At lunch the words on my locker are gone and Matthew is sitting at Kane’s table at the far end, laughing at something somebody said and I wonder when they all became friends. Kane has a girl called Maisy straddling his lap as she draws on his cast in neon green ink. She’s the girl who painted his bike, I think. She’s in the year above us, is crazy good at art, and her parents are bikers like Kane’s granddaddy was. His daddy isn’t so much into it as his granddaddy but he joins the rides sometimes. They call themselves the Renegades and last year they were part of this huge Thanksgiving parade in the city, holding up torches and turkeys. It was actually quite fun to watch.
Mee-maw let me get a lightning bolt on my cheek in yellow glitter. She was so much fun that day but she had indulged in a brandy with her closest friend Margery who is awful at baking but always insists on it. I broke my tooth on her stupid food. Lucky for me it was a baby tooth.
“You’re staring,” my friend Katie tells me.
I quickly look away from Kane, hating how the image of him kissing Maisy is now stuck in my mind. He grabbed her so viciously and pulled her mouth to his, tongues tangling, spit swapping. So gross. But then I recall my kiss with Mallick and I get it. I understand why he wants to kiss Maisy like he does. It makes your whole body feel so alive and nice.
My eyes drift back over and Maisy is threading her fingers through his hair, it looks so soft and light to the touch despite the thickness.
“You’re staring again,” Katie hisses and I look back at the table, this time mentally swearing that I won’t glance their way again. “You’re so quiet lately.”
People keep telling me that. Reminding me daily that a year ago I was this vibrant, excitable girl but now I act as though the life has been sucked right out of me. They’re closer to the truth than they realize. It has been sucked out of me.
I guess I’m just starting to wonder what the point in any of this is anymore.
* * *
“Mr. Martin,” I say, eagerly approaching my boss now it’s quiet instore. “I’m done for the day.”
Really, I want my wages that he promised me. I’ve already decided exactly what I’m going to spend them on. New clothes. If I can afford anything which I probably can’t. I might be able to save enough eventually.
“You’ve done such a great job this week,” he compliments, brown eyes twinkling with warmth. Yet at the same time they always make me uneasy. Like putting your hand into a hole in the ground not knowing what’s hidden in the depths but you know there’s probably a snake in there. “You earned every penny.”
He places his hand on my shoulder and guides me around a tall shelf. His other hand reaches into his pocket and he starts thumbing through notes.
“Of course I have to take into account the damage caused by those boys to my windows on your behalf.” My heart sinks because I was worried he’d say that. As soon as Kane got word that I was working here, they spray painted my name and the word “WHORE” beneath it. I was mortified. I didn’t cry though, I just got a bucket of soapy water and cleaned it off as best I could. It left a stain that Martin had to deal with. “But you did such a good job of cleaning it off that I’ll only charge for the cleaning equipment. So I’m taking three dollars from you. Is that fair?”
I nod, my face falling. I only made seven dollars after the money he gave to Mee-maw. That leaves me with four.
He hands me the four and I force a smile as I stick it in my pocket.
“But,” he adds, narrowing his eyes and thumbing through more notes. I wish I had as much money as him. “I know a way for you to earn thirty dollars. How’s that?”
I nod eagerly. “Sure. What do you need?”
“Come back here at start up tomorrow, before school. Think you can manage that?”
“Absolutely, sir.” I grin and turn on my heel. I turn the corner of the shelves so quickly I don’t spot anybody standing there and collide with them so hard they grunt and go back a step. “I am so so—Oh, it’s you.”
I was sorry until I realized who it was.
Kane shoves me away with his good arm and picks up the bag of potato chips that he dropped on the ground mid-collision. “Is somebody gonna serve me or what?”
“Mr. Martin,” I call, and the man appears behind me but my eyes linger on Kane’s black T-shirt and faded blue jeans with the rips on the knees. He ruins so many of his pants, but I think he does it on purpose because other boys in school have started doing it. Ripped jeans are in now.
Kane stares him down despite the fact Martin has over a foot of height on him but the man is oblivious to it.
“Right you are,” he says and walks on ahead. “What have you got there Mr. Jessop?”
Kane shoves the chips in his direction as I leave the store.
“Salted are my favorite too.”
“Seems we have a few favorites in common,” Kane replies, and I wonder when his voice got deeper. It seems more like his father’s now than his, and his legs look stronger. Or maybe I’m just noticing him in ways I didn’t before. Is that my hormones manipulating me? I can’t stand him but I also can’t stop looking at him. It’s like in my twisted brain the meaner he is to me the more I want him to like me.
I race home with my four dollars and a skip in my step. I have money. My own money.
The next morning, I leave extra early, Mee-maw isn’t around and Grandpa doesn’t care. I’m fortunate. I worried I might have to lie because if she thinks I’m working she might try and take more money from me.
The grocery store and the rest of town is so quiet and still a bit dark. Did I come too soon?
I approach the glass doors and jolt when Mr. Martin appears like a dark omen from between the dark shelves.
He smiles at me, showing his crooked teeth and unlocks the door. The bell jingles above and I jolt again when he locks it behind me.
I’m jumpy today, I think it’s the excitement of having so much money within my reach. I’ve never had that much money.
Ever.
“This way,” Martin calls cheerily and leads me into the staff office where he does all his paperwork and talks on the phone.
“Umm…”
He flicks on the light within and holds the door open for me. I don’t know why but something is screaming at me to turn back. That niggling feeling I always get when it comes to him is now lighting an inferno in my stomach that is making me extremely nauseous.
“Come on,” he urges, grabbing my arm and yanking me inside. He points to a stack of boxes on his desk. “Help me move these to the corner there.”
Is that how I’m going to earn the money? By lifting boxes?
I start to move the first one. It’s heavier than it looks.
“Here?” I ask, straining as I walk to the far corner of the cramped office.
“Perfect.” He brings the next one over and we do this until the desk is clear. “Now, help me move this.”
He starts tugging on a filing cabinet, it’s metal and heavy but we manage to shift it some.
“Have you got a boyfriend, Imogen?”
I shake my head and follow his next instruction which is to move three more boxes while he starts putting papers into the filing cabinet.
“Pretty girl like you? That’s surprising.”
“I’m not allowed a boyfriend,” I reply, crinkling my nose up.
“Ah, your mee-maw is a nice church going lady. I imagine she’s a good influence on you. Though your momma never did listen when she should have.”
I lift a shoulder.
“Bad egg that one but looks like she gave life to a good kid. You’re a very sweet girl. Very conscientious.”
“What does that mean?” I ask, excited at the thought of learning a new word.
“Conscientious?”
I nod once.
“Well it means you think about things, I guess. You’re very smart, very dignified.”
I make a mental note to look up the word later for a better definition. “It’s my new word of
the week.”
He chuckles quietly and suddenly reaches out to grasp a lock of my chestnut brown hair. “It’s softer than it looks. I wish my hair was that soft.”
I shift to the side and laugh cautiously. “That’s silly.”
He laughs too and brushes his fingers down the back of my arm. It sends spasms of displeasure coursing through my body. I sidle away again.
“So, no boyfriend… have you ever been kissed?”
My cheeks heat.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell your mee-maw. It’ll be our little secret.”
I look at the clock on the wall and frown. “I should probably go.”
“Don’t you want your thirty dollars first?”
Biting my lip, I turn to face him and back up a step when I see how close he’s standing.
“That’s okay,” I whisper when his hand curls around my arm and his thumb rubs my skin. “I really should go.”
“No, no,” he says flippantly and bends, so his face is level with mine. “You’re in no rush. School doesn’t start for almost an hour.”
“I know but—”
He places his finger to my lips. “A hundred dollars.”
I tense because I know I’ve made a grave error. I’m probably not leaving this room until he gets what he wants and I don’t think he needs my help around the store.
“I’m okay. But thank you, Mr. Martin.”
“I just want to teach you how to kiss,” he implores gently, his tone non-threatening but his words have tears filling my eyes. This is a grown man.
“I don’t want to learn.”
“Two hundred dollars.”
The thought disgusts me but that’s so much money. Could I kiss him? It’s just a peck on the lips right?
“I don’t want to kiss you.”
“That’s okay, we can do other things.”
My back hits the wall when he starts to tug on his belt. My eyes go wide. Is this happening?
“Your momma used to let me. I used to give her a hundred dollars every time she put this in her mouth. I’m offering you two hundred.”
I feel sick.
I jump at the sound of somebody making a crow noise from within the store. It’s loud and screechy and it couldn’t have come from anywhere else.
“What in God’s name?” Martin hisses and moves to his desk. He pulls out a Glock and quietly loads it when another crow noise has us both looking at each other. This one is closer than the last.
“Did you tell anyone where you’d be?”
I shake my head frantically. Though I really wish I had told somebody, namely my brother.
He opens the door slowly and peers out into the dark store.
I hear footsteps running towards the front of the shop.
“WHO’S THERE?” Martin booms and steps out. He shrieks with pain and falls to the floor with a thud, that’s when the sound of a gun popping has me shielding my ringing ears. I scream and drop down into a crouch, wrapping my arms around my head.
Mr. Martin groans and the air fills with a tangy scent as blood starts to pool from beneath him.
“Oh my God,” I breathe, unable to comprehend what I’m seeing. What is happening?
“Come on!” Kane yells at me, extending his hand over Mr. Martin’s body that’s blocking the doorway. “Don’t step in the blood.”
His eyes are wide and alive, the blue is vibrant with excitement and fear. His long hair is tucked behind his ears but some of it is cutting across his face in a different direction to his parting. I don’t know why I’m noticing these things, like the fact he’s wearing the same clothing as yesterday, or the fact he’s here at all.
“Come on! The cops are coming, that shot would have been heard for fucking miles! MOVE YOUR ASS!” He grabs my bicep with his uninjured arm and yanks me towards him.
I carefully step over the puddle of blood that is growing by the second, and the lifeless man that I’m almost certain was about to hurt me. I knew it too, yet I still came. I had a feeling but I just thought that he’s an adult so he wouldn’t, but then look at Mee-maw. She’s an adult and she hurts me all the time.
“Wait,” I utter, pulling back when Kane starts to drag me away.
“We don’t have fucking time.”
I drop to my knees by the blood and reach carefully into Martin’s back pocket. With some yanking, I get the wad of cash free, watching his closed eyes for any sign of life. He’s still breathing.
Kane grabs me again as I pocket the money and we run from the store which he unlocks using his sleeve.
We go around the back and duck down an alleyway between homes, then cut through somebody’s yard and keep going until we’re almost at the school.
He stops me suddenly. Panting as much as I am from the exertion.
“You went there to help him move shit around and then you left for school,” Kane says, shaking me to get my attention. When I don’t immediately look at him, he pinches my cheeks with his finger and thumb. “Give me your fucking eyes, Imogen. I need to know you hear me.”
“I hear you.”
“Okay. But only if they come to you. Don’t go to them.”
I start to look away again, unable to hold the intensity of his gaze but he gives my cheek a gentle pat and presses my body into a brick wall.
“Immy, repeat it.”
“If they ask, I left for school and he was… he was fine.”
“Exactly.”
My brows pull together. “Did you shoot him?”
“What? No!” He pushes a hand through his hair and snags on the knots. “I put a board on the ground with a nail on it. He fucking stood on the nail but I didn’t know he had a gun. He shot himself the dumb fuck.”
I close my eyes and tears leak from the corners. “Maybe we should just tell somebody.”
“Give me your fucking eyes.” They ping open and he shoves me hard against the wall. My head aches where it hits it and a gasp chokes me. “How fuckin’ stupid are you? Huh?”
“What did I do?”
“You never should have gone there, you seen how he looks at you!”
He’s right, I ignored the signs.
“You’re so stupid, Imogen. So fucking stupid.” With another shove, he steps away and leaves me shaking and reeling. “Go to school. Stupid fucking cunt.”
“Don’t talk to me like that,” I yell, running up behind him and pushing him by the shoulders, he stumbles forward a step before spinning to face me, fury in his bulging eyes.
“Then stop being so fucking dumb and naïve!” He spits at my feet, his blue eyes glowing with rage. “And keep your mouth shut. Don’t let me remind you.”
Sirens pass us by, and he doesn’t even flinch, he just carries on to school like it’s no big deal that he just almost killed a man. Or aided in his fate at the very least.
26 years old
“Are you fucking insane? What you’re going to smash up a dead lady’s home to get my attention?”
“Always had to be extreme with you, Immy. You fucking loved it when I went wild for you.” He brings the cigar to his lips and pulls it into his mouth before releasing a waterfall of smoke that he sucks through his nostrils. The effect is mesmerizing.
“So… what?” I ask, dazed by him for a moment. “This is you going wild for me?”
He eyes me with a dark gaze as he blows the smoke away from us both. “This is me wanting to talk.”
“We’ve got nothing to say to each other.”
“We got everything to say to each other.”
I shake my head and wrap my arms around myself. “Say what you want to say then. I’m not promising I’ll listen, or even care, but I’ll make a good effort to trick you into thinking that I’m doing both.”
Looking me up and down, he rolls his tongue over his lip. Why does he do this? Stare me down like he’s searching for all of the cracks in my mask while working out how to break them.
“You left,” he says simply, ignoring my harsh tone and words. “You fucki
ng upped and left.”
“Yep.”
“You didn’t say goodbye.”
“Nope.”
His brows pull together. “You didn’t say goodbye to nobody.”
“Anybody,” I correct and he throws his cigar on the ground and pops a piece of gum into his mouth.
“Your fancy ass can’t handle the way I talk no more?”
I don’t want to admit to him that the way he talks still makes my stomach flutter. “Get to the point, Kane.”
“Been a long time since you said my name like that, babe.”
“Wish I’d never had to say it to begin with.”
He chuckles and rolls his shoulders but then his face returns to how it was. Guess I’m not escaping this “talk” that easy. “You gonna tell me why you left?”
“Because I was done with your loser ass,” I retort harshly. “Wanted better than you. Wanted better than this.”
“You weren’t complaining when you were bouncing on my cock on the back of your bike, in the back of my car, in your mee-maw’s bed and every fucking place else you made me put my dick in you.”
“I was a dumb kid. I thought you were the best I could get. Worshipped you. Had you on this pedestal because you were the hottest guy in school. That’s all it was.”
“Yeah?” he asks, his tone bitter, his teeth gritted. “What the fuck changed, Immy?”
“We didn’t have shit! I was tired of having nothing.” I press my palms against his shoulders and shove. “You gave me nothing but shit.”
“That’s a fucking lie and you know it!” He pushes me back, just like when we were kids, but not as hard. “We had it all. Might not’a been much, but what we had was everything.”
“It’s cute that you thought that.” With my fingers scraping my hair back, I smirk at him, relishing in the confusion in his gaze, the pain hidden in their depths. Even now, after all this time there’s pain. “I was playing you, Kane Jessop. That was my plan, right… make you fall for me and leave you high and dry. Revenge for all those years of torment.”
“Fuck you. That ain’t the truth and we both know it.” He charges at me until my back is against the side of the house and his cigar and mint scented breath is fanning across my lips. “What we had was fucking insane but it was our kind of insane. It was real.” He presses his forehead to mine, angry, bitter, enraged and barely hanging on. “So what the fuck changed?”
Vicious Page 6
