by M. C. Decker
Even though I knew I should just let it go, I decided to try the phone number that was scrawled on the back just once more. After three rings, I was just about to hang up when a male voice answered the call. “This is Parker Flynn, how can I help you?” he said.
Recognizing the name, I knew the number belonged to Ashlynn’s ex-husband. “Hello, Mr. Flynn, I’m sorry to inconvenience you, but I’m a doctor calling from St. Therese’s Hospital in regard to a Ms. Ashlynn Sommers.”
“OK, I don’t understand. Is Ashlynn all right? Are you her doctor?”
“Oh, yes, Ashlynn is physically fine,” I said, not wanting to worry him. “I’m just calling because I’ve recently taken her on as a patient and she suggested I give you a call,” I lied, knowing I was not only risking my career, but also any future I had with Ashlynn. It was a risk I was willing to take.
“Ashlynn gave you my number?” he asked, sounding skeptical. “I have to be honest here, Doc. I don’t know how I would be of any assistance to you or to her. We haven’t been married in years.”
“I just think you could provide me with some insight, that’s all. I was hoping you might be able to come down to my office and meet with me?” I asked, hoping he’d agree.
“I don’t know,” he said, hesitating. “My wife is expecting a baby any day now, and I really just don’t have a lot of extra time to spare. Besides, I’d really like to speak to Ashlynn before I agree to see you.”
“No, no. That won’t be necessary. Actually, on second thought, you’re a busy man. We can try and set something up after your baby is born. Sorry to take up your time,” I said.
“Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name,” he said as I ended the call.
“That wasn’t your finest moment, Carson,” I said to myself, knowing I was playing a volatile game of Russian roulette with my career.
“You talking to yourself again, Brother,” Camden said breaking me from my thoughts.
“Hey, just deep in this case file. What’s going on?” I asked, surprised to see my brother at the hospital.
“Sorry, I saw your door was partially open. I wasn’t even sure if you’d be in here today,” he said, walking into the office.
“Yeah, I just had some cases that needed my attention.”
“I still don’t understand what you’re doing here, though,” I said again.
“I came in to speak with the director of the pediatrics department. Turns out you’re not the only Doctor Foster that this fine hospital is interested in.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked. “You get offered a position?”
“Sure did. I think I’m going to take it too. It’d be nice to stick around town for a while this time. Traveling the world playing a superhero doctor has its perks, but I miss my son. I think it’s time to be a superhero dad for once,” Cam said.
“Look at you finally growing up. And, Jade doesn’t have anything to do with this decision?” I pried.
“Honestly, I haven’t told her about it. But, I don’t think she’ll be opposed to having me around more,” he admitted.
“Just as I suspected,” I said, nodding.
“What do you say we get out of here, and grab a beer at Encore? We can catch the end of the football game, and you can tell me all about your date from the other night,” Cam suggested.
“Um, I don’t know. I have a lot of work I need to get done around here,” I said, remembering running into Ashlynn the last time I’d been at Encore.
“Com’ on! It’ll still be there on Monday. We haven’t gone out in years. I miss you, Brother,” he nearly begged.
“Ok, fine. If you insist. Just give me a few minutes to finish up here. I’ll be right behind you,” I promised.
“All right, but don’t take too long. You know I don’t like drinking alone,” he laughed, stepping out of my office.
Shutting the door behind my brother, I grabbed the file and stepped over to the shredder. I needed to rid myself of the folder and everything that reminded me of Ashlynn Sommers.
“This place hasn’t changed since college,” Camden said, as I grabbed the bar stool next to him. “Those were the good ol’ days.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s still the same bottle of absinthe sitting on the top shelf over there,” I laughed, pointing out the half-full bottle.
“I remember we were sitting at these very stools when Jade and Marissa strutted in here like they owned the place,” he reminisced.
“That they did,” I chuckled.
“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have brought her up,” he said, sympathy in his tone.
“Nah, it’s OK. I’m in a good place now. It’s been a long time,” I reassured him.
“You do definitely seem to be in a better place. Could that be because of the mystery lady that you’ve been seeing? How’d your date go?”
“I thought things were going well, but it turns out she has more demons than I do. I can’t get her to open up to me and it’s killing me,” I admitted.
“Have you opened up to her?” Camden said, throwing my words back at me.
“Well, no, but I’m not the one who’s holding back. She’s been keeping something buried inside her for years.”
“Yeah, and how do you know this?”
“From the moment I met her, I just knew there was something holding her back. Call it an intuition, I guess. I’m drawn to her.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to doctor her.”
“I’m not. This is different, Cam. I’ve never crossed a line with my patients. I’ve always been professional and not gotten overly involved with any of them. And, believe me, many of them have tried. I’ve had more than one patient think that since I’m a sex therapist that I’ll cure them with my dick.”
“Sounds like some of the mothers I have to deal with. I can only assume it’s our dashing good looks,” he laughed, chugging back the rest of the beer he’d been drinking.
“I take back what I said earlier, you really haven’t changed, Bro,” I joked, slapping him on the back.
“What can I say? Old habits die hard,” he shrugged. “Seriously though, maybe you just need to give her some space.”
“I think it’s best if I just forget about her. I got a call from the facility in Minnesota anyway. They want me to come out next week to check it out.”
“That’s great. I know it’s what you’ve wanted for a long time. But, Carson, is it what you still want?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure anymore. But, if Ashlynn can’t open up then I need to do what’s best for both of us and walk away.”
“Why don’t you tell her your secrets. Maybe then she’ll tell you hers.”
Ashlynn
Nearly two weeks had passed since the Halloween party. I’d tried calling and texting Carson a few times in the days following the party, but each time they went unanswered. I even tried cornering him at work the following week, but he’d told me he wasn’t interested in talking. He even went so far as to suggest contacting his assistant if I needed to communicate with him regarding business matters.
“Word from the break room is Doctor Sexy will be leaving us soon,” Brad said, waltzing into my office.
“Get in here and close the door behind you,” I said, not wanting anyone to eavesdrop on our conversation. “Now, where’d you hear that?”
“His assistant, Danielle, told me that he’s out of town checking out a new hospital near the Twin Cities,” he gabbed.
“Since when does Carson’s assistant give you all the gossip?” I asked.
“Since she decided she wanted to hook me up with her very available and very hot brother,” he replied, fanning himself.
“I should’ve known,” I chuckled.
“Did I mention he’s super hot? She showed me his Instagram. He could be a cover model for one of those romance novels you’re always reading, Ash.”
“Correction, the romance novels we’re always reading,” I corrected, placing an emphasis on “we’re.”
&nb
sp; “Fine. Since you seem to be missing the point here–the romance novels WE’RE always reading. You happy now?”
“Very,” I said, pleased with myself. “You may continue now. Have you met him?”
“No, she’s going to give him my number. Pray that he actually calls. I really think he could be the one!” he said, excitedly.
“How do you know that? You haven’t even met him yet. What’s his name? I want to look him up.”
“Ned? No, Nate. No, that’s not right either. Maybe it was Neil,” he said, scratching his chin.
“You think you should actually get his name before you determine he’s your soulmate?” I suggested.
“Meh. Just semantics,” he said. “Oh, and Danielle also mentioned that the usually chipper Doctor Foster has been in a real foul mood since Halloween. Don’t suppose you know anything about that, do you?” he asked, leaving the office before I had a chance to get any further information about Carson.
Before I had much more time to mull over what Brad had just told me, my cell vibrated on my desk. Seeing that it was Parker, I sent it to voicemail. He’d called a few times over the last few weeks, but I hadn’t felt like talking to him. I knew that was selfish of me, but I wasn’t in the mood to take any trips down memory lane.
Before I had a chance to check the voicemail, my office phone rang beside me.
“Yes,” I said, picking up the phone.
“Ms. Sommers, Parker Flynn is on the line for you. Would you like me to send it through to your office?” my assistant asked.
“Yes, please. I’ll take the call. Thank you,” I said, before Parker was patched through the line.
“Parker? Sorry I haven’t called you back. I’ve just been really busy lately. What’s going on? What’s been so urgent?” I asked.
“Listen, Ash, we can talk about that later. I’m calling about something else right now. I don’t even know how to say this,” he stumbled, sounding shaken.
“Parker, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me?”
“It’s Kyle,” he said, just hearing his brother’s name sent a shiver down my spine. “He’s dead.”
“What? What do you mean? Kyle can’t be dead,” I said as the room started to spin around me.
“His girlfriend found him earlier today. The medical examiner is doing an autopsy, but it looks like he had an aneurysm burst sometime in the middle of the night.”
Taking a deep breath, I wasn’t sure how to react to the news. I hated that Parker was suffering, but there’s no way I would ever grieve for Kyle.
“What can I do?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.
“Please say you’ll come to the service. I know you and my brother weren’t all that close, but I’d like it if you came. Plans aren’t finalized yet, but the service will be early next week. I can call you back with the details.”
“Park, I really wish I could come, but unfortunately, I have a conference all next week. It’s been on my calendar for almost a year. I can’t back out of it now. You know I’ll be there in spirit though,” I lied. Hanging up the phone, I rested my head against my palms, trying to make sense of everything Parker had just told me. Kyle Flynn was gone.
Ashlynn
DRESSED IN ALL black, I stood behind a large oak tree, watching as the last of the mourners retreated to their cars. The shadow of my breath danced before me in the crisp, late November air.
My parents were the last to leave, offering their condolences to Parker, my ex, and his sister, Vanessa. The two siblings were left alone in the rural cemetery to say their final goodbyes. Vanessa’s sobs echoed through the barren trees as Parker kneeled on the freshly covered grave.
Just because I wouldn’t allow myself to shed a tear for Kyle Flynn, it didn’t mean that I didn’t deeply hurt for Parker and Vanessa. They’d already buried both their parents, and now they were saying goodbye to their brother. Even though Kyle was ten years older than Parker and nearly thirteen years older than Vanessa, the three got along, more than just siblings, but also as best friends. There was a time when I’d fit into their little squad.
When Parker called to tell me the news of Kyle’s passing, I was more than a little shocked. Truthfully, I tried not talking about Kyle–especially not with Parker. Just his name left me feeling guilty and afraid. I wasn’t quite sure how to react, but I offered my sympathy for my ex-husband’s sake. When he asked if I’d make it to the service, I quickly hunted for an excuse and told him I’d be out of town for a work conference.
I hadn’t lied to him. I wasn’t planning on going at all, but I guess I had to see it for myself—the casket, the grave, the final resting spot of Kyle Flynn.
Biting my bottom lip, I refused to shed a single tear. You aren’t going to let him take you there again, I kept repeating to myself. Not now. Not ever.
After several minutes, Parker and Vanessa got up and walked hand-in-hand back to the car. I waited as Parker brushed the newly fallen snow from the windshield before getting into the car and driving off.
Finally, alone in the cemetery, I walked over to the gravesite, my heels crunching in the snow. Momentarily, I regretted coming alone. My parents would’ve been a shoulder to cry on, but they didn’t know the whole truth. I’d told them the same lie as I’d told Parker. As far as they knew, I was hundreds of miles away in south Florida.
I’d made a decision all those many years ago to keep my secret. As a teenager, I thought my parents might’ve blamed me even though I knew now that wouldn’t have been the case. But, I couldn’t tell them now. My mother would never forgive me for keeping this secret from her for so long. And then there was also Parker. If he would’ve ever known the side of Kyle that I’d known, it would’ve broken him. I never told him my version of Kyle and I never could.
I had wanted to tell Carson. I wished he was standing at my side, but instead I ran from him. I’d come very close to telling him everything while wrapped in his arms at the ball, as I desperately wanted to give him all of me. I wanted him to finally be the one to take me there, but in the end, I was too afraid–I was always too afraid. It was too late now. I couldn’t even get him to return my calls. Soon, he’d be moving to Minnesota and I’d be nothing but a distant memory.
The secrets I’d kept for all those years were now buried with Kyle Flynn and that’s where they would have to remain–forever.
Standing at the site for a moment longer, I startled at the sound of someone walking up from behind. Turning to see who was approaching, I was surprised to see it was Carson.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my body shivering from the cold air.
“I thought maybe you could use a friend,” he said, giving me a half-smile.
“How-how did you know I was here?”
“Call it an intuition,” he shrugged, removing his black wool coat and placing it over my shoulders.
“Thank you,” I whispered, blanketing myself in its warmth.
“I wasn’t sure if I should come. I figured you would’ve said something if you wanted me here, but I didn’t think you should be alone either. I hope I made the right decision,” he added, his eyes pleading for confirmation.
“It’s OK. I’m glad you’re here. I just don’t understand how you knew,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief. “You haven’t returned any of my calls and your assistant told Brad that you were out of town.”
“I never made it to the airport. I was on my way, but I changed my mind. I came back to talk to you. When I got to your office, I overheard you on the phone with Parker. I heard you offer your condolences before you told him that you’d be out of town for a conference over the weekend. I couldn’t remember your mentioning anything about a conference, so I checked with your assistant and she confirmed that your calendar was open. I wanted to ask you about it, but I wasn’t sure if you’d even pick up your phone if I called,” he explained with frustration in his voice. “The next morning, I saw the obituary in the newspaper. I made a note of the service time.”
“I’m sorry for how things ended that night,” I said, hoping he’d understand.
“Shhh. Don’t even worry about it,” he whispered.
“I still don’t quite understand, though. You came back to talk to me? I thought you hated me. You haven’t spoken to me in days.”
“Oh, Ash, I definitely don’t hate you. I was frustrated and probably didn’t handle the situation as I should have. I was going to reach out last week but then something happened that demanded my full attention. I haven’t meant to avoid you.”
“It’s OK. I deserved it. I haven’t been honest with you. I haven’t been honest with anyone for a long time,” I admitted.
“If you want to talk, I can listen. I don’t want to pressure you anymore though. If you want to stand here in silence, then we can do that too,” he said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “If you’d rather be alone, I can leave. But, I hope you’ll let me stay,” he added, his eyes filled with hope that I wouldn’t turn him away again.
“No, please stay. I just don’t know what to say. There’s just so much. I don’t even know where to begin,” I said, struggling to keep the tears at bay.
“Why don’t you start from the beginning then?” he said, offering me a fresh hanky from his pocket.
“I don’t think I can. I’m falling for you Carson, and I’m not supposed to fall. I can’t fall. I’m broken and if you ever learned the truth you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. You can’t fix me. Not like you fix your patients,” I said, tears now streaming down my cheeks.
“I’ve already told you, Ashlynn, you’re not like my patients. You are so much more to me than that. I will never walk away from you,” he said, sincerity in his tone. “We all have our secrets we’d rather keep buried, but I care about you, Ashlynn. I care about you a lot. I know you’re afraid to take the next step in whatever we are, but I want so much more with you.”
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep this secret buried inside me any longer. Taking a deep breath, I crumpled to the cold, frozen ground as a loud shriek wracked my body. Quickly kneeling on the ground beside me, Carson engulfed me in his arms. Burying my head in his chest, I did as he asked and started at the very beginning–telling him about that dark Halloween night so long ago.
