by Nyrae Dawn
“We’re slow tonight. Nothing to cook so I’m going to head up front and visit for a while. Yell if you need anything.”
O-kay. My first night of work and I’m shoved in the back all by myself. Nice.
I hear the door close and it’s eerily quiet back here. I’m wishing someone would have told me how incredibly boring freedom could be. With a sigh I start in on the overwhelming mound of dishes, wondering if they didn’t wash any all-day just so I’d have to do them all tonight. I’m humming a little, wondering if Gabe is still out front or if I chased him away. I didn’t tell him I wished I could hangout with him. I should have told him that.
A breeze skates over my skin, interrupting my thoughts. A chill runs the length of my spine. Slowly, I’m not quite sure why, but I turn to the door and jump. “Oh my God! Gabe, what are you doing back here?”
“I’m always scaring you,” he says as if that answers my question. And then he smiles. It’s so different than Caleb’s smile. Where Caleb’s is kind of vulnerable except the rare time he really laughs. It’s like he has to get it out because he knows he won’t laugh again for a while so he savors it and really let’s go. With Gabe, it’s practiced, but sweet in its own right.
“Seriously. What are you doing back here? You’re going to get me fired.” He’s standing in the door that leads to the back alley.
He leans against the doorjamb. “You won’t. I’ll make sure if it. The door’s loud so if we hear anyone coming I’ll sneak out. We don’t have to worry about it though, it’s dead up there and they’re all sitting around talking.” He’s lingering like he’s waiting for me to tell him to go or stay, which is pretty sweet.
My eyes find the front of the kitchen and of course no one is there. I look back and forth between Gabe and the front before saying, “I guess you can stay. It’s lonely back here by myself anyway, but we have to be quiet and if you hear anyone, seriously run. I can’t get into trouble.”
He smiles again. “You won’t, Abigail. I promise.” He’s so sure it makes me believe it too.
Gabe slips inside, leaving the door propped open. He doesn’t come in far, just a few feet closer to me. For the first couple minutes neither of us speaks. My hands are a little shaky and not just because of him. It’s embarrassing, but I’ve never really been in trouble and I don’t want to start now.
I turn and start in on the dishes. At least I’ll do one thing I’m supposed to. The air feels a little charged. I almost feel like I’m supposed to say something, but I don’t know what. The silence with Gabe is so different than it is with Caleb. One isn’t better than the other…just different. Stop comparing them, you weirdo.
“Are you uncomfortable? I can go.”
My head snaps to him. I wring my hands together, trying not to make it so obvious that I’m freaking out a little here.
He turns back toward the door again and looks just as confused as I feel. His eyes squint and he stands, straight and tense.
“No!” I roll my eyes at myself. “Okay, probably shouldn’t yell, right? Don’t go though. It’s not you. I’m just not really used to--” Nice. I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. What can I say here that doesn’t make me look like a loser? Not used to breaking many rules? Not used to hanging out with cute boys? “I don’t really have a lot of guy friends,” I say lamely.
“I find that hard to believe. What about the guy you were waiting for in the woods?”
My heart sputters a bit. Did I tell him I was waiting for Caleb? I must have, otherwise he wouldn’t know. It picks up its regular beat again. “That’s kind of a new thing too.”
Gabe stands up straighter and I realize how tall he is. “Good. I’m glad to know he doesn’t have much of a head start on me.”
Then he winks. Winks! And I’m left wondering about this head start he’s talking about. My grip on the plate in my hand tightens just for something to do.
“Great, now I’ve freaked you out again.” Gabe throws his hands in the air.
“No, I’m not freaked. I’m just…” I don’t know what makes me do it, but I decide for honesty here. “I’m way out of my league here. Not scared, just shocked. I’ve had a wild couple of days.” I smile at him.
“Anything you want to talk about?”
No, definitely not. My honesty wasn’t stretching toward Mom’s crazy fantasy and The LP torturing me.
Gabe’s lips stretch into a tight, straight line. “How did you get the bruise on your head?”
I touch my face with soapy hands. Ugh, how could I forget about that?
“Oh, I fell. Not a big deal.”
He’s quiet so I’m quiet, trying to figure out what the big deal is. Gabe’s eyes dart to the door and mine follow.
“I need to get going. I’ll try and stop in tomorrow night.”
Gabe turns and slips out the door just as Richard steps in the front.
“You almost done in here, kiddo? Your mom’s out here waiting for ya.”
Gabe and his sudden weirdness and all other thoughts are replaced with anger. I’m going to kill her.
Chapter Seven
I sit in the passenger seat of Mom’s car. My muscles are tight. So tight it’s hard for me to move. Why is it that every time things start to go well, every time I feel normal, reality pushes its way through and ruins it for me? “Mom! I can’t believe you! You promised I could do this.” Heat rolls over me, but a completely different kind of heat than what I feel around Caleb or Gabe. This is full-fledged anger burning its way through me.
“You are doing this, Abigail. I let you get the job. I let you drive yourself there. That’s all that matters.”
Her words shock me into action and I lurch forward, hitting the interior light in the car. And, I hope she gets pulled over for driving with it on too. “Pfft, hardly. It doesn’t count if you walk to the freakin’ restaurant and wait for me to get off, just so you can drive me home. I mean, what if a vampire fell from a tree and attacked you or something? You know how unsafe it is for an adult woman to walk by herself after dark.”
Mom gasps, but I can’t find it in myself to regret my sarcasm.
“I’m sure a vampire would have better balance than to fall though.”
Her stance becomes as stiff as mine, her knuckles fading to white as she squeezes the steering wheel. “Watch your mouth, young lady.”
That’s about the lamest saying ever. “Why? Where’s it going?”
She whips the car into our driveway, immediately killing the engine. “I will not accept you talking like that to me. You can be angry all you want, but I am still your mom and what I say goes.”
“And you say, what? That my mommy has to wait until I get off work every night? Maybe they can give you a job too so you don’t have to leave me in the kitchen by myself. You know, what if the vampires get hungry and want some of Liz Sampson’s potato soup? Oh wait; they’ll want my neck and not soup, won’t they?” We’ve never fought like this. There’s a voice inside me, begging me to stop, reminding me this is Mom, and no matter what, I’ve always stuck by her, but my anger quiets it.
I flinch when her hand flies forward and smacks me across the face. Immediately, she pulls back, her hand shaking as she says, “Oh, God. Abby, I’m so sorry.”
My face stings. Tears flood my eyes, washing away the anger and letting the hurt seep through. “I just want to be normal. I can’t do things normal teenagers do. I don’t have friends, sleepovers, or go to dances. I just want…” I swipe at one of the tears. “I just want to be like everyone else.” They’re truths, all of them, falling from my mouth. Truths I’ve never told her before.
“You’re not like everyone else, Abby, and that’s my fault, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m trying here.”
As always, her words don’t make sense, because I know even with my truths, she’s continuing to hide. “Try harder.” I slam the car door behind me.
***
I make it to the stop sign ten minutes early, having missed Mom who also
left early, only to see Caleb is already there waiting for me. My eyes are scratchy, because I spent most of the night unable to sleep. Better not tell Mom that. You know, nocturnal and undead go hand in hand. I can’t imagine what she’d think if her little girl started getting nightly habits.
But more importantly than all that, my eyes are freakin’ itchy which means they probably look all tired and half dead on the first day Caleb Evans is walking me to school. I love my life. Not.
“Hey. You look tired.”
Guys really know how to make a girl feel good. That would never be the first thing out of a girl’s mouth. Hey, you look like crap today. Just thought you might want to know! But him, of course he looks delicious all rumpled and messy. Another thing boys could get away with, we can’t. On a guy, it’s sexy, but for a girl, we’re letting ourselves go and at the tender age of seventeen, no less! “Just the look I’m going for,” I mumble, but apparently loud enough for him to hear. Open mouth, insert foot. Another motto of mine.
Caleb pushes his hands in his pocket at starts walking. At least he has the conscience to look sheepish about it, even if it’s in a ‘whatever’ kind-of-way.
I fall into step beside him, my arm brushing his. After jerking away, I totally realize I’m walking to school with Caleb. Caleb’s walking to school with me. Actually, Caleb’s walking me to school. Maybe I kind of love some parts of my life.
“So…” he kicks a rock, and I figure it’s his way of giving himself time to think of something to say. Gabe’s different that way. You can tell he’s much more comfortable in his skin than Caleb is and though confident guys are hot, the vulnerability in Caleb makes me feel all gooey inside like a warm, chocolate chip cookie. “Have trouble sleeping last night?”
“You can say that. Mom issues again.”
“That sucks.”
“Eh, it’s not your fault. I’m getting used to it by now. We’ve always gotten along, but lately, things are just different.” I don’t know why, I say these things to him. He has the power to suck them out of me, when in my head; I worry about sounding like one of those damaged girls who are too much work. Which I am, damaged and probably a lot of work with the whole vampire thing, but I shouldn’t make it so obvious to him.
“Things always change. Nothing we can do about it.”
It’s strange how he sometimes sounds so much older than he is. Like he’s so much more put together, but doesn’t want anyone to know. Just like my little confessions sneak out, his maturity hides in his words.
“So, that’s it though? The only reason you couldn’t sleep?” He looks at me, like my answer’s important, which I translate into my imagination because why would how I sleep matter?
“Yeah. I can’t sleep when I’m mad. I so don’t feel like going to school and dealing with the LP though.”
“The LP?” He chuckles.
Why am I so good at making myself look like an idiot? “Um, yeah. It’s what I call Stacy and her friends. The whole matching lipstick-thing freaks me out so I call them the Lipstick Posse. LP for short.”
“Huh, not bad. Fits them.” Caleb shrugs. “So, if you don’t want to go to school, why are you going?”
“Well, my mom comes home for lunch most days, so that might prove a little tricky. I could do the whole fake-sick-thing, but then I’d have her worrying about me and I’m too mad for that right now. There’s nowhere else to go.”
Caleb opens his mouth, then closes it again. Shakes his head, before giving me this wicked smile I’ve never seen him give to anyone, much less to me. It’s a carefree, mischievous smile and though I’m sure he does mischievous well, he doesn’t do carefree. “Wanna ditch?”
“Yeah,” I shrug trying to hide my virgin-skipping status. As if I skip all the time. “But like I said, I don’t have anywhere to go. “Plus, school is lame, but I’d be bored hanging out by myself all day anyway.”
Caleb squints is green eyes at me. “Um, no, dork. I meant do you want to skip with me?”
Gah! I’m such a noob. My heart starts malfunctioning again. Skip school? With Caleb? As in spending the whole day alone with him? Sign me up! But then the guilt starts wedging its way in to my happy little fantasy. Mom would kill me. But again…the whole day with Caleb! Maybe I misheard him. “Skip school with you?”
Caleb scratches his neck, looking over at me. “You don’t have to. It’s just an offer. I’m up for bailing on that whole scene any time I can.”
I think about Mom and how she totally ruined last night for me. About how I just want to get back at her. She won’t let me drive home alone? Well, I won’t go to school then. Of course… I don’t want her to find out about it though.
“Never mind.”
“No! I do!” I yell at him, looking like the freak show I am. “I mean, yeah. Sounds cool. Where would we go?”
“You know that little wood box you walk by every day? It’s called a house. I’m always there because it happens to be mine.”
My arm swings and I hit him with the back of my hand. “Shut up. What about your parents?”
“It won’t be a problem.” His words are tense as the ones spoken between Mom and me last night. But more than that, his eyes look sad. They close halfway and I know I shouldn’t be thinking it right now, but he’s gorgeous. All messy hair, eyes pointed downward, but such a strong face. I want to touch him. I mean, I always want to touch him, but even more so right now.
His eyes finally meet mine and I realize we’ve stopped walking. “It’s no biggie. If you don’t want to, we’ll just go to school. It’s just an offer and I don’t want to push you into something you don’t wanna do.”
This is it. My chance for the things I told Mom I want. Normal. But more than that, it’s my chance to know Caleb. And hopefully find someone to know me too. Not the girl with the vampire obsessed mom version, but the real me. “You’re not pushing me into anything. Let’s do it.”
He looks a little sick by my confirmation. Was it just a polite question? He really didn’t want to ditch with me today, but he only asked to be nice?
“You sure? I know you don’t really do this kind of thing. Would probably be smarter, anyway.”
Like always, I’m confused by his words. “I’m sure…unless you changed your mind or something. I mean, it’s cool.” Really, it’s not. Why did I think this would happen?
Caleb sighs, then rubs his temples. “Sorry, I didn’t get my sleep last night either. Not feeling so hot. If you’re game, I am too.” I nod. “Come on. Let’s get outta here.” Caleb heads toward the woods and I walk behind him, smiling.
“Last chance,” Caleb says as we walk up his porch stairs a few minutes later. He shrugs like he doesn’t care one way or another, but there’s something in his eyes that makes me feel like he’s pleading with me to say yes.
Or, it could just be a mental breakdown on my part. I can see the headlines now: Girl goes crazy when she thinks a boy might be interested in her.
“Jeez, you act like you’re trying to save my soul or something.”
His eyes close again and I know I’ve just said the worst possible thing. Which I don’t get. Is it because of his reputation? “Maybe I am.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
Caleb pushes the door open and tilts his head like he’s telling me to go in. I walk inside, stopping in the doorway, not sure where to go.
“Throw your backpack anywhere and sit down.”
I set it by the door before sitting on the couch. Caleb goes straight for the kitchen and comes back with two cokes. “I know my house isn’t much and I don’t have cable, but there are tons of movies. We can watch one if you want.”
“Sure.” I tell him to choose and he picks some loud, action movie, which I don’t pay attention to. The whole two hours I can’t stop my eyes from darting between Caleb sitting on the other side of the couch and the TV so he won’t notice I’m staring at him. His hands are bigger than mine. One rests on the couch between us. They’re veiny, a little calloused,
with short nails. God, do I want to hold it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m becoming totally boy-crazed, but I can’t help it. Caleb taps his fingers on the couch, his eyes trained ahead on the movie, while I’m having a hard time even focusing on breathing.
Before I know it, the credits are rolling. “Good?” he asks.
“Yeah! I loved it!”
Caleb laughs. “You’re a pretty good actress.”
I laugh too. “Whatever. I enjoyed myself.” Watching you…
A shiver slides over me. “Are you cold?” he asks, and I am. It was cloudy this morning and his cabin feels colder than it did outside.
“Yeah. I’m always cold.”
“I’ll make a fire. Be right back.”
Not wanting him to leave, I say, “You don’t have to go through all that trouble. Maybe just turn on the heater for a few minutes to take the edge off, and I’ll be fine.”
Caleb pushes off the touch anyway. “Don’t have heat.”
My cheeks burn for a different reason this time. I can’t even keep tally marks on how many dumb things I’ve said today. “Sorry.”
Caleb heads out, and comes back in a few minutes later with his arms full of wood. My eyes don’t leave him while he starts the fire.
“Are you hungry?”
Now I know there are those girls out there who don’t eat in front of a boy. I’ve never really had it come up, but my stomach growling proves to me I’m not one of those girls. “Yeah.”
Caleb walks in the kitchen and opens a small fridge. I try and peek around him to look inside, but I can’t.
“Okay so we have sandwiches. Or…lunchmeat and cheese…”
“So basically sandwiches?”
He tosses a glance over his shoulder and it’s another one of those carefree, mischievous looks. “Basically.”
