by Tijan
was still trying to lie to myself about.
“Excuse me,” I said. Her friends gazed up with similar, owl-like dazed looks. I kept my eyes averted from Samantha as I pointed over my shoulder. “I, uh, I have to go to the bathroom. Be back in a bit.”
“Taylor.” Logan came around the pool table as I was heading for the stairs. He caught my hand.
A tingle raced up my arm, burning all through my body. I looked down at our joined hands before I forced myself to pull mine free.
“I have to go to the bathroom, and I should call my dad, let him know I’m safe. You know, just in case.” My lie sounded stupid, even to me. I needed to compose myself.
“You okay?”
I nodded, not meeting his gaze. I could feel the weight of his eyes. “Yeah,” I mumbled. “I’ll be back.”
“I’ll win this game, and then we can go,” he told me. “Nate talked about heading back to the house and doing a bonfire. Sam will probably go to bed, but he and I don’t have an early class tomorrow. We were going to stay up and have a few more beers. I thought maybe if you wanted, you could come, but if you need to get home—”
“No.” I looked up to meet his eyes. “I want to do that.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded. A bonfire with him and Nate and no one else? I couldn’t pass that up. After tonight, I’d stay away from Logan, I promised myself. Hell, I’d even go on a date with Jeremy Fuller if I needed to—anything to erase Logan Kade from my mind. But first, one night.
One more night.
“I should still call my dad.” I held up my hand. I thought my phone was there, but it was a beer instead.
Logan grinned. “I’ll be up in a bit.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I made no phone call, but I did use the bathroom. Then I sat outside on a picnic table that had been carried to the front of the house. It was almost in the same place I’d been the first time I was here with Jason and Claire. Only this time I was sitting alone, and it wasn’t Jason I was waiting for, it was Logan.
“Logan’s coming in a minute,” said a voice behind me. “He said you were up here waiting for us.”
I closed my eyes and didn’t look at Samantha as she slid onto the bench a few feet away. There were no other sounds so I knew she’d come alone. I sensed she wanted to say something, but I didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t know me. She didn’t know anything about me. She hadn’t earned the right to tell me what to do, or warn me away from Logan, or whatever she felt the need to share. I had this under control… Mostly… But I didn’t need a thing from her, no matter how nice she seemed.
“You know…” she started. Her voice faded, and when I looked over, she stared down at the table. “Logan’s hurt a lot of gir—”
“How many times have we met?” I interrupted her.
She looked up, slightly surprised. “Logan told me you were here the last time Blaze had a party.”
So she’d been asking about me. I could tell she was full of wisdom about Logan. Maybe I should hear what she had to say. She didn’t strike me as someone malicious, but she was too much for me right now.
“We’ve only officially met tonight.” I held her gaze, making sure she couldn’t look away. “When you meet people for the first time, do you usually force a heart-to-heart with them?”
I didn’t want to be confrontational, but I needed to push her back, get some breathing room.
Her mouth opened. She had a response, but she held it. No sound came from her until a rueful laugh slipped out. She hung her head, her eyes closing for a beat before she looked back up at me. Her cheeks were pink now. “You’re right. I’m out of line. But just so you know, it’s not because of you. I don’t know you. You’re right about that, too, and I have no place telling you what to do. It’s just…” She trailed off, shifting to look out at the street. The moonlight lit up her face, and I was reminded once more how beautiful she was. An ache dug its way inside my chest, making a hole there. Logan cared for her in a way that I wanted him to care for me.
I had feelings for Logan. There it was. I admitted it to myself.
“You’re different,” Sam said quietly. “Logan’s never acted this way around a girl, and I’m sorry, but that’s why I’m acting like a pushy mother, or a pushy big sister.” She swung her dark eyes over to me and I was surprised to find a haunting quality in them.
My irritation with her melted. Whatever haunted her, my own pain responded. I was looking at myself, then she blinked, and it was gone. The connection we’d had broke.
“I told Logan I’d be a friend to you,” she continued. “So I’d like to do that, and I’d like to do it the way I’d want it done for me: No opinions. No judgments. Just an easy acceptance.”
That sounded wonderful.
She ducked her head and gave me a half-smile. “If you’d like that?”
“I would.” A rueful laugh followed my words. “Being friends with people is work. You have to give, and you have to be okay with not getting back. I’ve been friends with Claire and Jason since seventh grade, and we’ve all had times when we haven’t been the best. The last nine months have been my selfish time. I only took from them. I didn’t give back because I didn’t have it in me to give back, but since starting school…”
I shrugged and looked down. We sat side by side, both turned toward the street. “I was going to only be friends with them and make a point of giving them whatever they needed. But all that went out the door when Logan sat next to me in sociology. Somehow, and I truly have no idea how, he’s become my friend.” I gazed over at her. “And having said all of that, yes; I’d love to have one more friend this year.”
People didn’t usually proclaim that they were going to be friends. But this felt like the most natural thing in the world.
“That’s great.” Sam smiled so warmly at me, then said, “And if you hurt him, I’ll become your worst enemy.”
My grin faltered. “Oh.”
Her smile grew and she never looked away, and just then, Logan came around the house. He lifted his arms in the air. “There you are. Let’s go get our bonfire going.”
Nate was behind him, and Sam stood up to meet them. Logan’s arm came down around her shoulders. He paused, waiting for me to stand. I still sat at the table, blinking for a moment. Sam’s threat wasn’t a threat. It was a promise, and as I looked up at her, an eerie shiver went down my spine.
“Come on, Sam,” Nate said. He touched her arm, pointing to the street. She broke away to go with him. “We’ll meet you guys back at the house,” Nate called as they left.
Logan nodded before turning back to me. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I stood. “I’m good. The bonfire’s still a go?”
“Yep.”
I watched Nate getting into his car. Sam rounded to the passenger side. “Can you guys even drive?”
“Nate and I didn’t drink tonight. We just let the others think we were.” He winked. “It’s easier to win that way.”
I shook my head, not really surprised at all, and stepped into his side. His arm came over my shoulders as naturally as breathing. As we walked to Logan’s vehicle, Nate drove past. Both he and Sam waved.
When we got in, Logan asked, “What was going on with you and Sam?”
I paused. “What do you mean?”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “I know when Sam’s just delivered a bomb. I can recognize the look by now. #Chickshowdown. It’s hot, but seriously, I know she said something. What was it?” All his joking and teasing vanished. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about her. Mason, Sam, and me—the three of us have been through a lot. She’s been put in the hospital because of us, stuff like that. I could tell she was paying more attention to you than she normally does to girls I bring around, but it’s just because she’s protective of me. That’s it. I’m the same way with her.”
“Yeah.” I willed the tension in me to dissipate. “You guys all love each other. That’s obvious.”
<
br /> He didn’t let up. His eyes only narrowed. “What’d she say?”
I shook my head, my hands lifted from my lap. “Nothing. She just said that if I hurt you, she’d become my worst enemy.”
His head back moved an inch. “That was it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. That was it.”
“Oh.” He shrugged that off, starting his Escalade. “That’s nothing then.”
“That’s normal for you guys?”
He pulled away from the curb. The glow from Nate’s rear lights was still visible, and he headed toward them. “Oh, yeah. Hospital visits. Car wrecks. Car explosions. Fights. Lots of fights. You’d be surprised what our normal is.” He smiled to himself. “Good times.”
I sat back, stunned, and then I remembered—I still hadn’t met his brother.
#RIPROARINGDRUNK
TAYLOR
Nate was in the back building a fire when we got to the house. I knew it was late, and I could have checked my phone to find out the time, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted to be. Reminding myself to focus on the moment, I looked around at Logan’s place. They had a nice setup, an impressive setup. The house was big, so I knew the back would be nice, but when I stepped out there, I was still taken aback.
In the corner of a massive porch was a fireplace made of all different colored rocks. Around it were a bunch of padded benches, but Nate had started our bonfire in the yard, farther down from the porch. They had a huge circular bricked area with an oversized metal container right in the middle. Nate piled wood there, and as Logan shut the door behind me, Nate lit a match. He flicked it on the pile and oomph! Just like that, the entire south section of their backyard was bathed in light.
When it settled, Nate spread his arms wide, grinning from ear to ear. “We got ourselves a bonfire.”
Logan’s hand rested on the small of my back, and his other held two beers for us. “We’re coming. Where’s Sam?”
Nate waved at the house. “Mason was awake when we got home, so she went with him.”
“You want anything to eat?”
I glanced up. Food hadn’t entered my mind all night, but at Logan’s question, I realized I was ravenous. “Yes, please,” I told him. “Can I help with something?”
He nodded in Nate’s direction. “Head on down. There are blankets down there and more beer, if you need either. Nate will set you up.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to make some food for us. Be down in a few.”
It felt a little weird. I associated bonfires with party atmospheres. With only a few people, it seemed intimate. Nate was rummaging in a storage bin a few feet from the bonfire. I didn’t want to feel an intimate vibe with him. Logan now represented my comfort zone, and that in itself should’ve been an alarm signal. Instead, I focused on making it until he returned..
“Hey,” Nate said as I approached. “Blankets are in here if you get cold.”
I looked at the raging fire. “Don’t think that’ll be a problem.”
He laughed, sitting down on one of the benches. “Yeah, but you’d be surprised how chilly it can get when the fire fades.”
I frowned at him. Was he trying to tell me something?
He noticed my look. “What?”
I shrugged, sitting down on one of the farthest benches from him. “Nothing.” I shoved my hands into my pockets and hunched over. “Logan’s making us food?”
“Yep. He does that. Chef Logan. That’s all we’ve been hearing lately. It’s annoying.”
Oh. “Do all of you guys live here?”
“Yeah.” Nate hunched forward too and poked the fire with a stick. “We had a different house closer to campus last year. Since Sam’s living with us now, Mason wanted something more private and secure.” He used the stick to wave over the backyard. “You can’t see it, but there’s a perimeter around the house. Anyone we don’t know steps over it, and we all get alarms sent to our phones.”
I looked around, but this was the outskirts of town. The backyard was trees, and that was what filled up the front yard, too. “Who are you guys?”
Nate grinned. “We’ve had our fair share of enemies; I guess I can say that much.”
“You can say that and more.” Logan joined the conversation as he arrived, holding a pan in front of him with an oven mitt on his hand. He set the pan down on a brick near the fire, taking the bench between us. “I made quesadillas. And see?” He pointed to a platter with three smaller cups. “Dip.”
“You made the dip?” Nate sounded impressed.
“No.” Logan shook his head. “But I put it in those little things. Chef Logan always makes it right for my man-husband.” He winked at Nate.
“I’ve told you...” Nate rolled his eyes, but grinned as he reached for a quesadilla. “You need to stop trying to get into my pants, Logan. Mason’s made it clear. Our romance is strictly forbidden.”
Logan gave a low, smooth chuckle.
Even his laugh was infectious. It slid into me, warming and relaxing me all at the same time.
Logan mirrored Nate, kicking his legs up on the corner of my seat, and the two began talking. I tuned them out to stare at the fire, but I couldn’t tune out Logan’s feet so close to me. I felt the stirrings of things I shouldn’t be feeling. Images of going to Logan, sinking next to his side, feeling his arm around me, or—I closed my eyes; the images were vivid now. Kissing him. Touching his face. I held my breath. It was so temping to go over and sit next to him. His arm would go around my shoulders. I could lean in. Then…
I was burning up, an ache building between my legs.
Logan and Nate talked and laughed. I was holding myself back from jumping Logan. And then I was somewhere else. Eric and I had been laughing together in bed that morning...
“Come on.” He’d poked me in the side as he lay next to me, our naked limbs tangled together. His mouth rested on my shoulder, and his lips had grazed my skin as he added, “We should get up if we’re going to stop and see your mom when we get home.”
I didn’t have a chance to respond.
The poke had turned into a tickle, and soon Eric was on top of me. All the laughter and shrieks soon transformed to moaning. He’d slid back inside me, and we’d stayed in bed for another hour.
I gripped my plate on my lap and stared into the fire, but I was back there. I remembered when we’d pulled up to the hospital. Eric held my hand as we walked in. We didn’t stop at the front desk. I’d grown up visiting my mom at work. The receptionist waved as she saw us go past, down the hallway. That was when we heard the first gunshot.
“Taylor?”
I started. My hands jerked, and the plate went flying. “Shit.” I reached for it, but Logan got there first, his eyes on me.
“Bruce, you okay?”
I relaxed instantly. It was stupid, but my last name put distance between us. It gave me space to think, feel, breathe. I wouldn’t do anything stupid. I nodded, relaxing the rest of my body as best I could. “Yeah. I’m good.”
It was probably obvious I wasn’t. After a brief moment of silence, Nate coughed and stood up, his plate in his hand. “Think I’ll head to bed for the night.” He picked up the empty quesadilla platter and his beer, as well as the one Logan had emptied. I had a beer in front of me, but I hadn’t touched it.
He paused, looking down at it, but moved past. “’Night, guys.”
I wanted to disappear.
If Logan waved or any silent messages passed between the two, I didn’t see it. My head was firmly folded down, my chin against my chest. Once I heard the patio door slide open, then closed, Logan adjusted his legs. His feet rested next to mine, and he tapped my shoe with his.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s your damage?”
My head flew up, and I was ready to fight. But I stopped as soon as my eyes found his. He’d delivered no derision with that phrase. I’d reacted too soon. He was steady, calm, and waiting for me to answer. He’d just b
een trying to lighten the mood.
“Sorry.” Even my jaw was tight. Goddamn. My hands had balled into fists. I forced them open. “I have these moments where…” I go insane. “I remember things…from before.”
“Yeah?”
God. A storm of everything ravaged me. Guilt. Shame. Anger. Betrayal. And, I swallowed tightly, even relief. I survived. My mom hadn’t. And I was sitting here, trying not to kiss this guy because he could break me.
What the hell was I doing?
