A Lot Like Christmas

by Kait Nolan

  “What I want...” he rumbled low, and she could practically feel his voice. He edged in, keeping his hands on the counter behind them, until they were pressed chest to chest, hip to hip, and oh, dear Lord did that feel good. “What I want is to stay in and take advantage of this empty house.”

  “What’s stopping you?” she asked, breathless, tipping her head and angling her mouth toward his.

  “I didn’t expect to have a four-legged chaperone.”

  Hannah cut her glance to where Duke was sprawled on the kitchen rug regarding them with steady brown eyes. Was he really bothered by the dog? Her lips quirked up. “Are you afraid he’ll be reporting back to Percy on our shenanigans?”

  “I mean, look at that face. Doesn’t he seem like he’s judging us?”

  The dog grumbled, as if to answer the question.

  “See?”

  Laughing, she shoved playfully at Ryan’s chest, which was about like pushing at a brick wall. “If you’re concerned about reports of immodest behavior getting back to Percy, I’ll restrain myself from ravishing you and feed you dinner instead.”

  At the word “dinner,” Duke’s ears pricked.

  “Somebody’s still hungry,” she laughed.

  “Wait, let’s not get sidetracked. Did you just say you were going to ravish me?”

  “What? Duke, did you hear me say that?” Duke swiped a paw down his muzzle. “Duke said all he heard was dinner, so I guess that’s the program now.”

  “You,” Ryan said, pointing a finger at the dog, “are a lousy wingman. What are we having?”

  “Chili.”

  “Which needs time to simmer, right?” One corner of his mouth curved. She wanted to nibble just there, and work her way along that strong jaw.

  The food wasn’t the only thing at a simmer.

  “It does.” She slipped away from him to dig into the bags on the counter and catch her breath.

  “During which time we could discuss...” He followed, moving up behind her, his chest to her shoulders, leaning down to her ear. “—dessert options.”

  “I do love me some dessert.” The high, breathy quality of her voice wasn’t a surprise. He would know exactly how he affected her, and she found she didn’t mind at all.

  “I’m a fan of dessert first, as it happens. Carpe diem and all that.”

  “While I am interested in your philosophies on seizing...things,” she turned around, took his hands, and slapped an onion into each palm. “Good things come to those who chop.”

  He laughed as he backed up towards the knife block on the nearby counter. “Is that so?”

  “Dice and find out.”

  “You’re on.”

  The drag and thunk of a knife against butcher block was a steady beat behind her as she began to brown the ground beef. The weight of his eyes settled on her back as he chopped, and with it came the first skittering of nerves. Some of it was anticipation, but despite how much she enjoyed him, and what was happening between them, some of it was uncertainty.

  Their alone time together had been limited. He was Percy’s guest, and she felt weird having him over with any romantic intentions when Carolanne could walk in at any moment. So far, their escalating attraction had been limited to a lot of simmering glances, subtle flirtations, and a few toe-curling kisses. But this thing they were talking around, this dessert, that was the next level. A big step that couldn’t be taken back.

  What would it do to her when he left? Because he would leave. He’d been transparent about that from the start. He couldn’t offer her what she was beginning to want with him—a long-term exploration of this connection between them. She’d never had a no-strings affair before, and she wasn’t at all sure she’d survive one. Sliding over the line into love with him would be so very easy, and that was enough to make her hesitate, despite how much she wanted him.

  And she did want him. That wasn’t in question. She liked him, and she more than liked the kind of man he was—one who gave up his precious leave time to come help a man he considered family. But much as she’d said they should take what they could get while they could get it, she’d be lying if she didn’t admit she was already attached. Maybe too attached. Crossing this line with him would only make that worse. It was how she was built.

  And yet, she wanted that connection with him, and she thought he needed it with her—at least for now. Over the past week, he’d been slowly emerging from that hardened shell, letting down some of those walls. She wanted to know the man on the other side.

  “You’re thinking awfully hard over there.”

  “Guilty.” She looked up and caught Ryan’s grin, and somehow, that helped her find her balance again. “How do you feel about heat?”

  “Honey, I am all about heat.”

  She smiled as she scooped up the peppers and jalapeños she’d just washed and set them down by his cutting board. “Good. Chop all of these, too.”

  “She’s a slave driver,” Ryan told Duke. He looked back at her. “He’s totally judging you.”

  “He’s judging you. He’s in awe of me.”

  “Hannah, we’re all in awe of you.” Suddenly his expression was way too serious, sucking all the air out of the kitchen. “Are you thinking about your application? Because you shouldn’t be nervous about that. You have amazing talent and drive.”

  She felt pleasant heat rise in her cheeks at his words. “I turned that in yesterday.”

  “Yeah? That’s awesome. So if not that, what are you pondering so deeply?”

  She could lie, but even the little white kind wasn’t in her nature. So she shrugged. “Us. This—” She waved a hand between them, encompassing all the flirtation and innuendo and…more. “—thing.”

  He paused, then nodded. “What was it you’ve been telling me all week? Focus on the now instead of the past or too far into the future?” Despite the teasing edge to his smile, something more serious lingered beneath. “You’ve done a pretty epic job keeping my mind in the here and now, and that’s not easy.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “How’d you end up that way? All cheerful Zen or whatever?”

  Scooping out the browned meat with a slotted spoon, Hannah considered the question. “I focus on the now because I’m grateful to have the now, when things could’ve gone a whole other way in the accident. And I take pleasure and joy in the life I have, not the life I thought I’d have, or that might be just around the corner. Which isn’t to say I don’t plan for the future, but that’s a lot hazier to me than it used to be.”

  Shouldn’t that be her answer, then? To take the pleasure he offered and enjoy it for what it was, regardless of where it couldn’t go?

  “I always figured I’d be career military.” With the flat of the knife, Ryan scraped the chopped vegetables into the popping grease of the pot. “That’s hazier than it used to be.”

  “You’re rethinking that path?”

  “I wasn’t until I came here.”

  Emotions like pebbles clogged her throat, each one inscribed with a wish she had for the two of them. Wishes that couldn’t be voiced. She hadn’t expected this from him, hadn’t believed she’d really convince him he wanted or needed anything beyond this temporary, casual…thing for the holidays. She hadn’t expected to want more than that herself. But there was nothing casual in his expression, nothing casual in the pulse that kicked to a gallop in her throat. The air went thick between them, and she was almost afraid to speak for fear of breaking the spell.

  He skimmed his fingers through her hair. “You make me remember what I’m fighting for.”

  “What’s that?”

  He smiled a little. “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness with a woman and a big, sloppy dog.”

  Behind them, Duke’s tail thumped. Neither of them looked his way.

  “Had you forgotten?” she murmured.

  “I’d just...given up the wanting of them for myself. But this week with you reminded me that there’s life outside
war.”

  “Good. I wanted that for you.”

  “What do you want for yourself?”

  Hannah blinked at him. “I…” How was she supposed to answer that? Right now, she couldn’t see past this moment, past wanting him, his body against hers. And maybe that life with the big, sloppy dog. But how could she say that?

  “You don’t even know how to answer that, do you? You spend all this time thinking about what everybody else needs and none about yourself.” He stroked a knuckle across her cheek, a whisper of a touch that scrambled her brain.

  “Is there something wrong with that?”

  “No. But since you’re short on ideas, should I tell you what I want for you?”

  “Please.” She didn’t know where he was going with this, but as long as he kept talking, he’d keep standing right there, close to her, with his deep, rich voice skating over her skin. She could live in this delicious moment, and not make big choices.

  “In the grand scheme of things, I want you to have a career doing the thing you love, in a way that makes you happy. I want you to get to a point where you feel safe and comfortable getting back behind the wheel just because you feel like it, not because somebody expects you to. And in the short term, I want you to have a week away somewhere with sandy beaches and fruity drinks with little umbrellas.”

  She arched a brow at the shift from serious. “I’m in need of a tropical beach vacation?”

  “Well, that one might be a little more for me since I’d be with you in that particular scenario. Swimsuits optional.”

  A week in an island cabana to explore every inch of that battle-hardened body? Yeah, she could get behind that. “I like the way you think.”

  “I’ve been giving that a lot of thought. But that’s not the week we’ve got.”

  “No, it’s not,” she murmured. His week was supposed to be about Percy. She had more houses and businesses to decorate. And he’d be leaving soon.

  It’s not fair.

  But life wasn’t fair. She’d had that lesson driven home in ways that had scarred her body, and she’d had to work not to let it scar her mind. That had made her a woman who lived in the now, who savored the moment, and yet, with him, she found herself yearning for the what if, and with the yearning, aching. She turned to add the rest of the ingredients to the pot, mixing everything together as she struggled to breathe past the tightness in her chest.

  “Look, Hannah, I want you. I think that’s obvious. But I get that’s a big thing and maybe more than you’re willing to give under the circumstances. And that’s absolutely fine. I get it. I won’t be offended, and I won’t push. Either way, you’ve given me enough fantasy fodder to fuel me for a good, long while.”

  “Fantasy fodder, huh?” She liked the idea of him carrying a piece of her back with him, of being his fantasy. She desperately wanted this to be a beginning for them. She couldn’t count on that, but her default position was one of optimism and hope, so she’d embrace it. Embrace him.

  Giving the pot another stir, she put on the lid and turned down the heat. She turned back to him, settling her hands on his chest, needing to touch him, needing to feel the increasing thud of his heart under her palm. “You asked me what I want for myself. Right now, that’s you.”

  Her gaze flicked up to his, and their eyes locked as his hands settled on her hips, holding her in place. But he remained silent, waiting for her to finish as the moment ran long, as the current that had crackled between them all week buzzed along her skin, and her breath all but stalled. “Instead of making ourselves crazy with the wondering or worrying, let’s just start with that and see where it goes.”

  Was there anything sexier than a woman who knew what she wanted?

  And Hannah wanted him.

  Thank God.

  Ryan drew her in slowly, sliding one arm around to stroke up her spine and into her hair as he laid his lips over hers in a slow, simmering kiss. Without hesitation, she melted into him on a sigh that fired his blood. Whatever uncertainty or worry she’d been wrestling with, she’d made peace with it. Still, he had to let her set the pace, had to retain enough control to pull back if she changed her mind.

  He tugged her more firmly against him, drinking in her ready, enthusiastic response and calculating routes to more comfortable horizontal surfaces. The bed was too far. Sofa was closer, and Percy wasn’t due back for at least another hour.

  Dragging his mouth from hers, he trailed kisses along her jaw, down her throat as she tipped her head back to give him access. Her little purr of pleasure had him going harder still, as her hands fisted in his shirt.

  “Duke, stay.” Ryan didn’t wait to see if the dog followed his command before tugging Hannah toward the living room.

  They tumbled onto the couch in a tangle of limbs and a fevered meeting of mouths. On the bottom, he shifted, gripping her legs and positioning her until she straddled him. The moment her center settled over his erection, she moaned low in her throat and rolled her hips. The breath backed up in his lungs and he started questioning his noble intentions of letting her take the lead.

  Needing skin, he slid his hands beneath the hem of her sweater to skate up her back. So soft. He wanted to spend hours exploring the contours of her body, the contrast of her silken skin against his callused fingers. Hannah arched into his touch and broke the kiss to tug her sweater up and over her head, tossing it to the side.

  His hands dug into her thighs as he took in the pretty red satin cupping her breasts like a gift. “Christ, you’re beautiful.”

  Her nipples pearled against the fabric, and he reared up, taking one into his mouth.

  “Oh, God.” Arm locked around his head, she began to rock against him, mimicking the rhythm of his mouth.

  Nuzzling, he managed to nudge the fabric aside until he closed his lips over her, swirling his tongue around the taut bud. Her whimper of pleasure had his cock jumping, and he arched against her. Her hands scrabbled at his shirt. With one hand, he reached back to yank it off, pitching it in the direction of the tree just as she slipped off her bra.

  With a reverent curse, he kissed her again, cupping her breasts in both hands as she continued to rock against him. She was soft and warm and perfect in his palms, and the sounds she made as he rolled her nipples had his last shreds of control draining right out of his head. He needed her naked and mindless. Needed to bury himself inside her. But first he wanted her to fly apart for him.

  His hand was at her zipper when Duke barked, the sound of it echoing from the foyer.

  Hannah squeaked, jolting so hard, she fell right off him onto the floor.

  “Shit, are you okay?”

  “I’m—”

  They both froze at the sound of the garage door.

  “Percy!” Eyes going wide, Hannah scrambled for her bra.

  Ryan tossed her the sweater and looked around for his shirt. He plucked it off the Christmas tree and yanked it on as the kitchen door opened. Hannah pulled on her sweater and hurled herself toward one end of the sofa, smoothing her hair as she went. Ryan flopped on the other end, adopting what he hoped was a relaxed posture just as Percy strolled in.

  The old man had a spring in his step, and his gait was steadier than it had been when Ryan arrived last week. “Evenin’, you two.”

  “You’re home early.” Ryan hoped that didn’t sound like the accusation it was.

  “We decided not to go to the show. Missed the beginning, and Betty’s got an early start tomorrow.”

  “How was dinner?” Hannah’s voice was too bright and cheery to be real.

  A muscle twitched in Percy’s jaw as his gaze slid back and forth between them. “It was good. We did a lot of talking about old times.”

  “Great. I’m gonna go check on the chili.” She popped up like a jack-in-the-box and headed into the kitchen.

  Percy watched her disappear. “Good night?”

  “It’s been fine. Why?”

  “Your shirt’s on inside out.”

  Well, h
ell.

  Percy grinned. “Good for you, son.” Calling to the dog, he raised his voice. “Duke and I are just gonna go upstairs and read a while. Y’all enjoy your chili.”

  Hannah didn’t make a peep from the kitchen.

  Ryan took the time to right his shirt before seeking her out. She was staring into the open fridge.

  “Are we missing the sour cream?” he asked.

  “I was contemplating whether I could crawl in here to die of mortification.”

  Ryan rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, as if that would dissipate the lingering sting of embarrassment, and moved to pull bowls from the cabinets and utensils from the drawer. “It’s not that bad. And I officially owe Duke a bone or something for the heads-up.”

  “I’m bringing him a dozen of the peanut butter dog biscuits Carolanne carries at Sweet Magnolias.”

  “Seems fair. Dinner and a movie instead?”

  “Sounds…well, not perfect, but very, very good.”

  He’d take the not perfect. And maybe it was for the best. His time with her had an expiration date, and they didn’t have the luxury of spending all of it in bed. Maybe he needed to take this as a sign and establish a little distance. Slowly dial it back toward friends.

  So their night home alone turned way more PG, as they finished the chili and curled up together to watch Christmas In Connecticut. Not at all his kind of movie, and not what he’d planned for the night, but he enjoyed himself anyway, loving the way she felt tucked up against him where he could play with the silk of her hair. The quiet was every bit as appealing as the heat. And wasn’t that a surprise?

  Once the movie was over, she rose and stretched. “I need to be getting home. I’m on early shift tomorrow.”

  Ryan drove her home. As they stopped under her porch light, he pulled her into his arms, lacing his hands at the small of her back. “Sorry Percy has continued his streak of shit timing.”

  Hannah’s mouth quirked in a rueful smile. “Could’ve been worse. If we’d been upstairs, I doubt we’d have heard the dog.”