by Nyrae Dawn
“I hate that I make you nervous.” Gabe’s voice is soft…the softest I’ve ever heard it.
For a second, I think about denying it, but he deserves the truth. “I’m sorry. It’s not you. I think it’s just the craziness of tonight.”
Gabe gives a quiet humph. “You should always trust your instincts. That’s one of the first lessons my sir—father taught me.”
My heart starts to accelerate. “Are you saying you’re going to hurt me?” I try and tease.
Gabe laughs a friendly laugh and I feel more comfortable again. “I don’t think I could ever hurt you, Abigail.” He pulls off the road to a place I recognize as the lookout point.
I’d brought Caleb here once, during the few weeks Gabe and I weren’t talking. Suddenly, I’m suffocating in the car. I push the door open and stumble away. There’s nothing but night, sky woods to the side of us. Out front, the lookout of the city lights. I feel so small here. If I’m honest, I always feel small. But I hadn’t recently. Not with Gabe as my friend and Caleb… Tears roll down my face again. “Why did he do this to me?”
A second later I feel Gabe’s arms wrap around me. I don’t fight them, but bury my face into his chest. “Why me? All of it, Mom, my dad, Caleb. Why does everything bad happen to me?”
I cry as he strokes my hair. “Shh. It’s okay. Don’t cry.”
“No, it’s not okay. It will never be okay!” I yell. “He used me. He wanted to make me look like a fool in front of the whole town. You don’t know what it’s like for me, Gabe. All the kids either tease me or look at me with pity because I’m the crazy lady’s daughter. I’m the vamp freak and I always will be And even to my boyfriend! I trusted him!”
I clutch Gabe’s jacket as the tears race down my face. I cry for Mom. For whatever is wrong with her to make her believe vampires are real. I cry for me because I’m lonely. I finally thought I left that behind me, but now it pushes down on me so heavy it steals my breath.
I cry for Caleb. The boy I love who I thought maybe could love me too. The boy who made me believe and then betrayed me. And even for the pain of his past. For what his parents did; no one deserves that.
Finally, I cry for Gabe. Dear, sweet Gabe, who is the best friend I’ve ever had. Who’s done so much for me and I don’t think he even realizes it. For all the hurt he’s endured too, but still here he is, holding me while I cry. There’s darkness in his eyes, his past, but no matter what, he’s one of the best people I know, and I don’t deserve him.
Gabe lifts my face, so I stare at him in the eyes. He looks so pained…so conflicted that the heart I didn’t think could break anymore, does.
“Thank you.” I have no idea what he’s thanking me for. I should be the one thanking him, but I don’t have the time to say it because his mouth covers mine. He kisses me sweetly, slipping his tongue into my mouth. My tears mix with his taste as I kiss him back. His lips feel so different than Caleb’s as they tease mine.
Gabe pulls me tighter against him and deepens the kiss. It becomes fiercer, needier. Almost like he craves me.
And I want to crave him back, but I hate myself for what happens next. Caleb fills my mind. His kisses, his words, his smile. After everything, I still love him.
I move to pull away, but Gabe does it first. He jerks back from me, stepping backward and away. How did he know what I was feeling? Maybe he felt me start to pull away first? “Gabe, I’m sorry. I…” I try and step closer, but he backs away.
“Don’t. Stay away from me.” Gabe’s typical, smooth voice holds a rough edge.
“I’m not ready. It’s not you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re my friend…my best friend and I care about you.”
“Care? Ha. Just go, Abigail.”
He hates me. My one and only friend and I somehow made him hate me. What’s wrong with me? It’s like I ruin everything I touch. “Please, just let me drive you home.”
“Get out of here!” he bellows.
A new wave of tears stream down my face as I run to my car, jump in and drive away.
Chapter Seventeen
I stare off to the side of the road as Mom drives me to school. I thought about faking sick today. I almost did, but what’s the point? I couldn’t stay away forever. One day or another I’d have to face whatever waits for me at Karma High so why not get it over with now? Show the LP, Caleb and his friends, or whoever else knows about what happened that they can’t get me down that easily. That I’m stronger than them.
It’s a lie of course, but I’m getting used to the lies by now. I’m a regular politician with all the untruths that come out of my mouth.
I crack the window, needing air. Mom knows something’s going on. She knew it last night, but I played it off that it had to do with our fight, and then my losing my job. Luckily, she believes me. See? Politician? I make people believe me no matter what I say.
I’ve never felt as ill as I feel right now. My eyes ache, but nothing like my chest. My stomach is sick. Karma is squeezing the life out of me and I can’t find it in myself to care.
Tears threaten my eyes. I still remember what it’s like to be kissed by Caleb. How my insides melted whenever he called me Kitten. But I’m madder at myself than I am him because I made it so easy on him.
“Abbs? Are you sure you’re okay, kiddo?”
I shake my head, wishing all my memories would fall out. Oh, crap. I didn’t even realize we’d already pulled up at my school. “Yeah.”
I grab the handle, but she stops me. “All that stuff you told me about friends, and vamp freak? I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t know.” Tears fill her eyes. “I didn’t know…” she whispers again.
I lean over and hug her. “I know, Mom. I love you.” I’m done caring about the rest of it. I don’t care what she believes in because she loves me. When everyone else walks away from me, she’ll always love me.
“I love you too, Abby.”
I get out of the car. “I might be late after school. Don’t worry.” I slam the door before she can argue. I’ll have nowhere to go, but I’m not sure I can handle being home either.
With a sigh, I head toward the building to face my day.
***
Nothing has happened. No laughs, names or sneers. Between each class, I’m waiting. Waiting to hear the words vamp freak. Wondering when the ball will drop and they’ll all chime in about what happened at Sampson’s. Teasing me on how I could ever think Caleb Evans would like me. Obviously I’m not just a freak, but a stupid one.
But they never come.
All the other students laugh together at jokes I’ll never be in on, but for now, at least they’re not about me. They answers teacher’s questions, get sent to the principal, complain about cafeteria food just like today is a normal day. Like I wasn’t in the middle of some psycho-drama last night in the middle of the town’s diner.
Is it possible they don’t know? How could they not? News travels around Karma faster than a salon filled with old women. What would be the point in everything Caleb and Stacy did if they aren’t going to blab about it?
I continue through the day, waiting to be the punch line. Waiting for the joke where I’m the proverbial butt. And that’s not even the worst part of my day. The part that really slays me, pun intended, is that I can’t stop myself from looking for Caleb. I scan the halls all day, bail on the lunchroom scene to peek across the street to see if I see him. I’m like a regular stalker, but he’s nowhere to be found.
And I’m the idiot who’s worried about him. I can’t shake the feeling that something’s…off. How could someone fake the terror I saw on his face? The pain in his voice? Last I checked, Caleb’s not a professional actor.
Stop it! How could I explain Stacy? The way she approached him at the diner? My head feels like it’s going to split in two.
The bell rings. I glance over at Stacy who’s pretending I don’t exist. Funny how that’s what I always wanted for her to pretend I’m not around, but now that she’s doing it, I’m angry. Why di
d she ruin my life if she wasn’t going to do it completely?
She’s laughing when she walks past me and I can’t hold it back anymore. Years of pain and torment twist together creating a powerful tornado inside me.
And I push her.
Stacy stumbles forward, her hip catching on one of the desks.
“Fight!” Someone yells. I hear the teacher in the background, but right now, I don’t care.
“Why! Why did you do it?”
She’s looking at me like I’m crazy, and maybe I finally am. Pushing someone? Getting in a fight in a classroom?
“Do what? What are you talking about?” Stacy stands up and she doesn’t even look mad. Did I just play into her hand? She doesn’t look smug either, just indifferent, before she walks away.
“Abigail Thompson!” Mr. Henry stops up behind me, but I don’t wait for him to say anything else. I run. Through the classroom, down the hall and out the back door. My eyes blur, but I keep going until I make it to that familiar tree line.
And he’s not there. Of course he’s not there. Why would he be? Why would I want him to be? I fall to the ground and cry. What’s going on with me? I can’t believe I just pushed Stacy. That I ran out of school when a teacher called to me. Is this part of the game? To really make me go crazy? If so, they get an A—plus.
I flash back to Stacy’s face in class. To Caleb’s face in the diner. How did they act so well? Is it possible—
No! Possible that what Caleb said had been true? But that wouldn’t explain Stacy. I clutch the side of my head like I’ve seen Caleb do so many times.
In a quick movement, I shove to my feet. I have to talk to him. Have to know why he did it.
***
The Cabin’s dark. I knock on the door for at least five minutes, even trying the handle. He’s either hiding like a coward, or he’s not here. I check all our spots. Ours. What am I doing here? Why can’t I accept he’s gone and never cared?
Instead I check his swing, the creek and that first tree we talked about. It feels so long ago, rather than just weeks like it’s been. With no other options, I sit on his porch and wait, even though I know he’s gone. He always planned on leaving anyway, so what better time than after breaking someone’s heart?
It starts getting darker sooner, surrounded by all these trees. The sun falling asleep, looking for that place it hides every night. Or I guess it just decides to bless the other half of the word with its presence.
I shiver and I’m not sure it’s from the chill in the air. The headaches, the dreams, the noises outside my cabin. Noises outside my cabin…
All of a sudden, I can’t get out of here fast enough. Leaping down from Caleb’s porch, I run. It’s not far from his house to the edge of the woods where I won’t be swallowed by the shadows of the trees. By the time I clear the distance, it’s full on night. Darkness seeps around me. A wave of goose bumps travel up my arms.
I stumble off the curb, picking up the pace as I jog toward my house.
The closer I get, the more uneasy I feel. The back of my neck tingles. Caleb and my stop sign is only a few feet away, which means only one block until I’m home. When I pass the sign, someone steps out in front of me. A scream threatens to pull from the back of my throat, but I can’t make a sound. Arms tighten around me, making my survival instincts click in. I kick my captor, my heart nearly exploding in my chest.
“Shh, Abigail. It’s just me.”
I stop kicking, but still fight to pull myself free. I might recognize the voice, but I still don’t like his arms around me right now. “Gabe? Let me go!”
Just like that, his grip loosens. “I always seem to be scaring you. I’m sorry about grabbing you, but you were running so fast, you almost mowed me down. Is everything okay?”
I groan, feeling a little silly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just scaring myself half to death, that’s all. What are you doing out here?”
“I was worried. I felt terrible about the way I left things last night. I went to your window again, but you weren’t home, so I’ve been walking around out here ever since.”
Great, another stab in my guilty, untrusting heart. “I had some thinking to do…” He touches my cheek and for a minute, I wonder if he’s going to kiss me again.
“I’m so sorry, Abby. I’ve made such a mess of things.” Abby… it’s the first time he’s called me Abby. And I don’t want him feeling guilty. None of this has been his fault.
“Don’t be sorry. I’ve made an even bigger mess of things than you have. I should be the one apologizing to you.”
His eyes close and he shakes his head. When he opens them, the agony in his stare rips me apart.
“I don’t deserve the faith you’ve put into me. You have no reason to apologize to me. Ever. If you only knew…”
It’s too much. I can’t take it. I’ve lost Caleb, maybe my mind and I don’t want to lose something else too. I just want things to be normal. Or as normal as they’ll ever be for me. “Stop! Just stop. I’m so tired of everything. Can’t we just start over? Make happy or something? There’s been way too much drama and I just want things to get back to how they were when we first met.”
“Abby… last night…”
I hold up my hand. “Last night you tried to make me feel good. I know I pulled away from you, and I know you know why, but no one else could have comforted me the way you did. You’re my… my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you. Caleb is gone, and I don’t want to lose you, too.”
Gabe freezes. Oh, God. Have I messed things up by bring up Caleb? All I wanted to do is give him some of the comfort he’s given to me.
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Gabe’s voice is tense.
Okay. Totally not what I expected him to ask. I shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, he’s gone. He wasn’t at school today and I know it’s stupid, but I went to his cabin and he never showed up there either. He’d always planned on leaving town anyway. I guess I was just his parting shot to this town.”
Gabe strokes my cheek again. I can tell he doesn’t want me to know something’s wrong. “What’s going on?” I ask. “Did you two run into each other? Did something happen?”
Gabe’s voice is oddly detached when he speaks again. “No, it’s just Karma.”
Karma? The town? What the heck?
“I’m so sorry, Abigail.” Slowly, he pulls his fingers away from me as if he regrets what he’s doing. He’s going so slow, it’s almost as if he wants to touch me as long as he can. I know it’s wrong, but I take comfort in it. Someone who seems to need me.
Finally his fingers are gone. “I have to go.” Then he’s walking away from me.
Is it something I’ve said? Or something I always seem to say when it comes to Gabe because he’s always walking away from me.
“Wait!” I yell. “Gabe come back!”
Gabe doesn’t stop. If anything, his footsteps increase their pace. I’ve made a mess of things again. I drop my head back and look at the sky, all dark and with black clouds. “Why? Why do you hate me?”
I look forward again to yell for Gabe to stop, but he’s already completely gone.
***
I slam the front door to my house. Before I can turn around, Mom jerks me into her arms.
“Abby, oh my God. I was worried sick about you.”
I so don’t need this tonight. “I told you I wouldn’t be home after school, Mom, and yes, I know what could have happened to me. I could have been absolutely fine, like I am and like 99.9% of the people out after dark. Or, maybe if I wasn’t I could have been mugged. Or maybe a psychotic person could have come after me, or I could have been hit by a car, but I wasn’t. Nothing happened to me and nothing will. If it does, that’s life and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
Mom doesn’t get mad and I wonder if we’re past all the fighting. “Abby, what’s wrong? What happened to us? You know you can always talk to me, kiddo.”
And I want to. I’m so tired of fighting and the secrets, I want to te
ll her everything, but I don’t know if I can. I sigh. “I’m just tired of it all, Mom. I was humiliated by a boy I thought I loved. My job is gone because he came in raving about vampires in front of everyone because no matter what I do, I’ll always be the vamp freak.”
The color drains from her face. I can’t take her hurt. Hers, mine. It’s all too much. I try to walk upstairs, but she grabs my arm. Tightly.
“What did you just say? Tell me all of it, Abby. Now!”
She’s never, ever talked to me like this. The look on her face, coupled with her tightening grip on my arm, pumps dread through my body. Is this it? Did I push her over the edge? “Mom, stop. You’re scaring me.” I twist, trying to break free from her hold. “Mom…”
But it isn’t my voice that snaps her out of whatever spell she’s under. Someone is pounding on the front door. I take advantage of Mom’s surprise, and pull away. I don’t know what makes me do it, but I reach for the door handle. All the years of vampire rules Mom’s instilled in me vanishes as I jerk the door open, hoping whoever it is can keep us from this fight we’re having. Maybe it’s Gabe and we can go watch movies in the park to make me forget all of this.
“No!” Mom yells as the door swings open so hard it bangs into the wall.
And I get the shock of my life. It’s not Gabe’s eyes I’m looking into. The eyes staring back at me are just like my own.
Chapter Eighteen
I can’t move. Can’t breathe. I can’t feel anything. It’s almost as if I’m in a bubble, or frozen, numb or maybe all of the above. Either Mom’s lied to me, or we should have been believing in ghosts rather than vampires.
“Abby! No! Oh, God. Back up. Stay away from the door.” Mom’s frantic, grabbing at me. I can’t feel it, but my body is jerking backward and I know I’m not the one doing it.
