by Anne Bennett
Daniel remembered how grateful he had been for that water, that had tasted like nectar to his dust-caked throat. He had tried to get some water into Connie, but it had just dribbled out of the corners of her mouth. It was so dark, it was hard to see what he was doing. He had matches in his pocket but dared not light one. He knew gas pipes were probably fitted to the walls of the basement the factory had fallen into. If one of those pipes had been fractured in some way, a naked flame could easily cause an explosion. And so he soaked his hanky and wiped Connie’s face, and he could have almost sworn that she licked her lips. He’d said nothing at the time because he hadn’t wanted to raise false hopes.
Daniel’s visit hadn’t worked a miracle, but Angela had to admit that it was nice for Connie to have company beyond just her. So she asked Daniel if he would come back again, to which he immediately agreed.
He looked at Bobby and said, ‘Connie appeared pretty bad, but I couldn’t be sure because it was too dark to see anything much. I think she was drifting in and out of consciousness, but I wasn’t even certain about that.’ But now he looked at Angela and said, ‘Bobby saved both our lives, I should say.’
‘Yes, you and your sweetheart,’ Angela replied sardonically.
Daniel was slightly annoyed by Angela’s tone and replied firmly, ‘This is not the time or the place, but if this accident hadn’t happened, I would now be talking to you about how Connie and I feel about one another.’
‘Are you aware of Connie’s age?’ Angela demanded. ‘She is little more than a child.’
‘You were not much older when you married Connie’s father,’ Daniel retorted. ‘Mary told me that, and she said some people were scandalised because it was not long after two of Barry’s brothers had been drowned on the Titanic. And you were very happily married to Barry, everyone says so, and Connie was the result.’
‘There was a reason for that hasty marriage,’ Angela said. ‘Initially it was to give Mary something to plan, to try and distract her mind from the tragic death of her sons. And then it had to be moved even closer when my foster father became dangerously ill, and I wanted him to walk me down the aisle if possible.’ And then she added, ‘Barry was well aware of my age and behaved like a perfect gentleman.’
‘That wasn’t just the prerogative of Barry McClusky,’ Daniel said. ‘Do you think I will treat Connie with any less respect?’
Angela was prevented from answering by a noise from the bed. Connie had made no sound yet, but it was obvious she was trying to. Angela bent closer, ‘What is it, darling?’
Connie fought to open her eyes, but they seemed to weigh a ton. But at last they were open, and she was looking at her mother’s dear face, her expressive eyes full of concern. Connie croaked out in a voice just above a whisper, ‘I love Daniel.’
Angela’s heart was singing because she knew with sudden certainty that her daughter would eventually get better. Suddenly it didn’t matter what she thought about Connie and Daniel. She knew it would probably take Connie a long time to get completely well, but it would be well worth it, because at the end of that road would be the daughter Angela thought she had lost. And if Connie wanted Daniel to share her life, Angela decided she would put no obstacle in their way. Instead she would give Connie all the support she might need.
SEVEN
‘So, do you feel happier about the relationship between Daniel and Connie now?’ Stan asked as they began the walk home that evening after visiting hours were over and Angela had been shooed out by the night-shift matron.
‘Yes,’ Angela said. ‘It’s funny, but when you come close to losing someone you love, your whole life takes on a new perspective. And why should I even think of Daniel as somehow unsuitable for Connie? He is older, but that in itself shouldn’t be a barrier. Added to that, I am very fond of Daniel myself, and most important of all, he is Connie’s choice.’
‘Oh, Angela,’ Stan said. ‘You have made me a very happy man. Can I tell him?’
‘Of course,’ Angela said. ‘It’s not exactly a secret. You can tell the young couple they have my blessing to continue their relationship.’
‘I think I can say without doubt that they will be relieved,’ Stan said. ‘And now that we’ve got the young people sorted out, it’s time for you and me.’
‘Me and you,’ Angela repeated. ‘What about us?’
‘Need you ask?’ Stan said. ‘We need to talk about us. Both of us need to admit how we feel about each other. I spoke words of love to you once and you shuddered, which hurt me a great deal. You said it was because of the secret of the abandoned child that you felt you couldn’t tell me about. Now that is not between us any more, how do you feel about the words I said? You said once they were words you’d longed to hear. Was that true?’
‘Of course it was true,’ Angela said. ‘I’m surprised you even had to ask.’
‘I hoped,’ Stan said. ‘I didn’t let myself think further than that.’
‘Stan, you were speaking of feelings to me that I never thought I would hear,’ Angela said. ‘I longed for you to see me as more than just a friend. I felt the memory of Barry, who I dearly loved, was a barrier as far as you were concerned, and because of him you would not allow yourself to think of yourself as my lover. Am I right?’
Stan nodded.
‘And then I shuddered, but you thought I was shuddering because of what you said?’
Again, Stan nodded and Angela stopped walking and turned him to face her. She looked into his deep-brown eyes and said, ‘Listen to me, Stan. There are no words that you could say that would make me shudder, unless it was in anticipation of what was to come next.’
‘You mean …?’
‘I mean that those were words I yearned to hear, fantasised about, but I didn’t think you felt that way about me.’
‘And I was too cautious to say anything at all,’ Stan said. ‘It was Daniel who said I should speak out. I don’t think we’ll have any trouble with the kids being upset about us getting together,’ he continued, chuckling.
‘Nor do I,’ Angela said. ‘In fact, both of them have been far more sensible than we have. We have both been incredibly stupid and wasted a lot of time. And I want to waste no more. I love you, Stan Bishop, and I should have told you ages ago.’
She was surprised at the tears that glittered in Stan’s eyes, and then he said huskily, ‘You have made me the happiest man in the world, for I love you too.’ And then Stan’s arms enfolded Angela as he pulled her towards him, and his lips descended on hers. Stan’s kiss was like nothing she’d ever felt before. She forgot all about her painful past, forgot she was standing in the middle of the street, and thought of nothing but the man she loved who was finally, finally holding her in his arms.
Bit by bit, Connie pulled herself from the morass that seemed to surround her brain. Her speech was slow at first, and hesitant, but it improved daily. She could sometimes be quiet with Angela, almost as if she didn’t quite know how to talk to her mother. However, she was seldom quiet for long with Daniel, and the two chattered away ten to the dozen whenever they were together. Connie’s spirits always seemed instantly lifted when he was by her side.
The holidays had long finished, and Chrissie had begun at St Catherine’s School and Daniel had returned to his classroom. He initially worked part time, and came to visit Connie after school and at weekends. She also welcomed a visit from the librarians, who brought her endless books to keep her entertained, as did some of her teachers. She was even enthusiastic when they offered to bring her work to do.
‘Are you sure it won’t be too much for you?’ Angela asked anxiously.
‘No,’ Connie said. ‘I’m so bored in hospital and I’d prefer to be doing something useful. I was worried that I would be too far behind to be allowed to take the librarianship exam when I’m out of here.’
‘Librarianship exam?!’ Angela exclaimed. ‘Who’s put you up to this?’
‘No one,’ Connie said emphatically. ‘So don’t think it. There’
s more to it than stamping books at the counter. I tried to talk about things I did at the library, but you never seemed that interested. I know you’ve had your heart set on me going to university, but I love working in the library. And Mammy, I think I’m good at it too.’
Angela knew herself she hadn’t taken much interest in what Connie was doing at the library. It was small wonder she hadn’t discussed this exam with her, but there was still the promise she had made to Barry. ‘Your daddy …’ she began, but Connie cut in.
‘I know he was determined for me to get a good education. But from what you tell me of my daddy, he would have wanted me to have a good job, one I would be happy doing. If he was here now, don’t you think he would support me, wanting me to continue my studies and take the librarianship course?’ Connie paused. ‘Shall we see if I pass the exams I need first, and then you can see how you feel about it?’
Angela nodded her head, ‘That’s fair enough.’ This idea might stop Connie thinking and worrying about her recovery, so she supposed it could only be a good thing. ‘All right,’ said Angela. ‘Your daddy wanted your happiness above all else, so you work as hard as you can for this exam, and I wish you the best of luck with it.’
‘You mean it?’
‘I mean it,’ Angela said. ‘I want only your happiness too. When I thought I had lost you, I knew my reason for living was gone, and I’m sure I’d have your daddy’s approval when I say, “Go for it!”’
And then Angela put her arms around her trembling daughter’s shoulders and held her tight as she wept.
‘Connie darling, there’s no need for so many tears,’ soothed Angela. ‘Maybe this is all a bit too much too soon, after all you’ve been through?’
Connie shook her head and tried a weak smile. ‘It’s just nice to be able to talk to you properly, Mammy,’ she whispered. ‘There were all those years when you wouldn’t talk about the past, and now … now I know why you clammed up every time it was mentioned. It was because of what happened … because of Chrissie, wasn’t it?’
Angela nodded. ‘It was such a shameful thing to have done, Connie, and although I told myself I did it for the right reasons – for you, for Mary, for your daddy – I could never forget that tiny baby lying all alone. And now, while it’s wonderful having her back in my life, I worry about how you are feeling as well, about having a brand-new sister?’
Connie didn’t know what to say; she wasn’t used to her mother being quite so open about her thoughts and feelings. But Connie was a truthful and kind girl and decided that honesty was the best policy. ‘Mammy, to tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure exactly what to think to start with. I love Chrissie, she’s such a sweet girl, and I couldn’t think of a better half-sister. But it does feel strange knowing that I’m not your only daughter any more.’
She paused, then gave Angela a much more convincing smile, and carried on: ‘But I’m determined to think of it only as a positive thing. I’ve had you to myself for all these years, and what a great mammy you’ve been! And now I have the sister I’ve always longed for. We’re going to be best friends, just see if we aren’t. I’ve got someone to pass my favourite books on to, and someone else to really talk to. So aren’t I the lucky one?’
Angela nodded, a lump in her throat, with her tears threatening to spill this time. She put her arm around her daughter and said, ‘Connie, I’m so proud of you, and I always will be.’
‘Right, enough of all this heart-to-heart stuff!’ said Connie. ‘I’ve got exams to revise for!’
‘Go on then,’ said Angela. ‘I know you’ll do me proud and become the best librarian Birmingham has ever seen!’
So throughout the spring of that year, though Connie worked on getting physically better, with her mother’s help, she also did the studying the teachers had given her to prepare her for the librarianship exam. Eileen was able to help her there, and was more than glad to do it.
In the summer the hospital made special arrangements for Connie to take the first exam, the first step in becoming a chartered librarian. She also had the first of many operations she was scheduled for. It was a complete success, and she was also delighted to learn that she had passed her first exam with flying colours. Both of the librarians came to see her to extend their congratulations and talked to Angela for a long time about Connie’s future. Everyone agreed that the distinguished pass was an amazing achievement, given all she had gone through. Connie, a little embarrassed by all the fuss, did appreciate their kindness to her.
Chrissie was visiting one day, when Connie noticed her looking troubled.
‘What is it?’ asked Connie. ‘You know you can tell me if something’s worrying you. That’s what sisters are for, so we might as well make the most of us both now having one!’
‘Connie, your mammy asked me if I wanted to move into your house with you both? And while that is so kind of her to ask, I know that in my heart of hearts I want to stay with Eileen and Father John. They are like family to me, the only family I’ve ever known. And while I want more than anything for you and your mammy to become my family too, I don’t want to turn my back on two of the kindest people I know.’
‘I think Mammy imagines you will move into our house and play happy families, as if nothing had happened to separate us all for years. But I know she’ll understand if you explain it to her just as you’ve explained it to me. Really Chrissie, she’ll just want you to be happy. I know she will. It’s all she’s ever wanted for me.’
‘Thank you, Connie. Although I have to admit, I’m still nervous about telling her.’
‘The sooner you tell her the better,’ said Connie. ‘You’ll feel much happier when it’s all out in the open. Mind you still come to see me as much as possible, though. I enjoy your visits almost more than anyone else’s.’
‘I take it I’m second only to Daniel,’ smiled Chrissie shyly.
‘Some things are best kept private,’ laughed Connie, ‘even between sisters!’
Chrissie knew Connie was right, and as she believed in doing unpleasant things straight away, she asked to speak to Angela. She brought Eileen along for support, should she need it. When she said she wanted to continue to stay with Eileen and Father John when Connie was discharged from hospital, she saw not only disappointment and hurt flood Angela’s face, but also a flicker of relief on Eileen’s.
Eileen had been afraid Chrissie would go to live with Angela when Connie came home, and she dreaded that happening because she loved Chrissie dearly. She had been fretting about it for weeks. ‘Angela is Chrissie’s natural mother,’ Eileen had said to her brother one evening a few days before. ‘If it came to it, any court in the land would agree to her living with Angela.’
‘Let’s hope it won’t come to any court action,’ Father John said. ‘That would hardly be helpful for Chrissie’s mental state. And the Bishop also would more than likely take a very dim view of it. Anyway, pulling her between you like two dogs with a bone is not seemly. Surely the best thing to do would be to ask Chrissie where she wants to live.’
Stan also knew what Angela wanted and saw her frustration, but he couldn’t blame Chrissie. He hoped Angela would soon come to terms with it, and he said to her, ‘Angela, this is real life. You have watched too many soppy films.’
‘How can you say that, when I seldom go to the cinema?’
‘All right, you’ve read too many romantic books.’
‘What are you on about?’
‘Look, Angela, it’s only in fiction that people run into the arms of some long-lost relative. Real people have feelings of their own. You told Chrissie what she had probably wondered about for years – who her mother was and why she was left on the steps of the workhouse. She has forgiven you, or is trying to forgive you, but she barely knows you, and you can’t expect her to turn her back on the people she loves, just because you have revealed to her that you are her mother.’
‘You are so aggravating,’ Angela said. ‘Why are you always so reasonable?’
‘I’m not always reasonable, as you well know,’ Stan said. ‘But you can still see as much of her as you want. Give the girl time, and she may even change her mind when she gets to know you better.’
‘You don’t think, whatever she said, she resents me for abandoning her?’ she asked Stan fearfully.
‘I don’t at all,’ Stan said. ‘But it must have been a hell of a shock, and really it’s bound to take her some time to come to terms with it.’
Angela knew Stan was right and shock could do strange things. It had been a shock for her when she realised Connie had heard the whole story she had recounted to Chrissie. She still wasn’t quite sure how her relationship with her eldest daughter had been impacted by the revelations.
In actual fact Connie had only heard snatches and even those were a bit hazy. It was Chrissie who filled in the bits Connie had not been sure about.
Later Connie said to Chrissie, ‘Was Mammy upset when you told her you would be staying with Eileen and Father John when I leave hospital?’
‘I think so,’ Chrissie said. ‘She tried to hide it, but her eyes looked really sad. I felt sorry for her, but know I made the right decision.’
‘I can quite understand why you decided that way,’ Connie said.
‘Sorry Connie,’ Chrissie said, ‘but you haven’t the least idea.’ Then her voice became an awed whisper as she went on: ‘I sometimes think Father John and Eileen, particularly Eileen, saved my life.’
Connie might have laughed at the expression on Chrissie’s face, but she didn’t, for she saw Chrissie was deadly serious, and so she said, ‘Surely not, Chrissie?’
‘I don’t particularly mean physically,’ Chrissie said and added, ‘though I don’t remember ever feeling full in the workhouse, and I was nearly always cold. It was other things, though, that hurt more and probably were more damaging.’
Chrissie seldom spoke of her life in the workhouse and Connie had never wanted to bring it up, in case it upset her, but curiosity got the better of her and she asked, ‘Like what?’
