by Iris Morland
“You sound like I’ve ruined your life.” Lucy laughed sadly and finally moved out of his embrace. “But you have to tell me something first.” She trembled as she remembered Hayden’s words. Carter used you for revenge against me. “Why did you make that bargain with me, Carter?”
“You already know the answer to that.”
She shook her head, anger building inside her chest. “I don’t know anything anymore. Tell me the truth: why did you want to play my boyfriend? Was it just because you wanted to help pathetic little me, who couldn’t get Hayden’s attention without your help? Or did you really do it because you wanted to get revenge on Hayden?”
She watched Carter’s face for his reaction, and when he paled, she knew. She knew. A cry of pain burst from her throat, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from sobbing.
“Lucy, it wasn’t like that—” Carter tried to touch her, but she wrenched herself from his grasp.
“Tell me what it was like, then. Tell me so I can understand.”
Carter’s expression was stark, and his chest rose and fell with quick breaths. “What did Hayden tell you?”
“He told me that you went out with me because you wanted to fuck with him. That I was just a tool in your sick game of revenge.” Lucy’s bottom lip quivered, and the tears started spilling down her cheeks despite her best efforts to keep them at bay.
“Baby, it wasn’t like that. I mean, it was, but things changed. Everything got complicated, and suddenly it wasn’t about getting back at Hayden anymore. It was about you. About us.”
“I’m supposed to believe that? When you lied to me after I told you that I loved you and then refused to talk to me? I can’t believe anything you’re saying now.”
“I’m telling the fucking truth!” he burst out, his voice resounding through the small room. He gripped Lucy’s forearms. “Look at me. Goddammit, Lucy, fucking look at me.”
She looked at him, and her heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces.
“I didn’t know it ten days ago or weeks ago, but I love you,” he said in a hoarse voice. “I’m in love with you, and I’m sorry things started out like they did. I never intended to hurt you.”
Lucy felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, but she barely felt them now. “Everyone warned me about you. Men like you only think about using women for their own ends. I was so stupid to think that you were different.”
His fingers dug into her wrists. “I am different. How can you think otherwise?”
“Do you know how you made me feel? Dirty. Used. Discarded. Just like Glen. You aren’t any different from him.”
“Fucking hell, Lucy.” Carter let go of her wrists to take hold of her chin. “You’re wrong. Glen never gave a damn about you. He never loved you and wanted to give you everything you ever wanted. He was a lowlife scumbag. Don’t tell me we’re the same person. Besides, you used me, too.”
Lucy stared at Carter. “How? You consented to being used. I didn’t. There’s a difference.” She slapped his hand away from her face.
“Lucy—fuck, don’t turn away from me.”
Lucy stared out the window, refusing to look at him. He didn’t try to touch her again.
“I’m sorry,” said Carter. “For the last time, I’m sorry. But you’re choosing this, not me. Remember that when you lie down in your cold bed at night.”
“This is over. Don’t contact me again,” she whispered.
“I won’t. I can promise you that, at least.”
Lucy flinched when Carter slammed the door as he left. She lasted ten seconds before her knees gave out, and she began to sob.
Chapter Nineteen
“Luuuuuucy, dinner is ready!” called Thea from the kitchen. “I made vegan curry!”
Lucy bit back a smile at her sister’s enthusiasm for all things vegan. Despite her trepidation, she had to admit that Thea could make damn tasty vegan dishes.
At the moment, though, Lucy wasn’t hungry. She hadn’t been hungry much in the last month since she’d broken things off with Carter. She’d inadvertently lost five pounds, which, considering how petite she was already, was enough weight that Thea had commented on it. Lucy had brushed aside her sister’s concerns. The last thing she wanted to talk about was Carter and how he’d stomped all over her heart.
Lucy had decided to stay with Thea and Anthony in Seattle for a week. A week turned into two, and now she’d been here for a month. Thea had quietly offered to help Lucy break her lease in Los Angeles if she wanted to move back to Washington, but Lucy had demurred.
In all honesty, Lucy had no idea what she wanted to do. She was more lost than she’d ever been.
Call me when you get a chance! Lucy’s agent, Wendy, had texted her this morning. Apparently The Last Goodbye was already getting buzz, and there were multiple producers sniffing around Lucy. Lucy should be excited over the news, but she only felt numb and vaguely annoyed.
“Luuuuuuuuucy! Get your cute little butt down here!” said Thea.
Lucy knew her sister would force-feed her if she didn’t come to dinner. Thea had always been something of a mother to Lucy, and now more than ever, Lucy saw how much her sister wanted to fix her problems for her; but she couldn’t.
“I’m coming!” Lucy put on her fuzzy slippers and headed downstairs. Thea and Anthony lived in a three-bedroom condo on the west side of Seattle. Newly renovated, it had the biggest Jacuzzi tub Lucy had ever seen, along with huge windows that had a view of Mount Rainier. Lucy sometimes liked to sit in the living room before Thea and Anthony got up and simply stare at the mountains for a while.
“There you are! I was about to come throw you over my shoulder. Get a plate.” Thea busied herself with serving everyone, like a housewife on steroids, as Anthony had called her last night. Thea had almost thrown a dinner roll at his head.
“It smells amazing.” Lucy’s stomach rumbled for the first time in ages.
“Do you want chicken or seitan? The seitan is way better, by the way,” said Thea.
“It really isn’t.” Anthony grabbed his plate—with chicken, as he’d declined to share Thea’s chosen diet—and kissed Thea on the cheek. “Thanks, babe.”
“I’ll take the seitan,” said Lucy, mostly to make Thea happy.
Lucy didn’t say much as they ate, but Thea and Anthony kept up the conversation without her help. When Thea had invited her to come to stay with them, Lucy hadn’t known what to expect being around her sister’s boyfriend. He’d been nothing but polite to Lucy, going so far as to ask her more than once if she needed anything. In all respects, he treated her like a newly adopted sister.
“I told you that we were going to have to print a third run,” said Thea in triumph. Her eyes sparkled as she looked over Lucy. “Anthony here thought nobody would buy the paperback version, but I told him that comic book lovers are obsessed with actual paper books still.”
“Just because hardcore fans buy the paperbacks doesn’t mean the general public will,” said Anthony calmly. “All of our data said as much.”
“Oh baby, I love when you talk data to me,” purred Thea.
Lucy would usually find her sister’s flirting with her boyfriend amusing. Lately, though, it grated on her. Mostly it reminded her of what she didn’t have, and then she felt guilty for her envy. She should be happy for Thea—and she was. She also wished they weren’t so blatantly in love with each other. It was like salt in her wounded heart.
“Lucy, I especially wanted you to come to dinner because Tony-kins and I have an announcement.” Thea clapped her hands, almost bouncing out of her chair. Before Lucy could ask what it was, Thea blurted, “We’re getting married!”
Lucy glanced at Thea’s left hand and, seeing it still bare, frowned. “Did you not buy my sister a ring?” she accused Anthony.
Anthony rolled his eyes. “Thea refused to let me pick it out. She says I’d pick out the wrong one. We’re going ring shopping tomorrow.” In a kinder tone, he added, “You’re welcome to co
me along with us.”
“Oh, you should, Luce. I’d love to have your opinion,” said Thea.
To Lucy’s surprise, she felt her lower lip wobble. In a strained voice, she said, “Congratulations.” She didn’t even finish saying the word when she burst into noisy tears.
Nobody said a word. Humiliated and guilt-stricken, Lucy ran upstairs. How could she have ruined such a happy moment for her sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law? It wasn’t about her. That made her cry harder, and she wished she’d gone to her tiny apartment in LA instead of coming here.
“Lucy, are you okay?” Thea came inside the guest room where Lucy was staying and immediately pulled Lucy into a hug. “What is it? Tell me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so happy for you. I really am.” Lucy’s statements with punctuated with watery sobs.
“I know you are, but I should’ve known. You’ve been a shell of yourself ever since you arrived. Something happened with Carter, didn’t it?”
At the mention of Carter, Lucy cried harder. After going through almost half a box of tissues, Lucy finally calmed enough to tell Thea the entire sordid tale, including how Carter had used her for revenge.
“And I told him I loved him!” she wailed. “I’m so stupid. I could kick myself.”
“Did Carter say it back to you?”
“Yes, but he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t have been serious.”
Thea frowned. “You don’t know that. And believe me, guys like him don’t throw those words around lightly. I would bet he meant it.”
That statement only made Lucy feel worse. If Carter had loved her before, he obviously wouldn’t love her now. Groaning, she fell onto the bed, her head pounding from her crying jag.
“I’m not going to tell you to forgive him, because what he did was shitty,” said Thea. “Really, really shitty. But I also can’t judge him, because I did something similarly terrible to Anthony. I almost lost him because of it. I would bet you Carter feels like there’s nothing he can do to make up for what he did to you, but is one mistake worth tossing away everything you guys had?”
Lucy gazed up at her sister, dangerous hope blooming inside her. “Do you really think he loves me?”
“Based on everything you’ve told me?” Thea snorted. “He’s got it bad. And if it helps, Anthony agrees with me. He’s tried to talk to Carter, but he hasn’t answered any of Anthony’s messages.”
“Doesn’t that confirm he’s over me?” Lucy crossed her arms. “I’m still pissed at him.”
“Like I said, I’m not judging you. You have a right to be angry. But don’t throw this away over one mistake. Love is the scariest thing ever, but wouldn’t you rather know if there’s still a chance for you two?”
Lucy almost preferred to believe that Carter didn’t care about her now, because then she didn’t have to face his possible rejection. The thought of him telling her she was nothing to him pierced straight through her heart.
Once again, she wondered if he’d gotten bad news regarding his injury, but most likely it would’ve been reported all over the news. So far, Lucy hadn’t seen or read anything about Carter and his career. That meant he simply didn’t want to see her again, based on his complete radio silence toward her.
Lucy sat up and hugged Thea. “I am happy for you. You deserve a guy like Anthony, even if he scares me.”
“Anthony? Don’t be scared of him.” Thea chuckled. “He’s a big softy. He cried watching Homeward Bound a few weeks ago. He was super mad when I made fun of him for it.”
Lucy couldn’t stop from smiling at that image. Then she sighed. “Can you tell me everything’s going to be okay like you did when I was little?”
Thea petted Lucy’s hair. “I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you that I know you’re strong and you’ll figure this out. And if Carter wants to be with you and you want the same, then it’ll happen.”
Later that evening, Wendy called Lucy and left a voicemail. Hayden Masterson wants you to be his date at the premiere of his latest film. Call me and let me know if you want to do it, although I don’t know why you’d say no. Obviously you made an impression on him. It’d be amazing exposure, Lucy. Okay, talk to you soon.
Lucy didn’t let herself spend too much time thinking about her answer. For the first time in over a month, she felt excited. This could be a huge break for her career: not only starring beside Hayden in The Last Goodbye, but attending his premiere with him, like they were equally in-demand actors. Hayden irritated her now, but who cared? It’d be for one night. Surely Lucy could manage one evening in Hayden’s presence without throwing a glass in his face.
“Hey,” said Lucy when Wendy picked up, “I’ll do it. Get me a plane ticket and I’ll be there by Friday.”
When Carter heard his front door open and close when he wasn’t expecting any visitors, he briefly wondered if a murderer had come to off him. Shrugging, he took another drink of his beer. It wasn’t like he had anything going for him right now, anyway.
“Christ, it smells in here,” said Anthony in disgust. He went to the nearest window and lifted the blinds, flooding Carter’s apartment with overly cheery sunlight. The sound of traffic filled the room once Anthony had opened all of the windows, a fresh breeze only adding to Carter’s irritation.
“How did you get into the building?” said Carter. He lived in a high-rise that had tight security—as it should, considering the amount of money that flowed through its doors.
“The guy who owns this building owes me money.”
So much for security.
Anthony sat down on the leather armchair and put his feet up on the coffee table. “You look like hell, by the way.”
“I’m aware.” In the month since Carter had lost his entire career and Lucy, he hadn’t exactly taken it well. He’d holed himself up in his apartment like some kind of pathetic hermit, drinking like a fish and disinclined to do anything productive. What was the point? He wasn’t a baseball player anymore, and the woman he loved had thrown that love back into his face.
He was, in one word, a failure.
“I was going to let you mope as long as you wanted, but Thea was worried about you. So, here I am.” Anthony raised an eyebrow. “How are you, by the way?”
Carter hadn’t told his best friend about his forced retirement, nor had he told him the sordid details surrounding his relationship with Anthony’s girlfriend’s sister. Anthony pitying him would only make things worse.
“I’m alive,” said Carter. “You want a drink?”
“It’s three in the afternoon.” It was the gentlest Anthony had ever spoken to Carter, and it only made him want to punch his friend in the face.
“Go fuck yourself. I’m not interested in hearing you sound like Dr. Phil or some shit,” sneered Carter.
“Do you think I’d ever try to be your therapist? I don’t like anyone that much.” Anthony sighed. “I’m actually here because Lucy has been staying with us for the past month. I thought you’d like to know.”
Carter felt his guts twist inside him, fear congealing around his heart. Forcing himself to be nonchalant, he shrugged. “What about her?”
“You know, I don’t really give a shit about who you mess around with, but Lucy is Thea’s sister. And considering I’m going to marry Thea, that makes Lucy my sister.” Anthony leaned forward. “So, that gives me a right to beat you to a pulp for hurting her.”
“You’re engaged?” Carter couldn’t help but be hurt that Anthony hadn’t told him he was going to propose to Thea. But considering Carter had been avoiding everyone, including Anthony, he shouldn’t be surprised.
“We are. You can congratulate me later. Lucy was a mess the entire time she was with us; even I could tell that, and I’m not exactly Mr. Feelings. Thea told me that Lucy is way too broken up about everything that happened not to be in love with you still. Now, Thea wouldn’t tell me exactly why you two are acting like dumbasses because she didn’t want me to get charged with murder. I’m going to assume the bla
me rests mostly on you.”
“You don’t fucking know anything.” Carter stood up. “And what does it matter? I told her I loved her and she threw it in my face. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“I’m not your enemy, despite what you might be thinking.”
Carter stalked to one of the open windows. It was such a cheery, sunny day that it only soured his mood further. Why did the world continue on when he was disintegrating?
“I’m out, Tony,” said Carter quietly, staring out at the horizon.
He’d gotten this place for its view of Elliott Bay, the snowy peaks of the Olympics often visible as well. Right then, it only reminded him of Lucy and Hazel Island.
Anthony swore quietly. He didn’t need Carter to explain. “I’m sorry, man. I know you were hoping you could play again.”
“I have a press conference this Saturday to tell the world I’m out completely.” Carter felt anger well inside him: not only did he have to suffer the humiliation of his body betraying him like this, but he had to tell the public about it and act like he was going to be fine.
Anthony came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. “I told you I’m not going to play Dr. Phil with you, but I can’t help but give you advice.”
“Thea’s made you soft.” Carter scoffed.
“She’s made me a better man, you’re right. She saw something in me that I couldn’t see for myself. I thank God every day that I got stuck in that damn cabin with her and she was willing to take a second chance on me.” Anthony moved so he stood next to Carter, also gazing out onto Elliott Bay. “But you’re not just baseball. You’re more than your accomplishments or your failures. If that’s why you’re unwilling to get Lucy back, then you’re going to end up regretting it for the rest of your life.”
Carter wished Anthony would go away. He didn’t want to hear profound statements. He wanted to wallow in his anger and disappointment until it swallowed him whole.
