He picked up the puppy and held him to his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even remember telling you about Chappie.”
“You didn’t. That was more my interpretation of what happened in there and how you tried to save me. Well, Chappie in your mind.”
“Exactly. My fucked-up mind. Stay away from me. I’ll stay away from you.” He turned for the door, but without his cane, he nearly lost his balance and toppled over before he righted himself at the last second.
She slipped under his left arm, wrapped her arm around his waist, and propped him up. “I’ll walk you back to your place.”
“I don’t need your help.”
She turned the doorknob with her free hand and swung the door wide. “We just met. Let’s not lie to each other. It’s just a bad way to start.”
He looked down at her. “Start what?”
Her whole body went hot at the way he looked deep into her eyes. With his strong, lean body pressed along hers, she had to check the need to snuggle closer. He smelled like hay and horses, dirt and grass, and the wind. He smelled clean, like Montana. She’d only been in the state for little more than a day, but she loved it here.
Despite how close she held him, he still held himself back. That momentary glimpse of something didn’t override the fact he wanted to get away from her because of his physical and mental condition.
She tried not to take it personally. “Well, you did sleep with me, so that at least makes us friends.”
His eyes narrowed. “I don’t get you.”
She nudged him to walk out the door with her. “I think you don’t like that I get you. You’re not the only one who had a bad flashback in that room.”
“What?”
She left the door open and helped him down the porch steps, taking his weight when he needed to lean on her. “I take it Trinity didn’t tell you anything about me.”
“Not that I can remember.”
They walked together toward the main house, the puppy happily enjoying the ride in Drake’s arm. “Let’s just say, I had a crappy childhood. I know what it feels like to think you deserve to be punished for what you did. You want me to rage and yell at you. Well, sorry. It’ll take more than one temper tantrum to piss me off, because I know what you did is born of deep hurt and guilt. The hurt is real. The guilt is of your own making. Let it go.”
“You have no idea what I’ve done.”
She stopped with him in the front yard of his house and stood tucked under his arm at the bottom of the steps leading up to the wide porch and front door.
She tilted her head back and stared up at him and gave him a truth it had taken her a long time to come to terms with herself. “You survived. When you give yourself permission to believe that you did what you did because you had to, you’ll finally be able to put it in the past where it belongs. Believe that it’s okay to survive and live and move on and want something better than that.”
“I deserve everything I got and then some. I’ll be alone the rest of my life because of it.” He pulled his arm free of her and stepped back again.
The door opened behind her. “You’re wrong about that. You have people who love you and won’t let you be alone no matter how hard you push them away.”
“Where the hell have you been, Drake?”
She turned to Trinity just as Declan and Tate stepped out behind her. “He went for a walk to exercise his bad leg and somehow broke his cane. He was gimping it home when I spotted him and lent him a shoulder to lean on.” She caught the stunned surprise in Drake’s eyes when she turned back, and he put on that indifferent mask he wore to hide how he really felt.
She should probably tell his family what really happened, but the last thing Drake needed was them overreacting and piling onto him. He harbored enough guilt and recriminations for his actions. Those he’d done on purpose and the ones he couldn’t control.
She’d had to learn to give herself a break. She gave him the one he needed now.
She took the wiggling puppy from his hands and set him in the grass to do his business.
Trinity came down the stairs and looked from Drake to her and back. “Is everything okay?”
“Great,” she said, letting Drake off the hook again. “Thanks for the hug. I needed it.” She waved to Trinity and the guys on the porch, then turned and walked back to her cabin, calling over her shoulder to Trinity, “See you in the morning.”
She needed to eat, clean up her place, and stop thinking about a man who made it clear he didn’t want her help. Why would he? She couldn’t help her sister.
What was she going to do for him?
She needed to focus on supporting her sister’s recovery and getting her business up and running. Trinity warned her away from Drake for good reason. The last thing she needed to do was get involved with her business partner and friend’s big brother.
She mentally patted herself on the back for getting through what happened and not falling to pieces, but finding her calm and understanding Drake’s situation.
Sympathy and empathy made her want to help him with his soul-deep need to find his way back to connecting with people. She got that. Pushing people away didn’t make you feel better. It made you lonely. And being alone sucked.
Drake thought he was better off alone, but one day he’d discover having someone on your side willing to help and stick it out through the hard times was so much better.
She’d had Juliana.
She wished her sister would let her be there for her now.
But just like Drake, she’d pushed Adria away when all she wanted to do was help.
She stopped in the yard outside the cabin and looked up at the amazing Montana sky filled with a billion stars and felt as alone as she’d ever been.
She wrapped her arms around her chest, hands on her shoulders, and felt the echo of Drake’s embrace.
She’d been warned to stay away from Drake. She usually played things safe, but not this time. Because her heart was still in that room, locked in his arms, willing to give him what he needed and she craved: companionship, understanding, compassion, and someone to hold when life got scary and hard.
Chapter Seven
Drake stood outside the kitchen entrance, eavesdropping on his brothers and sister, who were sitting at the breakfast table with Adria.
“How did you two meet?” Declan asked.
“Baking class. Trinity’s mixer wasn’t working. She leaned over it to check the beaters right as I plugged it in and a cloud of flour poofed up into the air and covered her whole face and part of her hair.”
“You did it on purpose.” Nothing about the friendly, teasing way those words came out said Trinity actually blamed Adria for the unfortunate mishap.
Adria laughed. “I did not.”
The light sound tightened Drake’s gut. He’d spent the whole night tossing and turning, trying to remember what he’d done to her last night only to keep coming back to the feel of her in his arms when he woke up. With his hand wrapped around her throat. And her soft body pressed down the length of his. The citrus and flower scent of her shampoo in his nose and working its way into his system. Even now, he could smell her.
“I was just trying to help you.” Adria had helped him last night. More than she knew. He’d spent months silent about what happened with everyone—his family and shrink included—demanding he talk about it, which only meant he’d have to relive it. He didn’t want their sympathy. He didn’t want them to know how badly he failed.
But that’s not how Adria made him feel. She simply got it.
Whatever glimpse she’d gotten into his twisted, messed-up mind hadn’t sent her running. Despite shaking like a leaf and her initial hesitation to make any sudden moves when he came to, she hadn’t seen him as a threat.
The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Or anyone.
After last night—he didn’t know how to explain it—but he wanted to keep her safe. He wanted to be close to her because she made
it so easy to be around her. Protecting her and being with her, in his mind, conflicted with each other. He couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t lose his shit and do something like he did last night. Or something worse.
And that scared him.
“You did help. You made that amazing peach buttercream frosting to go with my vanilla bean cake.”
“Everyone in the class voted yours the best.”
“Because of you.” Trinity reached out and put her hand over Adria’s. “We got to talking and you told me about your Almost Homemade concept.”
Drake walked into the kitchen, drawn by the amazing smells filling the room, and wanting to know more about Adria. “That’s your new business?”
His family looked up at him, stunned that he spoke. Usually he came in, grabbed a coffee, and left without saying anything.
Trinity stood and took the puppy from him. “I’ll take him out.”
Drake took his seat at the head of the table next to Adria. He didn’t much like how close Declan sat on Adria’s left. “Morning.”
Adria studied his face. “You didn’t sleep?” Since she was on his left, she got an up-close view of the scars crisscrossing his cheek and jaw.
She barely looked at them, instead focusing on his eyes and the dark circles that gave him a haggard look he was getting used to seeing in the mirror even if he couldn’t get used to the scars.
“I got a couple hours. Seems the nap I took yesterday was all I needed.”
She frowned along with his brothers.
Declan leaned forward, closer to Adria. “I thought you were out for a walk. When did you take a nap?”
“I had to stop and rest after I broke my cane. I fell asleep against a tree.” Lies. He hated telling them to his family. Or at all. But he didn’t want them to know what happened. Not when he didn’t really know what he’d done. But the devastation he’d left in Adria’s room said whatever he’d done wasn’t good.
He could only imagine how she felt being in his arms, unsure if he’d hurt her. Trapped. The thought sickened him.
He didn’t know how she managed to sit next to him. But he remembered her compassion. She didn’t pity him. Somehow, after whatever he’d done to her, she looked deeper than his bad behavior and found some kind of understanding.
And that seemingly small thing made a huge difference in his dark world.
He took a sip of the coffee Trinity set in front of him on her way out the door with the pup. He snagged a slice of coffee cake off the platter on the table. The smell made his stomach rumble. The amazing taste and soft texture had him taking another bite.
His brothers stared at him because these days he barely ate anything.
To get them to stop focusing on him and to find out more about Adria, he asked, “What exactly is Almost Homemade?”
Trinity had probably told him about it. More than once. But these days he was lucky to keep one thought in his head at a time.
Adria scooped a pile of fluffy scrambled eggs with melted cheese and chives onto his plate from the covered pan. They steamed on his plate. Then she spooned salsa over the top and dropped a dollop of sour cream on the whole thing. “People these days don’t cook. They order in. They eat out. They buy prepackaged and frozen food. They pay out the nose for meal delivery services. I think there’s a market for that middle ground where you’ve got some basic cooking skills, can shop for fresh ingredients from our grocery lists, and the recipe is easy.”
“What kind of food are we talking about?” Tate stuffed the last of his cinnamon-caramel-drizzled cake into his mouth. “Because this is amazing.”
“Soups. Pastas. Sides. Main dishes. Desserts. Everything in one package.” Adria pointed to the empty coffee cake platter. “For example, all the ingredients for this cake are included in the package except for the eggs, butter, and milk you’d need to add to the mix.”
Drake took the first bite of eggs and moaned. “These are really good.”
“Eggs don’t have to be boring.”
Drake took another bite. “Aren’t there lots of places, even the grocery store, that sell boxed mixes?”
“Like the coffee cake, yes. But where we’ll be different is the meals. What’s your favorite dinner?”
“Pizza.”
“Okay, in the refrigerated case we’ll have fresh-made dough and a kit with sauce, cheese, and toppings. Take it home, roll out the dough, add the sauce, cheese, toppings, pop it in the oven. Fresh, hot pizza that is made with the best ingredients.” Adria scrunched her tempting rosy lips. “Pizza is easy. It’s not that people can’t cook—they want it to be fast and simple. Chili. The kit will have all the spices measured in one packet. Canned beans. Add the precooked ground beef and pork and water, simmer for an hour. You’re set. Same thing with chicken broccoli Alfredo. One kit. Fresh fettucine pasta, sauce, precooked chicken, chopped fresh broccoli. Simple instructions. Everything you need in one bag.”
“So it’s kind of like a grocery store, but the food is all packaged together in one bag for whatever the meal is?”
“Exactly. All good, quality ingredients in a convenient package that you can take home and quickly cook without having to measure and prep.”
Trinity joined them and dumped the puppy into his lap. “Let’s say you guys actually wanted to cook something, say like . . .”
“Meat loaf,” Declan chimed in.
Trinity rolled her eyes. “We have a bag of spices with directions for that. You supply the beef, mix in the spices, put it in a baking dish, and cook it in the oven.”
“Some things will be like that, others we’ll make in the shop that you can pick up and with minimal effort put it on the table and enjoy with your family.” Adria reached over and petted the pup. “Did you name him yet?”
He’d relented because he couldn’t ignore his little shadow and he’d needed to fill the hours he didn’t sleep last night with something to do. “Sunny.”
Adria beamed him a smile. “That’s a sweet name. Bright. Cheerful. Like him.”
Drake was none of those things. “I named him after the bomb-sniffing dog who saved my life.”
His brothers and sister went still and stared at him, holding their breath.
Adria put her hand on his arm. “It’s a wonderful tribute to your fellow soldier. Was the dog assigned to your team?”
He didn’t expect the question. Mostly because when he said stuff like that his family shut up, too afraid to set him off. “Uh, yeah. Sometimes.”
“I can’t imagine being the handler. You get attached to the dog, and then you have to put him in harm’s way, knowing he could die. I can’t imagine how devastating it is to lose one of the dogs.”
“It sucks for everyone.”
Her hand contracted on his arm.
He didn’t like to think about how they lost Sunny. She wasn’t sniffing out a bomb, but protecting her handler when she got shot. Losing her hurt just as much, maybe more, as losing a fellow soldier. They knew what they were getting into, but the dogs were trained to do a job they didn’t ask to do. They didn’t know the risk. They didn’t have a way out.
Before he got lost in another nightmare, Adria pressed her hand to his face, covering the scars with her warm palm. “Having Sunny around probably gave you a sense of home in the midst of something that shouldn’t have become normal.”
His heart thrashed in his chest. He didn’t know what to say or do with her words and understanding.
Sunny planted his front paws on Drake’s chest and licked his chin, taking him out of his head. The exact reason Jamie gave Sunny to him, so he focused on the dog, not his dark thoughts.
Adria removed her hand from his face and petted the dog. “You’re a good boy.” She locked eyes with him. “He could save your life, too, if you gave him a chance and stopped acting like you don’t want him.”
Was she talking about the dog, or how much he wanted her, a woman, and a future he thought he’d have one day with a wife and kids? He didn’t know. But he d
id know that life wasn’t possible. And her making him want it pissed him off.
He stood, dumping Sunny off his lap and onto the floor with a yelp before he found his feet and leaped at Drake’s boots, attacking the laces with his sharp little teeth.
“Nothing and no one can save me. Just leave me the hell alone.” He spun on his heel and left all of them at his back. His limp and the pain radiating through him followed. They would always be with him. The rest of them, her, any other woman who might come into his life would leave. He couldn’t be who he used to be, or even what they wanted him to try to be.
If Adria didn’t get that last night when she got an up-close view of his crazy, then he’d have to prove it to her another way.
None of them got it. He’d accepted it. His injuries were permanent. This was him now.
Chapter Eight
Adria sat back in her seat feeling like she’d pushed too hard. Drake seemed so relaxed and present this morning.
“You touched him.” Trinity fell into the seat across from her. “I can’t believe he let you touch him.”
She usually kept her hands to herself, except with her sisters. With them, she could be affectionate. It surprised her how easy it was for her to give the physical contact Drake so obviously craved despite how hard he pushed everyone away.
“He ate his entire breakfast.” Declan stared at Drake’s empty plate.
“He spoke.” Amazement filled Tate’s voice. “He carried on an entire conversation without a single grunt or glare or simply ignoring everyone.”
Adria perked up. She’d made a difference. She’d helped.
After failing her sister so badly, she needed this little boost.
“What is going on with you two?” Trinity eyed her.
She didn’t know how to answer. Yes, she was drawn to Drake, his pain, his need to connect with someone. It’s how she felt when the bad things happened and she’d turned to Juliana for comfort. But was that all there was? Nope. It felt like something more. But how could she explain something she hadn’t quite figured out herself?
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