by Jill Shalvis
“Not that I know of.” He paused. “In hindsight, it was all pretty stupid on my part, really.”
“Stupid?”
“Yeah. I mean, people could start knocking on my door, suing me for paternal support, right? Dumb mistake. Should never have done it.”
“I . . . don’t think anyone can sue you for paternal support.”
“That’s good, then. I only did it because I needed money. The clinic had ads out in the local paper, and I thought, Why the hell not? A quick buck, you know?”
Brynn’s heart skipped a beat. “A quick buck.”
“Yeah. But when Teresa—Kinsey’s mom—found out about it, she was pissed. That was the first time she kicked me out, but not the last.”
“You were together with Kinsey’s mom?”
“On and off, but it’s been years. How’s Kinsey doing anyway?”
“You don’t know?”
He shook his head and spread his hands. “We don’t see eye to eye.”
This was nothing like she’d expected. “You know she’s . . . sick.”
“Yes.” His smile was gone. “It’s awful. Tragic. She needs to buy a kidney.”
“Well, not buy,” Brynn said. “She’s on the list for a donor.”
“Yes, but I told her she’d get it faster if she bought it. Kidneys fetch a pretty penny, you know.”
“Did you ever get tested?”
“Did you?” he asked.
“Of course.” She set down her still-full shot glass, not liking the odd feeling deep in her gut. “And if I’m a match, I’m going to give it to her. For free.”
He gave a slow shake of his head. “Maybe not a chip off the old block after all.”
While she was sitting there, feeling like throwing up, his cell phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket. “Hey, honey,” he said, voice oddly low as he turned to eye the hallway. “I thought I told you not to call me during the day. Texts only.” He listened for a beat, then whispered, “Yes, we’re still on for tonight, but I’ve gotta go.” He disconnected and caught Brynn looking at him.
He smiled. “Prank call.”
“Uh-huh.”
His smile faded some. “Look, it’s not what you think.”
What she was thinking was that he was a whole lot like Ashton. Charming, charismatic, but also a snake. Which was funny, since they said a girl always goes for someone like her dad.
Luckily, she’d learned that she deserved more. She stood. “I’m sorry, I have to . . .” She gestured to the door and then headed that way.
He was right behind her. “Already? We were just getting to know each other. Let’s keep in touch. Where do you work? Where did you say you were living?”
Shaking her head, she opened the door and practically ran out, crossing the street to the next block with absolutely no destination in mind. Her eyes were blurry with unshed tears, her heart was pounding in her ears, her chest felt like she’d been stabbed with a hot poker, and she couldn’t breathe.
The man was cheating on his girlfriend. He wanted Kinsey to buy his kidney.
And he was her father.
For a second, she really did think she was going to be sick right there on the street, and she sank down to sit on the curb, head to her knees.
That’s when she heard what sounded like high heels coming at her. From the corner of her eye she saw those heels appear.
Black, strappy, high-heeled sandals.
Her humiliation was complete. She closed her eyes. “If you’re here to yell at me, you’ll have to wait until after I throw up.”
Brynn expected this to send Kinsey running. Instead, she stepped off the curb, inspected it with a wrinkled nose, and then carefully, gingerly sat down.
Brynn lifted her head and stared at her in surprise. “You’re going to get dirty.”
“Not my biggest problem.”
Since Brynn was pretty sure she was Kinsey’s biggest problem, she dropped her forehead to her knees again. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you think?”
“Where’s Eli?”
“Are you kidding me? You dumped him. Even knowing all he’s been through and how he would take it, you walked away from him. And I thought I could trust you with him.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Wasn’t it? Because all Eli’s guilty of is putting the two of us together. To him, family isn’t about blood. It’s about who you choose. And he chose me to be his sister, and you to hold his heart. To him, our unit is everything. And you tossed it aside like it was nothing. You tossed him aside like he was nothing.”
Brynn closed her eyes. “Please just go away. I’m still mad at you.”
“Yeah, well, I inspire a lot of that. It’s a talent.” Kinsey eyed her own feet. “You should know I had to park three blocks away, and these shoes, while doing amazing things for my calves, are killing me. What did the asshole do this time?”
Brynn turned her face away, not wanting to do this right now, but knowing there was no choice. “You should’ve told me about him.”
“That’s the general consensus,” Kinsey said grimly.
Brynn sighed. “I couldn’t not come.”
“I know.” Kinsey paused. “And I’m sorry. Truly. I really was just trying to spare you, but I know now I can’t make decisions for you, that it isn’t fair to you. Are you going to throw up or not?”
“Not.”
“One good thing about today, then.” Kinsey stood, grabbing Brynn’s hand while she was at it, tugging her to her feet as well. “Let’s get out of here.”
They walked back to the car in silence. Brynn didn’t say anything about what she’d learned about their dad. She figured she didn’t have to; Kinsey clearly had known.
And Kinsey didn’t say anything further about Brynn going off half-cocked, though she did continue to mutter about her feet and blisters, and possibly something about ungrateful sisters and no effing parking spots.
Brynn was pretty sure they still had a big fight coming, but it’d have to wait until she was done shaking.
Something she figured Kinsey also knew.
Brynn desperately wanted to hold on to her anger, but she was having trouble with that. Because clearly, neither Kinsey nor Eli had hidden this from her just because. They’d done it to protect her. Because sometimes you did bad things for a good reason, for the people you love . . .
Halfway back to the car, Kinsey stopped, swore, and slipped her heels off.
“Whoa,” Brynn said. “Your bare feet are touching the street.”
“No, they’re not. I’m wearing invisible shoes.”
“But—”
Kinsey’s head spun like in a horror flick as she leveled a look at Brynn. “Invisible shoes, Brynn.”
They got to the car and once again both of them went to the driver’s side.
“You smell like vodka,” Kinsey said.
“One sip.”
“And I had zero sips. It’s also almost dark. You can’t see in the dark.”
“Again, neither can you!”
“Look, you might’ve gotten the good moms, the good kidneys, and that guileless smile that makes people love you, but I got the better eyes. Slightly, but still.”
“Yeah, well, you’re pale and look like shit.”
“Aw, sweet of you to say.” Kinsey shook her head. “Just get in the damn car.”
When Brynn did, Kinsey tossed something into her lap.
Brynn looked down in shock. “Your journal from summer camp? You kept it?”
“Read it,” Kinsey said. “Or at least skim for the good parts.”
“Which are?”
“About you.”
Brynn stared at her, then opened the journal. She read about Kinsey’s increasing health problems, which had led to her not going back to camp, and then to the fated phone call to Brynn.
Who’d hung up on her.
She read about the surgery, about the kid who died giving Kinsey his kidney, about her rough
relationship with her father.
Brynn’s father.
She closed the journal and her eyes. Twenty minutes of silence had gone by, and though Kinsey had started the car for the air-conditioning, she hadn’t left their parking spot. “You still should have told me,” Brynn said quietly.
“Obviously.” Kinsey pulled into the street before tossing her heels out of the car.
Brynn whipped around to watch them go flying into the air. Kinsey turned the corner before she could see where they landed, and she twisted to stare at Kinsey in disbelief. “Those cost you a fortune.”
“Yeah, but they also suck. Look . . .” Kinsey kept her eyes on the road. “I know you think I’m the problem in this relationship, but—”
“Hold on,” Brynn said. “Did you just admit we have a relationship?”
Kinsey slid her a look. “We’re related. We’re in a relationship whether we like it or not.”
“You never have, though.”
“Never have what?”
“Liked it.”
Kinsey had the good grace to grimace. “So, I’ve had my doubts we could make this work. We both know that. We’re polar opposites. You’re . . .”
“A pain your ass?” Brynn asked mildly.
“Nice. Sweet. Kind.”
Brynn blinked. “I can’t tell if you’re complimenting or dissing me.”
Kinsey sighed. “Complimenting. See? I can’t even do that right. My point is that I’m not nice, sweet, or kind.”
“You are,” Brynn said, feeling the need to defend her sister, even if it was to . . . her sister.
Kinsey raised a brow. “Look at you, lying right to my face. I feel very proud. If Eli were here, he wouldn’t believe it.”
Eli. Brynn slumped in her seat as her chest seized up.
“Look,” Kinsey said. “I know who I am and who I’m not. I’m loyal and protective of those I love, however that looks to the outside, which I don’t care about. What I do care about is being there for you.”
Still mired in pain, Brynn gave a soft snort. “Why did you come after me?”
“Because that’s what sisters do.” Kinsey paused. “I’m going to say it again, because I know it bears repeating. I’m sorry. From the bottom of my black heart. I was wrong not to tell you, to think I knew what would be best for you. It was so wrong and rude and . . . possibly unforgiveable. And if I could go back and change it, I would. I promise you.”
Brynn just stared at her. “I’m going to need a favor.”
Kinsey glanced over at her, wary.
“Stop trying to protect me. We can’t have the relationship I want to have if that’s how it’s going to be.”
“And what kind of a relationship do you want to have?”
“A real one.”
Kinsey’s expression said she was afraid to hope that was true. But it was. In spite of everything, maybe because of everything, Brynn did want a relationship with her. Badly.
“You’re sure?” Kinsey asked.
“Very.”
Kinsey gave a single nod. “Okay, but in the spirit of not protecting you, I’m not the only one who messed up today. You also did, with Eli, big time.”
“He lied to me.”
“No. He didn’t tell you something. Because I asked him not to, and I’m very sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“He didn’t have to do what you asked. He chose to keep up your lie.”
Kinsey didn’t look impressed. “Okay, pot, meet kettle.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You lied to your moms for years about being bullied because you didn’t want to hurt their feelings.”
Dammit. True story. Which meant she was a hypocritical asshole.
“Eli’s a good guy, Brynn. One of the best guys I know. And all he’s guilty of is giving me time to figure out how to tell you the truth, which, for the record, he hated every moment of.”
He was the best guy she knew too, and the only guy she’d ever wanted to keep.
Forever.
Kinsey was quiet a moment, concentrating on the road. “You know his biggest fear is not being chosen. You know he was a throwaway, like me. That’s why we connected all those years ago at summer camp. His mom was done with being a mom. His dad had moved on with a new wife and new kids, and Eli was left in the dust. If it hadn’t been for me and Max, he’d be without family at all.”
Brynn’s heart hurt, worse than during her last panic attack. “I know. I screwed up.”
“Yeah, you did. You took those fears of his and turned them into a reality for him. You made it very clear to both of us back there at the pancake house that you were done, and why? Because things went a little pear-shaped. Well, guess what, sis? When things go bad, you don’t just walk away. You fight it out. But that’s not what you did. You told us we were your biggest mistake. Now, me? I couldn’t give a shit. I’m a lot of people’s biggest mistake. But Eli. Jesus. How could you think that wouldn’t hurt him?”
Brynn had no idea. She hadn’t been thinking. She’d been hurt and angry and embarrassed, and she’d reacted.
Badly.
“A long time ago, he decided the hell with getting hurt and stopped letting people in. Until you.” Kinsey looked over at her. “He let you in, Brynn.”
And she’d walked away from him. He hadn’t been a mistake. Not even close. And it’d never been her intent to hurt him, ever. He was the only guy who’d ever really entrusted her with everything, and what had she done? She’d thrown it away like it hadn’t meant anything to her. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know. He told me that he’d find his own way back and to leave him alone for a bit.”
Brynn stared at her. “Why would he leave without you?”
“Because he saw me with Deck.”
“Deck?”
“Remember when I called him earlier and then hung up on him? Long story, but he felt sorry enough for me to come. And to take me back.”
Brynn shook her head, full of too many questions. “You let Eli leave? And Deck actually came for you? Did you grovel? Is there video?”
“Yes, yes, yes, and thank God no. And I let Eli leave because he wanted to be alone. Plus, I wasn’t the one who broke his heart. Deck came for me because, although it defies believability, he loves me. And I admitted I loved him. And then I asked him to wait at the pancake house for me while I came to get you.” She smiled. “Did you know loving someone is better than pancakes?”
“Yes,” Brynn whispered. It was. And she’d blown it. She pulled out her phone and called Eli.
He didn’t pick up, and she felt her chest pinch tight with worry. She looked at Kinsey. “I’m happy for you. Really happy. But I need to get to Eli.”
“Agreed. But he’s not picking up my phone calls either. You should have put him on your Find Your People app.”
Brynn watched the high desert landscape go by, feeling worse and worse by the mile. “What do you think my chances are of fixing this with him? Honestly.”
“Honestly? Probably zero.”
“Not helping.”
“You asked.”
Brynn was still looking out the window. She saw something. Someone. She squinted at the guy walking down the highway, heading away from them. He was in faded jeans and a loose T-shirt, and Brynn’s heart skipped several beats. “Oh my God, pull over!”
“What? Why?”
“It’s Eli!”
“How can you tell from that distance? You can’t see anything past your own nose.”
She’d have known that sexy butt anywhere. Her heart was in her throat, because this was all her. She had to make this right, and historically, she wasn’t all that great at that.
Kinsey slowed, flipping off the car behind her when it honked at her. “Don’t screw this up.”
Brynn nodded and hopped out before the car even came to a full stop. “Eli!”
He didn’t look, just kept walking.
Dammit. She’d taken off her shoes with Kin
sey, and the roadway was hot. “Ouch, ouch, ouch . . .” she muttered as she jogged to catch up with him.
At that, Eli turned to look at her. He wasn’t smiling. He looked cool and calm and distant. Very distant. She drew a deep breath, knowing that this could go only one of two ways. Easy. Or hard. And given the look on his face, she figured she knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But she had to try. “Can we give you a lift?”
“No.”
“So you’re just going to walk the one hundred and thirty-five miles home?” she asked.
“I’m not in a hurry.”
Okay, the hard way it was, then. She came closer, wincing at the hot asphalt, thinking ouch, ouch, ouch with every step.
Eli shook his head. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Stepping into the ring.”
He just looked at her.
“Look,” she said. “I warned you I was bad at this. But I’m working on it. Do you know why I came to Wildstone?”
“To turn me upside down and inside out?”
She let out a wry smile. “That was an unintended side effect, for the both of us. It started out as just me needing a safe place to lick my wounds, a place to get a fresh start to prove I wasn’t a total loser. Because that’s always been my biggest fear, that I’d fail, or that I’ll disappoint the people I care about.”
His eyes softened. “Brynn—”
“I needed to figure out who I was.”
He nodded. “Did you?”
“More than.” She reached for his hand. “Turned out I also needed people to believe in me before I could believe in myself. Steady, reliable, loyal connections who made me feel safe, and I found that, thanks to you.”
“You and Kinsey made up.”
“More than. She’s important to me. So is Max, and Deck. But you . . .” She took his hand in hers and brought it to her chest. “You’re everything, Eli. I’m sorry. I screwed up. You’re angry, and I get it. Past Brynn wouldn’t have, but I think Present Brynn’s gotten smarter and learned a whole lot. And hopefully Future Brynn will get even smarter, quicker.” She put her hands on his arms, shifting her weight from foot to burning foot.
Taking a deep breath, he said, “Put your feet on mine.”
Grateful, she stepped onto the tops of his shoes. “I’ll never throw you out, Eli. I’ll never get tired of you. And I’ll never send you away.”
