by Madison Faye
Deep.
Hooked in my heart, buried deep inside somewhere I’d never felt before. Not even back with Helen before things went south.
I’d never felt this, not for anyone.
And it terrified me.
It shook the firm, iron-fisted control I kept over all aspects of my life, both personal and business. I didn’t know what the hell to do with a wild card like Isabella Wilder.
Well, I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay with her in that room. I wanted to close my eyes and sleep with the feel of her breath on my chest.
I wanted to hold her forever.
Jesus.
There was no way — no way that would ever work.
She was what, half my age? Besides that, she was my employee. And then there was the shit with Helen.
No, it couldn’t be.
I hated the thought. I raged at the thought, because it wasn’t fucking fair. In Bella, I saw something I’d been looking for, well, forever. But things out of my control kept me from having her the way I wanted.
I could take her in the dark shadows of her room, claim her body, explore it all with her and show her things she’d never felt. I could draw the moans from her lips, the pleasure from her body.
But I couldn’t possess her heart.
And it burned me.
* * *
M y heart jumped a little as I saw her come down at breakfast the next morning, my children in tow.
God she looked good with them. They beamed, giggling and hanging off of her, happy in a way I hadn’t seen them since the crash.
They deserved this.
She turned to me and smiled, blushing red; I knew why.
And I loved it.
But there was something else on her face.
Something dark, reserved.
She brought the kids to the table, getting them settled and ordering from our waitress in perfect French before looking quietly at her plate.
“Everything okay?”
She looked up quickly, blushing again as we made eye contact before nodding. “It’s nothing.”
I glanced at my kids, totally pre-occupied with something animated on their iPad, before I glanced back at her. “Tell me.”
“It’s nothing, Col— sir.”
“Last night?”
My brow raised. I couldn’t have that. Last night had meant a lot — much more than sex. We’d gone past that and I knew we both felt it. But I didn’t want her to have reservations, not about me and not about what we’d done.
But Bella shook her head, blushing. “No, not— not that.”
“What?”
“It’s just personal stuff, you don’t want to hear.”
“Trust me, I do.”
She looked up, nodding quietly as her eyes darted across my face. “Okay.”
“What is it?”
“My mom, she…” She trailed off. “She might be sick.” Her voice quavered, her eyes watering, and I could tell she was doing her best not to cry.
“Come with me.”
I stood, pulling her aside and moving to a deserted corner of the mostly empty restaurant where we could still see the children. “Come here,” I pulled her in, wrapping my arms around her as she sunk into my chest.
“What sort of sick?”
“Cancer,” she whispered.
I tensed, my eyes closing. “Bella, I’m so sorry.”
“They don’t know yet, she’s going for a test today.” She quickly shook her head, looking away. “I’m sorry, this isn’t professional of me. I just read the email, and— and—”
“Bella.”
She looked up. “Sir?”
“Right now I’m Colin.”
She smiled, brushing a tear from her eyelid. “Thank you.”
“Take the day off.”
“No, that’s— it’s my job to be here for your kids.”
“It’s your job to do as I say,” I said sternly. “Take the day, please. Relax in your room, get room service, go do some holiday shopping, anything. I’ve got the children.”
She glanced up at me, her face falling. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“I would hope that’d be obvious,” I murmured. “Whatever you need, tell me.”
She smiled again, chewing on her lip. “Thank you.”
* * *
W ith Bella off to her room after breakfast, I took the children with me and called our pre-arranged chauffeur. Help was always good, but then, I wanted this time with my kids too. After all, this was Paris and it was almost Christmas.
We skipped the museums, because as much as I wanted to culture my children, honestly, six and four were no age for sanity in a place like the Louvre. Instead, we went to La Petite Pâtisserie for scones — my favorite place to go in all of Paris. We went to the ice rink and the Luxembourg Gardens, me carrying the two giggling kids half the time I skated the ice.
And it was perfect.
But it was later, when we got back to the hotel, that the voice from my past chilled my blood as it came across the lobby.
The one I never wanted to hear again, and the one that never brought anything but darkness and anger.
“Hello, Colin.”
I whirled, shoving my kids behind me as I narrowed my eyes at her.
“What are you doing here, Helen,” I said with ice in my voice.
“I just wanted to stop by,” she smiled thinly. “You know, say hello. Be cordial.”
“Mommy?” Beckham said softly, peeking out from behind my leg.
“Hello, sweetheart!” Helen’s eyes were glassy, her voice slightly slurred — not much, but enough that I could tell, and I felt my jaw tense in fury.
Goddammit.
“Come say hi to mommy, honey!”
Beckham stayed behind me, his little hands gripping my trousers tightly.
“Helen,” I growled. “You know the restraining order. You’re not supposed to be within two thousand feet of them, let alone in my hotel, in Paris for Christ’s sake.
“You can’t keep my kids from me, Colin!” she suddenly snapped.
I leveled my eyes at her. “You’ve been drinking.”
“I have not.”
“Leave.”
“Or what? ”
“Or I get confrontational,” I said darkly.
“Oh,” she laughed. “Is that a threat? What, going to be rough with me, Colin?” Her smile curled wickedly. “You know, I heard you’ve got someone new for that now.”
I froze, and her eyes flashed.
“Leave, Helen.”
“How old is she, Colin?”
Jesus, no.
I felt my heart freeze as the grin spread across Helen’s face.
“Let me see my children, Colin.”
“Not a chance.”
“Then I’m going start playing dirty.” She laughed. “But I guess you already did which just makes it easier for me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about. You know who I’m talking about.” She glared at me. “You let her near our kids , Colin.”
“It’s not like that.”
She barked out a mirthless laugh. “Oh? What’s it like then. What, you love her?” Helen rolled her eyes. “Please , she’s just some young tramp you’re having a mid-life crisis with.”
I turned abruptly, scooping Lillian up and taking Beckham’s hand. “Let’s go, guys. Mommy’s feeling sick.”
“Don’t you walk away from me!”
I didn’t turn back once as I made my way to the elevators, my heart thundering in my chest.
15
Isabella
I t felt good to walk around and clear my head. I let the cool, snowy air of Paris numb my face as I walked the city by the river. I stopped to look at shop windows and bought an espresso at a cafe, but I mostly just lingered on the banks of the Seine, thinking about it all.
Finally though, I headed back to the hotel, my stomach rumbling, my head still spinning
, and my heart wanting only one thing.
Because after a day away, I just wanted to be near him.
It was such a dumb thought, but there it was. I needed him near me. I wanted his touch.
His lips.
And yes, I wanted him physically, but it was more than that. There was something about this proximity that just soothed me, and made me feel whole.
And I needed that after this day.
There was still no word from my mother as I walked back into the hotel lobby. I felt my heart tense up again thinking about the earlier email from my dad, how they’d found something on a scan on her ovary and wanted her to come in for testing. Of course, he’d said there was nothing to worry about, but that’s all I’d done all day.
I was heading for the elevators — every intention of walking straight to Colin’s room and knocking on his door, when an older woman in a black coat stepped out in front of me.
“Pardon, do you have the time?”
I paused, glancing at my wrist. “Oh, its five-thirty.”
She smiled. “American?”
“Yes,” I smiled back. “Just visiting.”
“Me too,” she said, still smiling at me. Her eyes dipped over me in this strangely curious way that made me hesitate.
“I’m visiting my children you see.”
“Oh!” I smiled. “That’s so wonderful. Do they live here?”
She shook her head. “Just visiting as well.” She nodded at the elevator. “Going up?”
“Yes, you?”
She nodded as we stepped in. The doors closed.
“Yes, they’re here with their father,” she said with a wave of her hand.
“Well that’s so nice that you get to visit them.”
There was something off about her, something about the way she kept staring at me — not to mention the smell of gin on her breath — that rubbed me the wrong way.
“Yes,” she nodded again. “They’re here with their dad for the holidays.”
I nodded.
“With him and his little whore of a nanny.”
I froze at the sharpness of her words, turning to her with my brow furrowed. “Excuse me?”
I gasped as she suddenly shoved me against the wall, slamming a finger into the stop button in the elevator.
“You! ” she hissed, her face turning into a look of fury.
Oh, God.
And suddenly, I knew who this was.
“You stay away from my children you little slut! ”
I quickly shook my head. “Helen, it’s not—”
“Oh don’t give me that,” she hissed. “He already did. And we both know it is exactly what I think it is.”
She reached into her purse and yanked out her phone, unlocking the screen before she shoved it into my hands.
My heart sank.
Oh my God.
There on the screen were pictures — pictures of Colin and I from the night before, on the balcony.
“You dirty, slutty little tramp,” she hissed, snatching the phone back. “That is my husband , you know!”
“Your ex-husband.”
My eyes went wide as the words boldly left my lips, almost unbelieving that I’d actually just said that.
Helen snarled at me. “Well, my children. ”
I wanted to toss something back, but I knew that was a step too far. As horrible as Colin had made the whole thing sound, and as attached as I was to Lillian and Beckham, this was their mother. I wouldn’t go there — not here, like this.
“Please let go of my arm,” I said quietly.
“Here’s what’s going to happen, honey ,” she hissed. “You’re going to leave.”
“It’s my job to be—”
“I don’t give a shit what your job is! Was it your job to take my husband’s cock in your mouth?! Hmm?”
I froze, my face turning red and my heart sinking.
“You’re going to leave, and that’s final. Not another peep to Colin, and no more contact. Especially not with my fucking children. ”
I shook my head, my eyes narrowing at her. “You can’t keep me from—”
“Watch me, honey!” She suddenly paused and smiled wickedly again.
“Such shame to hear about your mother.”
I froze. “What? ”
The word felt cold on my lips.
“What are you talking about?”
“Her ovarian cancer.”
The whole world spun.
“That’s not true,” I said quietly. “She just went in for a test.”
“Oh it is , dear. You just haven’t heard yet because your father is delaying calling to tell you.”
Something shattered inside of me. The world around me came crashing down as I staggered back, gripping blindly at the wall of the elevator.
“How—” I shook my head. “How do you know that?” I whispered in a brittle voice.
“Colin’s not the only one with friends in high places. His friends sit in Washington and in board rooms. Mine sit on the board of directors for Mass General Hospital, in Boston.” She smiled wickedly. “That is where your mother is being treated isn’t it?”
I nodded dumbly.
Oh God, this wasn’t happening.
“My mom—”
“Oh, she’ll be taken care of,” Helen said flippantly with a wave of her hand. “They have a wonderful cancer wing there — huge recovery rate.” She turned her eyes to me again, smiling wickedly. “If she gets care.”
I looked up sharply. “What?”
“Like I said, I have friends in high places too. Friends who can pass over your mother’s diagnosis, delay treatment.” She shrugged. “Paperwork, dear. You know how it can just get lost somewhere along the way.”
The rage boiled over inside of me as I felt something clawing at the air in my lungs. “You’re a monster.”
“Yes I am,” she hissed. She pushed the elevator buttons again, and we started to rise. “But we both know I’m going to win this.”
The elevator doors opened at the top floor, and she smiled as I numbly walked off. “Here’s how this works, you little bitch. You’re going to go to your room, pack your shit, and leave. ”
She handed me an envelope. “I even bought you first fucking class, you little whore.”
I turned, numb, still searching for the air in my lungs. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because that man has what’s mine , and I want it back.”
“You can’t just—”
“Oh, I can , sweetheart. And I will.”
Helen grinned one more triumphant, wicked smile at me. And then the elevator doors shut, leaving me shattered in the hallway.
16
Colin
F uck the rules .
Fuck whatever Helen wanted to throw at me. I’d fight it, and I knew the second I got upstairs and got the kids into bed that I wasn’t going to just give up like that.
I wasn’t some dog that would roll over for her.
For the first time in a long time, I was goddamn happy. I was beyond happy with Bella, actually. She brought out something inside of me I thought I’d lost, and I’d be damned if was going to let that go.
Not without a fight.
I strode down the hallway towards her room. I needed her. Physically, yes, but I just needed her in my arms. I needed her smell, I needed the way she lifted something inside of me.
I needed to tell her everything that was about to come down on us and tell her that I’d protect her from that storm.
Most importantly, it was time to just tell her exactly what I was feeling. No more pussyfooting around. No more hiding it in raw lust and games. It was time to lay the cards on the fucking table and tell her what she meant to me.
I paused outside of her room, taking a deep breath.
I felt elated. I knew shit was going to come down on us for this, but I didn’t care. Besides that, I had the best lawyers money could buy.
Helen could go fuck herself.
Sh
e wasn’t taking my children, and she sure as hell wasn’t taking my Bella.
I brought my hand up and knocked.
Only silence.
I knocked again, and again after that, before finally, I just used my own secondary key to unlock the door and step inside.
“Bella?”
The room was dark, and it only took a cursory walkthrough to tell she wasn’t there.
I frowned, glancing at the late hour.
This was weird.
It was late, she’d been out for a long time, and part of me started to worry. I pulled out my phone and tried the international cell I’d given her on the plane over here, but I got nothing.
Straight to voicemail.
The frown crossed my face again as I took the elevator down to the lobby and strode up to the concierge.
“Bonsoir, monsieur.”
“Good evening. Has a Ms. Wilder checked in with the desk at all today? Younger woman, blonde? She’s my employ—” I shook my head. “She’s with me.”
The man looked up at me quizzically. “But of course she has, monsieur.”
My eyes narrowed. “When?”
“When she checked out.”
I froze. “What? ”
“Yes,” the man said, quickly calling something up on his computer screen. “She checked out, monsieur.”
“When ,” I snarled at the man.
“Two hours ago.”
I whirled, my heart shattering and my hands tearing at my hair before I spun back on him. “Where did she go?”
“She had us call up a taxi, monsieur. To the airport.”
I staggered back, whirling in a daze.
And suddenly, there she was, standing in front of me, grinning that wicked smile.
Helen.
My eyes narrowed as I bared my teeth at her. “What have you done?”
“What needed doing, Colin,” she spat.
“What have you done? ” I screamed, turning every eye in the lobby.
Helen just smiled that ice-cold smile of hers and held her phone up. “Here.”
I yanked it from her hand and looked down.
Fuck.
Pictures.
Pictures of me and Bella from the night before on her terrace.
And I knew what she wanted with this. I knew this was her big guns — what she was going to try and use to level me and take what was mine.
