by Emma Crawley
“There was no danger of that. Mr Darcy is a strong swimmer, and he was on hand. Even if he had not, there are plenty of people who jumped into the water to find me. I am sure if were not for him, someone else would have done it.”
“Mr Darcy is the bravest of men,” said my mother as though I have not spoken. “He did what no one else could have done. While they all stood around looking foolish, he jumped into the water and pulled you to safety.” She nodded at me with a grave expression, as though she had been there to witness the entire event. Seeing she was determined to believe nothing else but the idea that I would have perished if not for Mr Darcy alone, I declined a response.
“I wish we lived near a river,” grumbled Lydia. “The officers are all so tall and handsome. If there was a river near here, I could fall into it, and oblige them to rescue me. How handsome they would look swimming towards me.”
Kitty snorted. “They would rather laugh and cheer and place bets on how soon you would drown,” she said.
I looked at Kitty with some surprise. She rarely contradicted Lydia, feeling content to follow her where ever she went. I wondered if Lydia had won the attention of the soldiers, after all, leaving Kitty to watch on in envy.
Lydia tossed her head and laughed, as impervious as ever to any criticism.
“Oh, of course, they would have rescued me. They would fight to have the honour. Oh, my word, Lizzy. I forgot to tell you the most important news of all. Though I suppose it is news, that means little to you now. How clever you are to be compromised by such a wealthy man. I did not know you had it in you.”
I fixed her with a steady look. “You have news for me?” I said.
Lydia had opened her mouth to launch into another speech, and she looked at me with some confusion.
“News? Oh, yes. Well, it is about someone we all like very much. He was even a favourite of yours at one time, although I hope for another gentleman’s sake that the situation has changed.”
I tried not to appear too impatient.
“Well, what do you have to say about Mr Wickham?”
“You know I referred to Mr Wickham when I did not mention his name? That is most strange. I could have been referring to any man at all, and yet your mind went to him at once. Is it possible you still hold a torch for him? My, poor Mr Darcy is out of luck, is he not?”
I give my father a beseeching look. Surely, as he sat here watching Lydia’s indelicacy right in front of him, he could exert himself to step in and put an end to it. But, of course, he did not. He merely stretched his legs out before him and rolled his eyes and shook his head at his youngest daughter’s behaviour. I was foolish to think he might exert any more effort than that.
“Lydia, unless you have something of sense to say, I beg you will stop talking,” I said, impatiently.
Lydia’s eyes widened. “Why, Lizzy, you sound quite upset. I hope I have not hurt you?”
I sighed and shook my head. “So, what other news of Meryton while I have been away? How is Aunt Phillips? Did she receive those new turkeys she spoke of before we left?’
“Who cares about some stupid old turkeys?” said Lydia, petulantly. “The best news of all is that Wickham is no longer to marry Mary King. Her uncle discovered their engagement, and he came down from Liverpool to put a stop to it. He has taken her back with him, and that is an end to the matter. How she cried and cried as he took her away. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing. But I am happy for Wickham. He is safe, at last. He could never have cared two straws for such a nasty old freckled thing.”
“That is just as well for Mary King,” I said, firmly.
“You are not distressed that Wickham is free after all while you are to marry another man?”
“For heaven’s sake, Lydia. Please stop speaking such nonsense. My only feelings about the matter are that I am happy for Mary King. She deserves better than a man who would only marry her for her grandfather’s fortune.”
“You have certainly changed your mind,” Lydia muttered.
Yes, I had considerably changed my mind. I felt a flash of shame as recalled how I had defended Wickham’s mercenary behaviour when I first learned of his engagement to Miss King. I justified why he would marry her for her money alone while feeling nothing for her. I never stopped to consider my hypocrisy. I had judged Charlotte for marrying for security to a man she could not care for, and yet when my favourite had done the same thing, I defended him and would not hear a word against him. It was mortifying to see how wrong I had been about him.
I pushed Wickham from my mind, and we chatted on some various topics before it is finally time to change for dinner.
23
I looked about my bedchamber in wonder. It was the most familiar place in the world to me. The place where I had opened my eyes morning after morning. The view from that window was the most familiar one in the world. And yet soon, this room would become a thing of the past. It would become nothing more than my childhood bedroom. If I were to stay here again, I would sleep in that bed with Mr Darcy as my husband. I shook my head still unable to believe the changes in my life that have come about.
A sharp tap on the door woke me from my reverie. I called the person to come in and looked at some surprise to see Nelly, the maid who assisted my sisters and me.
“Can I help you, Nelly? Are you not to assist Miss Jane?”
Nelly bobbed a curtsy. The grin she gave me was broad.
“The mistress said I was to help you, Miss Elizabeth. She said you must look your absolute best for your young man when he arrives.”
I nodded to her, as she bustled about the room, searching through my gowns to find the best one, and exclaiming over newer ones she had not seen since my absence.
As she dressed my hair, I noticed how often her eyes went to my face in the mirror.
I raise my eyebrows at her the next time she did it. She grinned at me.
“Begging your pardon, Miss. But if I may be so bold as to offer you my congratulations. I was wondering what the outcome would be. I hope Mr Darcy will make you very happy.”
“Thank you, Nelly. But what do you mean by what the outcome would be?”
Nelly’s eyes widened as though she had said something she should not. She glanced towards the door, though it was closed firmly.
“I must tell you, Miss, I had expected this news for a few days before the mistress told us of it. I heard it from my sister, Katie, who is the maid at Mr James’s house in Grosvenor Square in London. She heard it from the footman in the Smith’s house.”
I nodded impatiently to signify I did not need to know the exact network.
“Well, anyway. They said you and Mr Darcy were writing to one another. ‘Well,’ says I, ‘that can only mean one thing. Miss Lizzy would not write to a man unless there was an understanding between them. They must be engaged.’ ‘No,’ said Katie. ‘There is no news of an engagement.’ ‘Well I am sure you are wrong,’ said I. ‘I have known Miss Lizzy all my life. I have all but grown up with her. And I say she would not accept a letter from a man unless she was engaged to him.’ She beamed at me in the mirror. “And, here you are, engaged to be married, while I dress you to prepare you for your young man. It is just as I said it would be.”
I looked at her in the mirror and tried not to seem too astonished.
“So, you were all talking about it here before I even returned home?”
“I said nothing to the master and mistress. I know a young man and a young lady must have the time to themselves before they make their situation known to the world. You need have no fear I would have told them before you are ready yourself.”
Nelly beamed at my reflection.
“Thank you,” I said faintly. There was nothing else I could say.
As I waited for Mr Darcy on the front step of the house, I felt surprisingly nervous. We had been in one another’s company almost continuously since our engagement. These hours apart have been the longest since that day. But something felt different now
. While our engagement has been accepted all over London, there was something odd about receiving him as my betrothed in front of my whole family. I discreetly brushed down my gown and glanced at the window where I could see my reflection to make sure I still looked well.
“There he is,” cried to my mother. My father grasped her hand in his. It might have looked like a sudden display of affection, but I knew my father wished to keep her from making a spectacle of herself. From her excitement, I suspected at any moment, she was likely to jump up and down on the spot.
The carriage rolled to a stop, and Mr Darcy jumped out. My heart pounded as he nodded to my family and then rested his eyes on me.
“How wonderful to see you again, Mr Darcy,” cried my mother. “We missed you when you left Hertfordshire last winter. We were in great hopes you would return.”
“Thank you, madam,” he said. His voice was rather flat. He shook my father’s hand, and the two men looked at one another carefully.
“I would like a word with you, if you are please, before dinner,” said my father, to my astonishment.
Darcy nodded in agreement, as though he had expected something of the sort.
We returned to the house, and then Darcy accompanied my father to his library. I barely heard my sisters and my mother as they chatted and giggled and talked about the advantages Pemberley would bring them. I turned towards the door, waiting at any moment for Mr Darcy to enter. My hands trembled slightly at the thought of him. I turned toward it, longing to see it open and to see his rare smile light up his face as he saw me.
It was some time before they emerged. My mother was growing anxious about the dinner when the door opened. My father wore his usual indolent expression, so I could gauge nothing from the tone of their conversation. Mr Darcy, however, looked rather quiet and thoughtful. He remained so, as he sat beside me at the dinner table.
“Are you not rather lonely, at Netherfield?” asked my mother.
“No, madam. Why should I be lonely?”
My mother shrugged as if his answer were of no particular consequence to her.
“I am surprised Mr Bingley did not travel with you while you stay in his home. We have missed him since he left. Does he plan to join you here? Surely he will wish to help you with the wedding.”
Even as my mother spoke, she fixed Jane with a meaningful look apparent to everyone around the table. Jane kept her eyes set on her plate, and refused to look at her, for fear of encouraging her.
I longed to groan and bury my head in my hands. Why had my mother never learnt to be discreet?
“I am not aware that Mr Bingley has any plans to join me here,” said Darcy. “He has much to keep him occupied in London and has a wide circle of acquaintances. I would not rely on his presence here.”
I felt a pang as I thought of Mr Bingley and Miss Kemp. Yes, I knew what kept him busy in London. And my family were partly to blame for that. If they have conducted themselves with any propriety, Jane might even be Mrs Bingley by now.
“That is a shame,” said Mama. “And will your other friends join you for the wedding? I am sure a man like you must have many.”
Darcy frowned. “My sister will join us here,” he said. His voice grew flat as he spoke.
“Oh, I shall be delighted to meet Miss Darcy,” said my mother. “But surely you have some friends who would like to join us here? A man like you must have many friends who are well set up in life, and who are single and available to stand up with you at your wedding.” She beamed around as my younger sisters as if she thought she might have them married before the end of the month.
“My closest friend is my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam. But he is abroad at present. He will not return in time for the wedding.”
The dinner was every bit as uncomfortable as I expected. It would be a long time before I felt at ease having Darcy and my family in the one room together. Darcy bore it as best he could, and though I could not help wishing he would try to be friendlier, he at least seemed to make more of an effort than he had done before.
I tried my best to change the subject to other topics, but my mother would not be persuaded away from her favourite topic of all; whether she could get my sisters engaged, and how soon she could do it if so. She dropped many hints throughout the evening about Mr Darcy’s friends, and what he might do to promote matches for my sisters until I longed to hurry Darcy from the room so he would not have to hear another word.
After we had repaired to the drawing room, I was astonished to see Aunt and Uncle Phillips had arrived. My mother never told me they would join us. Aunt Phillips was every bit as silly as my mother. She fawned about Darcy, though fortunately, she was too intimidated by him to attract his notice a great deal.
“A niece married! How wonderful. And to such a man as Mr Darcy. How wealthy he is, sister. You will want for nothing.” Aunt Phillips did not trouble herself to keep her voice low. I winced as I heard my mother respond likewise.
“Is it not wonderful? Lady Lucas lauded it over me when Charlotte married Mr Collins. Well, if she can be happy with her daughter married to a mere clergyman with an estate that is entailed on him and not rightfully his, so be it. I do not envy her in the slightest. Not when my son-in-law owns half of Derbyshire. Now, that is something to boast about, is it not?”
“Boast about! I should think so. I could not blame you if you have told everyone in the town.”
My mother made a show of modesty, though her smirk told a different story.
“Well, I do not like to boast. You know me. I always like to be modest. I waited at least half an hour after receiving the news of Lizzy’s engagement before going to Lucas Lodge to acquaint the family with our good news. Lady Lucas’s face was a picture. I should think she was ready to explode with jealousy.”
“Of course, she was! A son-in-law as wealthy as Mr Darcy! You will want for nothing. I am sure when the time comes, he will set you up with a pretty little house in Derbyshire, and then you may always be near dearest Lizzy.”
“I am sure we shall often be in Derbyshire. We may take many long visits there.”
With some determined effort, I turned to Darcy and tried to engage him in conversation so he could not hear my mother and my aunt’s words. I would have given anything to silence them, but on the topic of marriage, and a good marriage at that, there was no stopping them.
“Is it strange to be back in Hertfordshire?” I asked with a strained smile.
Darcy’s eyes were fixed on my aunt and my mother as I feared. When I spoke to him, he drew his attention back to me at once.
“It is much as I expected. Very little has changed here.” There was an edge to his voice as he said those words, and I winced. Then, he looked down at me, and his face softened into a smile. “Though one thing has changed very much. And I wish I could say I am sorry for it considering how it happened, but I cannot.”
I smiled at him and was astonished at the flood of relief I felt. I was afraid my mother’s behaviour might cause him to regret his decision. But his feelings for me appeared as strong as ever.
“I have a great desire to see the garden,” I said. “It has been so long since I was here that I am sure there are many changes. This time of the year has always been my favourite. Will you not join me while I inspect them?”
Darcy’s eyes lit up. He stood up at once and drew me to my feet.
“Mr Darcy has an announcement,” cried to my mother. “Everyone, silence for Mr Darcy.”
Darcy looked around somewhat surprised as all the attention in the room focused on him. Lydia giggled and whispered something to Kitty.
“Elizabeth wishes to show me the garden,” he said. The rest of the room continued to gaze at him as though they expected something more. He spread his hands. “That is it, I am afraid.”
“Yes, yes. Go into the garden. Lizzy, you must show him the Hermitage. I’m sure he will be pleased with the rock walk. Oh, and the shrubbery is…”
“I can decide where to show him in th
e garden,” I said. “It has not been all that long since I left. Come, Mr Darcy.”
We walked from the room as swiftly as we could without running.
24
Darcy smiled as we walked the path through the rose garden.
"Does the garden please you, sir?" I asked. "The smile on your face suggests so."
"If you may forgive me for saying so, though the garden is pretty, I care not a fig about it. Any pleasure you see on my face is derived from your company alone."
I smiled and blushed. I rested my hand on his arm, and he covered it with his own at once.
"May I hope you might enjoy my company likewise?"
I hesitated. I was still not sure of my feelings for him. I was afraid of giving him false hope, but, I did not wish to be cruel. I answered as honestly as I could.
"I think I am enjoying your company more and more all the time."
Darcy's eyes lit up. He paused in his walk and turned me to look at him, his hands on my arms.
"Do you mean it?"
I do. I think you know me well enough now to know I speak the truth. If I did not mean it, I would have no qualms about abusing you quite abominably to your face." I gave him a mischievous smile.
Darcy smiled. "That is true. Though your frankness might have stung many times, it is refreshing to know where I stand. It means I can take these words at face value. I know you do not seek to flatter me."
"I think we can both say you are safe from any flattery from me, sir," I said pertly.
Darcy still smiled, but there was a look in his eyes that caught at me. His eyes dropped to my lips, and I felt my heart quicken. Was he about to kiss me? I did not know how I felt about it, but my shortness of breath suggested I was quite open to it if he should do so. To my disappointment, he sighed and pulled away. He put my hand firmly back onto his arm and covered it with his own as we continued walking.
After we had walked in silence, and I admired the many changes in the garden, I asked a question that had been on my mind for some time.
