by Nyrae Dawn
Caleb is right. If I want to prove to her I’m ready for the whole story, the first way to go about that is to show her I’m old enough and responsible enough to take care of myself.
And as much as I hate to admit it, even to myself while I’m walking down my near deserted street on a quiet Saturday morning, I need a break from her before I go crazy, too. I immediately feel like I’m wearing my bad daughter hat because I know she loves me. We’re all each other have. I know she hasn’t spoken to her parents since before I was born, but still, I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.
See? Bad daughter.
But what if this helps? What if letting me go a little bit, being forced to let me out after dark helps her? I shake my head, refusing to let myself think that way. Disappointment isn’t fun, and I’m not sure I’m up to it anymore.
So I check the one movie theater in town. Nada. The grocery store, gas station, I kid you not; I even try and find out about a paper route. Still nothing. By one o’clock I’m really starting to feel sorry for myself. I guess it’s my new motto or something and I don’t like it.
I’m getting sweaty and tired of walking, but this is the new me. I’m taking control and not giving up this early. So I keep trekking through Karma like all of a sudden, some good karma might come my way when I hear it: “Hey loser. Walking around to look for friends? I don’t think you’ll find any.”
I look over to see a Mercedes full of Lipstick Nazis. Just. My. Luck. Thanks for the good karma!
I keep walking because I’m a new, mature woman and I’m not going to let them get to me. There are so many more important things on my mind. My dad…
“Are you deaf now, Buffy?” Stacy yells, her black hair waving in the wind like she’s in a shampoo commercial.
I still ignore them because, hello? Is Buffy supposed to be a put down? Sarah Michelle Gellar seriously kicked butt. Plus, I could use some fantasies where I get to slay them.
They keep driving slowly next to me and all I can do is hope a car door opens and hits them. Funny, they taunt me for having no life, but they're the ones spending their afternoon following me around town.
“Oh! I got it! Are you on your way to your Vampires Anonymous meeting? Maybe you should get your psycho mom to tag along. You know, like mother-daughter bonding.”
And the pot boils over. I’m angry at Mom, myself and even at my dad and I really want to get rid of the LP. More than that I want to be the girl who isn’t followed around, harassed by a bunch of bimbos. I stop and look at them. Stacy’s car screeches as she must have hit the brakes.
“Don’t you have anything better to do? If you want to be friends, all you have to do is ask. Really, there’s no need to follow me around like a lost puppy.”
Did I mention before that I have bad luck? There’s an open parking space nearby and Stacy whips in. The LP jump out of the car and head my way. I run. Each pound of my feet against the ground makes me madder and madder at myself. I’m tired of running and giving them the satisfaction of knowing they’ll always win. They’ll always be better than me and I’ll always be the chased while they’re the chasers.
Hell, I don’t even know if they’re still following me, but I keep running, hoping I can outrun my problems.
I run until I reach Sampson’s Diner. It’s my last shot. I’m out of breath. My hair plastered to my forehead with sweat as I push through the door.
“Hi,” I gasp to Liz Sampson. The small, 1950’s-style-diner is empty. I know there’s not a chance she’s going to hire me looking like this, but right now I don’t have it in me to care. Before I even have the chance to catch my breath, I ask her, “Are you hiring?”
***
I wonder how long is too long for your heart to beat at double time? I’m pretty sure I’ve suffered a pretty bad case of rapid heart rate the past few days. It’s going crazy again as I step onto my porch. A girl should not be so nervous to go home, but I am.
After taking a couple deep breaths, I push past the door. It’s not like I can stay outside forever. Mom’s sitting on the couch, her eyes tinged with sadness as she looks at me. Immediately I mirror the feeling. It’s always like that with her. No matter how much she hurts me, I love her more than anything in the world.
“Hi,” I mumble, all the excitement I’d felt a little while ago hiding in the background.
Mom tries to smile at me. “Hey, kiddo.” She taps the couch cushion beside her. “I need to talk to you for a minute.”
“Yeah, I need to talk to you too.” I sit by her, guilt mixing with all the other emotions running wild inside me. I don’t need to feel guilty. I didn’t do anything wrong.
Mom’s eyes are pained. She’s only thirty-five, but she looks older. Maybe not old so much as worn out. A knot slides down my throat. Why can’t things be easier for us?
“Can I go first?” Mom asks.
Whew. You betcha! “Yeah.”
She takes a couple deep breaths while I’m fidgeting and picking off what’s left of my purple nail polish.
“I need to apologize for the way I told you about your dad.” Her words make tears prick my eyes. “I was upset and took it out on you and that’s inexcusable. I’m sorry, sweetie.”
I wrap my arms around her, needing her more than I like to admit. Mom squeezes me back and we both cry. It doesn’t even bother me that I’m shedding tears again because I need them. Hers and mine, mingling together in the pain we both share. Because even though I know the vampire thing isn’t real, I know in my heart his death is.
I felt how much he loved us and know death is the only thing that keeps him from being here right now. It’s not fair and I hate it.
Mom pulls away first. Not completely, but far enough that she can look at me. “But now you know why I’m so vigilant with you. Why it kills me to let you out after dark and why I need you prepared about what lurks out there.”
“How do you know?” I ask her. “Were you there? Did you know about them before they killed him? Are they after us?” I feel guilty for taking advantage of this situation, but that’s exactly what I’m doing. Hoping she’s upset enough to give me more details. Hoping I can find the hole in her story to show her it’s a delusion.
When she grabs my hand, I know my odds aren’t that great. It’s what she always does when she’s going to tell me something I don’t like. “I’m not ready, Abbs. And honestly, I know you don’t believe me, but you aren’t either. Not for all the answers.”
Now I’m angry again. My body doesn’t know what to feel, whiplashing between different emotions. I pull my hand away.
“I wanted to wait until you were old enough to tell you about him, but you caught me off guard. I know you don’t understand, but I need you to trust me. I can’t give you more until I know more myself. It wouldn’t be right.”
I shake my head. “How can you expect me to trust you when you’ve kept so much from me my whole life?” I can’t keep hiding inside at night. I can’t keep running away from people who throw your craziness at me.
“Because you’re old enough to know that you don’t know everything. That all I want to do is protect you.” I expect her to try and reach for my hand again, but she doesn’t.
“Oh, so I’m old enough to understand you get to call all the shots, but not old enough to understand what’s going on?” I’m shaking. In a second I’m off the couch and standing on the other side of the room. It’s then that I realize I think I want the answers because I want to believe her. I would rather vampires be real than know she really is crazy. It scares me.
“I got a job.” The words fly out of my mouth. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.”
Mom opens her mouth to talk, but I cut her off. “I figure I’m old enough to have this kind of responsibility. Most kids my age already have jobs. I’ll get off at nine which isn’t too late, so I don’t see any reason you shouldn’t let--”
“No.”
“No?”
“I
t’s dangerous, Abbs. You don’t seem to understand that.”
“Of course I don’t understand it! You won’t give me any answers so I can understand. You just expect me to follow your orders and trust you when you don’t trust me! You think I’m old enough for what suits you and not what helps me.”
“Abby, its dangerous--”
“You can’t always protect me!” I yell. It startles her. Startles me. “Getting in the car every day is dangerous, but we still do it.”
She stands. “It’s not the same thing, and I won’t have you talking to me like that, young lady.”
“Pfft. Yeah, I’m sure vampire attacks outnumber car accidents.” I continue before she can call me on my sarcasm, “Look, I’m sorry I got an attitude, but, please, Mom.” My voice is soft…pleading. “I just want to be like a normal teenager. I’ll wear my cross like I always do. I’ll keep my vial of holy water and my pepper spray, for the off chance I get attacked by an actual human. Anything. Just, please?” I walk over to her and this time, I grab her hand. “I need this. I’m asking you to trust me like you want me to trust you.”
My last words hit home. I can see the change in the worn-out features of her face. If she wants my trust, she’s going to have to give me a little in return. Defeated, she nods.
“Okay.”
***
Mom makes me reiterate at least fifty times that I understand the dangers. From there we move to reciting the ways to hurt or kill a vampire, and confirm our hours so we make sure I can use the car. Of course she throws in the whole call her the second I leave work thing, and finally I start to believe this is happening.
I ignore the shake in Mom’s hand as she repeats that we have a deal. My bad daughter hat is in place again, but I can’t help it. I want to hold onto this freedom as tightly as I clutched the letter still sitting in my pocket.
When Mom says she’s going to take a nap, I tell her I’m going for a walk. Even though we just came to an agreement about work, I still let her know I will be home before dark. I’m not surprised when I find myself slipping through the woods, hoping to find Caleb and share my news with him. Which is dumb. I know that. It’s not like we’re friends, but even though our conversation yesterday is the only real one we’ve ever had, he’s the only person I feel I can share this with.
Butterflies dance in my belly, making me feel a tad nauseous. The thing is, I didn’t want it to be obvious I came looking for him. I’m not a total idiot. There’s no way I’m putting myself out there for him to shoot me down, but this means I can’t go to his house. The only thing I can think to do is to go to the tree we met at yesterday and hope my bad luck gives me a break and he shows up. I know exactly where it is because it’s my tree.
The trunk is huge, with knobs and winding paths of bark around it. It looks different, a little older, a little more knowledgeable, which is really dumb. I think Mom's crazy for believing in vampires, but I think a tree is capable of intelligence. Nice.
I move my dad’s letter around in my hands. Since I found it, it’s always on me. I don’t know why I’m scared. It’s still light outside, but the sun won’t last long. If Caleb doesn’t show up soon, I’m going to have to leave. Which I’m sure is better. I’m not convinced waiting for him isn’t the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. What am I going to say? “Hey, Caleb. Remember me? You look at me a lot, but we never talk. Well, we did yesterday when I was bawling my eyes out. Guess what? I got a job!”
Yeah, now I can see why I don’t have friends.
But still I wait, much too long because the sun is dipping farther and farther into the horizon. The cool late afternoon breeze whispers over me like a gentle caress. I pull my legs closer to fight the chill, telling myself five more minutes. I’ll wait five more minutes before I head home.
The sun sets, dusk settling over the woods around me. As I get up to leave, a branch crunches behind me. Caleb! I’m totally embarrassed over my own giddiness. I turn and suddenly I realize, really realize that it will be dark soon and I’m alone. Well, alone except for the boy in the woods with me. A boy who is definitely not Caleb.
Chapter Four
The boy laughs. “Hi. I hope I didn’t scare you. From the look on your face, I guess I probably did.” He has to be about my age. He has dusty blond hair that sits on the collar of his black jacket. He’s cute. Very cute. If he’s not a psycho murderer, that is.
I frantically scan the area around us. Oh God. No one will hear me scream out here. The thing is, this guy is a stranger. I’m not usually all freaked out about the whole stranger danger thing, but I’m also not usually alone in the woods with someone I don’t know. Even being an outcast, there aren’t many people I don’t know in Karma. Especially people who hang-out in the woods. “Um…hi.” I play it cool, wishing I had my pepper spray.
“Hi. Are you okay? You look like you’re about to bolt at any minute.” He smiles. A real smile. A full, ear to ear one. It’s kind of contagious.
“Should I be ready to run?” Now some people might think that is a stupid question, but not me. I figure if he is a crazy murderer, he’s going to have a little respect for me for coming right out and asking him. Maybe enough to tell me the truth and at least give me head start.
This time, he laughs, holding his hands up in feigned surrender. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just taking a walk and saw you out here. It’s getting dark so I thought I’d check on you.”
Crap. It’s getting darker. Great, I get Mom to give me a little freedom and I stay out too late. Oh and end up in the woods with a strange boy.
He takes a couple steps toward me. “I’m Gabriel Chambers. I just moved here. I can show you my ID if you want.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. He’s a cute boy and he’s talking to me. That doesn’t happen too often. Well, except for yesterday. “ID isn’t necessary. I better go, though. My mom is probably freaking out right now." I have no choice but to walk toward him because he’s standing in the direction of my house. I move past him, ready to break into a run if I need to.
“Yeah, I hear you there.” He starts to walk with me. The butterflies are back and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s cute or because I should be scared. “I didn’t catch your name.”
I speed up. Mom is really going to freak if I don’t hurry and get home. But I still can’t help but think, A cute guy is asking my name! Go me! Of course, that’s only because he doesn’t know about me, but still. “Abigail, but I go by Abby.”
Gabriel keeps up with me. “Can I walk with you? I’m home schooled so this might be my only chance to meet someone my age for a while.”
I’m not really much of an optimist, but this just might be the luckiest day ever. Excluding my earlier bad luck, that is. This might be my chance to meet someone who knows nothing about me. Someone The LP can’t brainwash with their big boobs and even bigger attitudes. “Sure. It’d be cool to have some company. My house is this way.” Duh! It’s the way I’m walking.
We walk in silence for a few minutes. I have no idea what to say to him and, honestly, I’m half afraid if I open my mouth, something really lame will fall out. Luckily, he saves me.
“Lived here long?” Gabe asks.
“A few years. Since right before my freshman year. It sucks.”
Gabriel smiles. “Does it? I moved here from outside Boston. Sucked pretty badly there too, but you get used to it.”
A chill sweeps over me as the wind rustles the trees. Stupid, cold wind.
“Here, take my jacket.”
I stop in my tracks. He’s offering me his coat. It’s ridiculous for me to take it. I don’t know him, we’re almost to the edge of the woods and to the street that leads to my house, but it’s almost like a movie to me. The loser girl who finds this really hot guy to offer her is coat. It’s too good an opportunity to pass up. I take it, slipping my arms inside the warm sleeves. It smells like cloves, I think. Just faintly. The rest is all boy. “Thanks.”
“Any time.” He shrugs.
>
I feel a little guilty taking his jacket because he’s only wearing a blue t-shirt, but then I remember he’s from Boston. It gets colder there than it does in Northern California so he’s probably used to it.
His arms are muscular and like the rest of him, pretty damn hot. Can arms be hot? Yes, I think so.
“So,” he says as we walk. “You were saying it sucks here? I actually think I’m going to like it.” Gabriel winks at me and my insides start fluttering. My belly feels light. I’m not sure how to respond.
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen. You?”
“Seventeen. I can’t wait until I graduate. The first thing I’m going to do is leave this town.”
We clear the edge of the woods and step onto the street. “That bad, huh? What’s there to do around here for fun?”
“Fun? What’s that?” I tease, wondering why it’s so much easier to talk to Gabriel than it is Caleb. He laughs. “Um, not much. The typical stuff, I guess. I got my first job today. I’m going to bus tables at Sampson’s Diner.”
Gabriel stops walking. They we’re only a block from my house. “That’s fun?”
My mouth drops open and I cross my arms.
“I’m kidding! Maybe I’ll have to stop in and see you some time.”
Great, I’m blushing. My heart starts to race. Do NOT have a heart attack in front of him, Abbs! The first boy to ever show interest in me and I keel over dead when he mentions seeing me again. Sounds about right. “I’d like that.” And then, even though I hate it, I say, “I need to get going though. My house is right up the street. I can make it fine from here.” I take off his jacket. The crisp breeze makes me shiver.
“You can keep it.” He cocks his head toward the coat, but I shake my head. I want nothing more than to keep this jacket so I know he will have to see me again, but the last thing I need is something I’ll have to explain to Mom. “No thanks. I’m almost home and I don’t want you to be cold.”
He takes it from me. “Thanks for letting me walk home with you, Abigail. I’ll see you soon?”
