, Mar 20, 2007, https://www.cnet.com/news/blogs-turn-10-whos-the-father/.
3 Brooke Magnanti, “Dr Brooke Magnanti,” accessed June 1, 2018, https://www.brookemagnanti.com/.
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5 Andrew Bridgman, “7 Shows Where the Main Character is the Worst Character,” CollegeHumor, June 22, 2017, https://bit.ly/2sBrp0s.
6 CH Staff, “5 Love Songs Not Actually About Love,” CollegeHumor, June 20, 2017, https://bit.ly/2M2ktBv.
7 Barbara Mowat, Paul Werstine, Michael Poston, Rebecca Niles, eds., Hamlet (Washington: Folger Shakespeare Library, n.d.).
8 “Weekly World News,” Wikipedia, accessed June 6, 2018, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weekly_World_News.
9 Jeanna Nakamura and Mihaly Csikszentmihályi, “Flow Theory and Research,” The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology (2009): 195–206, doi: 10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195187243.013.0018.
10 Jake the Dog, played by John DiMaggio; Adventure Time, season 1 episode 25 “His Hero,” directed by Larry Leichliter (Sept 20, 2010; Cartoon Network Studios/Fredator Studios).
11 Wil Wheaton, “You Can’t Pay Your Rent with ‘the Unique Platform and Reach Our Site Provides,’” Wil Wheaton dot Net, Oct 27, 2015, https://bit.ly/1PPy3GA.
12 Lesley Goldberg, “Felicia Day Sees CW Airing ‘Dr. Horrible’ as Big Victory for Web Series,” The Hollywood Reporter, Oct 9, 2012, https://bit.ly/2kP5XAG.
13 Jon Marcus, “Personalized TV: Why I Made a Gay Web Series,” Huffington Post, Oct 2, 2012, https://bit.ly/2JjzJIn.
14 Patrick Klepek, “Who Invented Let’s Play Videos?” Kotaku, May 6, 2015, https://bit.ly/2fo6O9K.
15 John Cacioppo and William Patrick, Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2008), 5.
16 Cecilia D’Anastasio, “In the Wake of Marathon Streamer’s Death, Twitch Community Discusses Healthy Streaming Practices,” Kotaku, Feb 2, 2017, https://bit.ly/2LsAe3s.
17 Joe Marimo, “Dying to Stream,” Medium, Feb 22, 2017, https://medium.com/the-cube/dying-to-stream-ff0ed2e3dfbb.
18 AngryJoeShow, “AJS Update! Our 2-Month Vacation 2017,” YouTube video, July 14, 2017, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3cYWOEp-3o.
19 Jason Schreier, “I Got Death Threats for Reporting on a Video Game Delay,” Kotaku, May 31, 2016, https://bit.ly/1WvmR5J.
20 Patricia Sakar, “History of Cosplay,” Geeks Media, 2016, https://geeks.media/history-of-cosplay.
21 Anne Victoria Clark, “The Rock Test: A Hack for Men Who Don’t Want to be Accused of Sexual Harassment,” Medium, Oct 9, 2017, https://bit.ly/2y5mbxJ.
22 Helen Christofi, “Cosplay Contest Judging Criteria,” Cyrprus Comic Con, Mar 9, 2016, http://cypruscomiccon.org/cosplay-contest-judging-criteria-2/.
23 “FAQ,” Hero Within, accessed June 4, 2018, https://herowithinstore.com/pages/faq.
24 Megan Graham, “Eight nerds get rich off a game where Oprah sobs into Lean Cuisine,” Chicago Sun-Times, May 16, 2013, accessed via Internet Archive Wayback Machine, https://bit.ly/2M2NkFG.
25 “Bartle taxonomy of player types,” Wikipedia, accessed June 6, 2018, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartle_taxonomy_of_player_types.
2
6 Colin Campbell, “How a love of tabletop D&D helps video game designers tell their stories,” Polygon, Dec 7, 2013, https://bit.ly/2kUprEe.
27 “Podcasting Historical Timeline and Milestones,” International Podcast Day, accessed June 4, 2018, https://internationalpodcastday.com/podcasting-history/.
28 Katie Levine, “Episode 195: Nerdist Podcast: Penn Jillette,” Nerdist, April 18, 2012, https://nerdist.com/nerdist-podcast-penn-jillette/.
Chapter One: Blogging
* In the earliest days of the ’net, blogs were known as web logs, until some smart-minded (and lazy) folks decided to abbreviate it.
* Aka the ’80s and early ’90s.
† Bonus points to those of you who know what hypertext servers or MacHTTP are. Your ’90s-fu is stronger than mine.
‡ Throughout the book I will be referencing numerous Internet peoples, some of whom are cool and some of whom only seem cool at the time of my writing and later turn out to be secret Nazis or butt-grabbing creeps or something. If such an event should occur, know I don’t approve of Naziness or creepy butt-fondlage, and you shouldn’t, either.
