by A. E. Wasp
Sergei automatically reached for Tanya. “Please, call me Sergei,” he said, readjusting the baby until she rested on his hip. “We are in America.”
“Then you can call me Patti.”
Tanya reached up and yanked at Sergei’s beard. Her brow furrowed and she seemed near tears. She twisted in Sergei’s arms, searching for Patricia.
“It’s okay, baby,” Patti said not taking her eyes off David as he tried to throw himself out of the highchair to avoid getting his face washed. “That’s just your poppa’s beard.” She pulled the damp rag away from David’s face. “If you don’t sit still, Davka, this is just going to take longer.”
Sergei liked the way she spoke to the babies in full sentences as if she expected them to understand her. From the way Tanya turned back to Sergei, expression still wary but not so teary, she did understand.
Tanya looked into Sergei’s eyes so seriously, Sergei felt as if he were being judged by something that weighed less than his blocker. She seemed to be waiting for him to say something.
He cleared his throat. “Hello, Tanechka,” he said, feeling ridiculous. “I am your poppa.” After a second, he realized he was waiting for her to say something back, and then he felt even more ridiculous.
Helpless, he turned to Alex for support, but Alex wore such a love-struck expression that Sergei forgot what he was going to ask. “Lyosha,” he said.
“She looks like you, mon choux,” Alex answered with the softest smile Sergei had ever seen. There was such longing in his eyes.
Sergei reached out to him, but before he could touch him, Patti shoved a newly-cleaned David into Alex’s arms. “This one’s for you. I’m going to clean up real quick and then we’ll get them changed, okay?”
Alex hugged David against him and looked up at Sergei with huge eyes. In that instant, Sergei knew they would be taking his children home to Seattle with them, whether or not it was the best thing for them.
“Do you think we can do this, Lyosha? Can we raise these babies? Are we better for them than their grandparents?”
“All they need is love,” Patti answered for Alex. “You have that, I can see it between you. Do you have friends?”
Sergei wasn’t quite sure how to answer that. He had teammates that he liked very much. Sometimes he did things with them. But Alex was the only one he considered a real friend.
“Yes, we have friends,” Alex answered quickly.
“And you have money.” She put her hands on her hips and stared at them.
“Yes. He has money,” Alex said.
She nodded, satisfied. “Then hire a good nanny. Or two nannies. You boys can give these babies an amazing life.”
“Can you come with us?” Sergei asked. That would make things so much easier for all of them.
Patti’s face dropped. “Oh, love. I wish I could. But I have my own family here. A husband, two kids in school. I can’t leave them, and it wouldn’t be fair to them to ask them to drop everything and move.”
The front door opened and Lena’s best friend Julie came in wearing a business suit and a serious expression. She looked a bit more rested than she had the night before.
After she greeted everyone warmly, including kissing the babies, she turned her attention to Sergei. “There are some things we need to go over today if you are up to it.”
Sergei nodded.
Patti held out her hand for Tatyana, and Sergei handed her over. “Julie, would you mind taking Davka from Alex and helping me get them changed. I think the boys need a moment to talk.”
“Of course.” She took David, talking to him and asking him about his day. He babbled happily back at her.
Alex walked over and wrapped his arms around Sergei, resting his head against Sergei’s broad chest. Sergei hugged him tightly, his cheek pressing against Alex’s head. He loved the way Alex felt in his arms. He was small, but so strong Sergei felt safe asking Alex to share his burdens. “What are you thinking, zaichik?”
“Don’t let them take your babies to Russia.” He spoke so softly, Sergei could barely hear him.
“I do not want to,” he admitted. “But I am so scared. This is not something we can fail at.”
Alex’s arms tightened around Sergei’s waist, and he kissed Sergei’s chest. “You won’t fail. You’ll be a great dad.” He tilted his head to smile up at Sergei. “What if they grow up to be Kings fans?” Alex asked in fake horror, forcing a chuckle out of Sergei.
“I think in Russia they will more likely end up liking the Jokerit,” he said, naming the Finish KHL team.
“What if they’re gay?” Alex whispered.
That was a low blow, but it was something he couldn’t ignore. What if they were? How would it be like for them growing up in Russia? He didn’t know how Lena’s family felt about homosexuality. Since at times his orientation felt more theoretical than something he would ever put into practice, it had never come up during the few times they had spoken.
Odds were good that they were as traditional as his own parents were, maybe more so. Her parents seldom left their hometown and didn’t speak any English.
If they took his son and daughter back with them to Russia, he would see them rarely, if ever. Could he live knowing that they were growing up ten thousand of kilometers away from him?
“I don’t know what to do. What should we do?”
Alex squeezed him tightly then pulled away. Steadying himself on Sergei’s arms, he went up on tiptoes to for a kiss, something Sergei loved. “You don’t have to decide right now, love,” Alex said. “We’ll be here for a few days. Spend some time with Patti and the babies. Ask Julie if Lena had ever said anything about what she wanted. I’m sure she had made plans in case of an emergency.”
“What do you think we should do?” He needed Alex’s guidance here.
Alex crossed his arms and rubbed his hands on them as if he were cold. “I can’t tell you, Sergei. It’s your decision.”
“No. It is our decision. If we take these babies, they are your babies, too. Tell me what you think. Please. I need to know.”
Alex stared at Sergei much like Tatyana had as if he were trying to read some truth in Sergei’s eyes. “I think,” he said slowly, “that if you don’t keep your babies that you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
Sergei nodded his head slowly as he considered all his options. “I think you are right. So we do this?” He took Alex’s hand again. “I know that you want to move slow. And when, when begin, there are no babies.”
For the second time that day he wished that he could speak English better. After all this time, he still sounded like a newcomer, and is seemed like the more important what he was trying to say was, the harder it was to find the words. He sighed with frustration, running a hand through his hair, rubbing his beard as if he could still feel Tatyana's fingers touching it.
Alex watched him patiently, not pushing, not getting exasperated. Taking a deep breath, he tried again, slower this time, searching for the right words.
“When you agreed to be my boyfriend, I had no babies. It is just you and me. Now I come with babies. I am a family.” He stopped mid-thought struck by the enormity of what he had just said. He had a family now. And if he didn’t scare Alex away, if he didn’t run screaming from this huge change, they could have a family together.
Suddenly something Sergei had thought he would never have—never could have—was right there in his grasp. “Do you understand?” he asked Alex.
He nodded. “Yes. I know that the babies come first, and you won’t have as much time to think of me.”
“No. That is not it. What do you mean?” Sometimes he had no idea what Alex was thinking. “I am saying; I need you. I cannot do this alone. I do not want to do it alone. But it is a lot to ask, even of my friend Alex, but for my new boyfriend Alex, it is too much, maybe?”
“You need me?”
“I always need you. And now me and Davka and Tanya will need you. If you will want to be with us.”
Alex threw himself at Sergei, leaping up to wrap his legs around him. “You need me? For real? And you want me?”
“Always, zaichik. I always need you and want you.”
Alex trapped Sergei’s face between his hands and kissed him hard. “So, you want to keep the babies?”
“I want to keep you, and I want to bring my children home with us. Is that good?”
Alex’s answer was a long, deep kiss. “It is very good. I promise I will do everything I can for them. I’ll be the best nanny-slash-boyfriend ever. Now put me down.”
Sergei reluctantly obeyed. When they were done talking, the rest of his long day would begin. It promised to be hellish, involving talking to the funeral director and lawyers and making arrangements no one ever wanted to do.
“Come on,” Alex said. “Let’s go tell Patti. We have a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it.
Sergei let Alex pull him down the hallway conscious that their lives had just been irrevocably changed.
24
Sergei
Sergei felt like everything about the last week had been a dream. The funeral. The meeting with the lawyers. Everything that had happened since hearing that Lena had died.
The funeral had been horrible, as expected. He’d been adamant about not having a viewing before it. He couldn’t stomach facing hours in a room with Elena in a coffin. He didn’t know her friends, and she had no family in the States.
The blue sky and gentle weather of the Los Angeles winter day did nothing to dispel the gloom. Reporters got as close as they could, more to get pictures of Sergei and the babies than to report on Lena’s death. He had already spoken to the Thunder media director, who’d said to have all inquiries and requests for interviews directed to him. Sergei was under no obligation to say anything to anyone.
Thank God, he had Alex. He had gone over and above to take care of Sergei and the babies in every way he could.
Alex made sure Sergei ate before he even realized he was hungry. He brought Tanya and Davka to Sergei when he needed the comfort and took them away when they reminded him too much of Lena, and it became too much to bear.
Alex was on the phone almost constantly, making arrangements with Julie, touching base with the GM and Coach Williams, talking to his mother, and a thousand other things, leaving Sergei free to concentrate on the endless paperwork and dealing with Lena’s parents.
That meeting had gone about as well as Sergei had predicted.
When they’d found out Sergei was the father of the babies, and that he was in a relationship with another man, they’d threatened to fight him for custody.
After spending the past few days with his children, Sergei could no more give them up than he could let Alex go. The babies were already barely babies anymore. They were so much bigger than he had expected them to be from the pictures Lena had sent. He had always thought babies were cute but kind of boring. They didn’t talk, didn’t do much but cry and sleep. How different could one be from another?
He had been so wrong. His Davka and Tanya were people. Small, barely verbal people, but actual humans nonetheless. They had preferences. Davka loved green beans and Cheerios. Tanya spit out any kind of green food, but she loved this weird turkey, apple, and carrot mush. It sounded and looked disgusting to Sergei, but Alex had bravely tasted it and said it wasn’t too bad. Sergei would take his word for it.
Tanya loved a black and white spotted stuffed dog and carried it with her everywhere. Davka loved baths and would spend half the day in the water if he was allowed.
They were amazing. Discovering new things about them was the only thing that had kept him going during this hellish week.
He had missed so much of their lives already. The thought of not being there when they took their first steps physically hurt him. How could he have ever thought he could live without them?
“I am their father!” Sergei roared, bringing the discussion to an end after much yelling in Russian. “Elena did not even trust you enough to tell you who the father of her children was. How could you think we would want you to have our children? No. You cannot take them from me. And do not forget, I am a rich man. If you try, I will fight you, and you will never get to see them. Do you understand?”
They left Elena’s house, muttering vague threats and imprecations under their breath. As if Sergei would be frightened by their superstitious curses. He would leave it to the lawyers to make sure they got the money designated for them. He had a family to prepare for, and not one clue where to start.
Sighing, he looked around for Alex, but once the angry Russian yelling had started, he and Patricia had bundled the babies into the biggest stroller Sergei had ever seen and headed out to the park.
If he called, Sergei knew Alex would head home right away, but he was tired of feeling so useless. Thousands of people, maybe millions of people, took their babies home every day. He should be able to handle it. He had Alex; he would be fine.
The rumble of a car speeding dangerously down the twisty canyon road gave Sergei a brief pang of longing for his Mercedes and the mountain roads of Northern Washington. What he wouldn’t give to jump in a car and take a long, long drive. Maybe he and Alex could head to the beach for a couple of hours, escape the stress.
Then he thought of the giant stroller they would need to push the babies, and the giant diaper bag Patti carried for all the things babies needed, and the bulky car seats with fifty thousand straps they rode in that would never fit in his car even if it had come with a back seat, and he realized he was completely unprepared for fatherhood.
He needed to talk to someone with more experience. Dropping down into the nearest seat, he called Daniel Lipe.
Sergei stood on the small cement balcony off the guest room, looking out into the tangled mass of fruit trees, cactuses, and unrecognizable plants growing in the canyon Elena’s house had been built in. So different from his own wide-open view, but beautiful in its own way. The scent of eucalyptus and jasmine floated through the hot, dry air.
“We’ll take care of everything on this end,” Danny said. “Don’t worry. Are you shipping the kids’ stuff up?” Weights clanged, and men grunted in the background. He’d caught Lipe in the middle of his workout.
“I do not know. I do not even know how to start.” What stuff? The cribs? The changing table? The oddly named Diaper Genie whose only purpose seemed to be creating endlessly long, twisted strings of dirty diapers?
“Give me Alex’s number. We’ll have Samantha from the front office take care of it. She’s a miracle worker. They can coordinate.”
“I do not know if I can do this, Daniel.” He leaned gingerly against the wrought-iron railing that seemed too delicate to hold his weight.
“Ah, Sergs. I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s gonna be tough.” The sound of the workout room faded as Lipe walked out of it. “Parenthood is hard enough when you have nine months to prepare for it. You got surprise babies, and your friend died. Either one of those alone sucks.”
“Elena’s death does suck, yes. But the babies, they are amazing.”
Danny laughed. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us, man! Sergei Pergov a dad! That is crazy. We haven’t even seen a picture.”
“Hold on,” Sergei said. Calling up his camera app on his phone, he scrolled through the 638 images he had taken over the last few days and picked a few of them to text to Danny. “I have sent you some pictures,” he said, putting the phone back to his head. “Do you see them?”
“Yep, just coming in. Hold on.”
He listened to the calling of unfamiliar birds and imagined he could smell the salt of the ocean on the breeze. “The one in yellow, with the wider eyes, that is Tanya, my daughter.” Amazing how much those words had the power to shake his soul. “Davka has a round face, and he scowls at me a lot. I do not think he liked to have his picture taken.”
Lipe laughed. “Ah, Pergs, they’re gorgeous. The girls are going to flip when you bring them home. How is Alex handling all of it?
”
“He is amazing. I would be lost without him. I do not know how he does it all.” Sergei hesitated. Should he bring up his concerns? Though he had known Danny for a few years, they mostly had spoken about hockey and other players, seldom venturing into personal territory. But Alex had said they had friends. Maybe it was time for Sergei to stop living so alone.
“I am worried about him,” he admitted.
“Oh? Why? You said he was great with the kids.”
“I am worried more about us. We have been friends for a long time now, you know, yes?”
“Yeah, you billeted with his family, right?”
“Yes. But we are being friends only for so long. But between us now is this new thing. So new. What if it is too much? To go from friends to boyfriends to parents in such a short time?” Sergei turned as someone came into the bedroom. “Hold on, Daniel.”
It was Alex, holding his phone to his ear and speaking rapid French. His mother, then. He saw Sergei out on the balcony and waved, motioning for him to keep talking as he wedged the phone between his shoulder and neck and pulled a clean shirt out of the drawer. “Oui, Oui, maman. La, I know, I know. Hold on.”
Sergei watched as Alex stripped off his shirt with a grimace and tossed it toward the hamper. Sergei ached to touch Alex’s smooth skin, to strip off all of his clothes and drag Alex into bed while the breeze blew through the balcony doors and over their intertwined bodies.
They hadn’t done more than kiss the entire week.
Sadly, Alex put on the new shirt before walking over to Sergei. “Who are you talking to?” he asked with a quick kiss to Sergei’s cheek.
“Daniel Lipe.” Sergei grabbed Alex as he started to move away.
“Tell him I said hello.”
“Alex says hello,” Sergei said obediently into the phone. Leaning against the railing, he braced the phone against his shoulder and tugged Alex into place between his legs. He slid his hands up under Alex’s shirt, reveling in the feel of his skin.
